Krista's Dream Journal

Dream - Lucid

I don't quite remember the setting, but it seemed dark, like night was falling or had just fallen. I was pregnant and about to have my new baby. There were people with me, but I don't think it was anyone that I know.

I then had the baby. I was holding my new baby, which actually was my daughter now being "reborn"; she wasn't a newborn, but she wasn't quite as big and strong as she is now IWL. She had more teeth than she does now though, even a few in the back of her mouth. She was clothed in only a diaper, and I wanted to breastfeed her. I put her to my right breast, which was exposed, and she began drinking, though she only took a few sips before she didn't want anymore; she wanted a faster return and my boobs weren't cutting it. I was disappointed.

I then was no longer holding her, and my shirt, a night shirt I wear often IWL, was half-soaked in breast milk from the breast she didn't nurse from. Shoulda thought about that; I know better.


~

IWL I do want to breastfeed our next child longer; circumstances were chaotic when my daughter was born, so I only got to breastfeed for 6 weeks...wasn't even really breastfeeding, but pumping as she didn't want the breast; like in the dream, she didn't get a fast enough return.

Can't wait to get my recall back up. This is a dream I had this morning so it was easy to remember. I dream so vividly every night, all night, but my recall has slipped due to life circumstances. I'll work my way back up!

Dream - Lucid

I was going into a math class. It was the last day of the semester (not sure if it was high school or college). As I was walking in, I couldn't remember if I had gone to this class during the semester more than a few times. I was thinking about the grades she had posted for me, and there were some holes and about as many grades. Ugh what was I gonna do?

I sat down and there was a shorter, kind of stout black woman teaching the class. She was very lax and laid back. I was starting to wonder if she had even held class for half the semester. She handed out a test, our last one of the semester. It was a multiple choice test. The questions had little to no math relevancy. I don't remember them specifically right now, but the first one had some numbers in it, but the question was silly, and the next ones just had nothing to do with math at all. Man, this teacher must not care at all. I then "remembered" taking another test like that with her before and getting a bunch of them wrong. It didn't seem like there should really be any wrong answers since it was so silly...

I later saw the teacher somewhere outside of class. Also, something about writing two papers on two different books or pieces of writing. It was and extra credit assignment for the math class. I wasn't sure if I needed it or not, but I wasn't going to take my chances. I couldn't decide which one I wanted to choose to write on for the second one (I had already picked the first out). I'd start writing in purple sharpie, but then I'd scribble it out. I asked someone, maybe the teacher, about what I should do. She gave me some suggestions on what pieces to write about.

Then, something about Dallas and I having had a baby, a girl. Someone else was taking care of her, my mom I think. The baby then decided that she didn't want to be here anymore, and wanted to start over again from a newborn. I think she got really depressed about something. So she did that, and was an infant again. I then was wondering if Dallas and I should keep trying to have a baby since we had one already apparently. I then went to go see my daughter. I asked someone where she was and they told me that Debbie was watching her. I started to go down into this basement area that was supposed to be the break room at Kohl's, either down some stairs or a ladder. I started to see the tops and backs of these ladies' heads. They were two very gossipy ladies at Kohl's. They were sitting down on the couch watching TV. I didn't really want to interact with them, though Debbie was their friend. I went down there all the way. I saw that it looked as if some of them literally were living in the break room. Interesting. I didn't see Debbie or the baby anywhere. I then asked someone something. I then saw this pink dollhouse/cage thing that had plastic, interchangeable cribs in it. I was flipping through the different ones, watching them come up through the floor (I think I was pushing a button to change them out), when I heard R's voice. She is a lady that I work with at the bakery. She was saying "Sen and Simpy! Sen and Simpy!" (meaning Ren and Stimpy). She was talking about the themes of the cribs they were using for the baby. I kept flipping through them and didn't see any like that, though sometimes, two cribs would pop up, and then five.

Dream - Lucid

I remember nothing about my first dream, though I do know I had one.

~

I was working at the bakery, doing something with...well...baking. I "remembered" working as a decorator in training, and wondered why I was now on the baker's side. The sides were swapped from where they really are IWL. I also "remembered" seeing a girl I work with sometimes named Courtney C. taking orders on the phone; that was her sole job for the day, to stand by the phone and wait for calls.

I was then mad at Cherie' and someone else about some way they were treating cats, or some thing they watched about cats...I can't remember exactly what, but it had to do with cats. I was off by myself somewhere when David came up to me and was trying to get Cherie' and I to make up. He was working at the bakery. I believe we did make up, though reluctantly on my part.

Then, I was racing in this truck in a video game. I think it was supposed to be some Pokemon game. At any rate, I won and got a really good time. My father-in-law gave me a picture that was edited to look like I was a baby wrapped up in a blanket and he was holding me. My face was the same as it is now, though. He said something about it; he was proud of me, but I can't remember his exact words.

I then wanted to talk to Dallas, but I knew he had married Brandi, a lady I had worked with at Kohl's a while back, but they had divorced. Brandi was still in love with him. I saw them talking in a store. I wondered if he had remarried her, or if they were still divorced. I talked to Brandi at some point. I found out from someone, Brandi I think, that they were divorced again. I was relieved because I wanted to be with him.

At some point, I looked at the picture that my father-in-law gave me again, and it was reversed; he was the baby and I was holding him.

There was more to this one, but for some reason, I'm having trouble recalling much this morning.

Dream - Lucid

I was at work at the bakery. I was walking by a room where the managers were having a meeting. None of them were in their work clothes. I saw my manager there. Her back was to me and her hair was half pulled up in a short, high ponytail. I thought about how different she looked when she was back here working.

I then had to approach her about something. We were still inside, but I had to wade through this high grass that was flooded with this milky white water. The discoloration of the water was caused by chemicals that were being used on the grass for some reason. I was worried about the chemicals making me sick. I finally got to the other side. I looked down at my leg, and there was this huge bruise that took up my whole kneecap. It then started to move around on my leg. I wondered if I was seeing things, but no, it was clearly moving. I then saw this weird brown streak coming from a healing scab. Someone, a female employee, pointed it out and asked what it was. I thought it was a sign of infection in my blood, as was the moving bruise. I was afraid that it would move to my heart and kill me. I started to panic. I said
"I need to go to the hospital. Call 911. Call an ambulance!"
I then started to overflow with panic, thought about the ambulance fee, and I passed out.

I was feeling like I was buried beneath consciousness; I felt like I was out quite deep. I started to surface, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that I was at work, sitting next to my manager, Shannon, on a grey bench attached to a wall. I guess nothing was wrong with me. I looked down at my knee, and it looked better and less bruised. I looked up and asked Shannon
"What happened? Was I just panicking?"
She responded
"Yes."
She then gave me a copy of the hospital bill. It had a description of everything they did and how much it cost. For instance, the used a strong anti-anxiety of some sort to calm me down, and that cost $321. That's the only figure I remember though. It listed the life flight to a different state's hospital, which was in a jet instead of a helicopter, evaluation, and showed that I was good to go home that day because nothing was wrong with me. I felt bad because I didn't want to waste anyone's time, and I felt like I had.

I then was behind the counter, and I was trying to call my best friend Mk. I got her voicemail. Her voice sounded like she was on the verge of tears. She said the usual, that she wasn't available, and then she started to apologize for something about some chemical company she was apparently working for. Then she went on to say leave a message. I then noticed a customer, a woman, and I quickly hung up the phone and said
"I'm so sorry! I was trying to call my friend!"
She gave me a smile and a stare, as if to say she knew and I shouldn't have been doing that.
"What can I get for you?" I asked with a smile.
She then started to walk to the other side of the case to point out what she wanted, and then I woke up.

~

I was leaving the apartment to go to work or something. Dallas was there, and it was daytime. I opened the door to leave when my cat, Belle, ran out. Ugh, I really didn't want to chase her down. I waited, trying to see where she would go. She paused, and then started to go down the stairs. She got to the bottom, and instead of a parking lot, it was a small grassy field. I finally got to her and grabbed her. I remember grabbing her tail and another part of her and pulling her to me. I picked her up to take her back inside.

Then, it was like she was a child, and asked if she could go out to this different part of the field when I got home. I told her no. I think I told her no because the spot she wanted to play in was muddy.

~

Something about work, about me clocking in late a few times for some reason, like from coming back from lunch and being late getting to work. I was worried about getting fired. The rooms I was in for a lot of this dream were dark. Something about someone calling my current manager by her real name, Sherry.

~

I was working at the bakery, and had been there for only a week. I was sitting in this very large back room at a long table. Across from me sat my old manager, Sherry. She was my manager again now. Also, my friend Courtney S. from my old job was working there now too.

I then was in another part of the back room. As I entered it, I saw racks full of perfectly iced coffee cakes and such. Courtney S. and Patti, a lady I work with currently, were both back there. I knew Courtney had done the racks of perfectly iced coffee cakes, even though she had only been there for a few days. I asked her what I needed to do. She told me that I needed to scrub the doors. I think they were doors to the ovens. I then started to do it. I also had to get on a step ladder to clean on this blue, cylindrical fan-type thing. It was caked with bread dough. It was used to cool it down, or something weird, I'm not sure. At any rate, I had to use this special tool to scrape the dough out. I didn't use it at first, but then I switched to it. It worked much better. I kept thinking about how pissed I was that I had to work under Sherry again, when she was part of the reason I quit my old job in the first place. I "remembered" speaking with the old store manager, a bigger woman resembling one of the customer service managers I work with IWL, at the same place I first saw Sherry working there, in the back at the long table a few days prior.

When I finished that chore, I asked Courtney what I needed to do next. She was telling me how to do the floor. I had to flood it. I asked if I needed to squeegie it, and Patti said yes. I remembered doing that before at a different job (IWL the only job I have done that at is the one I'm at now in the bakery). I started to do it. I saw lots of bread crumbs and such.

Then, I was sitting on my bed in my childhood room. The bed was even in the place it was when we first moved in there. Dallas was sitting on it with me, but...he was a baby. Like, he looked like he does now, the same size and everything, but he was a baby. I had to try to keep him from falling off the bed. I then had to pick him up and carry him, though I wasn't quite sure how to do it correctly. I picked him up with one hand under his butt. He was so heavy, and it felt awkward to carry him. I had to adjust my grip so I wouldn't drop him. I even commented on it, saying I wasn't sure how to do this right. I then remember seeing his hair styled in this weird, curled fashion, with it being curled in on both sides. He liked that hairstyle, but I thought it looked silly. But it was ok since he was a baby.

Dream - Lucid

I was back in time, sometime in my past, though I was still the age I am now. I was at an elementary school. I feel like I was in a group in a classroom.

Then, I was outside the school on a sunny day with this girl of about 9 or 10. She was my friend, but I knew that she would soon just stop talking to me with no explanation as to why (this happened IWL a few years ago with a guy I had become good friends with). We were wearing two-piece bathing suits, or at least I was. I was peeing into the stream of water from this garden hose, and it was turning my pee rainbow. It smelled like piss. I feel like the pissing in the hose stream had something to do with why the girl would eventually stop talking to me.

~

I was with my old friend Bret. He had gotten me this really long, white pipe that had like 4 huge bowls on it that stuck out from the sides. I had it stored away somewhere. It was full of weed in each bowl, but the weed looked like salad with chopped up tomatoes or red bell peppers in it. I saw it in the hiding place we had for it in my apartment.

I was then somewhere else, not sure where though. I want to say I was at the grocery store. I was afraid Bret was going to go smoke all the weed and not save any for me. I had heard him talking about smoking out of that pipe to someone. I was upset, because I wanted to smoke all the weed. I remember saying something to him about it at some point. I was thinking to myself also that I did not have any weed other than the weed in the giant bowls in that pipe, and I didn't know where I could get more; I always hated trying to find weed. I was anxious to get back home to protect and smoke my weed.

I was walking up the stairs to my apartment at some point. It was during the daytime.

~

I was at my old job talking to my friend Kristin who still works there. I figured out she was no longer dating David, but was together with one of my exes, Austin. Interesting.

I then saw Kristin carrying a baby. I knew it was her and David's. It was a girl, barely older than a newborn; she was quite tiny, even for being a baby. Maybe she was a premature baby. I kept looking at her, trying to see if she looked mixed, since David is black and Kristin is white, but she just looked white to me. She was wearing a light blue headband with a bow on it. I saw her looking at Kristin, and she winked. I knew that both of her parents winked, so she probably picked it up from them. The wink looked very intentional, and did not match her baby face, however; it looked so adult-like. She then looked at me and winked. Again, it didn't fit the child's face. She then winked again, this time with her other eye, and then again with another eye around where her nose would usually be. That's when I noticed that she had three eyes.

I was then with Austin and Kristin inside somewhere. I feel like it had something to do with cars. They seemed happy. I remembered Kristin telling me how happy she had been with David, how she had told me once that she was "on cloud nine" (she did say this to me IWL). I wondered what had happened in the short amount of time I had been gone. Either Kristin or Austin then had to leave, I think Austin. I said something to someone else, Cherie' maybe, about Kristin and Austin fucking.
"Of course they've fucked," she said back to me.
I wondered how much she liked his big dick.

~

Tried to do some MILD mantras last night as I was falling asleep ("I will become lucid"). Fell asleep doing them. No dice. Up quite early today for work, earlier than usual. I am glad to see last night's dreams weren't totally uninteresting. Hoping for lucidity again soon. Maybe on a morning when I can sleep in a little. Just gotta keep trying.

Dream - Lucid

I was at my old apartment, and a younger guy was living there. He looked to be about 20 or so, and had long, very curly dirty blonde hair. He was talking about how small the beds were at the apartment, and I agreed with him, telling him that I had to sleep on a pull-out couch, and Courtney C. had to scoot two beds together. I also told him that I got my own room to sleep in, while she had to sleep elsewhere in the apartment, even though she had her own room.

I then remember having to work. It was supposed to be at where I'm currently working, but I was having to greet people as they were entering this bungee jump ride. It was kind of like a video game at this point; it makes me think of Animal Crossing. Some of the people looked like they were made in that art style. Anyway, to greet them, I had to "click"on them, and they would say "Thank you!" in a little voice. It took me awhile to figure out how to greet them. Being greeted made them happy, and gave me points.

I then went back to my old apartment to sleep. I had to get up again in 4 hours to go back to work and work another 4 hours doing something else. When I walked in, the curly guy was in the living room fixing something. I thought that he was lucky that he didn't have to work a split shift. I went and took my Ambien to go to sleep, and laid down in the bed.

Then, I woke up for work again. I couldn't remember what my task that night was. I was thinking customer service, but that didn't seem right. I got there, and then remembered: I needed to go to the hospital. It was my due date for my baby. So I went there, which it just so happened to be where work was, and went into this room that had a hospital exam table, a hospital bed, a TV that had the news turned on, and 3 or so other pregnant women sitting in it. It was a kind of holding area for pregnant women who may go into labor. My mom was there with me. Apparently, I wasn't actually due for another two weeks and was having signs of early labor, so they wanted to monitor me. If I showed signs of labor, they would have to do an emergency C-section.

Then, it was just me and the pregnant women in the room. I was wondering if it would be alright for them to give me pain medicine even though I'd already had an ambien 4 hours prior. I laid down on the bed and watched the TV a little bit. I also remember seeing my reflection in something at some point, and thinking to myself that I didn't look pregnant, and I hadn't looked it when I had my daughter a few years ago either. I wondered what happened to her; my mom had adopted her, but I hadn't heard about her in awhile. I figured my mom had adopted her out to another family. I thought to myself that I should remember what happened to my daughter.

Then, I started to feel something dripping down my leg. I looked and saw a bit of blood. I then had the urge to lay down on my back and start pushing; I felt a twinge in my belly urging me to do so. So I started to lay on my back, and thought to myself
I was so glad that she shared her pain pills with me.
It sounded like I was narrating what was happening to me. I'm not sure who gave me pain pills or when, I just know it was one of the expectant mothers in the room.
I then felt the pain pills; I felt woozy and high, but no pain. The nurses rushed in and said they were going to put me under for the C-section. I said something back, but I don't remember what. They said it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't remember. They put the mask to my face to put me out, and I breathed it in a few times. I was then out like a light.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the room again, but things had calmed down. I got up out of the bed, even though I knew I probably wasn't supposed to. I was careful not to exert myself too much since I had just had a C-section. I held the area on my tummy where the stitches were. The room was empty now; I was alone in it. I wanted to know where my baby was, if it was a boy or girl, if it was even alive...

The doctor eventually came in to talk to me. They said that the baby was alive, it was a boy, but they had to amputate one of his legs.
"Was the cord wrapped around it?" I asked, thinking for sure that was what it had to be.
"No, it was because of a birth factor," said the doctor.
He then explained birth factors to me, and they run on a sliding scale back and forth, and whatever the factor is on when the birth happens determines if the baby has anything wrong with them or not. My birth factor had been high, while a low one would have also been bad. It was ideally supposed to be in the middle.

The fact that my child had a severed leg made me remember all the dreams I've had about having to get a leg or foot amputated, or about seeing people with prosthetic limbs (IWL this actually is a very common dream theme for me, though it hasn't been lately until last night). I then wondered if it was the Ambien that I had taken all throughout my pregnancy that caused this.

Anyway, I was so glad that my baby was alive, despite the leg. I knew I would love him just the same, and raise him like he did not have a defect. I walked into the nursery to see him. He was in a chamber at the very end of the room that had caution tape taped around the inside of it. Below the chamber was a bucket with two severed legs in it, although my child had only had one amputated. They almost looked like baby doll legs. There was a little blood. I wondered if that was just the holding chamber for severed legs.

I then was back in the holding area, and my husband came in. He was excited that I had had the baby! He asked if it was a boy or girl, and I said boy. His face lit up, and he got really excited. I had never seen him so excited about anything! I then told him about the leg. It seemed to slightly temper his excitement, but he was, like me, just glad the baby was ok. I imagined holding the baby, and putting him on my shoulders to play with him. I wondered if it would be different to do so because he had one leg.

I was then shopping with my mom at Kohl's for some baby supplies. I knew I needed bottles, so I went and found a package of three colored bottles that had Disney character head cut-outs at the nipple. I saw Mickey and Donald, but noticed that the third bottle was missing. I then picked up the package, and noticed that the Donald bottle had water in it. I told my mom that I had wanted to get those, but not if they had been used and were missing a bottle. I didn't see any more, either; it appeared to be the last one.

Wow, this dream was so vivid. Again, barely any sleep, but when I did sleep, holy crap. Definitely a memorable dream.

Dream - Lucid

I was at some strange trailer park with some other people. All the trailers looked the exact same and were very close together. We approached one of the trailers, and one of the guys that was with us started to climb the edge of it to get on the roof. He helped me climb up after he was up there. I remember us running and jumping to different trailers.

Then, I remember being in a room with my mom and some other people, I remember a couple of the other people being a couple and their child, a baby girl. My mom and I were sitting at a table exchanging gifts, I think they were Christmas gifts. I opened mine, and I think it was a set of tea lights and a candle holder (which also happened to be a candle). I gave my mom her gift, which was the same thing, the candles were just a different scent and color than the ones she gave me. I think they were white, and the ones that she gave me were maroon-ish.

I looked over at my mom, and she had lit the candle that was supposed to be the holder. I blew it out and told her how it worked, telling her it was like the other one. Either she or I put one of the tea lights in the bigger candle. I watched my mom, and she looked like she wasn't sure what to think of the gift. I asked her
"Do you like it?"
"Yeah.", she said. She didn't sound very convincing.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes.", she again said.

Then, I saw the couple with the baby girl. They were celebrating her 1st birthday. I talked to her, asking her how old she was. She held up one finger and said
"One!"
I was surprised that she could talk. After asking her, I felt kinda silly, since she was so young I thought she wouldn't answer. I smiled at her, and she laughed.

~

I was trying to design something to get into some fashion camp or school. Kacey was with me and had already designed hers. We had to design it using eyeshadow, and some sticker things that had words on them. The design was to be put on black shirt. I was standing at this kiosk to do he design.

We had to answer 4 questions using the designs to do so. The only one I remember is "What are some fashion tips?". I remember drawing pictures of myself, mainly focusing on my eyes. Kacey told me I needed to do something differently, but I didn't want to, so I just did it my way. I remember using a purple glue stick to glue on the sticker things with the words on them. I used them for the fashion tips. I remember gluing the word "In" on there 4 times. I used other words as well, but I can't remember what they were. I remember picking up the shirt and looking at the finished product. I was pretty satisfied with it. I hoped it was good enough to get into the school/camp.

I then remember being in a house. I had a baby, a little boy. He had just been born that day. I was holding him all wrapped up in blankets. I remember a little cap being on his head, the ones you see on newborns normally. I remember feeding him a bottle.

I then remember someone else being there, a guy, but I don't remember who it was. He was holding the baby. I think he was the father. I asked him for the baby, and he gave him to me. I noticed the baby was hungry again, and asked the guy for the bottle. Before he gave it to me, he drank most of it himself. He gave me the 1/4 full bottle, and I fed it to the baby. I thought about breast feeding, but wasn't sure if I could do it. I also thought about how I probably wouldn't sleep that night, because the baby would keep me up. He hadn't really cried much though since I had brought him home. He was a very quiet, calm baby.