Lucid-schizo-dreamer

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I was having some kind of revelatory dream, something that was making me feel amazing and then I felt a strong burning and radiating pain on my left side of my stomach, as if stabbed by a knife. I woke up in agony with a pain I couldn't identify. I feared my spleen may have burst or something, but I grabbed a cold water bottle I had on my nightstand to put against my skin and it eased the pain after a couple minutes. I still don't know what happened.

I am outside my house, combing my hair after having had a shower, observing someone on the other hill. The person looks like my teacher but it is a woman. I feel sad and wish that he actually comes, then I look at the road leading to my house and I see him walking down the road followed by an Indian band playing music behind him. I smile and wait
to see what will happen. My teacher goes sit on a chair that's at the end of the path close to me without saying a word and just looks at the landscape. I ask him how did he find me and he says it was hard because my address leads nowhere. I explain my address is correct but does not yet appear on the maps. I realize the cardigan I am wearing is wide open and exposing my breasts, so I cover myself up embarassed, but he is totally unfazed. I say I knew he would find me anyway and that I had been waiting anxiously. Then we stretch our arms to hold each other's hands and as we touch hands I wake up feeling blissful.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Seeing aerial views along a road in the eastern part of Lisbon in the 90s. Seeing the start of the construction of the Expo'98 and other upgrading construction work in some the neighboring areas. I feel nostalgic and amazed and then realize I am not actually seeing this on tv but dreaming and recalling. I am amazed how my mind has stored in detail the images of the roads and landscape as they were before all the changes and modernization. I feel a wish to go back to that time when things were simpler and then tell myself "shut up, it wasn't that good and you'd miss lots of nowadays improvements", but the nostalgia was still strong.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Driving a friend to the airport. At the beginning of the road entering the airport, I spot my former odious boss with a bag on his hand, like waiting for a ride or something. He turns his head away and I do to. Some airport employees arrive on a car and get in front of my way, so I have to stop as they block my passage. They come ask him if he requires transportation to the airport and he says yes. Then some other person comes by and says they also need it. Then they ask me if I need something and where we are going. I say we're flying to Seychelles and we don't need anything, just keep driving to the airport. I am not really going to travel, but just wanted to piss off my ex-boss, who looks tired.
They leave and I can go on. A bit ahead on the road, I need to exit to my right, but suddenly there is lots of traffic blocking my exit and on top of that, my right side mirror is not adjusted correctly and I can't see the cars to my right. I complain to my friend who is on the co-pilot seat but she doesn't correct it. I take a chance and accelerate, to try to cut in front of a car I suppose is there. But I am blocked by a car in front of me who doesn't let me accelerate enough to do it. So at the last second I see I am going to hit the car on the right and I get back to my lane hitting the car in front. That makes spin in the middle of the road with traffic everywhere. For a few seconds I don't even remember pushing the breaks. I am just panicking at the thought that we are going to die for a stupid bad decision. But finally I do push the breaks and the car halts and there are no more damages. I feel so lucky. Another car stops, some nice guy who immediately checks if we are ok and even starts checking the car and fixing what he can. I go check on the driver whose car I hit and I apologize. She only has a little scratch on the back of the car, really nothing, but she is upset and doesn't say a word. Then my friend says "oh well, no more travel for me" and I say "no way, we can call a cab to take you the rest of the way", but she doesn't seem all that interested.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Picking up toys, like bikes and cars, from the side of the road, that some people threw away. But a lady tells me one of the cars I picked up is actually not tossed away, belongs to a kid who just happens to leave it outside after playing with it. I apologize and promise her to take it back as soon as possible. As we are standing at the front door of someone, a guy approaches and points to a bag on the floor with two postal packages inside, apparently just forgotten there. He asks if he can take it and we find suspicious, so we check the names of the recipient. My neighbor says she knows the person and will make sure the bag is delivered to her. The guy is insisting on taking it himself and we say no. He eventually leaves.

Meet Zilla and some other friends, they go to a snack-bar to eat something. They are regulars there. The managers are two alternative-looking girls, but the place looks very conventional. I study a poster on the wall, showing homemade biscuits with either caramel or strawberry jam and I feel like trying it. But I stay at the door, cause I am in a hurry and don't wanna sit down. Then my friends order some soups and they demand to the managers to have a free soup everyday for this group, since they are regulars and very good clients. I am interested in a free soup, so I then join them, pretending I have been part of this group of customers since ever. They know I am not, but they are really nice and offer me a soup anyway. It is very comforting.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


(...) I'm on the road with some guy. He is driving, we're talking. Then we see something orange scattered at even distances, over the line between adjacent lanes. But it's not plastic cones! It's monks in orange robes, meditating! My friend is puzzled and wondering what in the world that can be. I just become lucid with the absurdity and I realize what it is. They know it is safe, they are aware where we are, they chose to sit in the middle of a road because it tests their confidence in the knowing that nothing can harm them. I get it and could join them. But instead I just float around, enjoying the beauty of this awareness. I start touching everything, I touch some statues, the rough walls of buildings, the tree leaves, the hair of people passing by. Everything I touch is simply perfect and overloads my mind with joy.
After a while of this experience, I enter a not so bright zone. The night falls, there is an entrance to a non-lit park and a few homeless guys are sleeping on benches and on the ground, on both sides of the pathway. A couple of them looks at me like saying "hey babe, come here..." and I feel a chill and turn around in fear. Then I think what is the worse thing that can happen, considering it only happens whatever I allow to happen? If they rape me, I just wake up. So, I lose all fear and all I can feel is compassion. Instead of fearing a rape, I feel like offering myself to them as a gesture of my total surrender to the fearlessness. Automatically, I become naked as I walk through the pathway. They just can't believe what they are seeing. They actually are quite gentle to me.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Before falling asleep, I invoked the dakinis that watch over our sleep and dream, asking for awareness and protection against the darkness we can encounter in the dream world. Later I woke up and I saw a tiny dot of light, of the kind that I so often see during the nights, above my forehead, gently dancing like a firefly. It disappeared soon after - they never last more a few seconds visible - but the feeling of seeing them is just indescribable.
Then I fell asleep and started dreaming that I was laying in a dream version of my bed. The dakini also materialized in the dream. She looked like a moth butterfly with a humanoid body, but she wasn't pretty, was a bit more monstrous like. Anyway, she flew around my dream bed and fought away two dark clouds of energy that entered the space. Then disappeared, dragging away that darkness.
The dream continued - I don't recall a chunk of it - but then I was on a car with Riverstone down a winding road. The car starts speeding and he loses control of it. He panicks, but I take over the control of the car and tell him not to worry, because we're just dreaming. He is surprised. I insist so, but he only believes after seeing me landing the car safely after it flies out of the road and over a cliff.
I keep aware as the dream proceeds and then I am in a situation where I meet two ladies who are also freaking out with something and once again I remind them we're just dreaming. They never heard of such thing as being aware in dreams and want proof and explanations. So I provide a short intro on lucid dreaming to them and tell them I am considering making workshops on the topic and give them the names of a couple magazines and websites where I might announce the coming workshops, so that they come and meet me in person.
Now... I don't know why the hell I committed to organize such workshops to two DC's [potential other dreamers] but should I keep my promise or ignore it?

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am in Rome for a one day stop while travelling. I decide to go look for a strange place I'm not sure I have ever been or simply dreamt of. I enter a back alley and go through some L turns until I enter a dead end street and there it is: the red brick building with the tall windows on the 1st floor and the open arches on the ground floor. Sparks over my head, heavy machinery passing by on rails. I know it so well, yet I am not sure I have been here before. It's like Wonka's chocolate factory, but with no chocolate. Here it is created the structure of dreams. The entire factory is a puzzle of rooms connected to each other in no logical order of geometry. I'm welcomed here as an old visitor and taken on a tour through the new creations of the factory. Increbidle animals crawling up the walls, the colours of the rainbow, unspeakable wonders all over. I'm left alone to explore the levels. There is no end, no exit, I feel a hint of panic but I immediately put it away. I could dwell in this dream world forever.
Then I'm in a room with a broken ceiling through which I climb outside. Then a road, which I follow, but an earthquake tears it open. A car is thrown at me. I duck at a ditch, but another car is thrown at me. I duck again. It passes over my head. Then increasingly bigger machines are thrown at me, a train, a helicopter, a plane which falls from the sky. They are being thrown at me, mercilessly. I wake up.

I've been having difficulties in finding the time to post my dreams, so I have a bunch of them waiting in line. I will post recent and old ones, interspersed, or I'll never catch up with the date.


01:30 GMT

Volunteering late night
I'm in what seems to be a mall, doing some voluntary work for some people. But they are quite snobish. I even spend a lot of money in a coat because of them and in the end they just couldn't care less about my efforts or my dedication. It's late night and my boyfriend drives us home through some roads we don't know and he feels lost, but I follow my intuition and we're on the right track.
[in RL we'd just been doing that: on a mall, getting food for the homeless people and then got back through a new road but our intuition guided us right home. No snobs involved, though.]

05:05 GMT

Guru on a librabry on a mall
Again in a mall. Shop visiting. Remember picking up some bras, but didn't buy them. There was some guy's presence - guy who had a crush on me or vice-versa, but can't recall what happened. Then I am at cash register and there's beautiful fairy dolls on the counter for only 1 EUR. I want to take one for my mother, but as I try to choose which one is cuter, the dolls inside don't match the picture outside. On one of the boxes, there's a cute fairy in red on the box's outside but inside it's military toys. I give up on that.
Then I move on to a library and remember looking at the books, but soon I spotted a staircase leading to a second floor and because I see many familiar faces, I decide to climb upstairs. On the second floor I find many buddhist practicioners sitting on cushions and some monks and lamas. They are waiting for the beginning of some teachings but I see the teacher and I don't recognize him. It is a young boy, with an indian look, more hindu-like than buddhist, but I'm curious to hear what he has to teach, so I also look for a place to sit. There are seats right in front of his trone,but they are reserved and I am sent to another room where people have to follow the teachings through a TV screen. I loose a bit of interest and I am trying to decide to stay or not, when..

Plane crash
I am instantly transported to inside an airplane. It's a big one and it's making a long trip. It's coming from Sweden, or going to Sweden or of a swedish company or at least I think so. I'm sitting on one of the seats and the airplane suddendly plunges almost vertically. I feel that rollercoaster stomach feeling very clearly as if it was real, but I think "It will be just fine." And the plane recovers for a while. Then I have a vision of a road full of ups and downs and bathed by the moonlight when the plane starts to sink again. I turn back on my seat and put my knees on the seat and grab the back of the chair with both arms. It helps reducing the feeling on the stomach, but now I'm concerned that I'm going to die, so that sensation is the least of my problems. Then I have another vision, I'm hovering above the plane and I see it crashing against some huge glass wall. Then I am floating above the earth and see the beautiful oceans, green land and fluffy clouds. Then I feel I am transported back again to inside the airplane and I can sense that the crashing on the ground is about to happen, but then I have another vision of kids playing on the street, laughing and chatting and then... I go into nothingness and in slow motion I start to wake up. I feel like I really died and this is my after-life dream.

Meditating
After a while I fell asleep again and I went back to a dream I immediately knew I had already dreamed before the plane crash, but hadn't been able to recall. So now I have an opportunity to remember it again, although it's not so interesting.
I was in my old office in Brussels and in front of me is my ex-boss who had a big crush on me and vice-versa. I look at him, knowing that I am dreaming, and trying to figure out if he is just a DC or if this is a shared dream. He looks quite real to me, but we never know for sure. I am pushed by my office colleagues to the elevator and we all descend to the -2 level. We're preparing to go somewhere but we wait for a second group (that didn't fit on the elevator with us) and which includes my boss. I wat to see him again, because a shared dream with him would be worthwile exploring. But then someone comes and says he got out on -1 level with the others and I decide it's not worth my time to go look for him.
I decide to check this floor and to think about next lucid step. I remember that my guru told me to just sit and meditate but once again the usula problem: too many people around who will distract me. Then I see a door that leads to a huge warehouse-type of place and there's people there too, but I spot a kind of pedestal and I fly to sit on top of it. I'm sure nobody will disturb me up there. I cross my legs, I can distinctively see the floor and my legs and the veins in my legs. I feel confortable and because I totally focus my eyes on the floor, all the rest of the dream scenario fades around me. I forgot the vizualisations I was supposed to do, but I just breathe in and out without loosing focus and feel happy that it is working. Then I experience total loss of weight, I feel floating myself in space and then I get a sensation that I am plunging backwards with my head into a black-hole. I don't allow it to scare me. It actually feels very blissful. I let myself go with this falling sensation and then I feel sort of vibrations in my temples, then forehead and then eyes. In the end it feels more like someone is tapping on my head, but I stay relaxed. Then I feel I am close to wake, because I can hear the street noise, the kids going to school, car engines strating, etc. But I hold on and then I wake up to realise I'm still in a dream. I'm back in the warehouse but now there's a mirror in front of me. I look at it and I don't know now what to do. Should have went back to meditation but instead I plunged in the mirror and went to the black void again. More vibrations, more falling sensation. Almost waking up, hearing the street noises again and then waking up again in a dream. This happened maybe 3 or 4 times through different ways and led me to think I was again in a loop not managing to wake up - but this time I didn't really want to anyway.
Last time I wake up in front of the mirror, I am dressed in a green barely covering the skin, outfit, with a kind of corselet with ties across my chest and stomach with lots of skin showing and hot pants. I felt hot. I wanted to see my boobies. I opened the corselet but was disappointed to see that my boobies were actually smaller than in RL. Oh well... I could try to make them bigger, but what was the point. I am still admiring my dream body so I get all naked. Then some guy comes and says they need to close the warehouse so I need to go away - nevermind he has a hot naked girl in front of him. So I flew away to the exit and now my lucidity was dropping fast. Just remember entering a bar where lots of guys were having a drink but none of them seemed to care about the hot naked lady who just came in. I didn't know anymore what was the point of this dream, so I gave up and woke up.

08:00 GMT

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING


23:30 GMT – Sleep

Chase
Me and 3 others are trying to escape this group of men who want to kill us. We’re on shallow waters (ocean shoreline, I think), it’s foggy and they are on the beach trying to spot us. They see us as we are getting close to a boat anchored there. They start shooting as we get inside the boat, but they are fast and before we manage to turn the boat engine on, they also get to the boat. We hide and decide to split up and go in different directions. We later gather on land and follow a road with a stone wall by our right side. From the top of this wall fall amazing huge hanging plants with red flower bunches and for moments I forget about the danger I was running from and just feel captivated by the alien beauty of this place.

Strange pet
I am carrying a cute pet that is making a lot of noise. He is so tiny and gets lost inside my clothes. I have to undress my pants very gently, trying not to squeeze or squash him. I find him in there, he is a bit wet, I dry him up, I cuddle him, he looks like a fury ping-pong ball.

2:30 GMT

Nothing... [total frustration]

7:00 GMT – wake up