Hopeless Wanderings

My first dream involved my long lost brother, who was in a school shooting(he was the shooter) and we were dealing with the consquences.
NOTE: this is at least my 3rd dream involving my "brother". In ever dream he has something tragic happen to him. Also note: I don't have a brother, and never have, but my dad was a sperm donor, so these dreams really make me wonder...

ok, so this LD lasted SO long, it felt like HOURS. But there was so much jumping around that sadly, I've already lost most of it.

I was in some place, realizing I was lucid, staring at the wall to stabilize. Then I spun to stabilize more, and that's where the adventures begin. I went outside and looked at the stars, they were so bright that I wanted to be in them, so I jumped up once, but failed to get anywhere, the second time I jumped up and I went so high, into the universe. The earth became small and I zoomed past constellations that were lit up and connected by lines so I could see. I was going far from earth, and I realized I didn't want to be stuck somewhere in space, so I flew back down so I could see earth, and decided to fly down to Bondi Beach, Australia.
what did I do then you ask? Well, I went in the water and started drowning so that one of the hot lifeguards from the tv show Bondi Rescue would save me! And sure enough, one of them came and rescued me, and it was epic. The things I did after that I either want to keep private or don't remember enough to tell, but the lucidity lasted A LONG time. I tried to remember my goals but failed on that part.

A student discovered a new planet, we were teleported there. It was bright and colorful and beautiful, but was also inhabited by some creatures that looked like people. "wow, so there IS life on other planets," I thought. At first we were being careful exploring this planet, and some of the creatures would try to attack us. A bunch of stuff happened that I don't remember and led to ME singing on stage with Christina Grimmie and, eventually, the queen of England joined in! Whaaaaaat. It was a great moment. We were all belting out "Let It Go" from Frozen.

I'm with Allie P. and I'm trying to buy sushi but my wallet is missing, so I ask Allie if I can borrow some money, she gives me her credit card. I sit at a table and there's a bunch of scary looking dolls. I'm trying to count some foriegn money and put the dolls together to pay her back(idk).

I'm at a camp, might be a prison camp but not really, and I'm standing by a large pool and some guys. One guy kicks my pen into the pool and I get angry so I push him into the water, but he sinks to the bottom, pushes off to the top to get air, sinks again, repeat. I realize he can't swim and it's 20 feet deep. After awhile of this I know I have to save him even though I'm scared of the water. I jump and and save him and everyone cheers. Then, it becomes a game. People start fake drowning and whoever can rescue their person the fastest wins. I played one round and won.

Someone at camp had plans to kill another camper and then herself. Somehow I knew this but no one else did. T was there, watching or something, I don't remember. I go into ES mode and I follow the girl. I sort of know that this isn't really happening and I want to make it more interesting so I turn on my iPod to the song Car Radio. The guy that the girl was after was now hanging from a fence, blood dripping down his mouth. I go up to him and say, "Listen, everything is going to be alright, ok?" and he nods. I want to talk to the girl but I don't know what to say.


thinking: maybe T was watching for a reason, like I was trying to figure out what to do and what to say but didn't know and she knew. hmm..

T is dead IRL and I have been trying to summon her so it was surprising that she showed up in this non-lucid.

I skipped a few days writing down my dreams because I haven’t been sleeping very well but I’m up north now and sleeping like a rock.

-Harry Potter dream where I’m trying to defeat the Dark Lord

D1: I was at some train tracks with 3 other people who I didn’t know but had met in the dream. I was watching them cross the train tracks and trains were coming from both sides(there were two sets of tracks). I yelled for them to hurry up but they were taking their sweet time. They made it across, but I noticed this man, maybe in his late 60’s, sitting on the tracks. I didn’t know if he was there on purpose or if he was going to move at the last second, so I just watched. The train hit him.

Now I was at my house, it was a flashback to before the man had died. I had a “feeling” that he was in danger, kinda like Allison Dubois from tv show Medium. I called his number, which was only two numbers, 75. My dad tried to stop me because he didn’t want me to bother him, but I had to call. He answered. “Hello” he mumbled, sounding very depressed. “I uh.. just wanted to know if you’re okay. It’s perfectly fine if you’re not okay, and I have a strong feeling you’re not.” He says nothing and hangs up.

D2: I was in a waterpark and this girl was telling about her experience drowning. I was transported to a very, very large pool with a huge drop off from the edge of the pool to the water, and very deep water(maybe 100-200 feet). I was terrified. Some time during this dream I was drowning and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I was thinking about how I have a phobia of deep pools and was wondering if there was a word for the phobia, but I realized I was dreaming. The dream wasn’t very stable so I rubbed my hands together and then I yelled “CLARITY” and it kinda felt like I yelled that in RL too. I knew I would lose the dream soon so I decided to jump off the edge because I wasn’t scared anymore. It was a very peaceful, relaxing feeling and then I woke up in a FA and tried to write down my dream.

I know I had a super short lucid sometime last night but don't remember one bit of it.

Most of this dream was about events leading up to the race and I woke up/got up and when I fell back asleep I was having another race dream so this is just the whole thing kinda blended together.

I was at this race, which was supposed to be a cross country running race, which a friend. Before the race, I stopped in this classroom in my old HS to get some things we needed and saw a popular girl there from when I was in HS. I was wondering why she was still there.. she would have had to be held back FOUR years to still be in HS. Anyway, she was making fun of me and so was some guy. I was more surprised than annoyed, and I didn't want to be bothered by it, so before I left the room, I turned to the girl and curtsied at her. She looked surprised. Then I left.

There was lots of diddly daddling and thinking I was gonna be late for the race because my race was supposed to start at 4:30 am, and I looked at the clock once and it said 4:30am.

To get to the start of the race, I look this hay-ride type vehicle with some of the contestants(and my dad was there for some reason). When we got there, I was with Sydney. I realized it was a triathlon,starting with surfing. I was annoyed that I didn't know this and had not prepared for this. I have never surfed in my life(including RL).

Me and the other contestants get in the ocean with our surf boards and paddle out and right away, there come big waves, bigger than I would have thought(in RL I live no where near the ocean so I'm not used to big waves). Everyone missed the first wave, then the second wave came and everyone missed that too. Then the third wave came, which was huge. It knocked me off my board and my board floated way. I tried to grab it but it kept getting further and further away and I was exhausted and realized I wasn't going to make it. So I just gave in and let myself drown. Even though I didn't know I was dreaming, I knew I would be okay(drowning is a re-occurring dream of mine). So I went underneath the surface and it felt quite peaceful, and I woke up(FA?).

The race turned into a singing contestant and the contestants were awful. I looked to see what the prizes were for the winners, which were kept in a yellow paper bag, and I found this gold(fake) box. I opened it and there was a pocket watch inside, cheaply made, with a cartoon character on it. The other prizes were other cheap plastic kid's toys. One kid saw me looking at the prizes and was got mad at me.

Oh hey DJ, long time no post. I've been having a lot of interesting dreams that I've been wanting to post in here, but I'm just so damn lazy. But I really want to start up again.

Sometime during the dream I realized I didn't feel quite "normal" and this made me realize I was dreaming. I was at my house, so I decided to try to revisit an old dream. I went outside on my driveway and called her name. "Angela!" Wait.. her name isn't Angela! What is her name?? I couldn't remember her name! So I stood there trying to think of her name until the dream finally faded away. As soon as I woke up I remembered her name(When you've known this person's name for 12+ years, how can you just simply forget it??). It's like something doesn't want me to remember or go back to that dream, because I've tried multiple times and it never works.

I also had the oh so common drowning dream. In a deep pool, 12 feet deep but it seemed more like 16 feet. I was at an indoor waterpark at someone's home, yeah, someone had a huge ass awesome waterpark in their house. And for some reason me and the people I was with decided to check it out. I was on this lazy river type ride and kept getting pulled in a certain direction but wanted to get off, then started sinking. But this time I think I actually saved myself? I don't remember. Last night was a mess of weird dreams that I can't remember. I think it's the from the Melatonin.

Oh I also dreamt that I got an email on my phone saying pumkin spice lattes at Starbucks were back and you could get them if you were a rewards member, which I was. I got all excited til I woke up and realized I still have to wait another week or so.

another drowning dream. you know, the usual.

I was in a large pool with my friend, we were just having a good time hanging out and swimming around. There was this part of the pool where there weren't many people for some reason. I decided to casually swim over there to check it out, but when I swam a few feet past the side-floaty-marker-thingy I realized that I was in a very deep section. It was apparently the deepest deep end in all of Wisconsin, about 15-20 feet(which obviously isn't true in RL ha!). I am absolutely terrified of deep water in dreams(and sometimes in RL) so I swam back to the shallow end as fast as I could, my heart pounding. But as time went by, I became less scared of the deep end and decided to explore it again. This time I remember entering the deep end and being under water, floating along, and then drowning. It was so peaceful, it felt like flying. The lifeguard noticed I was drowning and went to pull me out, but afterwards I was only half conscious but he had a class of a few students by him. He was showing the students how to help a drowning victim, and even though I WAS a victim, he payed more attention to teaching the students what to do than actually helping me. So that failed. And I woke up.

I know I haven't posted in awhile but I've been so lazy. I've been remembering dreams but I'm too lazy to type them up. Half of them have been about drowning, as usual, including the one from last night. I'm going to post that one as well as one I had a few nights ago that really creeped me out..

I had a dream that I was bleeding all over. I don't know why. I was just taking a shower and blood was turning the water red and I was bleeding out. In another dream the same night, I was trying to help a friend from my college with her math homework but she became frustrated and started cutting her wrist. She didn't stop there. She kept cutting all up her arm and was bleeding all over. It was quite scary/creepy. When I woke up I found a spot of blood on my pillow. I have NO idea where it came from. Weird.

I was in a pool with some of my friends in some sort of waterpark or hotel. The pool wasn't too big, maybe about one-third the size of a regular high school pool. But it was super crowded. There must have been atleast 60 people all crowded in there. There was barely any space between any of the people. I was treading water somewhere in the middle of the pool when I started to get pulled under. I tried to fight my way back to the surface but there was just so many people in my way, and I gulped in water and started drowning. I made it to the surface just barely and managed to wave my arms for help. Next thing I remember, a lifeguard had pulled me out and brought me back to life. Most everyone was out of the pool now, either leaving or watching me.

It was night-time and I was running away from something, no one in particular, just life in general maybe. I felt like I could go on running forever, even when I began to pick up speed. It felt amazing. I was only a few blocks from my house by the new fancy houses when I heard a really loud noise coming from a tv in one of those fancy houses. I looked through the window of the house on the right corner by the four way stop, where the street goes to more fancy houses and a dead end. From a distance I could see the flashes of the tv through the window. I wanted to get a closer look, so I peered in the windows from not too far away. I saw the biggest tv I've ever seen, it was from floor to ceiling, and the ceiling was super high up, cathedral style. In this room were many different expensive things, like work out machines, arcade games, etc. Then somehow I found myself inside the house, staring at this boy around my age. He saw me and started freaking out. I didn't know what to do but then I realized I was invisable so that only he could see me. As he ran to get his sister I checked the place out a little and trie to run on the treadmill because I still wanted to keep running. His sister came in and said she didn't see anything, so it was just me and him. I decided that I was going to follow him from now on throughout his life, watch his every move, and help him if necessary. I didn't get to do much before I woke up though. I remember his parents came home and his dad was lecturing him about something while I was puting on some of his clothes.

I think I dreamt this because of a good book(Certain Slant of Light) I read about a ghost following a person around until they died. It was a very interesting book, and it made for a very interesting dream

In another dream, I was by the beach with a friend and we were looking for an area with high waves so we could body surf, or body board.. or something. I didn't feel like walking to the other side of the beach where the huge waves usually are so I decided to test out the water right next to us. I took a step in and watched the waves come in, observing them. But they were bigger than I thought and they took over me and dragged me out and under the water. I flailed my arms and screamed for help as I swallowed the salty sea water and tried to stay above the water.

Then, a lucid from a few nights ago that I don't remember much from because I didn't take the time to record it till now.
I was jumping up and down, trying to stay up in the air and get higher and higher. Then I noticed this guy my age following me. He had black or brown hair and he was really tall, skinny, and cute. I kept trying to jump higher than him, flapping my arms up and down faster and faster and trying to propell myself up. I sort of knew I was asleep from the start, so I casually mentioned to him "We are in a dream." and he agreed. "What should we do now?" I asked. We couldn't come up with anything cool to do so we just kept walking/flying around. I don't know if I was 100% sure I knew I was dreaming because I thought he was really there with me dreaming. Later in the dream we spend more time together and we climbed a tree and he kissed me. Then I woke up :/

This night was very vivid and full of intense dreams. Unfortunately I don't have the best dream recall right now so I can't remember all the details, just some of the main stuff. I would have liked to remember more of the first dream because it was so overwhelming but since it was the first dream it faded from my memory over the night.

A Beautiful Tragedy
One of my old friends had died(by suicide, I think?) and it was my fault. Although I haven't spoken to her in awhile I still cared a lot about her and I had done something to cause her death. I was a complete mess, crying and crying nonstop for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to live with myself because of what I had done. It was just awful, and the pain felt so real. I don't think I've ever felt so.. broken(then again no one close to me has ever died in RL). I went to my room and curled up on my bed and just weeped and weeped and it was just such a real, heavy feeling. My mom came into my room and she just held me and comforted me as I continued crying. It was almost like.. a beautiful tragedy. When I felt myself waking up from this, I was actually sad that it was a dream. I wanted to go back to that place, back to that feeling. I don't know why.. but it was just so beautiful.

Dorm Livin
I was in a lake or a river with some people and swimming when someone came up to me and said something like, "It's your turn," and started shoving me under the water, not allowing me to come up. I didn't think they were trying to kill me because they had done this with some other people and they were fine, but after awhile of intense struggling more people came to help him push me down under the water and I just gave up. I thought if I stopped moving they would let go. My eyes were closed, and I took a breath of air through my nose, as if it were sticking up from the surface, allowing me to breathe. Then I "woke up" and I was at the end of the hallway of the dorms where the door is, opening it to let someone in. She was someone who had gone to my high school but was now at my same college. I found it odd that I had appeared here and not awake in my bed, so I said "I think I was sleeping up until this point because I just woke up now and here I am.. I don't know how I got here." She didn't seem to believe me. Then me and two new people who I had just met there(not in RL) started painting some picture on white boards. One of the girls looked at me suspiciously, then threw some paint at me, starting a paint fight. I thought it would be cool to have a shirt made of paint splatters so we took turns hand-printing each others shirts.


Hotel Danger
Me, my parents and my sis were in a hotel in Chicago and we wanted to get back to our rooms. We had to go in this elevator, which really freaked me out because it didn't look right and when I tried to get in the doors almost closed on me. Inside the elevator I was shaking and actually crying with fear, as everyone else just stood there normally. The elevator seemed to drop 100 floors and then finally came to a stop at the lobby. I got off right when the doors opened but my sis and mom stayed on because they wanted to go to their floor were our room was. I refused to go back on that thing, so my dad came out and accompanied me. We were going to take the escalators back up instead, but the escalators were huge, like 10 times wider and larger than they should be. The first two escalators were out of service and my dad didn't know that so he tried to go on one and a lady dressed like a hooker said "Sir you can't go on this escalator" so he went on the next one and she followed him and said he couldn't go on that one either, till finally he was able to get on the only working one. I tried to get on it but it was already going up and I couldn't lift my body over the side of it. It was like a giant raft, and the whole thing moved up and down. Then it started bouncing up and down like a trampoline and people were having a party on it. I saw my friend Dani fall off the side of it and wanted to go see if she was okay, but them a HUGE wave appeared. It was the size of the building, which was like 8 stories high. I freaked out and ran to the wave pool that just happened to be there, the wave following behind me, and I went to the deep end of the wave pool and faced the wall. I took a deep breath and went under, hoping this would help take the impact. The wave crashed over me smoothly as I heard people around talking about how huge and awesome the wave was. Then I took a breath and realized I could breathe underwater, then woke up.

I've just sort of given up on keeping a dream journal and attempting to lucid dreams but I wish I could get better dream recall like I used to have. So I probably won't write down dreams in here unless they are interesting or I actually remember them, which lately has been about once a month.

...and here is my monthly dream journal entry:
(since my dream recall has gone to shit, my entries are getting smaller and smaller . I did remember this when I woke up but was too lazy to post it till late the next night so all the details are gone)

Someone was after me, maybe trying to kill me, I don't remember. We were isolated in the woods and I was getting scared. Once in awhile I heard voices and other sounds, not knowing exactly knowing where they were coming from. I thought that I might have schizophrenia because I knew this wasn't normal. Anyway, I'm not sure how or why, but I turned the tables on this guy and ended up killing him. It was fairly easy, and afterwards the cops started coming. I wasn't scared of them at all. I was just sitting there, waiting on a patch of grass in the woods. I think I might have killed more than one person in this time. As the cops were on the way, I thought to myself that if they find out I killed these men then I would probably plead insanity in court because I was schizophrenic.

In another dream I was climbing down from this really tall mountain. There was a base camp at the bottom and a group of people watching to make sure everyone was getting down safe. They told us to be careful because the rapid altitude change could make us dizzy and disoriented. I made it almost to the bottom where this helper lady was standing and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine, but then started leaning forward off the face of another cliff. I couldn't control it and felt dizzy. I tried my hardest to keep my balance and I think I got it.. but then passed out again when I was back at the base camp because I'm a loser like that.

In another fragment, I was drowning in a pool, then I turned into the person saving another person drowning, but then the person drowning turned into a doll, which I brought to the surface and pushed on it's chest until water came out, "saving" its life.

I keep having drowning dreams...

I just had one a few days ago about drowning but I forgot it.. so this is another one from just last night.

I was at this small waterpark thing with some friends and there was this steep tan slide that looked really fun and it led to a deep pool(maybe 30 feet). So I climbed the stairs to the top and waited behind this boy who was first in line. It seemed to take him forever to go down the slide and he kept repeating something, I forgot what, before he went down. Finally, it was my turn. I went down without hesitation and it was really fun! But when I splashed into the pool I just kept going down. I figured someone would see me not coming up, but then I looked around and saw about 5 or more people also drowning around me! A lifegaurd jumped in but started saving everyone around me. I was stuck at the bottom.

Me and Niki were in Geology class together and we had to create a volcano and take pictures of it. We were by the beach and somehow this mini volcano was there all ready for us. It was about the size of a trailer and Niki told me to pour buckets of fake lava down it, but she yelled at me for getting the wrong color or something stupid like that and I couldn'd understand what I was doing wrong, or why I was even working on a volcano project for a geology class that I don't even have anymore.. I got pretty annoyed with the whole thing and decided to go down to the beach to take a break. I was there with my sister then, and the beach was not too crowded, but there were people scattered along it. The waves looked medium sized, not too big, and definitely managable, or so I though. So me and my sister went in, I don't think I intended to go all the way on because I still had my fancy camera with me and it was bound to get wet. Then the waves picked up and I lost control and started drowning so I waved for someone to help and blacked out. When I woke up, I was standing next to my sister knee deep in water with a lifeguard standing next to us. I have no idea what happened but I was then I was fine and got out of the water safely.

So I've been joined to DV for almost 3 years now(woohoo!) and I've finally reached the point of having 100 dream entries!(woohoo!) And this one just happens to be about dying.(woohoo!)
Well actually this isn't really my 100th dream since I sometimes post more than 1 dream in a post.. but its still awesome!

I was at this place.. I'm not sure it it was a waterpark or just a pool area. There were two pools, one was huge with tons of swimming lanes and it also was a large wave pool. Then there was the smaller one, made just to be a wave pool with smaller waves than the main pool. The main pool had a super tall diving board in the last lane and it was the deepest part of the pool, reaching about 40 feet down. I'm scared of deep water(in real life too) but I told myself that it was just water and nothing would go wrong, so I climbed up to the top of the tall diving board and did this awkward flip thing off. I went way down to the bottom of the pool and ended up touching the bottom, which freaked me out a bit, knowing how deep I was. I got disoriented and couldn't swim to the surface for some reason, so I just layed there at the bottom and was just dying there. I felt a tug and was dragged up to the surface by one of the female lifeguards, who lifted me out of the pool and put me on the side. I could still hear and see almost everything going on but was apparently unconscious. Every one of the lifeguards was going crazy getting everyone out of the pool because it was standard precedure during an emergency. I saw one of the lifeguards dive back into the deep end of the pool just to make sure there were no other people drowning. I felt someone pounding on my chest and I coughed up some water and "came back" but was still sort of out of it. I just layed there on the ground next to the pool as everyone was still freaking out, clearing the pool, and calling 911. This is when my memory gets fuzzy. I think the paramedics showed up and surrounded me but I don't remember being taken away because the next thing I know, I'm standing by the smaller wave pool, ready to jump in. (hmm.. what a brilliant idea-go in a wave pool right after you almost drowned in another) I thought to myself "it would be a lot harder to drown in this smaller wave pool," and went in. Well, those small waves were more powerful than I thought. I got caught up in one and it sent me backwards and threw me, head first, into the man-made "shore." And then it happened all over again. I was unconscious but could still hear and see, there were lifeguards going crazy, etc etc. So.. yea.. that was interesting.

regular dreams: 8-30-10

This dream probably happened from watching so many episodes of Heroes in the past several days.


I was sitting at my kitchen table and was stacking some coins together out of boredom. There was one penny in the stack that I didn’t like in there so I took it out and threw it on the ground. But when I started playing with my stack of coins again I noticed that the penny had reappeared in the stack! I removed it again but it kept on reappearing. Then I realized that it wasn’t reappearing, it was doubling! This was my newly discovered power. This time, I took all the coins(there were only about 5 or them) in my hand and closed it tightly. When I opened my hand, there were more coins! I tried this again 2 more times until my hand was heavier and filled with coins. I was so amazed that I grabbed my wallet and put it in the microwave(I don’t know why..) and heated it up. When I took it out, I looked inside of it and I had a 500$ bill, 2 hundreds, and a 100$ bill that said something like “100 dollars to 200 dollars” like it was a receipt for changing the money. I was so excited to show people my power, and now I had a way to make money without getting a job! I think I showed my mom and some of my friends my power and I think some other people might have had a power, I don’t really remember.

Next thing I know, I’m at the beach with my friend Allie and some other friend and we were the only ones there(until later when everyone else started showing up from nowhere). Allie looked really anxious and stressed out and said she needed to tell me something. Her and my other friend got into there swimsuits and Allie told me to come into the water with her. I didn’t have a swimsuit so I just ran in with my clothes on. The water was nice and cool and we went out deep so I couldn’t touch the bottom. I realized now that my clothes were really heavy, even though I was just wearing a t-shirt and shorts. They were getting heavier and heavier, and starting to pull me under the water. I started screaming for help but went under. The next thing I know, I’m on some floating platform, outside of my body watching my lifeless self die, and two lifeguards are running over to me. They start doing mouth to mouth and pounding on my chest while I was watching from outside my body. I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who had drowned. There were like 6 other people that were also unconscious and being resuscitated. As I stared at my body, I was like “Comon El, wake up! Breathe already!” Finally, I was back in my own body and coughing up water. I was weak so one of the lifeguards carried me back to the beach. The other people who had drowned were by me, all of them had survived. Some of them included my friends, a little girl, and a guy.

We were known as the amazing survivors and some people took us to the grocery store to pick out a treat. For some reason I stood by the fancy wine selection and wanted to get a bottle even though I’m underage. The people who took us there said “For your reward we will have a fancy wine delivered to your hotel room. Just pick one out.” So I started looking over the bottles of wine but then noticed that the guy from our survivor group went over to look at the frozen candy instead. I decided to follow him instead of getting wine because I didn’t want to be the only one. In the display freezers there was all kinds of frozen candies, like lollipops, cookies, and snow cones. Some people picked out humungous lollipops and I picked out a cookie shaped like an emo girl because it was the only one left. I remember Nikky saying “hey that’s my emo girl!” As I picked it up, it broke in my hand but I was like “oh well.” Well anyway, we all walked up to the front of the store, which looked more like a checkout table at a library, to look for the people that brought us there. I don’t know why they wanted to deliver these things to our hotel rooms. As we were walking I saw another guy with powers who walked through a wall to get out of the library.