Vesterguard

05/07/2015

non-lucid - Notes - lucid

“Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

I am sat in a meeting with my new work-group, or rather I am sat with them and I am suspecting we have a meeting sometime shortly. It is at the beginning of the day and I am just hovering around really, I have other places I need to be in connection with my other project – which concerns youth and alcohol use (which is an actual IRL project I am working on) . However I have a feeling that I need to stick around for a bit as if I am expected to stay there.

Eventually the leader of the project comes around, she is a darkish haired short woman, who is pretty and American or English I believe. I tell her that I am excited to be connected with the project (though I frequently experience a sense of weirdness for participating in a project for constructing a nuclear power plant, which is never really fully conscious and I don't verbalise it) . She smiles at me and asks if I know how to handle Sheila (a IRL colleague of mine, who is apparently also on this project) . At this point we are walking outside the office in a courtyard of grey concrete in the early hours of the day, there is a lot of columns around forming small walkways – it reminds me of the style of construction associated with my old primary school. As she is asking about Sheila we sort of move into the office, without really moving, but rather being moved, or the building starts encompassing us.

Inside I see Maria has appeared (an old colleague from my time in England) who is also on the project. She is saying that she is excited to be on a project where “patriarchalism” (the meaning is feminism/social constructionism in the dream) is employed and that she sees that rarely. I replay “oh really? - I haven't been on anything else but these approaches, maybe it is because people preparing to become clinicians never really take this road?” She concurs a bit and throw me a smile, showing a lot of gingiva and then looks away towards either Caidee or the project leader.

While she does this I get a lot of spreadsheets appearing in front of my eyes. They are interview questions and are getting closed down one by one. The first being closed is the most recent and contains a lot of questions and the more that gets closed down the more questions disappear. I can't really see the questions, but there is a picture of a black female student in the top right hand corner and I see her name is Caidee. I instantaneously know that she is a student helper and she has been involved with constructing the interview guide from the start.

When these spreadsheets are all closed down we are starting to sit down by the table. I am getting anxious at this point because I think we are getting ready for the meeting and I thought the meeting wouldn't be till this afternoon. I take off my trousers under the table and look down at my blueish boxer shorts. I am briefly aware of the embarrassing nature of showing legs and start looking for my sweat pants – I don't know if I ever find them, but I start wearing them regardless – I then look under the table and see my red shorts lying under there. I am surprised as I don't remember wearing these, but I pick them up nonetheless and stand up and look at the table. I see now that Sheila has appeared so I go and sit next to her. I don't know if I will be able to persuade her in anyway or get to know her position in the project as the leader has told me about – in fact I am not even sure what I am supposed to do, but I sit down anyway.

I ask about whether we have a meeting already now and I am told that we do indeed and that it is a weekly thing as well. I mull this over a bit until from behind me Christina appears (Old school/class mate) and tell me that she has received the keys from Saab and that they will be here with my car shortly. It surprise me a little seeing as I am not yet in a financially stable position and I don't know why I have already bought a car, but I think little else of it as it was part of the plan. So I grab the keys, which is a massive bundle, with a couple of car keys and 8-10 other keys and I wonder why there are so many.

I start walking down the hallway towards the entrance and Bjarne (Old friend from childhood/adolescence) and Rasmus (Old school/class mate) appear along the way and talk to me, I can't recall exactly what they say, but it seems taunting or mocking. I get to the end of the hall and enter the lift I notice the button (yes there is only one and that isn't weird! ) is slightly broken, but I press it anyway and I soon find myself outside in the school car park, that is vast and fenced in with wire mesh – and seems more like a car park belonging to a large shopping centre than a school and there is a lot of traffic.

I stand around looking at the cars driving in. There seems to be a lot of black mega trucks or hummers and I know that this probably isn't mine. I can't remember which kind of car I bought, though when a couple of silver grey smaller station cars and smart type cars start entering I get a feeling that my car is definitely silver grey, though I am still unsure about the type, but having a feeling that it isn't one of the completely little ones. A couple of grey cars enter the car park and turn towards me and park. After this a massive black hummer truck pulls in (which I think look a bit weird, but after googling “hummer truck” this morning I found a picture that looks exactly like the one)

hummer truck Photo #06

I start getting bored so I decide to jump on the bonnet of the cars parked making a neat little run/jumping course – and I am thoroughly satisfied with the sounds and feel of pressing down the metal as I jump. I start out with just common SUVs but I eventually land on a Porsche – which for some reason is covered in a fine layer of snow – and the car following that just before the massive hummer truck as a black Lamborghini, which stops me in my tracks as it is so low that I can't possibly get up on the truck – also I am quite surprised to see 2 such expensive cars parked next to each other as Denmark isn't a cheap place to buy a car.

I move around and jump maybe 3-4 cars more before I think to myself “This is something I would do if I were dreaming”. So I look up and it all seems pretty normal, but I decide to do a reality check nonetheless. So I move my hands slightly to the sides and let myself hover above the rooftops of the cars.

Realising I am lucid I start taking to the skys, which is a habitual thought and I quickly realise that I have more important stuff to do than goof around. So I let myself drop out of flight and land on the ground again and when I do I find myself on the side walk outside the wire mesh.

I start walking up the side walk and start looking at my hands. The first basic task is my mission and I have already planned how this one is to unfold. I am somewhat excited though as I have never actually made something appear before my eyes. But I recall the visualisation of making a seed of light appear in my hand – a seed of love and light which I intend to plant in my chest and watch how it grows inside my body – while watching my hands (It is fascinating to think that within the dream world a mental visualisation appears phenomenologically similar to how it would in the waking world, as a sort of translucent image appearing in a distinct mental space – which one could easily hypothesise being occupied by running the “world simulation” that is the dream) To start out with not much is happening in my palm which is outstretched palms towards the sky. I see my fingers in a somewhat illuminated light and start focusing. Eventually I see a bright, but tiny dot of light in the middle of my palm and as I am watching it, it grows to the size of a water drop that is perfectly spherical. As I look at it it continues to grow and spikes and sparks start appearing around it leaving a distinct burning sensation in my hand as tiny specks of fire and ice are bombarding the surface of my skin.

Soon a gust of wind appears and rips the seed from my hands and I panic and jumps after it. It lands in a corner where there is some grass, but I manage to find it rather quickly. I then go all the way into the corner to avoid getting disturbed by the wind again. I take a look at the seed, my hand still being illuminated by light that reminds me of dawn. There is no pain any longer and I think of the seed representing compassion and love, as I press it into my chest. I don't feel it entering and nothing abrupt happens. I turn my focus and visual capacity towards the inside of my body and I get a view of the inside of my shoulder, but not much more, and the bright lines of light I expected aren't really there. What is worse is as I am focusing my attention like this I sense the dream world destabilising – so I start focusing outwards. At this point the dream is gone, but I am armed with patience – I have experienced this before, I maintain my focus directed outwards – although I am also aware that it would be irritating only starting half of the TotM task and not see it to fruition (literally . (In previous dreams over the years experiencing this sensation would normally have led me to feeling disappointed and accepting the disappearance of the dream. However in one of the first lucid experiences since Ayahuasca the same thing happened – the visuals faded and I was left with nothing but internal and auditory stimuli – but here I just decided to wait instead of waking up and soon after I was pulled back into the dream world, albeit in a different spot than when I left)

I get flashes of a white rugged wall, it is plastered and I reach out to touch it and I sense it with my fingertips, but only very briefly. I start sensing the light of dawn characteristic of the dream world I was just in and I feel myself pulled back in. SWEET! I am back on the side walk and I decide to not focus more on the seed, I had already thought about the fact that it might take longer to grow than within a single dream – planting compassion and love in my own heart will still be an interesting theme to watch unfold over time.

So I start walking up the side walk to find a tree. I am however conscious that I would prefer finding a tree surrounded by nature, but looking around and having no experience with teleportation or portals I think I will have to settle for one of the trees by the side of the road.

I find a tree not far away, it is a very short tree and the trunk of it is very strange in that it narrows a lot towards the top, almost needle shaped. I place my hand on the tree and it feels chilly, not cold to the touch and I can feel the texture of the bark against my fingers, very authentic. I notice a curved line heading diagonally up from bottom left to top right on a point on the trunk. There is some dark green slime around the line and I wonder if the tree is forming a mouth. The slime should look unpleasant, but it doesn't – in fact it seems rather natural. I look away and at the tree again and the line has widened, though also thinned out a bit. The point is the changes to the line isn't gradual but jolty.

I think I look at the tree a couple of times more watching the line change, but it still isn't speaking to me and as I am about to give up hope and look away I hear a deep bassy rumble emanating from the tree.

“You cannot, help me – even with your flatter and good intentions.”
Astonished I turn around and face it.
“but I can help you” it says.
“How?” I ask as respectfully as I can muster, which isn't difficult as I feel very humble even towards this young tree standing amidst the concrete.
“We trees see things humans aren't equipped to see” it continues.
“Amongst our roots we keep closed the gates of hell”
“Humans aren't prepared to see this – they would freak out – but we trees have watched this for ever.”
(I have taken some artistic liberties with the sentences, for which I don't recall all of them exactly, though they were perfectly linguistic, which excited me – though the meaning of the words is represented exactly as they should be. I felt it more important to convey the intelligence, wisdom and almost all encompassing and physical presence of the tree's intentions directed at me)

I thank the tree and wonder exactly how that is a help to me, not negating it – the message felt important to me, but I think I might not be able to fully grasp it yet. (upon awakening I got the feeling that the tree was trying to help me with one of the TotY – visiting the underworld, though I am unsure if there isn't a deeper more personal/spiritual message enclosed within as well). I take off into flight thinking I have done enough tasks for now, wanting to relax a little – after briefly considering doing the painting task, but giving up cause I don't feel like finding a painting at this point. However I then again think I might not have completed the basic seed task as I haven't seen anything grow yet – I quickly glance inside my body again, but don't really see anything – more a sort of translucent view of my shoulder again. And look outwards. The skies are tuning dark and I land on a rooftop covered with old roof platings. There is a lot of moss growing on the platings and I think it might be a good idea to conjure up more of aforementioned seeds so I start doing that.

The seeds seem more vigorous and self determined than before and start flying out of my hand spinning, when they have reached an appropriate size. I still feel the burns of the sparks and ice shards. One of the seeds actually jump up the slope of the roof and enter a crack between one of the platings under a ventilation hood.

I stop producing seeds and just look at the crack and wonder if there is enough soil and nutrients for the seed to grow. After a little while slowly a thin rolled up green leaf appears from under the crack and as I continue to observe the growth I see a sort of elongated cabbage shape take form along with branches with leaves growing out of the new little plant. It also starts forming a flower and end up looking like a mixture between an orchid and a cabbage. As I watch this unfold the dream starts fading and I wake up.

11-08-11 EIMS: I am in the office working, though I am slacking off hard and somehow I seem to have gained permission for doing so.

Tim wants me to join his team, which is like a national team, though from an objective standpoint it is more of a business team.

The deal with the team is to run the distance of the tour de France. He wants me as something like a motivational advisor or be the flag ship and actually go for the win.

He thinks I would be really good at that, but I tell him that my long distance stamina is utter crap and that I therefore wouldn't be the best.

I don't particularly want to do it, so I ask when it is starting. 4th of September he says, to which I respond I would be unavailable. I tell him before I know, but the memory of me having to start up uni again creeps up (an actual WL memory! =P).

There is sort of a skip in the dream and we are at the end of the first stage, where Thure my flatmate has come in first. We are standing in the afternoon sun by the road side right next to a red cliff mountain.

I tell either Mark or Tim that I will be betting on Thure, but they hold out for someone from my high school class, though I don't quite catch the name. Thure himself admit to maybe not being able to keep up the tempo.

I stick to my bet, more out of pride as some doubts have crossed my mind now.

09-08-11 Frags:

In a sofa with Kaiser, lying with our heads in separate ends. The sofa is far too small for us. Naomi comes by and walks through a window door, someone is with her. She tugs us in starting with me. Then Kaiser. He texts me who she is and who Gispo is, it is the guy walking in with Naomi, but otherwise I know nothing of him. The dream is very dark.
…

Running into Sine on the central train station. She has become a mother and her demeanour is very relaxed and blissful. She is walking towards an escalator and I ask if the baby carrier can handle that and she say yes. I try to initiate helping her out, but...
…

My Niece is talking and Minka is sat right next to her. She says something along the lines of “This is how I not speak” I look towards Minka and see a surprised look on her face. I then look towards Mette and without saying anything check if she herd that. She says that it was just random sounds. Then my niece repeats herself, and Mette proclaims in astonishing surprise that it is quite a feat to be talking at 6 months of age. The dream takes place by one of the larger doors in the arts class of my high school.
…

I am at a station switching trains. However I realise that all the trains from this side of the station is going towards Sweden and Germany (WTF!). So I tell my sister that all of us, we are quite a large group traveling will have to go back to Copenhagen Central station and change to go to where we are going. There is a few complaints as it is quite a large diversion from our planned route, but there is nothing to do.

I realise I have forgotten a thing or two and I quickly scan the station to see if I can find it. I find some of it which apparently is a rather long rectangular black and red casing to hold a guitar. But all my notes and white bags are missing.

I bring up my phone and call my sister and tell her that she should just continue on the train and that I will have to catch up to her later. I am going back towards the central station, but the time it has taken me to scan the station means that the train has been and left again so I will have to wait another 20 minutes.

She doesn't sound sad or surprised, but just reprimands me to pick up the missing stuff and get back home. I am a bit disappointed that she doesn't sound sad or offers to help, but hey.
…

I am at my old high school and I am running into one of the old red brick buildings on the left of the entrance. I am looking out for the changes they have made.

The changes primarily consists of adding reclining walls to the stairs section meaning that as you get closer towards the end of the flight you have almost no room to spend on the stairs. I take the first couple, but after a while of trying the last one I give up as I am too frightened.

I turn around and see Anders H sitting outside by a window with a book. I explain that it is a pretty stupid solution they have made for these stairs. He agrees. There is much more conversation but I don't remember it.

I go out into the yard and head over towards my class room, which is the old art class. I run into a girl I know and tells her the new changes are quite rubbish. She agrees and smiles at me. I then go on to boldly admitting my fear of stairs with narrow steps. She laughs a bit, but not in a mean way.

I continue towards the Art room and when I get down in the cellar where it is supposed to be I realise they have painted the hallways dark pastel green. Furthermore they have implemented quite a lot of walls to increase the number of rooms down from the one large that used to be the place.

I find Cyrille walking around apparently also looking for something. I tell him I am happy that I am coming here a day in advance, at this point the idea sort of crystallize for me that it is Thursday and that our classes have been planned so we have the entire day off. The reason I am here is to pick up some papers that I have left. (Have a strong feeling it is the same papers from the previous dream) but I know they aren't here, they are somewhere else I can't remember.

As I am walking into the room that is my new class room Cyrille mentions that there is playing going on. Which I notice and let him look through the doors first. There is a boy there playing the violin or guitar, but class isn't in session.

I don't seem to be the only one confused about the new layout as lots of people, including the teacher, are missing. I somehow know that the confusion is to blame.

I briefly speak with a girl before the dream ends.
…

I am looking at a monitor and in one of the corners of the otherwise white website there is a video. There is also a narrator proclaiming that this is the famous Stephen LaBerge documenting a lucidity experience.

The video is essentially just recordings of someone's feet. I realise that they are my feet and that I am dreaming. However I am not in my dream body completely yet and the video is almost halfway through.

I manage to turn it into full screen and enter my dream body and sit up. Prepare to get off the table I am sat on and play. But I know the video must be nearly over by know and the scenario ends. I try desperately to bring it back and manage to cling onto a very small part of it.

Namely my body posture. I can feel myself sitting up and trying to will the dream back.
…

This section might actually be a continuation of the above, but if so I will have lost my lucidity.

There is a smallish woman standing in front of me by a river. Her hair is black and she is rather good looking. She tells me she is Stephen LaBerge, but in the country she is from her name is something else something beginning with a “P”, pretty sure the letters “I” and “T” are also included.

She is taking me up a river on a slow moving boat. The sun is shining and at one point she bends her head towards the water and allow for one lock of her hair to form a half circle against the reflection of the sun in the water.

The sight reminds me of how I would imagine a portal to look like.

All of the time I have a feeling that I am waiting for the perfect time to realise I am dreaming, but that I am not quite ready yet.

14-07-11 I run into Mark, we do the standard ”well it has been quite some time etc.” so how was it at EIMS. He replies that all the old ones have gone, Johan is on the run cause he has done some shady stuff and Tim Smith has died. I tell him well at least he is doing well with his new job.

14/02/11 I am in some sort of apartment complex that is nothing like the one I live in. Although I live there. Daniel and Mick are going to join in for some wow. I telle them I will take them through some instances to boost them a bit.

…

I wake up, I realise I have slept little more than 5 minutes, I cannot understand that and I ask Thure if it is the next day or something. I am getting a bit ill. I take an apple and go back to bed.

…

I am at a bus stop, some woman is asking me to look after her kid who is not far away at the stop as well.

I find him and make sure he is within my sphere of attention. I look across the street and see Maria, Swedish Maria from EIMS, and give her a brief nod.

She nods back and looks at me in a funny way.

I start dancing down the street, in a particular way I end up spinning around impossibly leaned backwards being held up by the momentum, until the point where I have to break it off because I am headed into a tree.

This gets her attention and she is now laughing, I compliment her on her hair. Inge is walking by and apparently they are headed towards the same pub for a dinner arrangement.

I walk with them in and at this dinner arrangement turns out to be my entire family. I shake hands with a lot of them and exchange compulsory pleasantries, but I am headed for the door.

I get stuck between a huge man, called Marius who apparently is the new boyfriend of Nancy (who died recently).

I sit down, and my grandfather on my mothers side asks me if I would like to start us off, whereupon he can continue talking about “Peder-something”. I have no idea why I am there, but start off with explaining I might be difficult to hear.

I then make some linguistic fuck up, by mixing Danish and English and explain that I do that a lot, and that probably my grandfather, on my father's side could help me out with that.

Then I start speaking about the things I have learned from my other grandfather, my mom starts laughing as if she could read my mind about the joke I am about to tell. That I have learned how to drink Schnaps from him.

There is more I want to tell, but I wake up before I get there.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

05-10-10 I am in Bournemouth and I think in the beginning I am conducting some sort of important official business, I am in a position of power. There is a change in the dream where I meet up with Elliot and Mark Phelps for a chat about old days and Elliot is persistent in his persuasion of getting me to test out my golf swing so he can see it for old times sake. In the beginning I am focusing on my grip and my hand is turned so far around (anatomically impossible) and I tell him that it is the way I grip the club. He gives me some sort of metal object, which could be a torn off car antenna, as he doesn't believe me and sure enough my grip is different when trying it out on the antenna. I start focusing on my thumbs and interlocking my fingers, and testing out the grip without the interlocking. I am talking about some sort of baseball style grip, as someone is telling me that the new official tee off swing requires a run up, Happy Gilmore style. I test my stance and some sort of short fellow corrects my shoulders and feet to get me into something that reminds me more of a Quigong stance. I try my swing a couple of times and then he asks if any of us ever wondered about going pro. I reply I toyed with the idea but gave up as I such too much and 26 is too old to take up any professional line of sports. Elliot questions me about this. I seem to remember something about the road lay out, but it is practically non-recallable, will edit if it comes to me.

FA. I am in my bed in sunny surroundings and my mother asks me if I dreamt about being someone important. I ask her why and she explains that I was talking in my sleep. All she and I say are blurry words but I remember that it was indeed from my official business in the first part of the dream. I say I was a minister (the governmental position, not a religious one). Then Ulrike appears appears and we talk about me still dreaming about people from EIMS and I explain that I, probably more than others got highly emotionally attached to the place. She tells me she is sorry that I still have to dream about that place and at this point I start becoming suspicious, primarily because she is also a person from EIMS. I notice a false memory appearing about her leaving a year or so back and she makes it clear that she does not dream about it ever. I close my eyes to go to sleep again, but she keeps harassing me with some sort of important piece of work she is conducting with Dennis from China. I say sure you are. I close my eyes again and I seem unable to speak so I try telepathically to reach out for Mitzu (A woman that appeared in one of my lucids, while I was on holiday, who came when I requested to meet my dream guide, still have the dream in note form, need to get around getting all those posted. Thinking about it, I probably should have tried texting her for the TOTM). When I open my eyes and walk out of bed I pat Ulrike on the back and check my fingers that at first are blurry, and when I check again, has an additional finger in the middle of the hand. I notice the woman is dressed as Mitzu was the first time I saw her, but I have no presence of mind to actually check who it is, my first point on the agenda is to stabilise the dream. In the dream I sort of just expect it to be Ulrike, so if it was Mitzu let me express my awaken apologies. I start paying attention to my senses and rub my hands, I draw in a huge breath from my nose in order to notice any smells. I notice I am now in a much tidier state of my room and the sunny surroundings and my mum have disappeared. instead of the dining table next to my bed there is a smaller coffee table and my jersey is hanging on the wall where the telly normally is. This is all I experience from the dream as everything goes black and I find myself firmly rooted behind my eyelids in the physical world.

Note to self: I am finding myself getting lucid more often, but also that they end quickly and abruptly. There may be an idea in checking up on DEILD methods, as I find myself able to lie perfectly still, until I can truly get the initial stabilisation under my belt.

Also. Buy an alarm clock so I can start working on the WILD project again!

…

I am in a house by the river in a tropical setting. There are many Stygian dolls, and for those not familiar with the Diablo 2 environment, these are the animated skeletons of small people about 1-2 feet tall that have a nasty sting and explode when they die, which they do easily. Anyways killing is not on the agenda, the dolls' habitat is threatened due to advances of humans into the forest and in the end the dolls get washed down the river and I end up making peace with them and help them establish a settlement by the shore. Longer up the beach more tourist resorts and residence housing is established and these people are afraid of the dolls (think because they are skeletons and somewhat unnatural), but they dare not openly attack them while I am mediating the hostile relationship. At one point I go the dolls on a rainy day and they end up stabbing me in sheer excitement, they are not trying to hurt me, they just can't help themselves (aren't they cute ^^). I also have lengthy conversations with the humans about them detesting me communicating as I do with the dolls. Somewhere in the back of my mind I have a feeling that the situation is quite familiar (I am always championing the position of tolerance and attempting to understand different religions and cultures, in my somewhat racist and fear-of-the-unknown oriented family. However I am not considering immigrants in Denmark on the level of Stygian dolls ^^)

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

08-09-10 Many dreams involving Sisse and the grand scheme to win her back. I cannot recall the first encounter. I remember there being an episode where I seeing her at a party one night, I speak with her, quite opposite to the way I normally approach girls as my intentions are clear and I go for her. Actually the first situation I just approach her and tell her I would like to see her one of the days. In another situation I am on the phone with her asking when we were supposed to see each other and she tells me it was on that very day. She is not too disappointed and agrees to another time. I think I meet her at a party and flirt with her, there is definitely chemistry, but I do not pursue it that given night.

Something about Ruppert from EIMS is willing to give me a lift, I drive off on my own, remember I don't know where I am going turn around quickly and find Ruppert waiting at a restaurant, he sort of gestures that it is about time I turn up.

I am trying to remember the name of a bar or restaurant I am supposed to meet Sisse...

Something about my mum telling me that yesterday I said I wanted to go to a particular restaurant the following morning, but I tell my mum that it was only a dream (not realising that then of course so must this be if my mum knows about it ). I think there is about 3 dreams where I arrange to go somewhere to meet her, but never does. I am sitting at a diner looking through the window across the road into the restaurant my mum mentioned, just in case I actually did arrange for her to be there, she is not. I am recalling to myself the previous 3 dreams in which I arranged to meet her (not thinking the slightest about doing a reality check >.<).
…

Jes Dorph is on the news explaining how the media tends to utilise fearmongering as a way of creating news that are interesting. Then he switch the scene to a place where snow is still on the roof although the temperature outside is 28 degrees. I am all of a sudden at the place and I am telling (my dad I think) that it isn't really snow, but more of a foam like substance.
…

Something about violence in Danish football either a newsflash shows or I am there to see it happen by the corner flag.