Questions and ruminations about astral projection, etc.
Twice last week when chatting with people I pushed the conversation towards the topic of dreaming. In response to their questions I tried to give a quick summary of what I'm interested in, what I'm about. In both cases I found my position to be rather incoherent and aimless. Paraphrasing me: "I have weird experiences, including accurate premonitions." Them: "I've had a couple of those. And?" Indeed, and what? My experiences aren't even remarkable unless a person has bought deeply into the modern scientific group-think, or into a spiritual progress group-think that defines itself in terms of violation of the scientific group-think. Sometimes when I read on this site, it seems to me that a person could parody it fairly well if we were all competing to be Hairy Palm Champion. Using the Wikipedia definition of lucid dreams, I've had ~10,000. So f-ing what? It just says I'm not entirely asleep while I'm asleep. Why this this more desirable or advanced or even more enjoyable in the long run than being more totally asleep while asleep, and awake while awake? Lucid experiences can be fun, but heightened lucidity during waking life is fun also, and its not clear to me that there's always an advantage to pursuing lucidity while asleep. And either way, sometimes it seems to me like I'm like a short person jumping up and down trying to be taller. I could grow just as fast if I didn't do that. My point here isn't to crap on what other people are doing (though I don't know how to ask these kinds of questions without that happening by implication, sorry). I'm after more clarity on what I'm really trying to do, while posting in case the subject interests anyone else also.
Something that continues to stand out to me is that I do not have even a rudimentary understanding of the relationships between dream, astral, and the waking world. I've had a few experiences lately where I've astrally projected ghosts, in a way that was clearly akin to an OBE-type experience, except that I was keeping the seat of my first-person perspective in my sleeping body while projecting the astral forms. It seems to me that this is in some sense fairly similar to the creation of dream characters, even though the DCs are embedded in a cartoon-like environment, and with the AP experience all of that is stripped away except for an almost-outwardly-awake representation of my room. What's the bridge between that and the creation of objectively paranormal events during waking life? Clearly there's a close relationship between the astral projection of thought-ghosts and the manifestation of destiny, but the later is almost totally unconscious and involuntary for me, like is is for most people. And this brings up another, closely related question, what is the relationship between one's angel of destiny (and/or higher self) and one's conscious intelligence? It seems strange for so much to go on in the background, as if a human being is one half of an extreme and foundational schizophrenia.
Here's another related question....Like everyone else (I presume) I have a fairly significant, though not unlimited, ability to alter the behavior of my subconscious agent-of-destiny. I can have different kinds of dreams, I can astrally project different kinds of things, and I can have different kinds of life experiences. How much control do I have over this, and how much am I limited by a kind of internal logic, and how much am I limited by what everyone else is doing? I have a couple of things I'd like to change about myself, but it seems counterproductive to get too out of step with the environment I'm in. To what extent do those astral ghosts belong to me, and to what extent do they belong to other people? Clearly there is an inter-relationship. The dream characters are mine, but there is always a foreign element also, particularly when there are premonitions involved. And the physical world is clearly shared. Is trying to understand this helping, or am I like the short person jumping up and down? Can I accomplish the internal changes I want without intellectually understanding these things better?
I guess this post turned into a kind of wish list. This is one thing I have found out - aspiration brings results. Whether the results of this manner of inquiry are temporary and vain or deep and lasting I don't know.
Here's one more thought in this context....As I have posted elsewhere, if you reach for such secrets you can count on fate finding a way to fuck you with any flaw in your motive. Its almost beautiful how it works. And its both painful, purifying, and uplifting depending on the other part of your motive. But something I've become more aware of just recently is that even a 'pure motive' is in some sense not enough. When you reach for the pot of gold you draw the attention of a big-ass dragon, and in its gaze you're small and naked. Its not like he's a thick-necked, small brained bouncer at an exclusive nightclub, and you wave your aspiration in front of him like its a pass from Jay-Z and he has to let you in. Maybe he gives a fuck about Jay-Z, maybe he doesn't, but you can't presume upon anything. He's just and merciful, not arbitrary and capricious, I think, but how you explain and justify yourself in your mind doesn't amount to much, he can see through it. He's a titan and you're one of those yappy little dogs. Of course, as a yappy little dog you're entitled to your free will, and I insist upon mine. I'm not going to kiss any titan's ass (yap yap yap). But maybe its still worthwhile to keep some perspective - he can squash you like a bug.
