Mezzanine

11/15/2009

Slots with Chris Tucker

So, let's start from as far back as I can remember. I'm in a department store. There is a sale and there are tons of people in the store, but the only thing anyone is looking at is jeans. But they're really horrible jeans. Old, stone wash, like 80's hair band jeans. And everyone is trying them on in the middle of the store instead of going into fitting rooms. And none of the jeans fit anybody! They're all way too tight, but everyone thinks they look so good in them. I think about telling everyone they look stupid but think better of it.

I leave the department store and walk out into the mall. I suddenly realize there is a casino in the mall and head for it at full speed. I head left and see the fountain in the middle of the mall. I'm on the second floor and I see the escalators. I go down the one escalator and at the bottom almost run into a wall. I've got to make an immediate u-turn and go right back up another escalator. I remember thinking this is a most ineffective way to get to the first floor.

After I get off the escalator I walk to the left again and see some slot machines. On the end of a row of machines is Bill Murray. He's walking away and has left the machine running with some money in it. I go to his machine and discover that it's a penny machine. Instead of putting money in it, you have to put tickets in it like the kind you get from winning skee-ball. Bill Murray has left a big line of tickets so I run it into the machine. A slot attendant comes by and looks at me funny because the machine is rejecting some of the tickets, and I tell him they were left here and they aren't mine.

So I sit down and finally just start hitting the max bet button over and over again mindlessly. Then some kids walk up and want to see what I'm doing. They have pizza, so we're now having like a pizza party at my slot machine. I look down and it's not like a touch screen like slot machines usually are, but it's not an old school reel slot either. It's strange because I know it's a slot machine, but I've never seen one like this before. It's just like a plastic surface with lights embedded in it that light up and make numbers appear in a bunch of different colors. There's no real rhyme or reason to how you make winning combinations. So while trying to figure this out, a female slot attendant comes up to me and hands me $200 in one dollar bills. I keep playing.

The next thing I know, the kids and the pizza party are gone, but they left behind all the empty pizza boxes. Now there's a guy with his face right next to mine and he's got a cell phone to his other ear talking to someone. I don't even look to see who it is and I ask him to please take his nonsense elsewhere. (!) He starts to walk away and says I'll regret that and then I realize it's Chris Tucker! I scramble to tell him, no no, he can stay if he wants, my girlfriend loved him in the Fifth Element and would want his autograph. He says "we'll see" and walks away.

After a while, he comes back and says he's changed his mind and would love to hang out, where do I live, and what's my number, so he can put it into his cell phone. I tell him I live in Richmond and he says, "no shit, I live like seven minutes away from there!" Then Andrea walks up and I cash out of my slot machine and we walk towards the cashier. Suddenly everything is in slow motion as I see that behind the cashier is the biggest stockpile of fireworks I've ever seen. I'm taking very slow steps at this point and I finally make it to the cashier and ask her if I can cash out in fireworks. She says "of course" and I turn around and ask Andrea if she'd like to pick some out. She says, "you know I don't care about that shit!" and then I turn back around to the cashier and wake up.

Monday night 3/16/09

I'm at a department store and it's like an audition to be in a commercial. There's a couple of racks of clothes and I have to pick out an outfit to audition in. The strange thing is, it's me and a bunch of little girls. None of the clothes look like they'll fit me. So I find some bigger clothes that look like they'll fit, but there are pinstripe pants and vests and shirts and nothing looks like I can make a decent outfit out of it. SO I do the best I can and take some clothes into the fitting room. I keep poking my head out and watching some of the other girls do their audition. When I'm in the fitting room, I am having the hardest time buttoning my shirt. I can hear the guy giving the auditions say that he's all done for the day and I stick my head out the door and tell him to wait for me! I still can't button my shirt. I wake up.