Confused and scared because of this
first of all.. sorry for the double post.. I wasn't sure in which section of the forums this belongs.. so I posted in two sections that I thought would suffice.
Hello,
I know it's sort of a long post, and I appologize in advance for this,
also, please believe me, after you read it I know it would sound either made up or like I'm mental or something but I swear on everything that is dear to me, I am not making this up and I'm afraid to talk about it to anyone I know in real life, and I think after reading this you will understand why. I really need help with these 3 issues I've been having.. I did not put them in order of happening so I'm sorry about that too.
anyway,
I'm 26 years old female
I have had a strange experience through my life with something regarding sleep I guess, it's not really a dream or sleep related but I was hoping that someone can help me figure this out
It started hapening to me several years ago, and has been going on ever since in intervals of once or twice every year or so if not less.
sometimes when I go to bed and try to fall asleep, I shut my eyes and I can see images, but it's not like recolection of memories or anything like that, It's as lucid and vivid as reality but it's colorless, It's just random things, but it's always as if I'm looking through somebody else's eyes..
I always see it as if looking through somebody else's eyes.. the last time I could clearly see a person talking to me in a parked car.. I could tell it was parked because the driver was sitting infront of the wheel, with his face turned towards me.. or well towards the person and he was talking to him or her and his hands weren't on the wheel..
I also had other "visions" like that, sometimes I'm walking somewhere or once it was a person watching a movie in a movie theater.. but it's always as vivid and clear as reality only it's colorless.
I know how crazy it may sound but I know I'm not insane I am quite a normal person I have a M.As in Social Psychology and I still can't find an answer to this.
I can also add that the images I see are followed with a feeling, as if I'm that person, I'm not observing on the side or anything like that, I can clearly see and feel that I'm the person through whom's eyes I see the situation.
Also the things I see are outlined, like everything I see has some sort of aura or haze around it, like all the lines are outlined with this shiny haze or aura or whatever it is.. and the feeling is so real it's driving me nuts, I am afraid it could mean something bad, I can't tell what's wrong with me and it's driving me crazy because I can't find any logical explanation to this.
I dunno if any of this would help explain what is happening to me, but
1. I'm very much awake when I see those things, I mean I am not even halfway asleep, It always happens the second I close my eyes, and if I open usualy the image disappears and if I close my eyes again it's already gone.
2. the things I see are always feeling real, I can't explain it but it's very much realistic only colorless, but it's just as plain real as everything I look at when my eyes are open.
3. I can't explain it well but I get a "feeling" like what I'm seeing is actually happening at the very moment I see it.
I guess I should also add that before it all began I had other strange things happening to me.. the most notable is I sometimes used to wake up in the morning or sometimes go to bed at night and when I closed my eyes I felt like I'm in a huge hugeeeeeeeeee emptiness around me.. like a feeling of being in space, I could feel myself surrounded by nothingness.. I dunno how to explain it at all, I wish i could find the words to explain this feeling but I could feel like I'm small, and the space around me becomes huge and it's all empty.
If there is anything any1 could do to explain this to me or did anyone had any experience with this, Please help me figure this out because I'm going insane with this already, and I'm afraid to talk to anyone about it for obvious reasons..
also, I dunno if it's related but when I was very little, like until age of 6, I sometimes used to sleep walk, once my mom told me she caught me outside of the house in -20 degrees in my underwear and it was very spooky.
and there was another experience... I guess I don't mind speaking about it now but it's even frightful for me to remember this. when i was little, I remember I sometimes used to walk outside and on the way out, in the building's hallway, there was a lift, with stairs going around it, and I used to live on the first floor, on the left of the elevator there were stairs leading to the basement of the building.. I remember clearly when passing the hall where the elevator was, there was a voice calling my name and then a huge shadow used to crawl on the side of the wall... I remember this very vividly I always used to curve into my knees scared on the stairs.. the shadow then grabbed me and dragged me to the basement of the building.. I was shit scared every single time and only when it grabbed me I could open my eyes and I was still on those stairs..
Please I know it sounds either made up or like I'm a loony, but really I'm not insane and I have a more or less normal life..
While studying psychology, I asked my professor to help me figure out this issue regarding what happened, I actually told him the last story regarding the engulfing shadow that always dragged me to the basement.. I know what some of you may think, I also thought about it a lot, but I am sure I wasn't raped or anything when I was a kid.. I had a Hypnosis session but it wasn't very successful thou my professor said he is pretty sure I didn't have any sexual trauma when I was a kid, thou he said he could be wrong.
Thank you so much for bothering to read it all, I really hope someone could explain atleast one of those things to me.
I forgot to say that the experience with shadow wasn't a single event, it was happening always the same way, but not all the time, however it's always the same, same stairs same voice and feeling of coldness and the same shadow I could see it so clearly all the time but it was so long ago and i was just a little girl i can't remember wether or not I was seeing this while actually looking at the stairs leading to the basement, or I was seing it in my mind when I covered in fear on the stairs.. but it happened more than once I remember for sure..
I should also add that I have a photographic memory, I remember certain situations of myself as a little girl, the oldest memory I have of me is of my big sister pushing me in my baby wagon.. also of me sitting on my parents bed when I was very little, about 3-4 years old.
I dunno what else to add that might help but if any1 can help and needs more information, I will try to answer my best way.
Thank you again.
