Lucid-schizo-dreamer

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Attending some teachings, some place up in the mountains with an amphitheatre. Some old students and western lamas are conspiring to betray my teacher. They are exposed and they are sent away. Joakim was not among them, but he concerns me a lot. I know that he is no longer a buddhist, has some new non recommended friends for company, so I suspect he is around only to cause harm. I stay close and keep an eye on him.

New series on TV with Keanu Reeves. He plays a lawyer with a split personality. He sometimes dresses up to match the personalities, but it is highly disturbing. One of them is a dog and he wears a dog costume and walks on four legs and looks weirdly like a real dog from the uncanny valley. Some other of his personalities are of black guys and he paints himself in black face. The makeup is so perfect that all we see is really a black guy, but we know who's underneath and I am shocked that he is actually doing this on a show in 2022. Then an episode in which he is the dog becomes a real life experience for me and I meet dog Keanu on the street. Although I know there is a person in there, I pretend I don't know and I pet him and talk to him as if he is a lost pet. He never says a word and then he runs across the street away from me and enters a bulding. I go after him. I walk through a long twisted corridor and I see many families gathered in rooms, mourning their loved ones, or just visiting them and realize it is some kind of hospice. Dog Keanu disappears at the end of the corridor and I get lost inside the last room, only to find my mother and my aunt Ludovina laying down in beds. At first I think they are restrained because my mom has an eye mask and for a while it seemed like she had a mouth gag. Turns out she is just taking a nap and she wakes up and moves freely. She explains that my uncle Francisco managed to get some legal document saying they both are insane and needed to be committed so the hospital complied. But she says that the situation is being solved right now and she is just resting before she leaves this place. Then my dad and aunt Lisa arrive and they say they just challenged the decision and are awaiting their release. Then both my uncles come by to confront them and for some reason I have a really big heavy pan on my hands and I threathen to smash it against their f-ing heads if they come any closer. They actually get really scared and go to a corner at the back of the room. Their kids also come, namely João, Sara and André and they are shocked with my behaviour but I also feel that they understand it. I hear my uncles talking in the background with other people, arguing they need the family money because sometimes their kids go hungry. I feel sad for my cousins, but it's their parents fault and not my mother's. I wanna reach out to them, but every one is staying quiet in their places so I decided to do the same as we wait for the legal fight to unravel.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With my mom doing tourism somewhere exotic. We just had some snacks at a cafeteria in what seems like a bazar. Then I am drawn to this sort of temple and realize there is a buddhist event inside and I spot my teacher in there. He is coming down from the stage and giving his place to some other lama. Me and mom are at some lateral door when my teacher walks down an isle, perpendicular to us and I think he sees me by the corner of his eyes. I fold my hands on my chest. I notice I am wearing a long white embroidered dress. Then I leave with my mom, trying to figure out where my teacher is going, but I am nt walking anymore, instead I am levitating above my mom as she walks below.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Attending my guru's teachings in some resort somewhere. The architecture of the place kinda reminds me parts of Greece or Turkey, with white buildings in rammed earth. I am taken to my dorm, which is a really bizarre very narrow room with shelves sticking out of the wall that are supposed to be sort of bunk beds, but with no stairs to climb up and no guard rails to prevent falling during sleep. Besides that, they are really high up, some are like 2 or 3 meters high and I wonder how people get up there, or how they come down if they need to pee at night. The only way is using someone else's bed as steps to go up and down.
I then go back out to check the registration table for the event and it is a bit chaotic with people arriving and making a lot of noise. I spot my teacher arriving. I look absolutely exhausted and don't want him to see my face so I kind pull my hair to cover my face. I think he spots me anyway and he looks puzzled with my hairdo. I look like a mix of a sexy mysterious gal and a crazy lunatic lady.
I return to my dorm to refresh and change clothing, so I take my travel bag to the bathroom with me. As I prepare to shower, I retrieve my hygiene products from my bag, but I hold it in the air over the toilet, which has no lid, and the unthinkable happens: my bag is open and all my clothes fall into the toilet. For some reason they don't just stay there, the water is running a little bit, so the clothes are sucked into the pipes. In despair I try to retrieve them, and I need to get deeper and deeper into the toilet bowl until I get my last clothing item from inside the drainage pipe, my whole arm inside it. I feel disgusted and completely defeated that I have nothing to wear that didn't fell inside the toilet.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In a crowd gathered for some teachings. I see my teacher at a distance. He gets up with a book on his hand and calls my name, says it is for me. I get up and raise my hand. We walk towards each other and I feel awkward because I wanna hug him and I just can't. He says something like congratulations for winning that prize and everyone wonders what was the contest and when. I bow down with my hands folded and I receive the book while trying desperately to touch his hands briefly. We look at each other cumplicitly. After that he goes back to his seat and proceeds talking and I try to get a place closer to him better. Strangely a lot of people just get up and leave so I have lots of free space now in the front.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

My teacher and others are visiting some place, could be Germany by the looks of it, but it is warm and there is a beach nearby, so I don't know. We are all in a house. It is an apartment but bigh enough to accomodate them and all the students. The group of students is maybe 20 people. I haven't yet seen my teacher, but I accidentaly step into a room where I disturb OTR and another teacher who are talking. I make a discrete turn around and leave. Anyway they see me, but I think they are more entertained than upset.
Then I am told we should gather in a specific room as our teacher is coming. For some reason I have to get fully naked and my teacher paints me in red. I have a tear falling down my right cheek as he paints my face. I am a bit embarassed from being naked in front of the others but they also seem embarassed and looking down to avoid eye contact.
Later on, we are told to get ready as we are being taken to the beach. I go get food from a fridge, specifically 4 green pears, and then join the others on a subterranean parking lot where a big van arrives, supposedly to take us. But our teacher cuts through, followed by an entourage and I am convinced they take most of the seats. But actually the van is really big and has like 4 rows of seats and we all fit in. My teacher is on the first row and I am on the third, but he still can see me through the rear mirror, Riverstone is also sitting on the same row as I am. To my surprise, my teacher turns around and starts speaking portuguese-brazilian with Riverstone. I am confused as I had no idea he could speak PT, yet Riverstone apparently did know, because he doesn't flinch and immediately replies. I wonder if he understands original portuguese and surprisingly he also does.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

My teacher comes to PT. While meeting some of his students, during a more relaxed moment, he calls me to sit with him at a table for a private conversation. He asks me how I am and does some small talk. He grabs my hand and we show more affection than what I think others should see. He comes closer to me and puts his arms around my shoulders. Says he doesn't care what others think. But the fact is no one around seems to see or care. Nobody is looking at us. He says something like he wants to know everything and I tell him "Then, let's go out for the whole day and I'll tell you everything you need to know." He agrees. I say I just need to go home for 5 mins and will come right back. It is actually my mom's house and not mine. I take the elevator. She is at home and Riverstone is there watching TV and has a really weird haircut. He knows I was with my teacher, so he asks how it went. I give him a hug and ask "What if I move to India?" and he doesn't say a word. My mom is like "Hein?" and totally puzzled. I don't even know how to tell her. But first I must go back to my teacher.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Attending my teacher's teachings, sitting front row. There are 3 Asian ladies, including his current partner EC, attending to his needs, but there is the rumor that I might be trying to steal their position. I assure I am not. My teacher exchanges just a few quick looks with me, his eyes eager to see me, but nothing else. Later on, some lamas or monks take me for a walk and say they heard I am an humble person and want to know if that is true. I say I am not sure and think about it for a while. I reply that I am aware of who I am but yes, I am humble in the sense I am also very aware of my character flaws and I don't feel like I am better or above anyone else. They take me to a kind of room in an attic. When I am there I recognize it is the meditation room of JKCL. I kneel on the floor and touch some pretty tiles where he sat practicing, feeling emotional. I then see a journal on a table with his notes about travels and some old pics of exotic places he went. I am met by two of the ladies from before (but not EC) and they are now being kind to me. They invite me for a weekend at some really nice place, to make plans with them about something. I accept.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Attending my guru's teachings. I am sitting right in front of him, then there is some initiation in which I am given something, not sure what, Then I am alone with Ioana who teaches me a ritual dance. Then she says we were supposed to have met others again at some new place and that we are late and she runs out to ger her shoes or whatever.
I follow her outside but don't see her anymore. I find myself in a pateo in what seems like a monastery. I feel something weird. I start floating, dancing in the air, moving weirdly, end up on the ground doing sensual moves with some objects in my hands. A bell is placed on my pelvis and with each movement it rings and arouses me. I am getting horny with the dance, when all other students appears with our teacher and I feel embarrassed and stop. But Rinpoche asks some other lama what he thinks of my dance and the opinion is that I did good, considering I just got brief teachings immediately before. Then I learn that it wasn't Ioana who had taught me, but Rinpoche himself, that I had been under some spell to see a different reality and see her in his place.
Now we will continue the teaching, We all walk to inside the building. There are flags hanging and waving everywhere and graffiti with certain symbols I can't decipher on all walls.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Going to some Buddhist teachings and staying at some hotel in front of the teachings place. The buildings are New Orleans type. The hotel is just by the side of a gay bar.
By chance, or not, I am put next door to my teacher's room, who is staying at the same hotel, but I don't know it until I go hang some clothes to dry at the balcony and realize it is a common balcony and I see some attendant preparing a tray with tea for him. But I don't see him. Then it gets confusing, with people circulating through my room thinking it is an extension of his suite. Although, in fact there are connecting doors between the rooms.
I get dressed and later go join group lunch, which is in a long table where everybody eats together, some 30 people. I don't see my teacher, but there is only one vacant seat at the top and I sit, hoping it is not his place. I know the girls sitting on both sides, they tell me it is ok to sit, we chat, we have a good time. Suddenly I look up and as some people got up from their chairs or are leaning backwards and I see my teacher to the left, in the middle of the table, staring at me and I feel embarrassed. I smile but then look down, then look up at him, then look down and I repeat it a couple more times. His eyes are locked on me. Then he gets up and goes to balcony over our heads to tell some story and a couple people act the story out.
On the balcony wall appears a giant slug, yellow or orange, leaving a mucus trail and then appears a sea cucumber, also in flashy colors. Some girls are going crazy over our teacher and like famished beings they lean against the wall and stretch their arms until they reach the base of the balcony. In their rush to kiss their guru's feet, they lick the animal's slime and apparently swallow the animals. I find it gross, but then again, I also think why I find it gross. It is just my perception. Except for the poor animals, I worry that they swallowed them out needlessly. So I also reach out to look at the floor of the balcony and I see the slug and the other animal languishing on the floor and I feel relief.
Meanwhile I feel something coming out of my mouth, it's disturbing and I also feel embarrassed, because my guru is still looking at me. I start pulling a small white embroidery from my mouth and keep pulling a white thread behind it. But it's not over, then my mouth is full of beads and I collect them out one by one. My teacher is looking with admiration, so I assume it's not a bad thing.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I'm attending my guru's teachings and a sequence of odd experiences happen. At some point he plays a drum in a certain beat pattern, without explaining its importance or decoding its meaning. Then he leaves his seat and a midle-aged lady student moves in to play the drum, trying to recreate the same sound. She thinks it's ike a mantra, that we can replicate to help our meditation. But she doesn't play it right. I feel some uncomfort, like knowing she shouldn't be doing it, but it's not my business to decide that, so wat I do is correct her and guide her to play the right beats. At this point I feel my guru's eyes on the back of my head. I turn around but he isn't there. I also leave.
Then I am with my guru, but the timeline is not linear. I left with him and a group of select people who will stay with him for the next hours as he meditates and eventually doozes off in a more private place. He sits in the middle and we sit around on mattresses. We will be there supposedly for 17 hours, meditating and sleeping. At this point the lady hasn't plaid the drum yet, but then we hear the sound. The guru is a bit upset. Not only it disrupts this quiet moment we're meant to have, but this drumming sound is a sacred sound that shouldn't be plaid by just anybody. From this place here he sticks his eyes into the back of my head on that room, knowing all too well that my good heart enabled that lady to play that drum.
So he closes his eyes, but he also gets out and personally ensures this lady is punished with temporary incarceration on a cave nearby. I just know all of this because I see it all happening in my mind. As soon as he leaves the cave (and during all that time he was just sitting straight, eyes closed in front of me), I sneak out from this room, to go see the lady. i feel guilty, because I encouraged her to play and taught her the right beats, so I should be incarcerated, not her. I sneak out of the room silently, everybody is meditating eyes closed or sleeping, so I assume no one seems me going.
I find a way to communicate with the lady inside the cave and to say I'm sorry for her torment.
I can feel the presence of my guru, of course he knows I'm there, the whole time we've been in more than one place at the time and our actions seem to be all interconnected. She is me and I am him and he is me and I am her. He is smiling from afar.