maboroshi

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a classroom, sitting at a desk or a table. The desks, I think, were all joined together for each row, so each row of desks was like a long table. I sat at about the middle of the classroom, and just a bit to the right of the center of the row. The room was lit with a dim, drab, greenish fluorescent light.

I was probably myself, at my age. But I was sitting among a bunch of kids in about sixth grade. Everybody around me was probably Latino.

I turned around to my left and faced the back row. Everybody in the classroom was getting ready to take a multiple choice test. I was telling everybody in the row behind me how important this test was, but how everybody would do well in the test, because everybody was really smart.

The test had now begun. I noticed that one of the kids, a boy sitting more toward the left of the center in the row behind me, was doing his test in a weird way. The boy was kind of overweight. He wore a black heavy metal t-shirt. He had his hair shaved into a style a bit wider than a mohawk.

I remarked to somebody in the row behind me -- either a woman my age or a girl the boy's age -- that the boy was answering all his multiple choice questions with only one letter -- either "c" or "d." I laughed at this, hoping to share the laugh with the woman or girl. I probably implied that only a stupid person would answer all his questions with the same letter.

But now the test was over. I realized what I'd done. After I'd given such a nice speech, telling everybody how smart they all were, I'd singled out one boy as being stupid. I may have caused that boy to lose faith in himself. And I may have made myself look like a cruel kind of idiot to everybody else.

So now, to make up for what I'd said, I started giving some weird speech to some group of kids (and an adult?) near me. It was intended for everybody to hear, especially the boy. But I was acting as if I were just saying it spontaneously, and like I didn't think the boy was going to hear it.

I basically said something about how everybody makes their own choices on a multiple choice test, and how everybody determines the choices that they make based on their bodily rhythms. So whatever patterns a person makes out of the choices on the test, those patterns are good, because they match the person's bodily rhythms.

The boy stood up from his desk. He walked toward the right side of the room, then up to the door of the classroom. I could tell he felt bad about my having made fun of him. And I could tell he thought the speech I'd given in an attempt to make him feel better only made him think I was an idiot.

I called out to the boy before he left the room. I said something to him, but I don't remember what. The boy turned around a little bit, not facing me, really, and said something to me, kind of mocking the way I'd made fun of him.

Dream #2

I was in some building. I had headed away from the first floor atrium of the building, and was now headed up a stairway. The stairway was wide and went up to a second floor or mezzanine area.

Another stairway, a bit narrower, went off to the right, from the second floor to some higher floors. This second stairway looked out onto the first floor atrium area.

As I was reaching the top of the first stairway, a guy stood at the foot of the second stairway, looking down to the atrium area and talking to a woman who stood there. The building was really quiet, even though it was really big, and the woman was the only one down there.

As I approached the staircase, I thought I'd just edge past the guy and let him keep talking. But the guy saw me, so he started walking up the staircase, in an attempt, I guess, to keep moving ahead of me. But he kept talking to the woman.

The staircase had two sides, divided by a railing. At some point, I tried to get onto the other side. But somehow the guy was blocking my way from doing that as well.

At first I kind of liked the guy. He was a white guy with pale skin, a kind of round face, a red beard, and read hair. He wore squarish, thickish eyeglasses, a cap, and a plaid, button-up shirt. He reminded me of a really nice guy I knew in New York, who now lives in Chicago.

But the more I looked at this guy, and had to listen to all the crap he was saying to the woman, the more I realized I didn't like him at all. He even seemed to be getting fatter and more annoying-looking. I wasn't going to be patient with him. If he kept blocking my way, I was just going to push past him.

But as soon as I pushed past the guy and started walking more quickly up the stairs, the guy started walking more quickly up the stairs himself, as if he had to keep up with me, or keep one step ahead of me. The whole time he was doing this, he was still trying to keep up a conversation with the girl down on the first floor.

The staircase got narrower and steeper. Also, somehow, it got twisty, like a helix. I had kept going faster and faster, to get past the guy. But he kept going faster and faster, to match me. At some point, he finally stopped talking to the woman. The guy and I were just in an all-out race.

By this point the staircase was so steep, it almost felt like it was inclining backwards. I had to hold onto the railing just to keep my balance. I didn't even know if I'd make it to the top of the staircase. For the final few steps, I had to close my eyes. The very last step was incredibly difficult.

The top of the staircase was some kind of small area, like an administrative area in a university library. I walked past the balcony that was around a staircase, then through a small hallway, then into a little kind of hallway-like alcove off to the right.

The man who had raced me to the top of the staircase was following me. We both sat down on a bench in the little alcove area. The guy sat to my right. He slumped over on his right side as we sat.

The guy started complaining to me. He was upset that I'd beaten him. (I'd only beaten him by half a step -- if that much.) But he was making it sound like I'd purposely pushed him really hard. Because I'd pushed him hard, I'd injured him somehow. So he was going to get me in trouble for injuring him.

I had stood up at this point, probably because I didn't want to listen to the guy anymore. I might have thought I was going to walk away.

But now the guy stood up in my face. He wasn't wearing a shirt. And he looked a lot different. He was clean-shaven, with a square, close-haircut and brown hair. He had a wide body, like good muscle slowly going flabby. His eyes were, at first, kind of pale blue.

The guy shouted at me that I shouldn't have pushed him so hard, because he had diabetes, and now his body was messed up in all kinds of ways.

The guy's appearance changed a little again. His irises now had a pale, reddish tint to them. I even thought to myself, Is this guy an albino?

And now, on the guy's chest, there was a tattoo. It was like a double-headed "triangle," or an abstract mountain with two peaks. But the left peak was slightly highter than the right peak. And in the body of this "triangle" was a vertical rectangle, solid black, with a wide, diagonal strip of white running across its center.

I felt bad for the guy. I didn't mean to get his diabetes all messed up. Plus -- for some reason, the guy now reminded me of a female-to-male transsexual. Something about this was turning me on, like I was attracted to the part of the man that was still female.

So I decided to be gentle with the guy. I tapped either the guy's chest or back with the back of my hand. The guy's body was still sweaty. We both sat down on the bench. I started saying something nice to the guy.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I may have been flying through a neighborhood like the neighborhood I lived in as a teenager. It was a partly sunny, partly grey day. I landed in a backyard like my great grandmother's backyard.

I started walking along the side yard, toward the front of the house. My old landlady, Ms. U, was walking up from the front of the house, on my right side.

Ms. U still looked old, maybe in her late sixties. But she seemed to be in better shape, and to have a slightly smaller frame. She wore dark jeans and a dark green shirt, as if she were out gardening.

I waved to Ms. U. She reluctantly waved at me. It was like she didn't really want to talk to me. I knew why. It was obvious to her, like it was to me, that I wasn't going to be able to pay my rent soon. She didn't want to talk to me because she was disappointed in me.

Ms. U was now behind me. She met up with one of her friends. They were both going to walk down to the supermarket together. They were walking behind me. I turned right, as they did, and walked down the sidewalk, to the corner of the block.

As I walked, I thought that maybe I would be able to pay my rent, after all. Maybe I would get a job. Then Ms. U wouldn't be so disappointed in me. So, if all that was going to happen, and I could believe it, why could't Ms. U? Why did Ms. U have to not talk to me?

At the same time, I got the feeling that maybe Ms. U wasn't very disappointed in me. Maybe she would talk to me, if I'd just slow down and walk with Ms. U and her friend.

The sidewalk was gone. But we weren't walking on the lawns of the front yards. We were walking on grass like grass that edges vacant lots. The grass was dry, tan, rough, and clumpy. There was a wooden fence to my right at one point. At another point there was at least one orange traffic cone. I kept feeling like I was going to lose my balance and fall into the road.

Dream #2

I was sitting in a restaurant. My table was basically all by itself, in a space that looked like the hallway of a house. It was dark, lit by a dim, blue light, like candlelight in a blue, glass holder. My table was in a little, doorway like niche in the wall. I sat so I faced the restaurant's front door, which was barely visible to me from where I sat.

I knew that there were a lot more tables in another room. The room was somewhere off to my right, i.e. down the hall, and around to the right through another hall.

People kept coming by, apparently angry or jealous of me for having this table all to myself. Some of them started trying to do things like leave their stuff on my table.

One person had a huge, black, wire-cart, like for laundry or groceries. She tried to slide it in between the unused chair of my table and the wall. I stood up and said, "Don't put your stuff in that space!" I moved the cart right out of the way. I may have stuck it in some dark corner just off from the niche I sat in.

I decided that people were jealous of me because they thought I had this space all to myself. So I tried to make it look like I wasn't alone. I laid my bookbag and my jacket on the opposite seat, like somebody else was sitting there. I then pushed the seat far back, so that nobody would try to sit anything behind it. I also figured I'd act like I was waiting for someone to come back.

Time passed. I was now being sternly lectured by a Meryl Streep-like business woman in a white blouse and long, beige skirt. The woman demanded to know why I had been away from my seat for so long.

I vaguely remembered that I had had to go out the front door of the restaurant to help people who were loading something out of a semi-truck's trailer. It had, I remembered, seemed really important for me to have done this. If I had sat here instead of gone out to help, I suspected that this woman would have been yelling at me for that, instead.

The woman told me, "Don't you know we have an important client coming to visit us today? How long were you runnning around outside? Do you even know? Even if it was just a few minutes, the client could have come inside while you were missing. He could be wandering around lost in the restaurant right now. And we wouldn't even know it!"

Dream #3

I woke up. I pulled my blanket off of myself and looked at the upper right corner of my bed. My bedroom light was off, but my hall light was on, and it lit my room a bit. My blankets and sheets were brown.

There was a fly crawling across the corner of my bed. This kind of disgusted me, as if it were a far worse insect than a fly. I brushed the fly off and started worrying about bugs.

I stood up and walked down the hallway -- possibly (I'm not sure), because I heard a strange noise coming from my bathroom.

I got to the bathroom. The lights were on and were really bright. The shower was running, which was odd in itself. But after a moment of focusing, I realized that the shower itself was acting weird. The water was rushing way stronger than usual, and the nozzle seemed to be spraying out in a few different, weird directions.

I looked closer at the shower pipe. I now saw that it didn't even have a head! No wonder it was spraying all weird. I decided to shut off the shower water and figure out how to solve this problem.

I turned off the water. But now there was a strange rumbling in the bathroom. The walls seemed to shake. Suddenly the portion of the wall just beside and below the shower pipe began spouting out water through little holes! The force of the water I'd shut off was so strong that it had burst through the wall in little, fountain-like holes!

I stood back from this and watched it all. I knew that this kind of plumbing problem was much more than I by myself could handle. I'd have to call in my landlord.

I really didn't want to have to call in my landlord. I knew he was already against me for a number of reasons. I didn't want him wandering through my house, peering aroud like he thought he'd find some sort of incriminating evidence about me. But I knew, regardless of the inconvenience to me, that I'd have to call the landlord.

But now, suddenly, the wall over the side of my bathub also burst open with little fountains of water! These fountains of water were either bright pink or else left bright pink stains on the wall. The fountains of water were also more like jets -- they blasted in a flat, sideways pattern, along the wall, almost like sheets of water pouring down a sidewalk on a rainy day.

And then all new things came out of the wall! I thought of these things as leaks and water. But they weren't water: they were steel. They were like surgery or dentistry implements, stainless steel devices, attached to steel cords, like the ringed cords on receivers for payphones.

Some of these cord may have had robotic, or even white-gloved, hands attached to them, holding the implements. The number of cords, hands, and implements springing out of the wall seemed to be increasing and increasing, cluttering up the whole top of the wall.

Dream #4

I was with a couple of men, one of whom may have been my brother. The other man was something like an ex-Marine. He was tall and muscular, slightly tanned, with blue eyes and pale-blonde hair in a buzz cut.

We were in some kind of suburban area. It was possibly early morning, just before sunrise. We may have started out at a house or a small shop. We were loading things into a truck. These things were either items for security systems on houses, or else they were nuclear bombs.

We drove in a pickup truck to some place. As we did, I thought about what we were doing. The man may have been talking to me about it as well. I knew we were definitely installing security systems on houses. But we also had nuclear missiles in our truck, and we were definitely concerned, in some way or another, with a slightly touchy situation regarding nuclear deterrence.

We drove into and through a big parking lot, to a small, one-story building, possibly with white walls and a flat, steel-siding-like, blue roof.

Somehow I now saw as if I were now twenty or thirty meters behind the truck. Missiles were being pulled out of the back of the truck. There were probably two missiles. I only saw their tail ends. They looked like the tail-end of an X-15 manned rocket, not a missile.

I now stood just inside the building with the man. There were a few other people about, including a few little, Latino children, apparently. The inside of the building felt completely unused. There were no lights on, though there may have been some dusty office equipment. The front window may also not have had a glass pane in it.

The man and I were talking (somehow -- telepathically?) about some woman who had had some sort of difficulty in her professional life.

As we were talking about this, I kept hoping I'd just say the right thing. I felt like the military and government had me under suspicion. My appearance alone, I knew, marked me as suspicious. If I said the wrong thing, I'd be detained for sure.

I wandered down a front deck and onto the parking lot, toward the Latino children. I was still "speaking" with the military man. The kids were looking at a hole in the parking lot. It was a rectangular hole, about three meters long and two meters wide. It seemed to go down a long way.

As I looked into the hole, it began to appear as if it held something inside, like a gigantic birthday cake. The cake was covered in frosting that was colored with brilliant swirls of blue, turquoise, green, and white. Tropical fish, either plastic or sugar, also adorned the cake.

I was now "speaking" to the military man about how the woman we had been discussing was probably suffering from an animus possession. She was letting the male side of herself dominate her personality. It was making her overly aggressive, so that nobody could work with her.

As I "spoke" of this, it now became my task to scrape frosting off the cake. I was scraping huge, huge globs of solid green, solid blue, and solid white frosting off the cake. Occasionally I'd also scrape off a few fish.

The scraped-off frosting all went into some deeper part of the pit. It was now like the cake was L-shaped, so that the upper left quadrant (as I faced it) of the rectangle was left free for this deep pit, this extra space for the frosting.

But I noticed that as I scraped off the frosting, it became kind of mushy and unappealing. It still looked very sweet. But on the cake it had been firm, which would, I assumed, add to the pleasure of the taste. Off the cake it was just sickly sweet and mushy.

I wondered why the frosting had to be scraped off the cake, anyway. Someone apparently thought there was excess frosting on the cake. But I didn't. I thought the frosting was good, and that there was just enough.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I stood out on some covered concrete area, like between the entrances to two buildings that were a part of the same apartment complex. It was a grey day.

I stood out with a young girl who IWL lives in my apartment complex. We may have just come out from a set of sliding glass doors. Now the girl stood with her back against a concrete pillar.

The girl told me she wasn't really allowed to talk to adults anymore. She'd gotten involved with some adult woman who worked as something like an undercover agent for the FBI But the woman had fallen in love with the girl and gotten herself in trouble through distraction.

I saw in my mind's eye that the FBI woman was Latina, a bit overweight, wearing black jeans and a black and red jacket.

So now the girl's dad told the girl that she was no longer allowed to talk to adults. But I figured I could probably talk to the girl anyway. I wasn't planning on falling in love with her.

Dream #2

I was in a living room with a man, probably my brother-in-law, and two of my nephews, who were both babies. My brother-in-law had one of his kids slung up onto his shoulders, and he was saying something like, "Time for a diaper change!"

My brother-in-law walked out with that nephew of mine. The other nephew was still there. I now noticed that he was wearing only a diaper, which was really soggy. I thought my nephew looked a little too old to be wearing diapers.

My nephew jumped off the couch and cried, "Diapers are fun!" He then started crawling around in a skinny space between the coffee table and the TV.

Dream #3

I was at Victoria's Secret, for some reason, getting rung up for something. The items may have been lingerie, or they may have been the black slacks and jackets the Victoria's Secret workers wear.

Dream #4

I was at the end of some area that looked like a huge tunnel. The tunnel was lit up well and had peach-colored walls. It seemed like the area was used for something like a shopping plaza.

I was crouched down at the mouth of the tunnel, possibly with my back to some wooden barricades or police tape. Somebody may have come up behind me and annoyed me. I may have told him to get lost. Another person may have asked me for help with something. I may have given him directions.

Another man now approached me. He was an older, black man. He'd asked me if I'd given the other man advice about how to set up a shop in this area. I said I had. The man seemed to be mad at me. I knew people didn't like it when other people started working here. But the man didn't act too mad.

The man and I may then have stood near his own shop, which was something like a soup shop, set up in a little, wooden shack.

I was walking away. But I was now out on some plaza-like area like between buildings on a college campus. The blue moonlight shone down on the plaza.

The man now came up behind me. He was fatter than he'd been before, and he was wearing a nice, orange shirt and tweed jacket But he was now, apparently, a homeless person with no money. He asked me if I could give him some money. So I gave him some change.

Suddenly there were a whole bunch of old, fat guys pressing up against me, asking me for change. But I didn't have any more change. In fact, I didn't have any more money! I tried to tell the guys this. But they were all mad at me. They told me they'd get me soon.

I was now in some weird space like a house with a huge window looking out over a backyard area. But the backyard area, as the dim, grey morning light revealed it, was actually a huge area of rolling, grassy hills, small, brambly, tangled trees, and shallow, muddy ponds. Up to the right was a tall hill that towered over everything else.

I may have been out earlier in this area. I may have thrown the man over my shoulder and into one of the shallow, muddy ponds. While I had been standing over the pond, I'd heard my old friend R suggest that I just go ahead and kill the man.

I thought there was no way I could kill another person. I wouldn't like to do it, and I could never get away with it. But R told me that I should murder the man. He even had a place where I could bury the body.

I was now crouched down before a different hill, but in the same kind of landscape. I heard Camille Paglia and my friend R talking about how all people are at all different stages of mental development.

Paglia said that people who like a certain poet (or listen to a certain style of music?) are of an "older stage" of mental development, like from Edmund Spenser's time. They aren't as developed, Paglia said, as people with modern minds.

I now either saw or stood near the top of the hill. There was one large spot, maybe ten meters across, where the ground was extremely soft and slimy under the grass, compared to the rest of the rather firm, muddy soil. I knew this without touching or stepping into the spot.

Dream #4

I sat on my knees before a coffee table in a living room. I was all by myself. But suddenly my grandpa and my step-grandma walked in the front door.

I was surprised to see my grandpa: he'd passed away a few years back. But I figured that my step-grandma had done something to make it so my grandpa could come back for a while.

I was also surprised by my grandpa's hair, which was tight and curly. He also had thick sideburns, like lamb's wool.

My step-grandma and grandpa sat down on a couch behind me. I continued to sit facing the coffee table, with my back to the couch. My great grandma may also have come in at some point, sitting in a chair to the left side of the couch.

My step-grandma told me to remain calm about everything, and just to perceive my grandpa being here, without any questions or worries. Getting too worked up would make my grandpa disappear.

I turned my head slowly back and tried to look at my grandpa. But now he looked really weird. I thought at the time that he was back to looking like he did before he died of cancer. But he actually looked a lot different. His eyes were huge, almost popping out of his head. And something about his face was almost plasticky.

I looked away. I thought, If my imagination made my grandpa look like that, then I can imagine him a different way. I'll imagine him when he was young and healthy.

But I was now in a room with my grandma, my grandpa's first wife. My grandma was talking to me about me and my little cousin A, and how the two of us are so special to her.

As my grandma spoke to me, she was playing with two or three cylndrical, but rough, pieces of wood, each about 20cm long and 5cm in diameter. My vision was really focused on these pieces of wood.

One or two of the pieces formed a man's body. The third had a smaller tab at its base, which was supposed to fit into a notch at the mid-point of the man. I thought that my grandma was trying to fit this third piece of wood onto the man as if it were his phallus.

Dream #6

It was early morning, with a clear, blue sky. I was drifting in, along a river, in toward a city, on a small, wooden boat. The river was big, but I was calling it a canal. I knew the city I was drifting in toward was something like a canal city, like Venice. But I may have also thought of it as a university town, like Oxford.

I now drifted up toward the buildings at the edge of the river. The buildings were all massive, beautiful, and made of red brick. The rising sun was just hitting the tops of the buildings, setting them in gold light, against the blue-grey shade.

I knew that a young man would be by soon to come pick me up. He was going to take me to a library, where I would spend some time studying. But I knew the young man was kind of resentful of me, and that he was reluctant even to come pick me up.

I passed toward or under some tallish, stone arch. I thought that it was still early in the morning. So maybe before I went to the library I could pick up a cup of coffee. I was sure there would be a Starbucks somewhere. I may have been thinking of this place as like the Financial District in New York!

I was now with the man in the library. We were in some kind of central spot. The place was massive, with heavy, wood walls. There was a wide balcony formed in a sqaure, looking down to the floors below. There was a staircase just ahead.

I knew the next level down was a quiet area. I may have heard a thin, grey-haired woman with glasses telling me, as if I were already down there, that there was no activity allowed in that area except for quiet study. It sounded perfect to me.

Dream #7

I was walking in the parking lot of a huge shopping center. It was a grey day. I walked past a McDonald's, with the lane for the drive-thru to my left.

Two white girls and a really short black boy came walking up toward me. The boy purposely got in my way, cornering me against the little curb separating the drive-thru lane from the rest of the parking lot.

I twisted my body so I wouldn't hit the little boy. I'd had to move fast -- it seemed like the boy was almost lunging at me. I lost my balance and stumbled into the drive-thru lane.

I looked back at the boy. It seemed like he was pretty amused at himself for what he'd done. People of all ages had done that to me before, and given the same amused look. But I decided this time I wasn't going to let the person get away with it.

So I walked all the way around the McDonald's building, so I could wind up behind the boy and girls. I snuck up on them and pulled the little boy toward me by the back of his shirt.

I thought I was really going to tell the boy off! But I said, "Hey, man, any time you need any help, any time you need me to do anything for you, just let me know, okay?"