Way of the Lizard

I just woke from a movie-like dream where I was sort-of-seeing and sort-of-being the main character. He was a less goofy-looking version of Ben Stiller, with dark hair down to his shoulders, but in a dramatic role. We were captive on a modern pirate ship, though all the pirates were basically grizzled white dudes. It was a giant, beat-up tanker of a ship, with its own machine shop and some pretty big smaller craft on board. One of the cooler visuals were these big fiberglass skiffs being hauled around on cranes and lifts while machinists worked on them. I/we made ourself useful so as not to get murdered and because being a pirate didn't sound so bad

There were no pirate battles or anything--mostly just cleaning up and doing maintenance around the ship. I/we was coming off a shift with the engineer/machinist captives, and one of them did this calculation counting rocks to figure out how much fuel we had, and we were running out.

At this point I became a separate, really vague character out on deck with the main character. We watched the exhaust ports sputter out, and he was spraying some weird vapor around from a big tank on his back. I discovered the pirates' sunglass graveyard--a weird corner near a rusted-shut door where broken sunglasses were tossed all over the place. The main character was talking about possibly venting our sewage as propulsion to reach a port, which sounded gross.

Another scene-shift, and the two of us are swimming into shore clinging to a piece of driftwood. Are we escaping? Looking for fuel? Who knows. Handsome Ben Stiller has shaved his head. We get ashore and pull some con at a resort hotel, where he's supposed to be a drunk rich guy who injured himself swimming in the ocean, and I found and rescued him. Somehow this plan gets us into the hotel, and end up meeting and hanging out with other vacationers. The next really cool visual, we are lounging around outside with other guests looking up at the stars in the sky, and for some reason the lights of all the continents are visible there in the sky, almost like a concave version of those shots of earth's nightside from space. I don't know if I was a pirate captive in a hollow earth or what.

Pretty much the last thing that happened was more bizarre and comical. A group of swimmers came out the hotel doors crab-walking on all fours, but turned over with their backs arched up. Apparently this was the way serious swimmers made their way to the water. My fellow ex-captive for some reason decides he's a gay rapist and assaults one of the swimmers. He manages to pants the guy, who then crab-walks away on just his hands with his butt sticking up in the air, which was equal parts funny and just weird, kind of like Borat.

That's about when I woke up.