Things to Run Away From Really Fast

★★★★☆

...or "Taking Over a Country in Five Easy Steps".

09/27/10



"Your son, your majesty, is a psychotic despot who's been running your country into the ground."

"And you have a solution?"

"Your youngest child went missing several years ago. You should inform your court that I have returned."

Johanna swings the sword furiously at her attacker. Her blonde hair, braided into a plait, sweeps through the air as she ducks his return attack. She's on the defensive, frantically blocking his sword, barely avoiding being cut. The man's face is expressionless as he forces her into a corner.

A slow clapping starts up from across the room. The attacker stills, and Johanna steps away, keeping her sword ready.

"Bravo," says the man on the other side of the room. "You've done extraordinarily well, getting this far."

"I'll kill you," she hisses back, not taking her eyes from the bodyguard, "For destroying my family."

"With that sword?" asks the prince, "I think not."

"I've fought my way through your legions," she pronounces, "Decimated them."

"Yes," says the prince, "But then, you had someone to protect, which is the purpose of your enchanted sword. Tell me, where is your brother?"

"He's dead," says Johanna, "Murdered by your men!" On the last word, a knife materializes in her other hand. She rushes the bodyguard, swipes down, slicing at his face.

Blood splatters against the wall, and Johanna clutches at her throat in surprise. She falls to the ground, aware that she's bleeding out. From the corner of her eye, she can see another man emerge from the shadows. Stupid, she thinks, should have realized he would have backup...

She's standing on a stone bridge, which spans the entirety of a mountainous valley. At the end of the bridge is a city. Blue spires reach up into the sky, and Johanna is dimly aware that she's looking at the Capitol City. This was her home, before everything. It's still peaceful. The sky is blue, and sunlight shines down, lighting up the valley and the mist with an ethereal glow. The valley is lush, full of greens and grains and enough food keep most of the kingdom from growing hungry. It's almost unbelievable, that such an awe-inspiring sight could hide such a great evil.

"I brought you back." I tell her.

Johanna turns to look at me. "Why?" Her face is blank, but I can hear the anguish in her voice.

"I don't think you understand," I say slowly, "I brought you back. Nothing you've endured has happened yet. Your family is still alive."

She's quiet for a moment, looking out over the blue lustre of the city in the distance. "What's the catch?"

I have to smile at that. "You can prevent all of this from happening," I say, "If you do exactly as I say."

plots to pacify the population with the latest crop of sweet potato, wading through water fields under the bridge

I'm standing in a stone building (opulence, splendor) at the centre of the city. I know the precise moment that it happens, because it feels like a string is being cut. And just like that, destiny has been rewritten. The prince is dead, long live the prince.

A cell phone chimes in my pocket. I answer on the third ring.

"Hello, 'Father'," I say, irony in my tone. "So, when is my coronation?"

Scare Factor: 3/10

Wait, wait. Your crown prince is an evil sociopath, so you want my dream self to rule instead? Good luck with that.

1. Establish yourself as an heir to the throne.
2. Find someone who wants the prince dead.
3. Bring them back in time.
4. Assassinate the prince.
5. How old was the king, again?