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    Lucid-schizo-dreamer

    Dream Warrior and Explorer of the Dreamplane

    1. 16 Dec: Egyptian stone and lucid romance

      by , 12-20-2010 at 11:27 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG SHARED

      22:40 GMT

      Family dinner
      At my paternal grandma’s home. I was asleep but my mom arrives and I wake up with her voice. She is arguing with the rest of the family. I look through the window and I vaguely see them sitting outside around a long table. I know she's very tired, as we spoke on the mobile before and she is with very little patience. She is complaining because she had left some sweater hanging to dry and they took it away to put the table in the patio. I go across the kitchen, to get to outside, but the light is off and when I turn it on it takes a few seconds to get bright (but it turns on!!)
      My mom is just coming inside and we hug and I listen to her complaints. Then we go outside. It’s dawn. She points out to what they did: they used the sheets that were also hanging to dry, to make some kind of tent under which they prepared the table. They all think she is making a big deal out of it, but I understand her rage: they’ll do whatever they want, regardless of how that affects her hard work.
      She now reminds them how we have to be leaving the next day before 12h and how they put that at risk. I don't know exactly why, but it occurs to me that for me leaving at 12h would be too late for me and I get worried.
      I then look at my dad and an uncle who are observing and discussing how some liquid they poured on the garden last time killed the grass there. It's completely burned down.


      2:45 GMT

      At home
      At my mom’s on the balcony. I see aquaria with little turtles. I have that recurring feeling they must be starving, because I don’t feed them for weeks, maybe months. Then for a few seconds I have this other feeling I must stop this obsession (don’t get lucid, though, but have a slight impression this is just happening in my mind). I know I have no turtles anymore. Still, I decide to go to the kitchen looking for some food to give to them.
      On the kitchen I meet Riverstone and Nighthawk plus some girl friend of mine. Riverstone is standing, doing something. I sit at the head of the table. The girl is on my left and Nighthawk is on my right. They are discussing software. Then Nighthawk starts talking to me and we get very close, with legs touching under the table. He then has to leave and he puts his hand on my shoulder when he gets up. When he is gone I go to my mom’s room and there’s an anime playing on the dvd, that I forgot there since last time I visited. There are some very strong oral sex scenes with the female main character. I feel embarrassed that my mom might see it, so I try to shut it off in a hurry when I sense her on the corridor. Then I notice the bedside table has a lot of my college dossiers like if I had been studying them recently.


      5:30 GMT

      Egyptian mystery stone
      On a museum of Egyptian art. An important piece of stone with carvings is being studied, repaired and then prepared for exhibition to public. I am the leader of the team who discovered it and is working on it. An heavy wooden structure is being used to erect the stone, but it falls heavily on the floor, almost crushing me under it.
      Later there’s a press conference and three people are supposed to speak, me included, but when the museum director tells me she is counting on me I freak out. I can’t recall anything to say. I don’t have a clue about Egyptian art and culture.
      I know I'm not an expert on this. But how to explain it? I almost get lucid, but not quite.
      I tell her I’m amnesic, but she doesn’t buy it. She sends me to the library with some books and says “Read some shit about Egypt and I’m sure you’ll recover your memory and come up with something to say.” So I sit and I actually get a plan. I grabbed some cd-rom for children about ancient Egypt and I plan to say just some basics, inspired on it and give it a twist, like I’m just keeping the mystery by not going into details about the stone.
      But I’m not sure this will work out, so deep down I wish I’m saved by the bell somehow. And I do. Some guys in a tank break in through the wall of the conference room, with heavy weaponry, asking for the stone. They cause mayhem and I'm thankful for that. I escape to the outside through the hole on the wall they made.


      Rendez-vous with Nighthawk
      I am walking on some huge temple – basically a very high ceiling over an empty hallway, supported by really tall columns. There’s a small earthquake, just big enough to cause some stones to fall. I’m running away, avoiding being hit by them. I reach outside and I am in some road intersection of what looks like downtown Lisbon. I recognise this place from a previous dream and that has the power to make me lucid. I then feel so much peace. The sun is shining and golden rays bathe my skin. The stone pavement, the buildings, the people walking, the traffic lights, everything is incredibly detailed and I am absorbing each and every detail as nectar. It’s almost an erotic experience. Then I touch something and lucidity gets even more stable. Still I feel it’s not as stable as to allow me to meditate, so what’s next thing on my mind? Maybe due to my mood, I think about Nighthawk. I jump through a sewer hole on the ground to use it as a portal to his dreams (not a clever idea) and the darkness through which I fall doesn’t seem to end.
      I think maybe I’m waking up for good, but then in the dark I hear Nighthawk’s voice “Is it you [name]?”, “Yes, where are you?”. Slowly the light shines again and I’m back at the same street I was before. But now it is raining and I turn around and I see Nighthawk running across the street to meet me. We kiss passionately, soaking wet and soon we’re leaning against a car on some back alley and we make love right there. The dream flickers and he is now moving away. I see him crossing the same road again, but now going away from me. I’m not yet ready to let him go, so I go after him. I lose him in the crowd, but I turn around a corner and I see him again. I run to grab him and I kiss him again in very slow motion until I wake up.

      7:20 GMT

      Grandpa and aunt enmity
      At an apartment where supposedly my grandfather lives alone. But not entirely alone, because an aunt that we dislike, claimed ownership of part of his house and the court decided she had the right to a room, so she lives there, but cursing my grandfather all the time. I am there one day when she is gathered around a table in her room, with some friends. They are preparing some snacks and completely vilifying my grandpa. I only join them to try to share a different angle to the story. I help prepare the snacks, but when the butter is gone, I cover the bread with plastic film as if it iss some sort of spread.

      Sangha
      I’m at some place with a large group of people sitting, I think Buddhists receiving teachings and it’s interval and some people are gossiping. We see passing before us a girl that is supposedly a nun, but instead of her bald head and usual nun robes, she is now in a fantastic red strap dress with tulle skirt and a black long ponytail. They are making vile comments about her, but I remind them than judging others is much worse than her breaking of her vows.
      I then go outside for fresh air and I find two conches on the ground. I pick them up remembering how I had one as big as these, with which I could hear the ocean. I try the same with these. The first has the same ocean sound I was used to hear, but the second one is a bit more bizarre. At first also looks like the ocean, but then I realise it’s monks voices singing sacred Buddhist mantras. I take it off my ear to check if the sound doesn’t come from inside the building (some cd playing, for instance), but I confirm it really comes from the conch. That’s special, I’ll take it!


      Kids parade
      Then to my left some kids from my old school parade in costumes. It reminds me of our Carnival parades. But they look so much more awesome. Their costumes are in black vinyl and steampunk inspired while we had crappy capes made from black plastic bags to pretend we're bats.

      8:30 GMT

      Updated 12-20-2010 at 11:32 PM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid
    2. 22 Nov: Naked and robbing a temple again

      by , 11-25-2010 at 10:42 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG

      Well, the quality of my dreams changed a lot lately, but I'm cool. These things work in cycles. Now for some reason I'm having these steam-punk themed dreams and I'm kind of a Lara Croft type, stealing gadgets from secret societies and being "approached" by some really weird dark forces... Let's see where it takes me.


      03:00 GMT

      Naked in public
      I am at school or some public place surrounded by old school colleagues. Iím wearing a tiny skirt which looks more like a tiny towel wrapped around my waist. And I donít think I have any underwear. I donít feel uncomfortable though. I feel sexy. But then some of my colleagues start harassing me and itís becoming too unpleasant so I leave the place. I take an elevator and notice two male colleagues (luckily not the harassers) also took it and they are also wearing only towels around their waists. Then as the elevator doors open, weíre taken to the middle of the street and I am now certain that I just have a towel around my waist and I'm also topless! I wonder how this happened. I still feel sexy. I think other people may be way more embarrassed than me.

      Vintage shopping

      Then Iím with my mom shopping at a really cool vintage clothes shop (I guess I really needed to buy some clothes, right...), but she is complaining that all the amazing dresses we see are 75 to 100 EUR. But I tell her they also have cheap stuff, we just need to look around. We then find a corner with stuff just 5-10 EUR, but nothing looks really interesting. For some reason she adores an outfit made of a top and a tiny plaid mini-skirt, in a red and white stripped fabric. I canít even imagine myself wearing it, but she insists I must have it. I think, well, if it makes her happy, I might try it out with some red leggings.

      Stealing again from a temple
      A chase scene on a very old building which vaguely reminds me of a temple.(...) I and a few others are trying to escape our chasers and we run up and down stairs, we cross corridors and finally we lose them in this labyrinthic place. We get inside some room to catch our breath and we discover we just got into the office of whoever is the big boss around. We see a series of really cool gadgets Ė steam-punk kinda like machinery. On the desk I see what looks like an old-timer alarm-clock, but it actually indicates the perfect time, according to cosmic alignments and conjunctions, to do... whatever! The machine indicates whatever is the perfect activity to develop at certain moments in time Ė like... gardening or getting married or... rule the world, whatever! Really practical! It looks like those snow-flake globes but inside thereís a copper-coloured mechanism with pointers and gears. I grab it and put it in my pocket.
      Then we sneak out and we find a connection from this place to inside a museum. We try to cross it and get to the exit, but there are security guards looking at us suspicious Ė I guess because they didnít see us coming in. A lady guide Ė I think she is the museum curator, but she comes to us as if she is a simple guide Ė comes to ask who we are. We say weíre a group of art students. She doesnít totally swallow it so she asks us to comment some of the art works there. I use many expensive words to describe it but she then asks whose influences (from other artists) I think the artist picked up. I bullshit a bit more, saying the influences are there, pretty obvious, but so numerous it is really hard to pick one or two. Then I complete by saying the really important thing is that the artist mingled them all so perfectly and came up with something totally original, that his innovation is what bursts out more remarkedly. She makes a funny face but let us go. Actually she invites us to the next room, where there is a model of the temple Ė so it really was a temple! Ė they dug out and is still being recovered. She mentioned that only part of it was still up, the rest had to be rebuilt, or not.
      My sixth sensetells me that the alarm in my pocket is about to ring and I feel the urgent need to move but canít do anything weird or theyíll notice. I excuse myself with something and go quickly to the entrance lobby. Many kids are there making a lot of noise and I keep the alarm in my pocket, so it rings, but nobody notices its sound. Because Iím standing in the middle of the lobby with a hand in my pocket holding down something firmly, the workers at the ticket counter are now looking at me, trying to figure out what Iím doing. Luckily a giant turtle passes by and I pick it up making it look like that's exactly what I was looking for. So I take the turtle to outside.


      8:00 GMT
    3. 07 Nov: Conferences, a huge gekko and turned down by Nighthawk

      by , 11-08-2010 at 03:10 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG

      1:00 GMT

      Train station
      Outside the door of some public toilet where for some reason it is only allowed to go one person at a time, although it’s big and several people could use it at the same time. I give my turn to some lady and decide to wait until I get back home. Then I’m in a train station which doesn’t seem to be functional, but more like a museum. There are some tablets with Japanese writing on them. I’m sitting with some guy on the end of the tracks on this station very relaxed when we spot a train coming in our direction. I didn't know there were still trains coming here. But then the tracks don’t go in straight line and instead twist and turn and the train ends up going a totally different direction, so we’re cool.

      3:00 GMT

      Rejected
      I meet Nighthawk but there’s more people around, like we’re on some event with people we know. He puts his arms around my shoulders and takes me to a more isolated place and we sit on a table. He tells me that about my proposal to go out for a coffee or something, he can’t. I ask why and he doesn’t come up with a better answer than it’s a matter of money. I’m like “what da hell of excuse is that? I can pay for the damn coffee if that’s the only obstacle.” But then he keeps saying he really can’t but not coming up with any decent reason, so I tell him he is being a jerk and he doesn’t say any other word and avoids answering my questions.

      Gekko eats turtles

      I’m at my mother’s room and there’s a huge gecko near the ceiling. As long as he stays there I don’t mind, but then when I’m starting to fall asleep on the bed, the gecko comes down and walks on my pillow. I grab him, he’s huge and very strong and I don’t manage to hold him for a long time, so he eventually escapes through both my hands and hides in a wardrobe. Then I realise there’s a lady and her son also staying at my mom’s home and the lady is particularly freaking out with the huge lizard, so I promise I will catch it. As I search the wardrobe and drawers, I find three small turtles and I put them in the bathroom sink with water. Later, the lady spots the gecko going to the bathroom and I close the door, to think about what to do with the animals. Then I come back with a box to take them outside, but there’s only the gecko near the sink, two turtles disappeared and the third has no head. I also see some entrails of some of the turtle. I feel disgusted and I scream at the gecko “How could you eat the turtles!”. I was really pissed with this fella.

      Unable to meditate on water

      With a group of people, led by the Philosopher (a guy I know). He takes us all into some swimming pool. It’s a freezing cold outside but the pool is warmed up. It is also full of people but there’s an area reserved for us. I think the Philosopher is leading people into meditating inside the water, but I get totally distracted by two fat guys, one of which is dressed as a girl, like with a ballerina skirt or something. I LMAO and disturb everybody, as I watch these guys swimming around. We then go meditate sitting on chairs with snuggies on to keep us warm. Then the Philosopher goes from person to person to make sure we’re sitting quietly but also to hand us over something. He leans towards each person, but on my turn he leans and gets really close and takes a lot of time. He is clearly enjoying body heat exchange and I think that I was right about his crush on me.
      [The next day I received an email from this guy – we had only briefly spoke 3 times before - inviting me over a conference where he was speaking, about a peace in the world meditation. I went, he kissed me on the cheek and I could see he had some pleasure doing that, so... dream hunch correct.]

      Conference and pic-nic

      Then I get up, I talk to a lady sitting on a cafť table about what she’s eating, I take a few cookies she offers and I sit on another table near the window. My BF is now with me. He is distracted talking about something, but through the window I see a couple lying on a bed, that is outside just by the side of the window. The girl is obese but at the same time very cute and she is wearing sexy lingerie, in black lace. As she makes a movement to get on top of her BF, I see too much of her body and I tell my BF “Can you believe this?”. Bizarrely he hadn’t noticed them yet and when he sees the girl he’s like “No way! Have you seen her boobs? They are huge!” and then he goes outside and last thing I see is he approaching her, on the bed with her BF, and touching her boobs. The girl freaks out and runs away, but he chases her and I’m shocked. I go after them and get a hold of my BF and tell the girl I’m very sorry for this and we leave.
      Then I remember we should be going to some conference. I can now clearly see we’re on school grounds and there’s a main building (it’s number 13) where this should be taking place. We pass other buildings and a sportsfield and finally we get to the building. There’s three main amphitheatres side by side with different speakers and we can go through a hallway and choose which one we prefer. We stay for a while on the one in the middle, some American guy which was an astronaut or space engineer or something like that. He is playing a film in background and telling his story and then he says something that everybody laughs about. Because there are no seats available, I stand by the door that leads to the next amphitheatre and someone there asks me why re people laughing so amused in there. I say it was some kind of joke but I didn’t really get it. Then I see on this other room they are also having a good time. No laughing, but people are sitting on the floor, instead of chairs and there’s “islands” of baskets with food and drink for the participants and people are pic-nicking. [Clearly I have an issue with hunger in dreams] I join one of the “islands”, I fill a glass with cranberry juice and then I look for something that I wish to eat, without meat. I see what seems to be vegetables “tempura” but some guy tells me it has sausage. I don’t think so, so I try but he keeps insisting. I conclude he is wrong and eat one. Then my BF also decided to join us and I give “tempura” to him to. The guy keeps insisting it has sausage in it but I assure him it’s not the case, so I end the dream enjoying my improvised meal.

      8:10 GMT

      Updated 11-08-2010 at 03:17 PM by 34880

      Categories
      non-lucid
    4. 29 Oct: End of the world, museums and art and a geeky teen all over me

      by , 11-04-2010 at 07:24 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG

      21:30 GMT – sleep

      Visions of the end of the world
      I’m again in Japan hanging with some friends and having fun: shopping, invading other people’s homes, etc. Then we notice a big commotion outside and we go check it out. There are red and pink northern lights on the sky and it’s quite a show. I remember I’ve been dreaming a lot about this and I know it means a strong solar flare has hit the atmosphere. “No, not now! I’m supposed to catch a flight later today!”. The day is the 16th but I can’t recall of which month. But what does it matter? I then see like telepathically what is going on on my home town. A huge boat, like the Titanic, is falling from the sky which is looking bizarre, in pink and red swirling clouds and electric storms. Then airplanes also start to fall. None hits my mom’s house but then a violent wind, like a shockwave from a nuclear bomb wipes out what’s left. I then see this repeating in many other places on earth, including the place where I am on that exact moment – some kind of marina. When the visions ends, I’m back to the place I was before and all seems well. Even the northern lights have faded away. Did I just imagine everything or we were given a second chance?

      Framed at the airport
      On my return home, I am leaving the hotel and it must be a 5 star one, because some guys are carrying the bags for me. But one of them is very annoyed, because my friends who just left, were not very civilized and he thinks I don’t deserve being at this hotel. At the airport I don’t pass the security check and I have to leave some objects behind. Then I notice I’m being closely watched and followed. When making time for my flight I am going up some stairs on the emergency staircase which is a bit deserted, when I hear a shot, then on the upper floor I see a body lying down and a gun on the floor. Security appears instantly, they look at me and I feel I just have been set up.


      1:25 GMT

      Visiting a museum
      On a foreign city on a mountainous area. Looks Italian and has really beautiful limestone buildings, canals and a view to majestic mountains around. I am walking through a path for tourists which is a bit challenging, along the main canal, but with some obstacles, like hills or abandoned buildings where we have to climb a bit. The sun is setting and I’m still in the beginning of the path, so I decide to go back and return next day to finish it. Then meet a group who is going to meet another person at a museum and they invite me to join. The museum is bizarre, because if you go to the right you enter a spa and if you turn left you visit the exhibitions. Some of them decide to go to the spa instead and they have to buy weird white shirts they need to wear to enter the spa. Usually on spas they give you a robe, but this is more stylish, artistic... Only me and another guy end up visiting the exhibition and I see nautical stuff, globes and maps and my attention is caught at a huge poster on the wall, explaining the light diffraction and there’s an object diffracting the light equally in all directions and making a perfectly beautiful wind rose compass of light.

      Bizarre under water backyards
      When I decide going back to hotel the guy offers me a ride and he has to park a bit far and then we have to cross on foot some backyards area with nice vegetable gardens tended by the old folks of the oldest part of the town. Then something bizarre happens. Above us in the sky are some translucent pinkish plants and the whole sky above looks strange, as if we were inside a pond with water lilies above us and were seeing the light crossing the water and the leafs and flowers of the lilies. I turn to the guy and ask how is this possible. I almost grasp the answer but it slips and decide to just enjoy the weirdness.

      Meditating among turtles
      Then I enter some humble guesthouse, which has a view over the vegetable gardens below. I guess it’s where I am staying. I go to the bathroom and notice there isn’t much privacy, because the tiny window has no curtains and is facing the neighbour’s window. Then I go to the balcony and find a small aquarium with turtles inside and three more turtles roaming on the floor. I notice other neighbours around also have turtles in aquariums on their balconies. Because the turtles on the floor seem in need of water, I fill the balcony floor with water. Then I go to the kitchen and from there to the corridor, when I see my mom entering through the door. Because that’s totally unexpected in this context, I finally get lucid. I think she is just a DC so I ignore her but she is talking and talking, so I lean her against the wall and say “I don’t care, you’re just a DC!”. She first looks offended, then she gets mad and finally she disappears. Then I recall what my guru told me to do during the day, and I visualize the Buddha, preparing to sit and meditate. There’s a gap in my memory, but I remember clarity and light for an indefinite period of time. Then I’m interrupted by the same DC as before. I look at her thinking “really?” and so she transforms into a younger girl and her attitude also changes. She starts crying, saying I have no right to eliminate her. She says she wants to live and that I must let her exist. She looks so sad that I feel compassion for her. I realise she is just the product of my mind, but I also feel genuine sadness for her ephemeral existence, so I hug her and also shed some tears for her. Big mistake! She gains strength and soon some big Italian guy (her boyfriend) and a small kid are also coming through the door. I lose lucidity and wake up.

      5:00 GMT

      Eating cookies at art gallery
      Doing more tourism. I see what seems to be a public toilet and go inside. There were two doors, for men and women but inside it’s a common space, actually a lobby with staircases going up and down and there’s a toilet just there, in the middle of this lobby. I realise it’s some kind of artistic joke and guess this is some museum or art gallery. I go upstairs and realise the art gallery spreads through several floors. Lots of nice paintings of different artists on each floor. In the centre of the building there’s a wooden staircase and an old elevator and the galleries go around this central space. I think it’s opening night, because they are serving cookies to the visitors. I am quite hungry so I take quite a lot of cookies from all plates I see. I am fascinated by an artist who paints in earth and green tones, plants and vegetables over abstract background. She uses juicy extracts of the plants or vegetables which are the theme, mixed with the paints. The information with the percentage of plant extracts mixed with the paint are on the labels by the side of the paintings. Quite original.
      But then they start gathering people to watch some film or listen to some lecture on a room and I decide it’s time to go, cause I’m not in the mood for that.
      I go to the elevator and see my reflection on the metal doors. I look like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I fill my pockets with Belgian butter cookies which are on a plate on a table by the side of the elevator.


      Geeky teen trying to get lucky
      On the street I arrive at a huge square with an enormous imposing building from a famous architect from this city. It’s an old building but quite visionary for it’s time. It reminds me Gaudi’s architecture, because main faÁade structures is in stone and iron with huge glass walls allowing to see to the interior and then a huge tower structure rises from its interior - its legs are human legs but its top, which rises above the building’s rooftop, is just like the Eifel Tower. Wow, that’s dauntless!
      A geeky teen approaches me and offers to take me a picture in front of it. I agree and offer to take a picture of him in return. He then didn’t let me go. He was quite chatty and I let him come along in my walks. He tells me everything about his life, including that he broke up with his first girlfriend just before summer break and would like to get an older girl to gain experience. I think he is joking and didn’t take him seriously but as time goes by I notice he really thinks he can get something from me. I’m having fun having a younger fan stalking me around while I visit the city, but I tell him he chose the wrong older girl, because he wasn’t going to get anything from me. He then starts trying to kiss me whenever I’m distracted. I’m amused with his attempts. One day I allowed me to kiss me in the face innocently just for the picture so he could tell his friends he had gotten lucky with me. But he moved on quickly to suck on my neck and hugging me tightly. As I try to get rid of his arms around me, he rubs against me, I feel his erection and I think he came. I feel embarrassed, so I get up and say it’s time to go. I cross a road and he is still after me. We continue talking although I’m more distant now. We then pass by some door and he says it’s his music school and he needs to go inside to check something about the schedule of his classes. I wait outside and then notice the next door is a designer’s shop. I go inside and she has amazing boots and shoes in recycled and natural materials, bags and so on, all totally original and so cheap – boots 9 EUR, no way! I really wanted to buy this stuff and then had the slight feeling maybe i was dreaming...
      Then I woke up.

      7:30 GMT – wake up

      Updated 11-04-2010 at 07:26 PM by 34880

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid
    5. 25 Oct: Humanitarian, artisans and discussing parenthood

      by , 11-03-2010 at 02:51 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG

      23:00 GMT Ė sleep

      Humanitarian work
      On a remote place, I feel it might be Sikkim, doing humanitarian work, saving children. But I canít say to anyone what it is my work.
      I cross a suspended bridge and take some pictures of it but I have to be careful, because the power is in the hands of some military group and they might confiscate my camera if they see me using it.
      Then I am with my family back home and they are asking me when I go back on my next mission.


      Weirdness just goes weirder
      On a cinema entrance, thereís a challenge going on with a really good prize. I have to untangle some yarn ball which is suspended in a high place without breaking some rules. Because levitating is not included in the rules, thatís exactly what I do, so I reach the yarn ball easily. Then I find some vine plants have grown around it and I also see a huge beetle. I wait for it to move away before untangling the yarn, but then the beetle transforms into a turtle that falls over my head. I just grab it as it falls and then return to the ground. Then Iím looking for a place to put it and see a fridge. Open it and on different shelves there are other turtles in the vegetable drawers. I find it bizarre, but I put this turtle on an empty drawer to.

      5:10 GMT

      Artisans fair
      I arrive early morning to some artisan fair on the fish market by the Lisbon port. For some reason I am hopeful that Nighthawk might appear but he doesnít show up. Itís so early the artisans are still preparing their booths. One of them is my friend TS. She recently separated from the father of her children but sheís already with some other guy. She introduces me to him, he looks handsome and she looks happy. Her older daughter is also there and seems to get along with him.
      Later they invite to join the lunch of the artists and I accept. Weíre all sitting around a big improvised table and I ask if they have something vegetarian, because whatís on the table has meat. The organizer of the event says yes, thereís something but makes a condescend smirk. Then someone brings a large bowl of rice and a huge pot with a kind of soup with red and white beans and a lot of vegetables Ė like carrots, and zucchinis Ė with their peel and still in one piece. First I feel disrespected, because it looks like food for the horses, but I eat it and actually it tastes good, so I donít complain anymore.


      New house and discussion on having kids
      Me and my boyfriend are looking for a cheaper house to live in and we find one in an old neighbourhood which is a bit old, but has 3 floors. The problems are the stairs are quite hard to climb and impossible to carry furniture through and I donít like the landlady. Also, the neighbours seem noisy. I tell the lady I will discuss it with my boyfriend.
      Then I meet my dad at another bigger house he found. Itís newer and also more expensive, but he is so excited about this one he already has the papers to sign on his hands. I want to trust his judgement, but I go around to take a look and find out itís just in front of a busy street with a market just in front and I predict it can get quite noisy. But in general I also like it. Then my father starts saying that because this oneís bigger, I would have space for a baby. I remind him a baby itís not in my plans. But I know this is important to him so I say, itís not 100% excluded, just not in the near future. He insists, saying that now is the right time, later might be too late, biologically speaking. Then I also remind him that me and my boyfriend donít want to have-have a baby, we still would prefer adoption. Then he goes ballistic. I know he hates the idea. He says an adopted kid will never really be ours and I say I would treat any adopted kid as my own. He says we would be investing on a child you never know what will turn out to be and I ask him if he really believes I would turn my back to my child, adopted or not, based on he/she not being what I expected Ė does any kid ever become what we expected? He canít discuss it rationally so he just goes to the other side of the house, infuriated. My mom also appeared and watched this discussion. She supports me and says he has to accept whatever our decisions is because it is our life.


      7:30 GMT Ė wake up