Lucid-schizo-dreamer

I live in a strange habitational complex which functions a bit like a community. The houses are all ground floor only and everybody knows each other. We are attacked by some assassin, who ambushes and attacks people without ever being seen and one by one people turn up dead in the community. We try to barricade and gather in the same house together, but the construction is weird, with many windows and blind spots we can't control. I almost get sneaked upon by the killer, but I turn around on time and I escape at the very last second. I fight the killer, we chase each other, he manages to hurt me and then he escapes. But he promises to never give up until I am dead.
Then Kenshin comes along and promises to protect me. He lives with me and we have times of almost peace. But the killer taunts us regularly. We sometimes can feel his presence and his eyes on us. Then he disappears for a while. I get involved with Kenshin romantically. One day I just can't keep my feelings to myself anymore and I caress his face and his hair and I tell him that I lust for him. He feels the same and he grabs me and kisses me. We undress each other, he's got a hard on in his pants, but then we hear something suspicious and we jump up immediately. We just can never be totally at ease.
But nothing happens and life goes on. One day we go for a walk in the city and we look odd in our kimonos in the middle of a modern western city. He takes me to a restaurant that has an exterior patio that is very posh and romantic, but it is absurdly full of people. I feel uncomfortable and tell him we should leave. I keep feeling uncomfortable all the time and can't adjust to this normal life. I still feel the killer's eyes on me all the time, real or imagined.
I get to know two other ladies who live in the same situation, they are also taunted by him, never knowing when he'll attack. So they want to go underground and cook up a plan to finish him so they can be at peace.
One day I am visiting my parents at our old apartment and I can't take it anymore. The stress of normal life is consuming me. I arrange for the two ladies to come meet me. But I can't even face my parents, must leave right away in secret. So I close the door in my old bedroom and go to the balcony. I climb over the balcony and I fly away. My mom barges in, in distress, thinking I am jumping. I just want to get as far away from them as possible.
The other two ladies meet me mid air somewhere over my hometown. They can also fly like me, so we fly away until it is night. We stop at some house they use as hideout and we make it our HQ while we design our mission. I write letters to Kenshin, telling him why I must end this mission. At some point I get very sick in bed but I don't want him to know. The killer keeps eluding us and we keep cleaning up the underworld of criminals, but we never get to him. The world finds out about our vigilantism and we are even on the news, but no matter how hard we try, the guy keeps eluding us and we keep feeling his eyes on us sometimes.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At some community by the sea, maybe on vacation. I don't fit in, people of my age don't get along with me, find me weirdo.
One day while everybody is outside for some kind of town celebration, I am in a cellar, looking for something or also a bit hiding out. That's when I have a close encounter with a kind of dragon eel. I disturb its hiding place and it attacks me. I escape barely and the weird beast disappears. But nobody believes me when I tell the story.
The next day the whole town is under a dome and people talk about aliens. Eventually some turn to me asking me about my encounter with the alien eel, but there's not much I can say about it. Some days after, we wake up to find we're no longer in a glass dome under the sun, but in a rusty metallic enclosure, as if the entire town had been teleported to inside a giant warehouse or ship. By then people were freaking out and kept coming to me to ask questions I could not answer.
Some other day, we got back to see the sun and apparently were freed, but it happened that I had caught a glimpse of something, no one else had seen. I saw the moment of transition and I knew we had not been beam up back home, we had been plugged into a VR simulation. I guessed either they gassed us to put us unconscious and plugged us in individually to the simulation (like in the matrix) or they had means to telepathically plunge us into a VR world. Either way, I seemed to be the only one aware of it. No one else had picked up the transition moment or, once again, believed in me.
I notice that a new face appears among us. It's a lady I haven't seen before and I am sure she is one of the “others”, whoever “they” are. She comes to me. She confesses she is one of the aliens. She also explains she is merely using a human avatar to blend in and confirms we are in a VR simulation. She wants to help. She explains her people kidnapped us and keep us in this high-tech zoo, just as we would keep earth animals in a zoo, for entertainment and research. But she belongs to a small group of activists who understand we are intelligent and sensible beings and who defend our rights. She wants to help me by bringing me along to their assembly, to present our case and to prove that we should be set free.
I wonder how we can do that, but she explains they don't really meet physically, they do it telepathically, in a sort of shared dream environment and she can grant me access to it. Because I don't even know how they look like and everything would just look incomprehensible to me, she makes a kind of filter so that I see things through my expectations of a human like world. So when we enter this meeting place, to me it looks like an auditorium where hundreds of people gather. There's a group presiding the session and different groups seem to present petitions or motions to them. Then they seat down, but when I turn to my friend to ask what I should do, people are already getting up of their chairs. I'm confused. She tells me that since everything is shared telepathically, stuff happen instantly, as soon as a motion is presented, everybody knows what's in it and vote and decisions are made. I just could not pick it up since I don't have such developed capacities. But she says now is the time to come out and reveal myself and present my case. Which I do in a loud, chaotic way. At first they just look at me, emotionless, and many turn away, ignoring me. Others stay in place, but still showing no emotion. Don't know what else to say to convince them. In panic, I start to sing. More heads turn, their faces start to change, at last I get reactions. They are a species who does not know much emotion, they are rational, effective, but since ages they have lost their creativity and passion. They no longer have music or other arts. As I continue singing, I start conquering new adepts, intrigued by this thing that is affecting them. I start to feel that maybe we'll have a chance after all...

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


(...) Walking by a street in a poor neighboorhood. I see a girl who used to be my neighbour and I follow her. I end up inside a lady's home, not understanding how I got inside until I realize she doesn't have wall on one of the sides of her house. I excuse for my invasion and try to go back out in the street, but it seems that all houses are interconnected open spaces and there's really no street anymore. Then it gets so bad, that I have to walk over people's beds, with the people laying and sleeping on it, because in each division, there's tens of people and there's basically no floor space, just beds packed together. I realize how lucky I am to have a gigantic home compared to them. Just my bedroom is bigger than this room where some 15 people live. Then I finally find an exit, to a back alley, but I feel vertigo when I see that this back alley is just a tiny stretch of dirt before a precipice. I almost fall down. But other people use it to go from house to house, no worries. I see my old neighbour again and I follow her, to find myself in a sort of communal open space where kids play. They are so sweet and we become friends so easily. I feel warm hearted. Then I am approached by a small elephant and a blue and white bird. So cute! I play with them and we end up cuddling together, the elephant hugging me from the left and the blue bird stuck between us, with his belly up and a look of absolute happiness and delight. I feel so much love.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

(...) I'm at a hostel in an old factory brick building. There's an outbreak of some nasty disease which is killing a lot of people and we stay mostly indoors in self-quarantine, hoping for the best. But some people who get infected don't die and simply get very sick, lose their minds and become zombie-like, attacking everybody else. We keep moving to upper levels in the building, until we're barricated on the last one with access to a terrace. The food is becoming scarce. We're on the terrace trying to evaluate how are things outside. We don't see or hear anything for a long time. Maybe even the zombies are gone for good, we don't know.
That's when a van parks on the street in front and a lday comes out. She sees her and engages in conversation with us. Says she and others are looking for groups of survivors like us to join them in a place surrounded by high walls, where they want to start a community. She says there are still zombies out there, they are just weaker and more scattered, so it's ok if we get down and go with her, as long as we limit the time we stay outside. So we join the community. Groups of people keep flocking to it. They had planned a certain population, but the word seems to have passed on, and more people are still coming. This community is quite organized, there's equipment for our basic needs, we're somewhat safe inside the perimeter, with the occasional breach being quickly controlled, some people work on crafts, others cultivate food, others provide medical care. But at some point it starts collapsing due to excessive population, famine and sickness. I walk around the premise and I go check the "food area": there's only cactus and other plants we wouldn't normally eat and I can see most of it are plants that grow spontaneously but not abundantly and are also not very nutritious and will run out fast. I pass by the "medical area" and it's concerning the ammount of people who are sick and undernourished and nobody can help them, because there's no more drugs or possibility to treat them. And just by the side of this area is the morgue/cemetery and that's where things get really depressing. Due to the hopeless situation, people have decided not to bury the dead anymore, but to skin and cut the bodies and use their meat to feed the living. So this cemetery now resembles a slaughterhouse, there's even a kind of (dis)assembly line where the bodies go sequentially through the different stages: undressed, washed, skinned and chopped. I have the thought that this is very much the idea of a tibetan-buddhist charnel ground, but instead of the meat being fed to the vultures, it feeds other people. I am filled with an immense sadness. I wonder why. Is it the people dying? They've been dying for some time already. No, it's to see them dying and immediately becoming meat. It strips them from having had any meaningful existence, they become nobody, they are just heaps of flesh. People have done it to other beings for so long, now karma is doing its work.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

For a couple of months I couldn't post here due to some techical glitch, but today, finally, I managed to do so. Allelujah!

I was living at some community. I remember familiar faces, a stone house, a heavy wooden door, a basement. And then some intense lightning in the sky and everybody rushing to the outside to see it better.
From the clouds appears some kind of UFO, which turns out to be a flying blue convertible, which lands on a terrace nearby. Everybody runs to its encounter, but I stay behind at the entrance of the house. A guy from the group also doesn't join them and instead approaches me in a seductive way. I didn't know he was interested in me, but I like it. He holds me from behind, caresses me and starts undressing me. At first I'm a bit worried the others may come back and catch us. So when he asks me if I can put myself in a certain position. I hesitate. But then I cave in and we do it. It is so clear and real, that I feel everything in detail. I reach orgasm. I know by now that I am dreaming, but the effect is real and I wake up feeling the body spasms. They are so very intense that I feel the chakras below my waist vibrating with it.
The truth is, I had a strong pain in my coccyx for over more than a week, due to a fall when skating and I was considering taking an X-ray this morning. But as I felt that orgasm, I also felt I was being healed and I got up no longer feeling the damn pain.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Maybe I am pushing it too far. Just this night I woke up around 10 times, with only 1h or 1:30 of interval in between. In some of these moments I didn’t write down any dream, although I could remember I just had one. I actually can’t remember of one single moment I wasn’t dreaming. Every time I woke up I recalled a dream and as soon as I closed my eyes I resumed the dreaming, sometimes at the exact same point where I had left. Maybe I shouldn’t try so hard to recall dreams, because my mind is getting a little obsessed about it 


23:20 GMT - Sleep

Dream within a dream
Not sure what was the storyline, but have the feeling it was a dream within a dream or a dream about a dream.


1:00 GMT

A girl uses my dreams to enter some guy’s dreams
I am inside the mind of this guy, in his own living room projection, seeing his objects and absorbing his life stories through what I find. I see his picture of him on a shelf and I pick up from the table some notes written by him. He left something written about these dreams he’s been having about this mysterious girl, how strange the dreams are and how he thinks she is real. He calls her Lilith and all that he describes in his notes remind me of a few of my own dreams. I have this impression that I have some connection to this girl – I have this idea that she is like a ghost in the machine. I’m not actually her, but she uses my dreams to enter his dreams. And he is so obsessed about her.
I then can actually sense her presence in the room, just like a ghost. Through the window I see a thick darkness outside. It’s a bit creepy and I shut the blinds to feel less goosebumps.

Mystical sunset
I am in my kitchen but outside, instead of other buildings, I see through the window-door the most beautiful and remarkable sunset ever over a sea harbour. There’s a few clouds in the sky, which is radiant in orange and purple shades. I go outside to really absorb this mesmerizing beauty. At this point my mother and my boyfriend appear by my side, also amazed at this incredible scenario. I have this distinct feeling that we are in some special place in-between dreams and sharing it. But before I make a remark about this to them, I suddenly wake up. My boyfriend is deeply asleep by my side and I don’t have the courage to wake him up and ask.

2:18 GMT

Police chasing and using a long-time-no-see friend at a party as cover
I am on a train and for some reason there’s policemen on my pursuit. I get out at next stop and mingle with the crowd, but they are still after me. I meet with these two people, a girl and a boy, in the back of some building and we are discussing something when a police car stops near us and we try to run in the opposite direction just to find more police on that side to. They go back and hide in the building and I use the policemen momentary confusion to run some other direction. I pass a construction site and go through it. But I’m a beautiful woman and my passage there does not go unnoticed. The men working there start calling me so I need to get out of there as soon as possible or I’ll be found.
I cross a street, there’s a big lawn and a beautiful tall building at the end of it. I see people all dressed up and spot an old friend of mine there (J.F.). He always had a crush on me and I’m sure he would like to see me again. I am also more or less dressed up, despite the chase and all and I enter this place. We have to pay ticket, luckily not expensive, but I don’t even know what party there is. I go downstairs and it looks like a disco or bar in a basement. I sit close to him, but pretending I didn’t see him. I do something to get his attention and then he sees me and gets frozen, staring at me, unbelieving I’m there. Then I pretend I’m also surprised and we engage in conversation. I feel safe now that I have a good cover. I stick with him.


3:45 GMT

Continuation of the party
After going back to sleep I am again in that basement party and I realise it is a party organized by a student’s association. Looking for a calmer place, I enter this back room where the organizers are doing their work, carrying stuff, ensuring the availability of food and drinks, etc. There’s lots of sound material (woofers, mixing tables, etc). At the end of the party, some guy with long hair is looking for something and he goes nuts when he sees it disappeared. Apparently something pretty expensive. Then a girl from the organization is freaking out because the student’s association will have to pay it if it’s not found. [I had more notes on this dream, but wrote it over something else and it’s illegible.]

4:56 GMT

Naked seduction attempt
I am a lady in her 50’s. I am a business woman, with a busy life, single. On that exact moment I am at this place (a house? mine?) organizing something, receiving guests. There are other people around, but then it’s all over and I’m looking in all rooms if anybody was left behind and closing the doors when I find nobody. Then a guy, also in his 50’s, totally naked, jumps out of one room and is bothering me, wanting to kiss me and so on. First I feel scared, then I recognize the guy and feel simply annoyed and disturbed. Try to call him to reason, try to get him to dress something but he just says he wants to kiss me and to make love to me. I am losing my patience and then he pushes me to a bed and is on top of me and I feel incredibly disgusted to have this naked guy on me and feeling his body parts on me. Brrr... I start battling hard but then he backs up a bit. Then I realise he is not trying to rape me. We are sort of friends and he is really attracted to me and since I am cold as stone he thought he’d have to be really straight to the point to try to arouse me. I think he managed to do it just a very little bit, like a small flicker of arousal in my mind, but in general he failed and I simply felt disgust.


6:00 GMT

Portuguese tourists abroad
I am with my dad coming out of a subway station in a foreign country and outside we see this building right in front, with a glass façade and several names of companies and foundations on it. Me and my father are heading to this particular foundation but before we cross the street, two ladies approach us, one blond older and one brunette, in her 40’s. They ask us in French where is such and such street. We explain we just arrived and have no clue. They say they were looking for a certain foundation, not the same as the one we’re looking and that they thought was on this building but inside the doorman indicated some other building. We said again we would like to help but we have no clue. My father is trying to be nice to the ladies, but his French is quite sucky. He speaks Portuguese with me to ask me something or share some idea with me, when the ladies start laughing! They are also Portuguese and there we were speaking French to each other. So communication got a lot easier and my father who likes to impress the ladies was all of a sudden all kind to them. We say again we don’t know the place so we can’t help, but then they say “Yeah, but you have a map and we don’t!” Oh, so that’s what they are after! Since we won’t give them our map, because we also need it, we decide to go along with them and then come back. This way we can also meet them. Another friend of them appears from the other side of the street and then we go with them to a bus station, because the place is still far away. First I feel totally upset and try to convince my father to draw a scheme and just send them away. But we end up making this tour with them and it ends up being fun.

7:30 GMT

Alternative centre and wasps in a pool
Me and my boyfriend are visiting this town - I think it reminds me Berlin - when we find this strange alternative community centre. I go inside this complex and the first thing I see is this second-hand shop, really busy. My boyfriend was curious if that business was making any money, because he finds the clothes a bit too much weird and they say he’d be surprised. Then we see this room full of couples with little babies, doing some kind of yoga for babies. As we go deeper into this complex, we find a swimming pool. They explain is for the residents of this community and associates but that we could also go use it if we wanted to. My boyfriend jumped right in but I had other plans in my mind.
I’m planning to leave but there’s a guy on a ladder, close to the roof, screaming that he just found a wasp’s nest and that they are pissed. He advises everybody out, but there’s no time. A swarm of angry wasps come in my direction and I just have time to dive in the water, clothes and all. Then we have to keep under water, because as soon as we come to the surface they are there ready to attack. I swim for some time, back and forth, coming for a quick breath at the surface but the wasps are relentless and the guys outside the pool are not solving this problem any time soon.
I have taken vows of compassion towards all sentient beings and besides that, I am just unable to kill any animal, including wasps. But I decide I have to kill them, at least some of them, or people will start drown on the pool or getting seriously stung. I got out of the pool, grabbed something and started killing a few, the others just backed of. I felt awful for each one I killed – the vision of their bodies being crushed was incredibly detailed - but I also thought it was a lesser harm to protect other sentient beings, so I had to do it.

Dream architects
I then leave the pool and a girl offers me to go to her room in the community residential area, to change clothes. While I’m there, finished changing my clothes, I see a doll she has and I pick it up. The doll had really beautiful big blue eyes and dark hair. I find it a bit misplaced as the rest of her room is totally grown-up, no childish things, but at the same time I relate to it, because I also have this Barbie dolls in my room, for no apparent reason, just as a connection to the memories of the past. I guess the doll has some special meaning to her.
Then a strange guy enters the room, asks me not to say a word and he transforms the architecture of the room – I mean, like changing the dream architecture. Where there was a normal window looking over a backyard, he made appear a stone-brick wall with columns over a huge patio like one of an ancient palace. When she arrived she was so pissed off. She screamed to the guy, saying it was not funny, asking me why I let him do it. I decided to leave them discussing it and sneaked out, amazed at the fact that they were dream-architects.

9:30 GMT – Wake up

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Not a good night. Too hot and my sleep was awful. Hard to remember dreams.

1:06 GMT

Visiting my old neighborhood
A very sketchy dream. I was going on my way to my mom’s house (where I used to live). I remember I had a white dress and a white bag crossing over one shoulder. The bag was full but still I was trying to jam something else inside it, leaving it completely full, close to exploding.
I had to pass by the house of this guy for whom I had a crush many years ago and for some reason I didn’t want him to see me. When I arrived at the top of the slope where the house lies, instead of turning left as I should, I turned right in the direction of this place where I had my extra curricular activities after school. The place was now turned into a library or bookshop. I entered and a shelf of books caught my eye. Now I try hard to remember what they were about, but I only have this vague feeling it was something like esoteric and self-help themed. There was something interesting about this dream but I can’t remember what.

Exhibition of a woman’s head
I was visiting an exhibition. It was about this woman who offered her body to science to be studied and exhibited. This exhibition was all about her head. There were slices of her brain, all of the details of her head in different pieces. Her picture and even a life-sized model of her head. Also it was about her ideas. It was weird but I’ve been to even stranger exhibitions, so why not.

Undefined
Then I got blank. I tried to recall the dreams I had, but all I could write down was: 3 men prisoners on one room and some seduction scene.

3:45 GMT

Animal suffering
I am walking unknown streets on a suburban block of buildings. There are some backyards, with lots of garbage and abandoned lots. On some backyards I find lots of dogs chained, stressed and unhappy. I can hardly cuddle them, because a few are quite angry and threaten to bit me if I get to close. I see close to 20 dogs in this situation on several backyards and it gets to the absurd of people having pandas and some other cute fluffy animals I can’t recall, on chains on their backyards. I just think “That’s it, I have had it!” I am semi-lucid and not afraid to scream my lungs out. So I scream to whoever wants to listen that animals deserve better, that people will pay for being so stupid and ignorant and causing so much suffering to the animals. Then I make a wish that they all open their eyes to the truth and become compassionate and I walk the streets repeating a mantra out loud, to bring some blessings to these people.

Artist’s community
I’m on a building which is both cohousing and gallery for lots of art students. The house is amazing, with all of the walls and corridors full of paintings, sculptures and other art forms. So colourful. And the people living here are very entertaining.
I am sitting in a sofa in a living room on what must be the 3rd floor. There’s more people on the sofa and I am waiting for something, maybe that they take me somewhere else. Then a girl, who looks like a boy, starts flirting me. I realise she looks so much like this girl friend from my childhood, who liked me but bullied me and died with an overdose on her teens. It freaked me out so I decide to leave the place. But not soon enough I realise she is chasing me. I leave the building and enter a cafeteria just in front. She is still on me and sits on my table. I felt very uncomfortable but I decided not to make a big deal out of it and just had my coffee or so until the dream dissolved.

6:50 GMT

Surreal tunnel building
Some longer dream, but I only remember being digging a hole in the sand when I find a tunnel under the ground, where there is a canal with water flowing. For some exotic reason I enter the tunnel and feel the need to reinforce the walls of these canal, that are breaking up in some places. A turtle passes by me on the water. I build this wall and decorate it with all sorts of stuff that is lying around (garbage) – some gnome dolls, some treasure chest, some Christmas or whatever decoration, etc... It gets so kitsch. I then find a necklace with an image of the Buddha. I feel tempted to keep it for myself (I’m a Buddhist) but either because I had this underlying feeling that I’m actually dreaming or because I thought it was real and would be theft to take something that was not mine, I simply hanged it on a higher wall on a safe and clean place, as a way of showing my respect.

Wet and crying on a porch
Another one I can’t remember, but I was on a porch and it was raining a lot. I was crying and my tears were mixing up with the rain drops on my face. My clothes were getting wet. I just remember some reference to tigers, but no idea what the context was.