dreams of finding your soulmate and "cheating dreams"

A common dream i have is me being madly in love with people I used to see as a perosn I really love, even though I found someone else. The last time, I dreamt of this person, asked him to lift me up, and then I saw my soulmate and told him, and he said I really hurt him. We kissed, and since that dream the cheating dreams went away. i find now it is the opposite, in real life: he hurt me by "leading me on" and being with someone else, not knowing how much I love him bc Im autistic. I want to dream about him while he is having the same dream but about me. Any tips on making this shared dream happen?

Hi. I'm not sure I completely understand, but here are a couple of thoughts.

When you want someone who doesn't care for you so much, it hurts a part of you. In your dream, that part of you that suffers takes the form of your 'soulmate'. This is fitting, because the feeling of separation between that part of yourself and the rest of yourself is a significant part of what you're trying to bridge when you yearn for the other person. Its a projection. I realize this interpretation sounds too ideological and psychological, but in my experience there's a lot of truth to it. The person you call your soulmate reminds you of that part of yourself, because of qualities you see in him, but he can't satisfy you because the one you are looking for isn't really him, its you. In my experience, if you can develop that part of yourself more, and trust it, and uphold it, and be true to it, then you become more content, and also more capable of meaningful relationships with other people. I'm not saying try to be something you're not, or that you can be everything you want to be. I just mean that if you look I think you can find that you are already more than you thought, and can grow into that even more with confidence and more time.

In any case, irrespective of that, if you want someone who doesn't want you, that hurts you. So even though that other person makes you feel good, I think you should listen to the part of yourself that suffers. He will not change, and even if he changes his behavior for a while that makes you feel very good, it will hurt you that much more when he takes it away again. So I think that sharing a dream would be bad for you, besides being a bit creepy because he's not right with it. For me, pretty much the first rule of telepathy while dreaming is not to push or seduce other people into it, and violating that rule is always injurious.

For me, one of the notable things about life is that providence doesn't seem to put much value in pairing me up with a 'soulmate'. Looking around, it seems that providence isn't inclined to do that with very many other people either. People have meaningful relationships, and people love people, but that love is almost never what they thought they wanted, what they yearned for. And when they do have a relationship with someone who gives them that 'soulmate' feeling, it usually goes in a very bad direction and winds up hurting a lot. Why is this? I can see that providence can do a lot, it could hook us all up with people who give us that feeling, but it doesn't. It reminds me of the movie Hancock, where when he is with his soulmate his soul loses its life or power. I think real life isn't entirely different from that. Providence cares about us truly, like a good parent, which usually means not giving us the love-drug feeling we want right now.

In any case, whether I'm right about any of this or not, I can tell you that I have felt that pain a lot. But since then it seems I see people more for who they really are, and know and trust myself more, and with this the longing has largely disappeared and I am much happier. Its not that there was necessarily anything wrong with them, but they were never who I thought they were, who I wanted them to be, who I thought I needed them to be.