Hopeless Wanderings

This night was very vivid and full of intense dreams. Unfortunately I don't have the best dream recall right now so I can't remember all the details, just some of the main stuff. I would have liked to remember more of the first dream because it was so overwhelming but since it was the first dream it faded from my memory over the night.

A Beautiful Tragedy
One of my old friends had died(by suicide, I think?) and it was my fault. Although I haven't spoken to her in awhile I still cared a lot about her and I had done something to cause her death. I was a complete mess, crying and crying nonstop for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to live with myself because of what I had done. It was just awful, and the pain felt so real. I don't think I've ever felt so.. broken(then again no one close to me has ever died in RL). I went to my room and curled up on my bed and just weeped and weeped and it was just such a real, heavy feeling. My mom came into my room and she just held me and comforted me as I continued crying. It was almost like.. a beautiful tragedy. When I felt myself waking up from this, I was actually sad that it was a dream. I wanted to go back to that place, back to that feeling. I don't know why.. but it was just so beautiful.

Dorm Livin
I was in a lake or a river with some people and swimming when someone came up to me and said something like, "It's your turn," and started shoving me under the water, not allowing me to come up. I didn't think they were trying to kill me because they had done this with some other people and they were fine, but after awhile of intense struggling more people came to help him push me down under the water and I just gave up. I thought if I stopped moving they would let go. My eyes were closed, and I took a breath of air through my nose, as if it were sticking up from the surface, allowing me to breathe. Then I "woke up" and I was at the end of the hallway of the dorms where the door is, opening it to let someone in. She was someone who had gone to my high school but was now at my same college. I found it odd that I had appeared here and not awake in my bed, so I said "I think I was sleeping up until this point because I just woke up now and here I am.. I don't know how I got here." She didn't seem to believe me. Then me and two new people who I had just met there(not in RL) started painting some picture on white boards. One of the girls looked at me suspiciously, then threw some paint at me, starting a paint fight. I thought it would be cool to have a shirt made of paint splatters so we took turns hand-printing each others shirts.


Hotel Danger
Me, my parents and my sis were in a hotel in Chicago and we wanted to get back to our rooms. We had to go in this elevator, which really freaked me out because it didn't look right and when I tried to get in the doors almost closed on me. Inside the elevator I was shaking and actually crying with fear, as everyone else just stood there normally. The elevator seemed to drop 100 floors and then finally came to a stop at the lobby. I got off right when the doors opened but my sis and mom stayed on because they wanted to go to their floor were our room was. I refused to go back on that thing, so my dad came out and accompanied me. We were going to take the escalators back up instead, but the escalators were huge, like 10 times wider and larger than they should be. The first two escalators were out of service and my dad didn't know that so he tried to go on one and a lady dressed like a hooker said "Sir you can't go on this escalator" so he went on the next one and she followed him and said he couldn't go on that one either, till finally he was able to get on the only working one. I tried to get on it but it was already going up and I couldn't lift my body over the side of it. It was like a giant raft, and the whole thing moved up and down. Then it started bouncing up and down like a trampoline and people were having a party on it. I saw my friend Dani fall off the side of it and wanted to go see if she was okay, but them a HUGE wave appeared. It was the size of the building, which was like 8 stories high. I freaked out and ran to the wave pool that just happened to be there, the wave following behind me, and I went to the deep end of the wave pool and faced the wall. I took a deep breath and went under, hoping this would help take the impact. The wave crashed over me smoothly as I heard people around talking about how huge and awesome the wave was. Then I took a breath and realized I could breathe underwater, then woke up.

I was doing laundry, which seemed to be taking forever, and had put all my clothes in the drier. I don't know if I was doing laundry outside or if I just happened to walk outside onto my driveway that moment but this guy came up to me and stood at the foot f the driveway. It was Jacob I. Since I hadn't seen him in ages or even really got to know him, I was very surprised to see him. He had a serious look on his face, and said, "the neighbor killed herself." He started crying gently, "She was only 15! We were all so close to her." I started feeling really sad too, but realized I didn't know who he was talking about, so I asked her name. "Amanda Bennett," he said, as more tears rolled down his eyes. I had no clue who that was, but soon I felt a few tears roll down my face as well. Whether or not I knew the girl didn't seem to matter, for she was a part of our neighborhood and it was a tradgedy. In the corner of my eye I saw some movement. I looked over by the road that takes a right, then leads down the hill to his house when I saw my old friend, and one of her friends, hiding in the bushes. This made me furious, because they were spying on us, probably because she just wanted to see how I was doing. I told Jacob, who was also annoyed by this. "Let's run away from them and see if they follow," I said. So we started heading straight down the road to the park. As we were going past all the fancy new-ish houses I looked back and saw them running to keep up, not bothering to hide anymore. I just wanted to get away from her, to never see her again, so me and Jacob started running, but my legs were so slow. When I got to the park their was this pathway/slide to enter it. By that time, I had lost Jacob. I slid down the slide and saw a bunch of people on each side trying to scare people and hanging out in tents. They were participating in this game where you had to make the perfect sandwich by taking a specific part out of 6 sandwiches and put it together to make the final sandwich, or something weird like that. I saw Jacob there, having fun, and was angry that he had ditched me. I knew my old friend was in there too. Right then all I wanted to do was to be alone and away from all those people. So I started back to my house, but then Danielle showed up and started following me. I really didn't want anyone with me, but I didn't have a choice. I accidently took the wrong direction and ended up in a different part of the park, but somehow it led me right to my old friend's house. I was going to get my laudry(now my laundry just happened to be at their house), which was in the drier on their driveway, and leave. But when I went onto their driveway, the drier was gone. It was inside the house(which I guess is a more obvious place for one!) but I really didn't want to go in there and face her parents or anyone. I did anyway, and ended up running into her. I was already distraught from the whole night and so I started crying softly again. She came up to me and said, with a sympathetic look on her face, "it's okay.. we couldn't find all the pieces to the final sandwich either." I wanted to punch her in the face.