Sailing the Noosphere

1. I'm in a dorm at college, playing the newest Grand Theft Auto game. Eventually I get bored and return to my own room, which is full of frat boys from my study abroad trip. They're rifling through my stuff, and understandably I ask them to leave. When they don't I start to yell, then threaten to call campus police. They do leave, but slowly, and I threaten the last one out with a baseball bat. After a bit of peace, one of them calls me, but I ignore the ring. Suddenly, I realize that I'm late to class.

2. I'm watching some sort of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure / Crossroads crossover movie. The main character, a guitar playing youngster, has a book of scales that he carries like a hymnal. He engages in a guitar duel with the Devil; as they play, the Devil's hands expand unrealistically to make jaw-dropping gaps, but the kid's hands do as well. After a bit of this, the kid breaks out a soulful ballad, saying he's "already used the Paganinni."

3. I'm in a swamp at my grad school, which is adorned with placards showing hunting spots for deer. It's a little before dusk, and I can't see any colors. As the sun sets, I realize that my feet are plagued with green tree frogs! I get out of there and call my parents, who say they've been in a concert the whole time.

4. I'm at the grad school rec center, watching some documentary about NCAA basketball. The players are described as "pistons in a well-oiled machine," not as people. Inspired by their fitness, I borrow a ball and start shooting (poorly). After a bit, a bunch of big guys gather around my court. It was reserved by them, and embarrassed I slink off to the elliptical room. My mom wanders into the room, saying she's been looking for me.

5. I'm at a concert with my brother and a random girl from college (A.H). The band is a rather classical one, with instruments of cello, recorder, and violin, but the players are dressed in odd anime-inspired costumes. After their set, one of the players jumps down and starts to mingle with us at a large table. He gives us snarky logic/math puzzles to solve, and I find I can't beat them. I'm embarrassed, but after the table has dissolved he comes up and apologizes to me. I say that I actually enjoyed the challenge.

1. I'm attending Cincinnati Opera's production of "The Magic Flute." It seems to take place in a great hall instead of the traditional auditorium, and our seats have rather bad views. However, the ambiance is very nice, a candlelit affair. Plates of food are brought out with appropriate themes for every aria, and each patron is given a book with explanatory notes to the action.

2. I'm playing in a chess tournament at the local library, and I manage to win the whole event. I get $100 from a large roll of cash as my reward; I notice that there are ticket stubs and coupons attached to the end of the roll as well. I start to browse the library, which has recently expanded its collection to include food and wine. Little samples can be "checked out" for tasting purposes. I sample a decent white wine, and as I do the old lady who organized the chess tourney asks me to complete her bridge foursome. I'm reluctant, but I eventually agree and text my mom that I'll be late to meet her.

I'm going through what I feel is the Catholic ceremony of Confirmation at my old high school, but it is nothing like the actual event. Instead, each candidate and his or her sponsor walks together to the altar, where the sponsor presents a large wooden cross to the candidate. A preparatory sacrament of communion is also performed with great importance. The line to do the ceremony snakes around and out of the chapel proper, up and down a flight of stairs. I'm behind my old high school classmate K.C., who is complaining about the wait. The line doesn't move for some time, then suddenly lurches forward. My mom and brother are in the pews watching me; I let other classmates like J.V. go ahead so I can talk with my family. I notice that my brother's head is in a microwave, which does strike me as odd. I then loop through the line, debating whether I'll get communion or not. I get my wooden cross from college professor Dr. R., then end up getting the host from my own mom and feel guilty about it. Apparently she also feels guilty, varying the usual formula with "I don't believe this is the body of Christ."

1. I forget under what circumstances it happens, but I do the nose pinch reality check and realize that I'm dreaming. I do the standard hand rub to stabilize, then see a window to the side of me. I have nothing better in mind, so I jump through it with ease and emerge on the other side into a winter scene. I start to fly and surge upwards through a cloud of snow. I realize that it's really rather cold, so I focus and summon a pair of gray wool pants. They appear in my hands with proper texture, and when I put them on they feel very soft and warm. I think about going into space, and as I look around I see a balloon ship. I fly over to it and fire up its engines, continuing to rise all the time. I try to change my clothes into a spacesuit, but I feel myself losing control...

I false awaken, and emerge into a scene where my mom and I are baking, with flour strewn everywhere. I ask nonchalantly if she was in the previous dream, and she responds that she's skilled enough to manage her own control. I talk excitedly about the concept of shared dreaming, admitting that it's probably "metaphysical bullshit."

2. I'm with some girl in a room that seems almost like a temple. Around a central altar, where we both are laying, are twelve pillars that correspond to the signs of the zodiac. She is initially very aggressive and defiant, but I calm her down and it seems like we go through a relationship in superfast motion with stages informed by zodiac signs.

3. I'm playing a game of hide and seek (using parkour to maneuver) on the Havana map of Call of Duty. My team has my brother and a couple of professional wrestlers, while my mom's team has her old friends. I eventually manage to track their last team member down and deliver the tag in a room from my own house.

1. I'm talking about traffic density with one of my brother's classmates, Sam S. We have a nice visual aid as we discuss, a projected map of Earth with different traffic patterns as different colors. There are black/white and red/blue modes that show routes of transit quite clearly. Sam gives the example of dogsled races as an unforseen variable that brings lots of traffic to untraveled areas, and illustrates this with the map. The display changes to a 3-D view, showing the swath of tree destruction caused by tourists to the races. Obviously I'm disturbed by this, so I get my family to travel to Alaska to check it out.

Transition to outside the home of one of Alaska's most prominent breeders. We talk about the science of breeding; for whatever reason my parents call heritable traits "actions." Conveniently, the breeder has a poster that's basically an illustrated Punnet square for nose shape, with each genotype's phenotype shown and discussed. My dad talks about technique, and speaks of backcrossing by "taking the best female dog and getting offspring with her son."

We continue to walk to the breeder's backyard; I feel a cool breeze quite vividly. Finally we see the breeder, who is on a deck high above us. He pays us no notice, as he's managing an owl on his shoulder with an unusually big head. He releases the bird, and as it flies down to earth it seems to grow larger. It's practically human sized as it hits the ground in the neighboring yard. This belongs to an apartment complex, and two pretty girls clad only in towels giggle (and maybe flash us) as we look up at them. I comment to myself that it must be cold up there, but the owl has my attention. I marvel at the breeder and say "I want to be the guy!" My dad smirks and says, "You probably already are." Dream ends, but that's probably the best dialogue recall I've had in a long time.

2. I'm playing a Terminator 3 arcade game. It's quite high-tech, with Kinect type technology, but it keeps glitching and showing the body recognition data instead of the game proper.

1. I place a mail order for two large grey discs of "questionable literary material." They arrive in my backyard at a bad time, as I'm playing something with my brother and my mom is on the patio talking. I keep my cool and wait until night to bring them in, but both parents are still puttering around. My dad goes outside to get a radio; I perceive him like guard from Metal Gear Solid. I make a mad dash past him with the discs under my arm, then run up the stairs, stash them under my bed and get ready to go back out. My brother then enters, dressed in a little green man alien costume.

2. I'm playing some sort of Disney/Halo crossover game. Its first level is a straightforward run and gun with an HMG, but the second is sniper mission that my dad and I can't beat. I scan a crowd of faces with my scope, but don't see the character I'm supposed to kill. I shrug and give up, and the sniper nest turns into a hotel room.

3. I'm biking at a local college, where I see my friend C.W. I invite him to have lunch with me.

1. I'm in a bar, relaxing somewhat awkwardly at a table with my frenemy H.B. and his girlfriend J.J. The interior reminds me of a bar in my old college town, but the view out the windows is that of a bustling supermarket in my hometown. H. asks for a pitcher of water as I start texting with my own girlfriend. I turn around and notice that the bar proper is taken up by a line of sorority girls, dressed in black Playboy bunny costumes for a frat party.

2. I decide to go to my old grade school, touring it in a suit, but while doing so I run into people from all levels of schooling. John M. from high school I see in the bathroom, the high school art teacher I see in the hall (interviewing for a position here), and C.W. and S.A. from college I see on the stairs as I'm leaving.

3. I stay up very late watching some football game... then go to sleep. I FA into my own bed at 9 o'clock at night, and my brother is sitting on the chair beside me playing Nintendo DS. My mom walks into the room and starts to berate me for my lateness and asks me how I expect to eat.

1. I'm on my recent girlfriend's Facebook, where I see her pictures from field school. She's shaved her head, and she's standing with an old friend from college S. T. I laugh, shut my laptop down, and head into the night. I go to a bank, where I'm trying to get a summer job. On my way in, I see the same girl, but she has a full head of hair and is wearing our green senior class shirt. She says softly to me, with a bit of worry in her eyes, "I was never here." I don't know what to say, so I pass her and enter the bank. I don't get the job, but my parents are in the bank and walk out with me. She's still there, although my parents don't seem to notice her. She affirms, "Seriously, if we somehow meet I was never here."

2. I'm at the opening game of the World Series. Joseph Stalin is opening the ceremonies with a rant about Russia's nuclear capabilities.

My parents and I are at the Cincinnati Museum Center taking in an exhibit on history. Multiple periods are contrasted, from ancient Assyrian engravings to the civil rights struggles in America. The exhibit proper ends with a model of a very pretty African-American girl in pearls and a cocktail dress getting lynched... then opens into a gift shop. People are sitting on benches in the shop with laptops, playing poker on Pokerstars.net. My mom comments on this as rather silly, then goes to discuss some business about layaway.

Poker serves as a transition point to an outdoors scene, where I sit down to a large ring game of Holdem. My mom insists on joining me, and initially the other players are fine with it. However, she is slow at playing and screws up her deal of Omaha when it comes around to her. The game goes back to Holdem and I get AK in the hole. My mom goes all-in, and I look at my cards again (which have become AA, so missed reality check) and call. Other players are disgusted with me for some reason...

I false awaken into my room at home, then go downstairs. My brother and his friend are there and report also dreaming about poker. With some questioning I find that they shared my dream, varying in minor details. I freak out about this and wake up.

1. I'm dressing in my room to go to my old high school. I'm indecisive, and wind up taking clothes with me into the school bathroom. I change several times, but the bell rings when I'm in a long-sleve shirt, shorts, and gym shoes with long socks. This is an ugly combination and I have a minor panic attack as I have to go to class.

2. I'm walking the streets of a generic city with my mom. Together we enter a Jamaican-themed hotel, where a steel-drum fronted band is playing a tropical tune. My mom steals the bass and rips off a solo, then throws the bass to me. I miss, and the bass crashes to the floor. We leave and go to eat, and I am rude to her as dinner conversation continues. She reaches a breaking point and tells me tearfully that she's hidden three divorces previous to my dad and my own conception.

1. I'm sitting in my college dorm room, wasting time on my computer. On Youtube, I find a claymation music video for "Master of Puppets." Cliff Burton is playing the guitar lines on a bass harp, which I think is incredible. I watch and call some friends over, but they don't seem to get that the video is claymation! I notice that one of the professors from the research station whom I dislike greatly, Dr. McK, is hovering over one of their shoulders. I wake up and try to record this dream, but am too tired to do so (false awakening).

2. I'm browsing TV channels in a hotel room with my mom and brother. Soon I come across a black and white film that appears interesting. It's about a very attractive MILF who tries to seduce two young boys. One of them falls deeply for her, but the other retains his honor with great difficulty. During the film I have to leave to go to the bathroom, but I try to hold it too long and end up shitting down my jeans leg. Mom is embarrassed to watch the film with us but doesn't ask to change the channel.

3. I am inside a fighting video game set in Wisconsin. An evil mastermind has stolen a McGuffin and is holding the entire state hostage. To defeat him, I lead a three-person squad in hand to hand combat from a third-person perspective. An avatar of me is the head of the squad, and I hold back no punches in the fighting. One of my foes, a huge strongman, seems to wait until he's badly hurt before he starts fighting hard; he says this is the only way to be "fair." After I beat him, I find two magic blocks of wood. They seem to work like magnets that I can turn on and off, and they grant me the power of flight. I reach a huge elevation and see the mastermind's lair in a green tower at the edge of the horizon.

1. Mom and I are doing my back to school shopping at the mall. I wander off into the mall proper while she stays in the department store; when I return she has a $150 gift card to the store! We leave the store, and on the ride back she tells me how she saw a fight between a shopper and an employee. She was called to witness in a trial of the employee and got the gift card for her time. The prosecutor in the trial, however, was her former boss as a paralegal, and she expresses sorrow that she didn't continue her own legal career. When we get back home (to our old house), Dr. C from the research station is pulling out of the driveway in the station van. We wait for him to move, then I move in. As I do, however, I scrape the bottom of our new car.

2. The whole family, along with my (deceased) maternal grandma are going out to the movies. The film we see is made from a collection of short subjects. The first is set in the British Museum. In the movie, Mom and I often shop at their gift shop for ice cream and cupcakes. One day, after we buy our sweets, I'm suddenly attacked by velociraptors! I run and flail my arms wildly, still carrying my mom's credit card in one hand. Someone offscreen then throws ice cream at the raptors, which seems to pacify them. Relieved, I move to exit, but as I do I'm told that I owe over 24 pounds. Apparently waving the credit card orders food for whatever I "circle" with it. I refuse to pay, and finally it dawns on me to ask why there are dinosaurs in the museum. The film jump-cuts to a London park, where a young bird skeleton is shown stripped from escaped raptors. The short ends without resolution, cutting to a static screen where the audience is advised to use hand sanitizer. This I do, but the rest of the family looks at me rather oddly.

Soon enough, however, the second short begins. This takes place in Soviet Russia. The camera descends on a snowy provincial capital as a voiceover comments on the permanency of the ruling party. Something to the effect of if 30 members were removed from office, the party would still remain in power. The film cuts to inside the capital building, where the Russian government is in session. A senator from Kamchatka has something to say; one of his counterparts snarkily remarks how a disabled person could take the podium if they had wheels. The senator announces some sort of breakthrough, but promptly falls dead. His aide throws a white sheet over him, then pulls it off with a magician's flourish.

The senator is alive, but as the sheet is pulled further back, we notice he isn't quite right. In fact, he soon turns out to be hideous. He's a hermaphroditic freak, with breasts studding his body in odd places and an extra penis hanging off his chest. Somehow the whole family is now present in the movie and recoils at revulsion towards the sight. My grandma, a devout Catholic, starts screeching "That's heresy!" as I lose the dream.

1. I'm attending the Cincinnati Bengals training camp as T. O. For some reason I slap my thigh, and the sensation is enough to send me momentarily aware. I lose whatever lucidity I have before anything happens.

2. I am browsing a massive flea market full of books. I find an Unknown Armies monster manual for a cheap price (so much text with failed RCs), but before I can buy it my Mom approaches along with several college friends.

3. I am trapped inside a crumbling barn. As it falls around me, I manage to peel out of the twisted wreckage.

I am a girl, and have gone to visit my mom's friend V at her house. The house is rather dark, and seems to be crowded wall-to-wall with pool tables and people smoking around them. I walk around and find a secluded corner as I hold my breasts. They have recently expanded, and I'm somewhat clinically analyzing the tropes of breast expansion fiction as they do or don't apply. I seem to be moodier and hornier than usual, for example. As I do this, my breasts start expanding again. With great pleasure I start to stroke them, and soon I orgasm hard, spurting milk. I run past the pool tables to find a bathroom where I can clean myself off, and the crowd laughs scathingly.

I am walking along the expressway at the Cut-in-the-Hill near Cincinnati. A convoy of Fender guitar trucks passes to my left, each carrying a different model of Stratocaster guitar and each labeled with the make and price of its contents. One of these is called the "Super King" and is listed at $42000 dollars! Somehow I cross the lanes of traffic and open the truck, taking out the guitar. I call my mom, telling her that I'm holding a guitar worth more than all of our cars combined. Soon, however, I put the instrument back and start to walk home.

It's harder to walk up the hill instead of down it. I have to dodge cars, even jumping into a ditch in the median to avoid getting hit. A cop rolls by my ditch and takes a look at me, and I start to worry. My brother then walks out from nowhere and starts to walk with me. Soon, one of my back teeth comes loose and breaks away with a slight pain. I look at it, and am disgusted as it's completely black and cavity ridden.