Vesterguard

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

“Imprinting a tiger”

In the dusk I find myself walking into a garden. Et is elongated and narrow and towards the end there is a house. I look to my right into the hedge. At the grass I see a female duck and below her chest a small duckling that soon meets my eye. As we lock our eyes together the duckling starts a trip out into the uncut grass towards where I am now sat down. Behind it follows it’s mother, trying to establish contact with little luck as it seems the duckling has already imprinted me as its mother.

I feel both excited and ashamed. I feel guilty for robbing the duck of the chance to bond with its off spring, but also excited and joyful of my own bonding with the creature. I look down at its little beak and let it push its body against my knees and one of my hands. Then I look up at its mother and try and stroke its chest. It lets me, but with an air of calculative anticipation and scepticism, which makes me apprehensive, if persistent.

I then look down again at the duckling. I don’t recognise the absurdity that the creature has now transformed into a miniature Tiger of maybe 10-12 cm in length and is crawling about on my right thigh. When I look up at the mother duck again to explain that I am deeply sorry that I have stolen her chance to bond with her infant.

When I look up mother duck is now wearing glasses and a pearl necklace, and quite frankly it would be impossible to describe if she looks more like a duck than a human. She explains “That is OK I had a clutch 3 months ago.” and frankly she sounds relieved.

“Travelling in trains with Liv”

Fragment:

I am standing on a lengthy and wide platform on a train station. It is morning and the lighting foretells of a sunny day, which has yet to breach the foggy clouds above and around. It seems like late spring or summer. I am standing with Liv and we are going somewhere. The conversation we are having is about finding the right train.

There is more to the dream, though I recall nothing but this fragment.

“Getting to the shore, 4 metal objects in the water”

Fragment:

I am on the water. The sun is bright and the ocean water which I am on is very bright and lightly blue. Up ahead I see a beach, a wide and almost white sandy beach. I think my Dad is there with me and he asks:

“Do you remember us being here?”

I look up towards the right and in the distance gaze upon a little island around 50-100 metres from the shore. As the foliage behind the beach the island is covered in lustrous trees and other greenery. I remember this place, I have indeed been here before.

(In writing this I recall a dream of way back, perhaps detailed somewhere within this journal. I am in Holstebro, where we throw our family reunions, and as I walk down the forest pathway that in waking life take you to the river in the dream it takes me to a cove. From this cove I rush across the open water to an Island, which is the one I see in this dream.)

I jump out in to the water and submerge myself. Light penetrates the surface and everything looks very bright, if blurry beneath. I loose four metal objects I have in my pocket and for a moment worry if I still have my phone in my pocket. I check that it is empty and then sweep the sand below and pull up the objects, where one of them is a key. Then I head for the beach.

End of dream/recall

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

The following dream took place after a nap on 08-04-2016 so a few hours after the three other entries of today.

I am at a pier, it is late afternoon or early evening. The pier is wooden and one or two ships are docked, also wooden and sailed ships – it feels like this time is around 2-300 years ago, or even set in a fantasy universe where technological development isn't near as advanced as today. It is cloudy and a bit windy (?).

There are a few fragments before I recall the narrative picking up. Which include, being in a pub/inn, which might be on one of the ships or a settled part of the pier. There is something of communion – that is either gathering a party or just being there with friends or associates.

When the narrative pick up, I seem to be floating disembodied above this inn and I notice the clouded weather as well as a sailor – your rugged, politically incorrect stereotypical privateering mercenary type. He is dressed in a sailors outfit – black and white – and he is making advances at a woman, a middle aged wrench, dressed similarly. She has long and curly red hair and is wearing a necklace that looks like a talisman of some description dressed in a dress of black and white with a lot of curly details.

Our sailor is putting an arm around her and making an approach to kiss her, she is smiling and he seems rather determined if not even slightly hard handed in approaching this sexual situation. She lifts up her dress and he approach to enter her, she is smiling somewhat hungrily at him making him aware that she is willing. A person rush behind him and pushes him towards the woman – I feel this push, though watching the situation on our Sailor's left – which forces him deep inside the wrench sparking a concern on my behalf if she is even wet enough for such a quick entry – I don't feel the coitus aspect, only the push.

Our sailor quickly looks about, but can't seem to find the person and so continues to engage in the sexual act. He is however quickly interrupted as many hooded men, dressed in black and a head or two shorter than the sailor starts swarming about. It is clear that they have malicious intent with the sailor and more and more of them approach. A feeling of intensity and excitement arise as the sailor starts fending off the assailants. While still inside the wrench the sailor looks to his left and throw a thundering punch in the face of one of the hooded men, knocking him out. But there are too many of them and quickly they complete their mission, which isn't exactly fatal as expected.

The sailor, the wrench and now me are knocked into the water. The sea is somewhat turbulent, dark waves with frothy crests and we are thrown into barrels – which I observe from a distance further out the sea – and it is clear that we will survive this endeavour.

A voice rings out over us.

“you are not in danger yet, we do not intend to harm you further”.

Associated with the voice is a sense of the hooded assailants following us over the barrels, as if they can either walk on water, roll on the barrels with their feet or fly above. They have a clear intention with us – they need us to do something, we find ourselves participating in a bit of an involuntary mission.

There is a quick skip.

When back we find ourselves in three dingy boats at the shores of a far away land. The sun is bright, not a cloud in the sky, and the sea is rather calm – yet the waves seem to be forcing us towards the cliffs of the shores of this remote land. I myself manage to pull up and start sailing parallel to the cliffs and manage to avoid danger.

The cliffs are dark and contrast the rather bright blue water. They are black and dark red, with hints of brown here and there. Above the cliffs there is a vast area of sandy dessert shining brightly beige in the unimpeded sunshine.

I notice that my companions aren't as fortunate when it comes to avoiding the cliffs. So while I could continue in my boat towards the sandy shores a bit further up the coastline I sail towards an area of the cliffs where I can see a naturally occurring “step” up towards the dessert.

When I get up I meet up with my companions. A woman and a man, the wrench and the sailor – though on the dessert lands their identities seem irrelevant. It becomes apparent that we are now stranded, but that somewhere on this dessert land there is a city and we must find this and procure a ship. I remember being here before and I start explaining.

“There are dangers here” I start out “There are a variety of animals on the desserts” and as I am talking about this I am reminded that there are a number of dinosaurs and beasts, dog like (Varghest) – but massive. I begin to inform about this, but as I do one of the threats emerge from behind a cliff out-spring, that forms a natural door as there are cliff walls on both sides of the hole. In the door appears a pink and chubby dinosaur and we don't get a lot of time looking at it before it shoots a bone projectile towards me and the male on my left.

The projectile is diamond shaped, like two very pointy pyramids joined together at the base with 4 planes running towards the top in a square and pointy fashion. Both the male and I don't manage to dodge it, though I attempt to catch it before it strikes me in the chest – directly at the heart.

As the projectile sinks in I am briefly afraid, but then a reassurance appear at a pre-linguistic intellectual level that I have a certain amount of lives, or layers that I can withstand before I collapse.

I start moving towards the dino in a zigzag fashion and manage to catch the next projectile to immediately throw it back towards it. It sinks into it's throat and within a few seconds the dino is defeated and dead.

Not long pass before a new one appear a bit further up on my right. It is half way behind a stand-alone cliff that rise steeply and pointedly from the sand. It shoots smaller – needle-like – projectiles towards us and I immediately take up the zigzag course again.

To begin with I head pretty much directly towards the dino – which is smaller, not as chubby, but still pink – but then we alter strategy and decide to work together in unison, splitting up and approach the beast from different directions.

I am finally the one that reach it and plug one of the small, but sharp and pointy needles off the head of the beast. I start perforating the throat of the beast, but the first sting does nothing, nor the second and I am reminded that a few holes will only drain the beast of air slowly, so I have patience and use agility to avoid getting in danger of being pierced myself.

Immediate Interpretation: This to me is a hero's dream. The ocean and the confinement in barrels represents a forced emotional turbulent situation, that I will be thrown into and can do nothing but observe and await cessation of – this could easily be relating to Karen's and my relation, the frivolous sailor and the wrench engaged in promiscuous and playful endeavours, that turn into an emotionally tense situation that must be ridden out. Once the storm of this emotional turmoil is over I will find myself in a situation, where I have to overcome challenges, I am likely to have my heart broken and I will find myself in a situation where there is limited support and understanding available, though a few select allies will be able to help me out. The killing of the dinosaurs represent to me the fear of opening up to love – symbolism of pink – and that I will continue to approach this challenge until it is finally achieved, and integrated into my personality – the killing of the dinos – though this doesn't happen in one broad sweep.

Looking up themes: Desert – loss and misfortune – you may be suffering from an attack on your reputation, feelings of loss and isolation. Could signify my fear of ridicule associated with writing my thesis – where I position myself as an emerging shaman – and the loss of prestige I have been expecting for not being the person who writes a PhD, but instead facilitate that others can do this. Dinosaur – outdated attitude or belief, you may need to abandon an outdated habit or patterns of thinking – old issues coming back to haunt you – This I think is very much related to my ego-attachments of the “happy couple” and how “love” is supposed to be played out in a relation between two people – the fact that there are a couple of allies with me might signify a change in cognitive schema's on the whole issue on poly amorousness and being able to let go of the fears of Karen being with someone other than me. Alternatively it might represent conquering my fears of loss in a love relation and the killing a discovery of true, unconditional love.

08-09-11 I am standing in a tent on field. The field is filled with dandelions and I am starting to tear up the flowers with root and I do this quite frantically. Eventually other people start joining in until there are no flowers left. However as I go along I start pulling them up less careful about getting all of the root up.

When there are almost no flowers left I start noticing that the earth is moving and that the empty holes are crippling with spiders. I don't get to dwell on this thought as the next I know I find myself under the water in the ocean near the bottom.

I look up behind me and notice a sea snake being dropped into the water by an unknown entity. I start swimming towards the top and I don't know if I am kicking through the snake(s) or not. When I get to the top I find myself close to the shore of a beautiful beach.

It is high sunshine and I am wearing a wetsuit and am carrying a surf board. I have never surfed before, but I manage to catch a pipe (don't know if this is what it is called in surfer terms) on my first ever attempt, which the person with me considers quite the achievement.

I start feeling ill and I fall off the board and find myself in a living room right next to a door out to the hallway. Behind me there is a short haired girl who grabs me around the waist. I am in a different perspective and punch my own chest to start CPR. The perspective shifts back and I shout for someone to call the hospital. Someone runs into the hallway to do this.

The girl pulls me to the floor and Shane of Weeds is standing over me to continue the CPR.

My vision starts fading to grey and I am loosing it, but I hear a voice that tells me to stay here, relax and breathe. After a while my vision starts returning to normal and as I am looking up at one of my living room plants it gradually becomes green again.

After a while longer I can sit up and I look down my leg and notice a large circle. It isn't red and the bite marks from the snake have already healed up. However now we know that we are dealing with a cobra strike and I or someone else shout out into the hallway that the person getting help should tell this.
…

Notes: I remember having two more dreams after this one related to it, though without the nightmare themes. However upon waking up this morning they seem to have vanished from memory.
…

I am in Holland and going into a shop to buy some weed. Someone is with me and I think I am the experienced one and need to show them how it is done.

I walk over to the counter and tell the guy I need the weakest most mellow product he has. He immediately walks to the hash counter and tells his associate to service me.

His associate start dishing out this pink goo onto the counter and explains that this is the most mellow he has. Then the first guy comes over and tells the associate that it wasn't what I asked for that I needed something with a bit more fly to it. He starts pouring some brownish goo onto the counter. Then the associate asks me what I am after, most mellow or something with fly and I quickly explain just mellow.

We all laugh and I think I buy some of the pink stuff.

Skip.

Outside the shop, which looks more like a garage on the outside I run into some shady businesmen who are looking for 2 Pac. As they explain this he appears on the other side of the street wearing a long business like coat looking nothing gangster like at all.

I stop and think to myself that he is dead and that all the conspiracy theorists that predicted his return must have been right. I think to myself that either he came back in 2007 or we are actually in 2007 right now.

The reason they want to talk to him is because he has developed something and the dream shifts into a camera chasing him as he is running through a garden. In the centre of the garden is his invention. It is a crystal that emits some sort of high frequency sound/light combination. This invention has the possibility of performing any know surgery non-invasive.

However it seems like it is overloading and hence 2 Pac and his assistant are running to get to cover. All the while this crystal is pulsing emitting this crystal like sound-light combination. There is loads of colours in this pulse, which is quite sharply contrasted by the grey clouds in the sky.
…

I am in a Sims like situation a person is telling me that he has never seen the stars. I sort of force him to do this. He replies that he has seen them on Youtube, which I find ridiculous.

I run up on a mountain that apparently is the highest location nearby and phone him and tell him he should get up there as there is absolutely no light pollution what so ever.

Besides I am standing right next to Mount Everest and I don't think it would be particularly difficult to reach the top of that either.

Skip.

On a beach now still with the same mission in mind though it is daytime and he will have to wait a while. Another person/Sim is there and he has the trait that he is easily burned and will have to return for sun lotion all the time.

The parents voice sort of explain that he will have to stop playing with me because of this. There are loads of other persons that assemble around me.

I follow the easily burned guy into the house, one of his arms is really red and he is whimpering. He gets sun lotion applied and there is a bar that measures his degree of burntness that goes down with applications of this lotion.

In the house I explain that he needs a hardcore lotion, maybe like one of those for babies and all of a sudden I am in a shop that sells sun lotion, after sun, sun tan amplifier and soap. Among other things the shop also sells katanas relatively cheap.

The shop is run by WakingNomad and he tries to charge me 500 dollars for little test samples in blue bottles. I am annoyed that he charges this much because I know the protection they offer to be exactly what I am looking for, but it is stupidly expensive. I mean the bottles are like the size of small shot bottles.
…

Swimming with the family along the shore of a nice beach in high sunshine.
…

With the family in a house. There are two dogs that keep jumping into the lap of my dad and uncle.