Blue_Opossum

Morning of February 5, 2018. Monday.



I enter an unusual state of faux lucidity, where I have the awareness of what the dream state is and how to create and manipulate dreams, but I do not have my conscious self identity or full realization I am dreaming at the time even as I am creating and manipulating my dream (a bizarre enigma that cannot be resolved in waking life thought, yet which I otherwise experience very often). This is different from states where I am aware of my conscious self at one level, yet do not recall what a dream is, though I am still able to greatly influence dream events and features. This validates that the nature of RAS mediation is not predictable due to the variations of circadian rhythms, as the biological need to wake varies depending on depth of sleep, physical needs, and certain thought processes - many of which are random (for example, threads of something seen on television or material from a book).

I step into the dream state, yet immediately lose conscious self monitoring. I find myself walking through an open area that seems to be a wide street in an unfamiliar city. I am thinking to myself about what time period that I want the dream’s setting to occur in. I think about it being the 1920s, 1930s, or 1940s, and decide I will make it the 1930s.

I watch people walk around, dressed as if they were from the 1930s (although it had been the 1920s before I willed the change). I offer to help an unfamiliar woman (of about fifty) by carrying her package, but she is not interested in me helping her.

Next, I focus on dream state indicators (still without viable awareness that I am dreaming at the time, as this is by residual threads of habit in the lucid dream state since childhood). I find myself in the southwest bedroom of Cubitis (where I have not been since June of 1978). A young version of Zsuzsanna is in the bed, which is aligned along the south wall, head at the southwest corner. I create a radio for her to listen to, but then I am trying to remember if the songs that are playing are from the 1930s or from a much later period, as I do not want to alarm her with inexplicable sounds.

I get distracted and summon a group of dream characters to then look through the door of my room. However, the doorway opens into a landscape instead of my old Cubitis bedroom. I create the essence of a dinosaur in the distance (a typical act in faux lucidity since childhood) and tell the unknown people to watch. The dinosaur eventually appears, but is like a mix of stegosaurus and tyrannosaurus. It moves over the top of a mountain, from right to left in profile (subliminal reinduction attempt), and roars. It is far away at this time and poses no threat.

From here, I go back to the southwest bedroom, but then RAS mediation temporarily increases and I go into the bathroom (and although I do have to use the bathroom in reality, it is not yet that intense a wake-up call), as I am aware the dinosaur is in the house (which makes no sense as it would be too big) and I am now wary of it (even though I had deliberately created it minutes before). I close the door to subliminally avoid the waking activation. I feel soft weight pressing against the door, but I am able to keep it closed. Still, RAS mediation triggers an offset dream of a different level of awareness rather than doorway waking symbolism fully activating.

Entering a different dream state and level of awareness, I then find myself walking with a group of people that I had summoned. Zsuzsanna is present as she is now. We are all walking through an unknown city.

Ahead, and to our right, next to the curb, is an oversized vehicle that resembles a giant stagecoach (more like a stagecoach illogically mixed with a circus train car and doubled in size). It is basically a cage on wheels in the shape of a giant colorful stagecoach. The area behind where the driver would sit is an open area where a lion jumps up and looks down at us. There are other lions in the cage in the bottom area. I am thinking that the lion will jump down near us, but it remains in its location, as something vague in the back of my mind reminds me of subliminal dream manipulation but not directly and not with viable lucidity. This is a bizarre enigma, to subliminally reflect on subliminal (non-lucid) control of the dream state without being viably aware of being in the dream state and yet controlling the dream anyway.

From here, there is an area where people are watching a gorilla walk around. P.T. Barnum is present and showing off the gorilla. There is a cage, and straw covers the street upon where the cage had been placed, but the gorilla is able to leave the cage through the open area. There is no threat however, and the people do not seem that impressed. There is an unknown girl present and I tell her to become part of the scene so that there is an additional ape for the people to view. She does not look like a gorilla of course, but I eventually decide to make her with hair all over. She goes over to the gorilla and P.T. Barnum seems slightly puzzled but somewhat appreciative, even though the girl is not actually a gorilla or acts like one. It seems the public will believe anything, which pleases him. I vaguely remember the Barnum effect, which relates to people who believe in “dream interpretation”. My dream eventually fades with no dominant RAS event. (P.T. Barnum is the personified preconscious in this case, though my dream self already has a thread of emergent consciousness evidenced by my odd state of faux lucidity, so I wake without the need for a strong emotion as the waking alert factor.)

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Morning of September 7, 2017. Thursday.



My wife Zsuzsanna and I are in bed in the same orientation as in reality. However, our implied bedroom is unfamiliar and mostly featureless. We are still trying to get more sleep but there is a bug present on the wall to our right (though not really a threat).

Over time, there are more bugs seen. At one point, there is a large mosquito and a spider on the ceiling directly above us. The spider and mosquito are after each other, but I am not sure which one ends up defeating the other. A large cockroach also falls from the ceiling to the floor to our left at one point, making an audible “splat”. A large garden spider remains in a web a bit farther to my right, on the ceiling.

After more time passes, there are vaguely humorous associations with this situation. Eventually, I look to my left, past Zsuzsanna, and see a large frog of unusual appearance. Its head seems slightly oversized. It sits on the upper shelf of some sort of small white side table, facing outwards.

There is slight amusement growing in this scene of a frog, as it is much bigger than the bugs that had caused a concern about being able to sleep comfortably.

Looking up and past where my head was, beyond the head of our bed, I see a dark room I did not know was there. I soon notice a baby gorilla looking back at me. To its left, I then see an adult gorilla. I am also aware of the presence of an unknown male who is in the room beyond the left side of our bed, though which I do not see as an imposer (though of whom is this dream’s personified preconscious).

Although the gorilla is large, I am not really afraid of it. I do not even consider the situation as being very unusual. Instead, I ask the unknown male if it needs some water, and the answer is yes. I get out of bed and attach a small white hose (similar to our bathtub hose) to a pipe and direct water into a large square silver container (probably about two and a half feet square). At first, I thought the container was empty, but as I direct water into it from a distance of about four feet, it seems it was at least half full. The room seems mostly clean but featureless other than the adult and young gorilla and the water container.

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This dream is very amusing as a comedic sequential augmentation of the waking transition, similar to other dreams where the waking precursor becomes larger and more dominant over time to get my dream self’s attention to generate enough of an emotional reaction and neural energy to initiate waking (which is a primary function of dreams which, bizarrely, most people do not even realize at all). It combines aspects from a number of past dreams, most specifically my recent dream “Plumbing Troubles in a Three-Tiered Miniature Zoo” (from August 26th), where I was unable to resolve the water flow though which I did with this dream. Although water induction remains a very common form of dream state initiation (which might mean that this dream is an attempt at subliminal reinduction), I think there may be more of a biological factor in this case in needing to wake up and rehydrate. Bugs, especially cockroaches, typically relate to biological factors in removing cellular waste - though sometimes even a virus, general cleaning of which is mainly believed to be related to the glymphatic system, which increases fluids in the brain when sleeping.

The presence of a frog is a residual factor of water induction (as it is associated as a water denizen but which also spends time on land). Its appearance and general dynamics (depending on the dream) is relative to a specific level of consciousness and also marks the waking transition (more as a circadian rhythms factor) due to a tadpole being associated with the basis (or origin) of the dream state when I was very young, thus tadpole to frog (as well as caterpillar to butterfly) is a sequential waking cycle analogy, marking the same general level of consciousness as a cash register often would (relating to “checking out” of the dream state, and in fact, my dreams have taught me this by combined symbolism many times over the years).

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Morning of November 13, 2015. Friday.



An unknown male (of about thirty) works for a large company related to technological development. He does not seem competent or interested in doing his job and seems to see himself as a “victim” in his employment and tasks.

There is a scene where a young dark-haired girl, probably a young version of my wife (as her father seems to be the head of the aforementioned company) is at an auditorium to give a long speech related to some sort of award she won; something related to educational or developmental milestones. The employee cannot seem to get the loudspeaker system or the microphone to work, though is also involved in something unrelated to his job, such as playing a computer game, in addition to getting everything working. He does not seem to care about the functionality of the setup that much. The audience seems patient but eventually grows annoyed by his antics. Oddly, the employee sits in the center of one section of where the audience sits, where he is working on the electronics and sound deck. People are gossiping about him due to his incompetence and poor work ethic. He is reminiscent of the Dennis Nedry character (Wayne Knight) from “Jurassic Park”. It seems the speech is never given but he is not fired as a result.

Later, he goes into the girl’s room when she is not there. (The room is unfamiliar to me.) He opens a drawer in a small desk. He looks through her diary. He finds about five diamonds, loose in the drawer with other items such as pencils made by the company. They are synthetic but supposedly the same as (and indistinguishable from) natural diamonds. He takes a couple of them. He starts to see a conspiracy in the advanced technological development that the company is utilizing that is kept secret from the public. He may sell the diamonds and not reveal where they came from.

There is a vivid scene where I am fully in-body and making some sort of drinks. The first one I make, I am able to drink, but the second one is unusual. There are three smaller cups, though two almost bowl-like. I use something like cocoa liquor and water and some other liquids to make some sort of fantastic chocolate drink. I am looking forward to how great it will taste. I use a stirring rod to mix some of the elements in the main bowl-like container (though parts of the drink are still in the two other containers). As I am stirring, all the liquid vanishes (from all three containers) leaving a very subtle and brief pale sparkling. This annoys me greatly. My delicious drink just vanished.

The last segment involves the Dennis Nedry character. He seems angry about the secrets kept by the company. He injects an unknown liquid that was in a secret room at the company’s main building. It seems he may reveal, to the media and the public, that the company is keeping too many secrets. Eventually something splits apart from his arms and I get the impression he will disintegrate. However, it turns out he has grown wings. He seems upset at first and starts going through a second change. This time, he grows larger and becomes a huge gorilla with wings. He starts talking in a loud commanding voice how he is now superior to humans and flies away.

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Morning of December 28, 1975. Sunday.



“Durio’s Slave” was the original title I gave to this dream even though I did not really play the role of a “real” slave at any point other than the potential to follow the commands of the invading apelike creature. There were a couple similar dreams with minor variations. They related to an “invisible gorilla from another dimension” (or supposed alternate universe) that could somehow speak English and was similar to the style and appearance of the gorillas in the original “Planet of the Apes” movies. I later found (or later realized consciously) that “Durio Zibethinus” was actually a kind of Asian tree (where the fruit has a strange nasty scent, but is a delicacy) even though my dream vaguely implied that Zibenthinus was a prehistoric kind of ape as well as implying “primitive” male dominance. In my later (less threatening) version of the particular dream scenario, he was called “Durio Zibethinus” and he was less of a threat to Earth. There were magazines (from the other dimension with talking gorillas) that were apparently thrown or somehow lost along the wayside of a road in or near Arcadia. There were various photographs in the magazines of the gorillas with more military power. In another dream, he was “Durio Broxum”, and in another, just “Broxum”. In my first main dream, he was sitting at my English teacher’s desk and making plans to allow the other ape soldiers to come through some sort of portal (somewhere in the school, I would assume) and take over the region. At times, he is transparent. No one but me notices this creature (as apparently he is otherwise invisible to everyone but me for some reason). No one but me was aware of the great threat he represented.

Aside from the obvious “Planet of the Apes” influences here, there is a possibility that the words in my dream and their distorted meanings (as well as some words being distorted themselves) related to sexuality. A durian, especially when cut in half, can have a very sensual appearance, looking much like a part of the male anatomy (scrotum), or at least implying such. “Bruxom” (also seen as “Broxum” in my dream) could be a simple distortion of “buxom” - or “full-bosomed”. This was noted in my original dream journal entry as a teenager. However, it could also relate to “broxism” or “gnashing of the teeth” (teeth grinders known as “bruxers”) - or some sort of composite of both implying oral contact with breasts perhaps. The majority of dreams are peculiar after all.

Morning of March 27, 1971. Saturday.



A large unknown family (with at least a son and a daughter both around my age) and a lot of items (too many, it seems, as the car seems too weighted down at times) mostly tied over the roof of their pale green station wagon, makes a wrong turn near our house in Cubitis (heading south) and they end up going through our neighbor’s orange grove and then everything (including my home) is somehow on the moon. However, my “home on the moon” is a bit different, though still seems a partial duplicate of my home on Earth. There are no lunar surface features on the in-dream moon except those featured on a small framed picture hanging from the wall in the room with the gorilla later on.

There is a giant earwig under a large tarpaulin near the entrance to the shed, though the shed seems in a different area of the backyard. It looks out from underneath but does not come out. Its yellow eyes, which are glowing, are the only thing visible in the darkness under the tarpaulin. The appearance and nature of the eyes is actually much like a scene from “Gay Purr-ee” (but with cat’s eyes in the movie scene), thus it is not at all like the eyes of an insect (though which I illogically reason is as such because of its giant size). I believe it came from the scene where the eyes (from the “Money Cat” scenes) are glowing from a storm drain (or at least from a chimney scene if the storm drain idea is a false memory).

The family walks around, not knowing they are actually on the moon, it seems. They appear to be looking for a hotel or motel on their itinerary.

A tiny flat plastic figure of a monochrome red “Martian” (I had in real life; a toy figure from a box of cereal, Quisp, I think) moves about as if alive, somewhat insect-like at first, but it is soon actually “full size” in my dream (about two-thirds as tall as I am). However, it later seems to be revealed only as a stage prop, where a couple (unknown) men are pushing it along on small wheels. There is also a vague impression that it is part of a carnival duck shoot.

I climb up a ladder and look through a glass transom above a locked door, similar to the Rose Street apartment area (but more like a place I lived in years later on King Street). A large gorilla is sleeping on his back on a couch with a Cracked Magazine open over his chest. A longer series of the letter “Z” (of about three different sizes) is actually floating over his head, moving from right to left. For a short time, I also see a floating animated image of a hand saw sawing a small log. He soon wakes and seems annoyed by the noise as well as the sawdust falling on him from his own comic-strip-like sleep balloon. I am not sure if it is a real gorilla seen as is or a gorilla in a costume (odd reasoning). He is aware that other people are trespassing in his home, so we (the family and I) leave the area. We are not threatened or seemingly that endangered and do not see the gorilla again.

Eventually, we come back to Earth in the car just by driving around the “cow pasture” on the moon (“twin” to the real one, beyond the back of my home). The family never seemed to know or acknowledge that they were actually on the moon, just commenting on some strange areas near my home. They do not believe me when I tell them we had been on the moon, so I show them around and show how things are different (for example, no large gorilla on a couch). They probably are not convinced.