• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. fast food stop; above the beach; red sun and cave

      by , 12-21-2011 at 03:43 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was out on a road at the bottom of a steep slope in a neighborhood probably near the neighborhood I lived in during high school.

      I stood just outside my mom's car. My mom was about to drive away. But before she did, she was telling me where I could find the nearest Dunkin' Donuts. My mom said the Dunkin' Donuts was up the slope, then one and a half blocks past a park I knew was up the way. The park was mostly taken up by a big lake, around which I used to run in high school.

      I was a little disappointed to hear that the Dunkin' Donuts was so far away. I thought I could never make it on time (not sure what I needed to be on time for -- maybe the breakfast menu -- which wouldn't really make sense, either). But, now that I'd decided to go to Dunkin' Donuts, I couldn't stop here.

      My mom drove away. I apparently started walking. But now I was already up the slope, and through and past the lake park. I was still worried that I wouldn't make it on time.

      I got to some restaurant, which was either Dunkin' Donuts or some restaurant a few stores down the block from Dunkin' Donuts. I sat at an outdoor table with a Latino family: a father, a mother, a couple little kids, and maybe a couple more adult guys.

      My mom showed up among this group of people. She told me that I didn't have to worry about Dunkin' Donuts. She gave me a reason for this. But I don't remember it.

      My mom pointed the store out to me. I looked up the road and saw the store. The Dunkin' Donuts road sign had a lot of brown on it. The sign was more like a big brown sign, checkered, almost, with little, white squares that had the orange and pink "DD" logo in them.

      Dream #2

      I stood out on a beach, looking out over the water. The beach itself was very beautiful, but not natural looking at all, as far as I know.

      The water was nephrite green, but it seemed to gleam like glass. The horizon was like white gold, and the cloudy sky overhead was like smoky amber. And, it seemed, there was an extremely long bridge, made of black iron, stretching thinly across the water, all the way across my view of the horizon!

      At first I was near some Latino family: probably a mother, a father, a daugher, and possibly a son. I was either watching government testing of some kind of nuclear devices, or else I was remembering the testing of these devices, which had taken place on this beach within the past few decades.

      I saw one explosion, the light of which I don't remember at all, but which must have been like an exploding ball of light a hundred meters or so above the ocean.

      I then walked down the beach to my left maybe twenty meters or so. I saw something fall from the sky into the water -- although, again -- I didn't really see the object. It was like the object was invisible. But I saw its effects on the water as it splashed in: like a row of pebbles and rocks, splashing into the water one by one, in quick succession.

      Now the points of water which had been dotted by the splashes surged upward in small fountains. There may have been the small sound of an explosion. The fountains then subsided.

      I knew that another nuclear device had been detonated deep under the water. I knew that this device would kill all the fish in the water. I was preparing for the next big wave from the ocean to wash a bunch of dead to the shore.

      I may possibly have thought that the device may actually have been made in order to kill the fish. Killing the fish was a form of sabotage against the economy of the nation that fished here.

      I now stood back a ways from the water. I stood near a Latino family again. The mother and father were both young and attractive. They were both kind of pale skinned.

      The father was muscular, very manly. I was afraid that I'd do something with my own usual personality and offend the father's masculine sensibilities. So I just tried to remain calm and do nothing.

      At some point I looked behind me. There was a basalt-like rock behind us. The rock was maybe two meters tall at most. It made a good back-rest. (It was soft and smooth, too, though craggy -- so maybe it had been polished by years of backs sitting against it!)

      But I thought that it would really hurt, if a wave washed all the way up here, and someone swimming in that wave were thrown against the rock. I wondered if this was really a good beach for swimming in after all. I'd heard of beaches that were too rocky for swimming. Maybe this was one.

      A big wave may actually have made its way all the way up to us, washing against us and throwing me a bit against the wall. From this point forward, the father may have had long, frizzy hair and a scraggly beard.

      I walked up to the top of the basalt outcropping. I lay on my stomach and looked out on the ocean. Even though the rock wasn't much higher than the beach, I noticed that when I looked behind me, over my right shoulder, I could see a city. Apparently I was on some island. But the island had a big city on it. I had a surprisingly good view!

      I was possibly telling the father about this, when suddenly I noticed that I was lifting up into the air! I felt like I was lifting up on top of nothing. But the "nothing" felt solid, as if I were still laying on the rock. I was afraid to look down, though, to see exactly what was lifting me into the air.

      I was afraid, too, of lifting up this high into the air. But I didn't show my fear about this, because I didn't want the father to think I was a chicken.

      I eventually came to the conclusion that I had actually sat on some kind of ride this beach had. It was an elevator, I told myself, that lifted you all the way to the top of a skyscraper that was either on or near the beach.

      I looked foward, over the ocean, for a while. But I then looked behind me, to the city. I was surprised by how much this island city resembled the city of New York. The buildings all had that old, stone look to them. I even saw one building with the trademark "NEW YORKER" light sign above it.

      I was now getting so high in the air that I was starting to get uncomfortable. But I told myself that this elevator stopped at the top of the building. And I knew the building was 34 storied tall. If I could just hang on until then, I told myself, I'd be fine. So I calmed down. I think that I did then feel the elevator start to descend.

      But I was now in the basement of some building. It was like the basement of a small, but really nice museum or art gallery. The hallway was narrow and "L" shaped. The Latino mother and father sat in a little window niche in the side of the hallway.

      There was a narrow, kind of winding, stairwell up to the first floor. I may have been playing around on that stairwell for a little while, like a little kid would, even though I still had my own consciousness, like I was still myself, as a (so-called) adult.

      I then came back down to the mother and father. I asked them if I could ride the elevator ride again. The father said no, I couldn't. If I got to ride the ride twice, then all the other kids would want to do it, too.

      I said I agreed. We were almost ready to leave. But if I got to ride the ride twice, and then everybody else wanted to, we'd be waiting here forever for everybody to finally finish taking their rides.

      I sat on some little bench somewhere. Across the hallway and off to my left was a kind of wide niche in the wall, with a counter before it. This must have been some kind of ticket or coat-check area.

      On my side of the hallway, just next to me and on my left, was a doorway to a small office. This office may also have had something to do with ticketing.

      One young man sat behind the desk, while another young man stood in front of it. Both men were kind of slim and pretty. The young man standing struck me as being gay. He had short, platinum blonde hair which shone like a silver plate under the incandescent office light.

      Both the boys were friends. They may even have lived in the same apartment building, or only a couple buildings away from each other. So they saw each other all the time. They talked as friends for a moment. But the standing boy was here to take care of some kind of business.

      Professionally, the standing boy was higher than the sitting boy. And, now that the standing boy was taking care of business, he was really driving the point home that he was higher. As the sitting boy was taking care of something for the standing boy, the standing boy began tapping the top of the recpetion desk and humming in a very annoying way.

      Dream #3

      It was daytime, or maybe morning, just after sunrise. I was driving through a grassy desert. I pulled my car off to the side of the road. I was at this specific place for a specific reason.

      I was some kind of paranormal investigator. I may actually have thought of myself as a Fortean investigator. And this, I thought, was my first real Fortean investigation.

      I stood out of the car, trying to "write up a report" in my head regarding whatever I was about to see. I was trying to think of some catchy headline.

      I had an image in my head, which I thought was really clever, of a dark-raspberry colored ring. I knew this would lead to some kind of clever phrase.

      But I now saw that, just off the road, there was a square-shaped billboard, starting maybe only three meters or so above the ground, with a picture of just what I had been imagining. The picture looked like a thick ring being pushed up through some kind of raspberry-colored syrup.

      This billboard seemed only to be the left side of the advertisement. The right section -- the text part -- had been cut off. There may have been just a tiny sliver of it remaining.

      Suddenly I felt stupid for having tried to put together a headline for my report before I'd even started my investigation of the subject. I also felt that the headline itself was really silly and cliched.

      I turned to go do my investigation, when I was overwhelmed by a strong, almost magnetic, sensation coming from the sky. It was hard for me even to look up from the ground. But I did it.

      At first, my view was all red -- a burning, but dimly glowing, orange red. But as my view cleared I saw, on the horizon, at the end of a flat expanse of land, what looked like a phantom sun.

      The sun was a huge, glowing, orange-red ball. Its body was maybe four-fifths of the way above the horizon. But it was also translucent. I could see through the sun, to the sky.

      This struck me as odd. But the sky itself was also odd. It was apple green -- a beautiful shade of apple green, blending its way down to pale yellow at the horizon!

      I tried to figure out what this phantom sun was. I figured it was a reflection of the real sun against this side of the sun's dome. To test if this was correct, I looked behind me. Sure enough, the "real" sun was rising over the horizon behind me -- though it seemed to be rising over some small mountain peaks.

      For some reason this satisfied me, and I was ready to begin my investigation. I walked across the street and onto some kind of cinder road. The cinder road went a short way off from the main road, then divided into two roads. I took the right road.

      I was now down in a cave. The cave also forked into two caves at some point, and I was down in the right leg of the cave. The cave wasn't dark -- it was like it was lighted by little lights that ran along the floor. But it was kind of narrow and short. And it may have felt like it was getting tighter and tighter.

      Apparently I'd had a colleague I'd come out here with: a young, black woman, dark-skinned, pretty skinny, with long, braided hair. But she'd gotten lost somewhere in the cave. I thought she'd either vanished into another dimension or gotten abducted by aliens.

      At some point I may have been crawling on my belly through an extremely tight point in the cave. I was crawling with some white men, who were like police officer who had come to rescue me. I may have seen my colleague, lying on her back, dead. We were trying to get my colleague out of the place she was stuck in.

      I was now above ground again. This whole area was the subject of a police investigation. Two fat, black police women were sitting on folding chairs near the cave entrance (which was basically just a hole in the ground, maybe with a tiny lip of a mound over it).

      I walked away from the cave and off to the right. I could see some white police men wandering around through some tall grass and tree-like shrubs, apparently investigating whatever had happened here. They may have been searching for a body.

      I was trying to piece together what had happened. I knew, now, that my colleague and I had come here to investigate. But while we'd been down in the cave, my colleague had suddenly disappeared.

      I couldn't remember anything else. But I knew my colleague, unless she'd been abducted, must still be down in the cave. I needed to go back down and find her. But, honestly, now that I was above ground again, I was kind of afraid of going back down into the cave.

      Nevertheless, I knew that I should at least face my fear and go back down into the cave. But I was also kind of afraid of the fat, black police women. I knew that if I went down into the cave without their permission, they might start all kinds of trouble for me, maybe even get me arrested.

      So I asked the women if I could go back down into the cave. I was, now, actually kind of hoping that they'd tell me no.

      But one of the women stood up. She was now kind of short, and very skinny. She had long hair, in a natural style, but pulled back into a kind of ponytail. She looked older, maybe sixty years old. She had to walk with a big, wooden walking stick.

      The other woman, who was still fat and young, said, "I wish you wouldn't go down there. The police'll probably finish their investigation soon. And if we have to wait for you to wrap up, we'll be here even longer.

      "But if you really want to go, we can't stop you. But she's going to come with you."

      I was, honestly, relieved that the old woman was coming with me. I was really afraid to go into the caves by myself. But I was still afraid to go. I was partly afraid for myself -- regardless of who I was with, I thought, I could still get abducted, like my partner had.

      But I was also worried about the old woman, who kind of looked to me like an older version of my missing colleague. If the old woman went down into the caves, and it was seen that she looked like my colleague, would she get abducted, too?
    2. japanese doll; alex' friend dies; haunted bathroom; cemetery drive; chicken mouth; old co-worker

      by , 11-23-2011 at 04:19 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was walking through the hallways of a school, possibly walking faster than usual. I headed into one classroom, off to my right. The classroom was big and bright, partly with morning light and partly with fluorescent ceiling lights.

      The front half of the classroom seemed empty of desks. But right at the front were three microphones, spaced about two meters apart from each other.

      One or two girls, maybe around twelve years old, may have been standing at the microphones. The girls may have been dressed very primly.

      The girls were going to give some kind of presentation for this class, which was a Japanese class. The presentation would be some kind of recital, maybe even a mini-concert.

      One of the girls may have asked me about my presentation. I realized I had to give one, too, even though I probably wasn't prepared.

      I was now "upstairs," in some room with my sister. The room had furnishings in it like might be found in a bedroom or living room. My sister may even have thought of this room as her bedroom.

      My sister was getting ready to go "downstairs" to school. She was going to bring a baby doll to Japanese class, as a kind of show and tell project.

      My sister had the baby doll sat up on the floor. The doll's legs were stretched out in front of it. My sister put a diaper on the baby doll. But the diaper was huge on the doll -- so huge that only the doll's head poked out.

      I didn't want to make my sister feel bad. I wanted her to feel like she'd done a good job of putting a diaper on the doll. But I may have made some joke about how the doll looked.

      I may then have told my sister that she should use a smaller diaper on the baby doll. But I couldn't think of what kind of diaper would be appropriate.

      Dream #2

      An episode of the 1980s TV show Family Ties. Alex Keaton was in the kitchen. He'd just heard that one of his best friends had died, right after leaving Alex' house. Alex was upset. He made some kind of sarcastic comment in a shaky voice.

      Alex was about to leave the house, either to go to the hospital or to go to the funeral. But his family stopped him. Alex' mom Diane told Alex that the family would leave the house together. Diane told Alex he wasn't to blame for his friends death. So he should just relax and go with his family.

      Everybody in the family left the house. They were all -- including Alex -- wearing hooded sweatshirts or hooded parkas. The hoodies were all in pale or pastel colors.

      The family was now in front of a door to what looked like another suburban house. I knew this wasn't the hospital or the friend's funeral. I was wondering if Alex' family wasn't purposely trying to keep him from going to his friend's funeral.

      Diane again, while waiting for the door to be answered, reminded Alex that it wasn't his fault his friend had died. So, she told him, he should just relax and take his time in getting to the funeral.

      The family all now walked in through what looked like a mix between a fancy restaurant and a living room, lit by natural light coming in through a big window at the back of the room. They all sat down -- probably at a couple different tables.

      The family was waiting for some kind of social engagement, possibly having to do with someone who would give the family money. I knew this had nothing to do with Alex going to see his dead friend at the hospital or funeral.

      Dream #3

      I walked into a school bathroom. The walls were a brown-painted concrete, and the walls were of glossy, pale-tan, wide bricks. The light was a greenish fluorescent. I had to walk through a tiny passage to get to the main area of the bathroom.

      I felt like I was all alone. But then I heard somebody's voice. It sounded like the person was annoyed that I was in the bathroom, so they were trying sigh and breathe out loudly to make me feel bad for being around.

      Out of nowhere some faucet on the wall to my right sprayed me with a bunch of water. It only hit the outside of my right leg. And it was only on for a second. But the force of the water was so strong that my pant leg was soaked.

      I was a little afraid. I didn't know how the water could have turned on and off, all by itself. For some reason, I assumed that only a poltergeist could have done something like that. (???) So I now thought the bathroom was haunted.

      I walked back into the main area of the bathroom. There were toilet stalls on the back wall, to my right, and either urinals or sinks on front wall, to my left.

      I heard the man's voice sighing, like the person was annoyed that I was here. Suddenly one of the bathroom stall doors slammed violently shut. I had been looking toward the urinals or sink. When I looked at the bathroom stall doors, they all looked equally shut.

      The slam of the stall door, though, had been so violent that I was sure the person wasn't just annoyed, but was really angry that I was around. I was pretty sure I was going to get attacked. I thought the person had hid in one of the stalls so that when I went to a stall, I would get surprise-attacked.

      I looked under the doors of the stalls from a distance. But I didn't see any feet. I thought the person may be hiding from view by standing on the toilet seat. But I suddenly felt like there really wasn't anybody here after all.

      I thought I would use the bathroom. But I felt like if I went to the urinal, I would get surprise-attacked while my back was turned. So I just decided to leave the bathroom.

      I walked into a school hallway. I was walking really fast. My pants leg was still wet from the faucet spraying on me. I didn't want to be seen like this. I wanted to get to wherever I was supposed to be, so I could just sit down and hide my leg.

      A black man, who I guessed was a teacher, came walking down the hallway. He was a bit taller than me, skinny, with long dredds covered in a hat and wearing a white t-shirt. As I walked past him in the hallway he seemed to try to indimidate me in some way or another.

      I got toward the end of the hallway. There were a couple of fat, black women, who I also thought of as teachers, gabbing with each other in the hallway. They saw me and seemed to peer at me, as if they were thinking of some way to bother me.

      A really pretty black woman, also a teacher, I thought, in a purple tank-top and tight blue jeans, walked down the hall. She got directly in my way, so I moved all the way to the right, out of her way.

      But she got back in my way. I walked really fast, figuring I'd just have to bump into her if she didn't move. But she got out of the way just in time so that we only brushed against each other.

      I was kind of turned on by how smooth, and slightly muscular, the woman's arm was. But the woman only seemed to be annoyed that I didn't try to get even further out of her way. I had been right up against the wall as it was!

      Dream #4

      I was in a National Park with my family. We were at the visitor's center, which was a complex of one-story buildings and a long, narrow-parking lot surrounded by a Southwestern kind of forest of pine trees. It may have been late afternoon -- the sky was dim and silvery grey-blue.

      My mom's old boyfriend, N, oversaw this park. He was, apparently, going to be busy doing some stuff with my mom and the rest of my family, like showing them around the park. So either he or my mom asked me to take care of something for him.

      My job was to take an urn with the ashes of somebody who had just died to a cemetery in the park. The person who had just died may have been a friend of N. But it may have been N himself. (???)

      So I took either the park-owned pickup truck or N's personal pickup truck and drove it down some wide path in the park to get to the cemetery.

      The pickup truck was really big. But the path was wide enough to accommodate two of these trucks, like a two-lane road. I kept to the right side of the road, as if I were driving on a regular road in the US.

      The path was asphalt, but it also had a coppery, gravel- or cinder-strewn look to it. On either side of the path were dense stands of tall, leafy shrubs.

      A white mother, tall, blonde, and pretty, though with a kind of worn-looking face, was walking back down the path, back toward the visitor's center.

      The mother's little girl, maybe two or three years old, had come toddling up ahead of her. The little girl wore a black dress that didn't go much farther down than her waist, and exposed a big diaper. The girl's blonde hair was done up in a top-knot, or a ponytail on the very crown of her head.

      I had to brake fast to avoid hitting the little girl. But I stopped in time. The little girl ran off to the left side of the road. The mother called to the little girl and seemed grateful that I politely stopped and didn't make a big deal about the little girl running all over the road.

      I drove on a bit more without encountering anybody else. I was proud of myself (???) for not having hit the little girl. But suddenly a gnawing suspicion came into my mind. What if I'd actually hit tons of little girls with the pickup truck so far -- but the truck had been so big, and the girls so little, that I hadn't even noticed?

      I now came on a group of black people, mostly fat women. They were spread all over the road, talking and laughing with each other. I kept to the right side of the road. But now they all veered over into the way of my truck!

      I pulled as far over as I could -- there was now a shoulder of grass to the side of the road, and I was trying not to hit that. But the women seemed to be trying to "spook" me into driving into it, by getting in my way.

      I decided to just stop the truck altogether until the women passed. As I did, I twisted the truck (or else the truck slid as it braked) so that it took up half the road.

      The women saw that I wasn't going anywhere. So they'd either have to walk onto the grassy shoulder or move over to the left side of the road. They all moved out of the way of the truck. I started driving again. But as the women passed me, they all gave me the evil eye.

      I drove on a bit more. I was now kind of worried that those women would sic some men on me to "pay me back" for having made them move.

      I just wanted to get to the cemetery and take care of my job. But I realized that I didn't really know where the cemetery was. I hoped it was close. But I didn't know if it was going to be far down the path, deep into the forest.

      And, I thought, once I got to the cemetery -- if I were even able to spot it -- what would I do there? Would someone be waiting to take the urn from me? What was I supposed to do with the urn?

      I thought I might even have to "bury the body" myself. I imagined myself having to dig a six-foot-deep grave. But then I imagined that there was already a hole dug in the ground for me, and that all I'd have to do was fill it after I'd put the "body" inside.

      I came up to a fenced-off area to my right. I could tell this was the cemetery. I stopped the truck on the side of the road.

      I looked at the cemetery through the pickup truck's window. The area was a well-groomed lawn about the size of a football field. Through the middle of it ran a concrete path, about the size of an average sidewalk. In the center of the cemetery was a huge, concrete column. The lawn was dotted with flat, plaque-like grave-markers, most with colorful bouquets placed on them

      I opened the car door, as if I were getting out to go into the cemetery.

      Dream #5

      I was somewhere -- possibly in bed! -- eating a chicken drumstick. I was eating it in some weird way, like taking swiping bites off of it, so that I'd bite down at the tip of the meaty part and then tear down all the way to the bony tip.

      But in one bite I'd rubbed the greasy joint of the bony tip against the left corner of my mouth. I was disgusted. I could feel that the corner of my mouth and a good section around it were now all gross and greasy.

      I got really panicky and decided I needed to go wash my face off right away. I couldn't seem to get enough motion into my body, though, to do this, and I just got more and more panicked.

      Suddenly I "woke up." I sat up in bed in the dark. I knew the whole "chicken leg" scene had just been a dream. But I still felt really gross, and I still wanted to go wash my face.

      But all I could manage to do was thrash around in bed, going from a sitting position to one where I was half-crawling and half-laying, facing the bed.

      I somehow managed to look at my alarm clock. I saw that it was only 2:37 AM. I told myself I should really be getting back to sleep.

      Dream #6

      A view of my old co-worker, DC, possibly as he stood over me while I sat at a desk.
    3. hugging sisters and boys in cafe

      by , 11-20-2011 at 03:08 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was standing in a corridor that looked like it had a wheelchair ramp built into it. The wall I faced was a window wall, extending all the way down the corridor. There may have been a hairpin turn along the wall to get to a tiny, glass-walled space before the exit door.

      I probably stood right at the door, inside the building. Outside stood a family. They were all telling me goodbye. The family was white, kind of well-off-looking. There were an older dad, probably a mom, and a bunch of other people.

      There were two little girls in the family, and I may have been attracted to the littler one. She may have been five or six years old.

      I took some chance to hug the little girl. I had a feeling that if I hugged her, we could both share our feelings of attraction for one another in some secret way. I was sure she was attracted to me, too. But I didn't want to get in trouble for showing my feelings.

      Later on I may have been in some cafe. I may have been sitting at a table with a white boy. The table we sat at was against a wall. I sat on one end of the table so that the wall was to my right. The boy sat at the adjacent end, so that he faced the wall.

      He was probably gay. He was tall, kind of pretty. He had his hair shaved really close on the sides and then kind of flowing on top. He wore a grey jacket, and he may have had the collar of the jacket turned up.

      The boy was kind of stuck-up, it seemed to me. I was pretty sure he hated me. I didn't want to bother him. But I was also kind of angry that he acted so stuck-up. I felt threatened, and I wanted to prove somehow that I wasn't threatened.

      I was now back with the family at the door. The older sister was now talking to me. The older sister was maybe ten or eleven years old. She had blonde-brown hair and tan skin. She wore a white skirt and a turquoise tank-top.

      The older sister told me that the little sister had gotten sick or something, so she couldn't hug anybody. So the older sister would have to hug me instead.

      I knew that the older sister was attracted to me. I knew that she thought if she could just get a chance to hug me, she'd make me attracted to her instead of to her little sister.

      I hugged the girl. She wasn't skinny, but her body, around her waist, felt strong. I did feel like I was attracted to her. But I didn't want her family to know. I didn't want to get in trouble.

      I walked out the door with the family. I either held hands with the older sister or managed to do something with her like lift her up onto my shoulders, so she was riding on my shoulders.

      Everybody in the family seemed pretty happy. For some reason, I asked the girl something either like, "If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you do?" or, "If this were the last day of your life, could you truly say you've died happy?"

      I was now back in the cafe with the tall, white boy. I had apparently asked him some question as well. He was writing something in a notebook. His handwriting was mostly capital letters, very blocky, in something like black, felt-tip pen. But he was also answering me. I had a feeling that he was finally coming around to liking me.

      Then another boy sat across the table from me. He had olive skin and black hair, with his bangs kind of spiked down a bit over his forehead. He wore a brownish sweatshirt. He also seemed to be gay.

      The first boy had at some point gone to open the door of the cafe so that some cool air could flow in. But the second boy sat next to the thermostat. He turned up the heat.

      The first boy asked the second boy if he'd turned up the heat. The second boy said he had. It wasn't clear whether he'd done it because the open door was making him cold or because he wanted to keep the heat at a level that was sure to annoy the first boy.

      The first boy stood up to go close the cafe door, assuming that if he did that, the second boy would turn down the thermostat. But as he stood up, the first boy said to the second boy, "You know, I'm really beginning to despise you."
    4. a lot of cold drinks; boss, homer, and my phone; uhura's table manners

      by , 07-23-2011 at 01:40 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a fast food restaurant. The place looked a bit drab, with brightish, green-grey fluorescent light and kind of dirty, red-tile floors. There might not have been any seats.

      I stood over by the drinks dispenser. I was really hot, and all I wanted was a 32-ounce cup of some kind of fake fruit juice. The sign over the drinks dispenser indicated that the drink was some kind of pink "fruit" juice. This sounded just right to me.

      I pushed a plastic cup (possibly with a blue Pepsi design on it) against a lever like a soda dispenser lever, although both it and the dispenser were kind of big, like for an ice dispenser. The fluid poured out.

      I took a sip. As I did, I noticed that the color of the drink was kind of pale brown, like watered down soda, or like tea, more than like any kind of fake fruit juice. I held the drink a little way away from me. I looked at it and thought that maybe it was iced tea after all.

      I was kind of disappointed. I wanted something that had taste. But I couldn't quite believe that I had poured tea instead of fake fruit juice. So I took a really big drink now, to get as much flavor as I could. This time the drink definitely tasted like lemonade.

      So I figured that I had been thrown off by the color of the drink. I'd thought it was going to be pink. So when it was yellow, I thought it was brown. So I'd mistaken it for tea. (WTF???)

      I felt bad that I'd taken such a huge drink of the lemonade. There were one or two Latina girls behind the counter. They were both kind of pretty, and I didn't want them to think I was a big pig for drinking so much before paying.

      I wanted my drink to stay extra cold, because I was really hot. I put some ice in the cup. I then filled the drink the rest of the way up.

      I was walking in a big city, as if I'd left the fast food place and was heading back to work. I seemed to be in a big hurry. I crossed a smallish, triangular plaza in front of a big skyscraper.

      A man called out from behind me. I turned around. The man looked black and Latino. He was holding out a bag of fast food and a big drink. The man told me I'd forgotten to take my stuff with me. I was kind of surprised that I had done so.

      I now walked into a small building, which was like some kind of community center or some kind of hospital for underprivileged people. There was a yellow sign with lettering in red italics on the wall to the left of the door. It said something about how the cafeteria here makes its own chili. It was really proud about this, and it boasted that it wasn't like other cafeterias, which buy processed chili.

      I had a little time before the meeting I had to go to -- some kind of community support meeting. I didn't like going to the meetings, because I felt like people were always assuming I was poor or stupid because I had to come to them. But I also felt like they were important to go to.

      The cafeteria was just across the hallway from the front door. I walked into the cafeteria. I was really hot, and I wanted some kind of fruity drink.

      I looked around at the cafeteria for a moment. It looked more like the kitchen area of a dining hall rather than a cafeteria. The place was really small. There were no seats. There was a stainless steel counter, probably where all the food was served up, buffet-style. I may have known the workers behind the counter.

      I walked out of this room and across the hallway. There was a smaller room, basically just a little nook in the wall. There was a small, glass-doored refrigerator with drinks inside it. I saw something like a Nestle peach-flavored ice tea. I didn't think this was exactly what I wanted. But I figured it would be good enough.

      But for some reason, I didn't grab it. I felt like maybe the workers in the other room would think I was being mean or ungrateful if I bought a drink from this room instead of from their room -- even though I had to go to their room to buy the drink from them, so that technically I was buying this drink from them, anyway.

      Dream #2

      I was "at work." The space was like an office space in a small office complex. Sometimes the area seemed big, with no offices or cubicles, just a big space with desks. At other times, the area seemed like a big office, with possibly two big desks inside of it.

      The place didn't have any lights on, but there was a decent amount of daylight coming in through the windows, giving the place a gentle, greyish kind of atmosphere. The place seemed slightly cluttered, and it also seemed like there were potted plants all over the place.

      I was going to quit my job. This may have been my last day at work. My boss was preparing for me to leave. I think a young woman was coming to take my place. My boss was putting some stuff in order so the woman would know how to do the things I did.

      My boss was sitting at one big desk, and I was sitting at another desk. I got out of my desk and walked over to my boss. At first, my boss was doing something like filing through cards that had the consistency of business cards but a size maybe about between that of business cards and that of playing cards.

      But then my boss was paging through some of my old notebooks. He found verses of poetry by Homer. There were three or four passages that I'd transcribed into the notebooks. Each passage was about half a page long.

      My boss asked me why in the heck I'd transcribed Homer into a work notebook. I felt that the transcriptions had had something to do with work, but I couldn't explain it.

      I kept stuttering in my explanation. But eventually I said something about instinct and how reading Homer provided me with some kind of abstract understanding of things, which then melted into my instincts and helped me make better choices.

      Later on, my boss was trying to make some kind of weird deal with me. I can't remember exactly what it was. He wanted to keep me working with him, but on one project, so that my time would be free for doing other things. I can't remember what the project was, but it sounded like a terrible deal that my boss was trying, half-assed, to dress up.

      At another time, my boss walked away through the big office. I may have kind of hung around in the huge office all by myself, kind of spinning my wheels and getting bored.

      I was now outside. I was out on a flat, open field mostly of dark-tan soil, with little patches of grass here and there. The soil may have been a tiny bit damp, as if from a dewy morning or a recent rain. It was a clear day, with a cold, blue sky marbled with thin cirrus clouds.

      There seemed to be a chain-link fence and some kind of structure somewhere. There were also a few vehicles, including a couple of big, black pick-up trucks.

      I found my boss before a small, hatchback car, which may have been really shiny and cobalt blue, maybe even with glittery flecks in it, like on the car of an amusement park ride. My boss stood before the opened hatchback. The interior of the car just seemed to be stuffed full of papers.

      I conferred with my boss a little bit about something. I was getting ready to leave work for the last time. My boss understood this. He said, "Oh, I still have your phone. I'm listening to some of the songs on it. I'm not done with it yet. But I'll meet you upstairs" (as if this outdoor area were really the "basement" of the office!) "and give it to you as soon as I'm done."

      My boss now seemed to be wearing huge, Skull-Candy-like earphones.

      I was really frustrated with my boss. First of all, I hadn't even known that he had taken my phone to listen to stuff on it. Second, why was he telling me that he was holding onto my phone and not giving it back until he was done with it? It was my phone! Third, I just wanted to get out of here once and for all, but it seemed like my boss just kept trying to find ways to keep me here. And this was another one!

      Dream #3

      I was watching some kind of commercial or infomercial. It showed the woman who played Uhura on Star Trek. The commercial seemed to refer to the woman by her real name, but only using her first name.

      In some kind of haughty, "she-knows-better-than-you" fashion, the male announcer said that Uhura always heeded her table manners, and that she'd never make the mistake of forgetting them.

      The screen showed a kind of red-and-white photo of Uhura, which faded into an actual view of her. She responded to the male announcer by saying, "Yes, I never forget my table manners. My daddy taught them to me a long time ago."

      There was now a view of a family in a nice dining room. The family was apparently Uhura's family. The family all gathered around the left end of the table. Some sat at the table, while others stood. All the people in the family seemed to be adults, maybe from their mid-30s on up.

      The head of the family was some man, who may or may not actually have been there. He was rich and very classy. He seemed to have grey and black hair and mustache. He wore a very nice suit with a cream-and-red striped tie.

      The rest of the family seemed to be dressed in a kind of middle-class style. One woman was dressed in a nurse's outfit. Her hair was really nerdy-looking, about shoulder length, light brown, kind of oily, with a bit of a tight, gerry-curl style. She also wore clunky, but small, kind of round glasses.

      The woman seemed to be speaking for the family. She said something like, "A lot of families teach their children table manners when they're young. But then they don't follow up on it as the children get older. So the children forget what they learned about table manners. But not our family. We were taught table manners all the time. So we never forget."

      Uhura seemed to be sitting in a big chair, either at the other end of this room or else in some other room, but visible by a big video screen. The woman and Uhura seemed to be having some sort of conversation with each other about how important table manners were.
    5. noisy neighbors; game boy thief; drafted into army

      by , 06-20-2011 at 11:47 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was at my mom's house, which was in an apartment complex. A family living upstairs from my family was really noisy. It was really getting to the point where my family couldn't take it anymore.

      We were all now down in an underground parking garage. The walls were really clean and white. The fluorescent light was kind of bright and really white.

      Something had been done about the family upstairs. It was like the police had kicked them out.

      Now we saw an old man from the family. He had grey-black hair and a big, grey-black mustache. His hair was really sloppily done. He had a pretty big belly, which his white polo shirt barely covered. He wasn't the father of the family. He was just a member of the family who should have moved out a long time ago.

      He had come to ask my mom for some help. I told my mom to stay away from that guy. She had finally gotten free of him. Why would she let him back into her life? But my mom decided to help the guy.

      The guy needed help on a test. When the police had kicked the man out of the house, they'd told him the only way he could come back was if he could pass a test with a lot of questions about American society and history. But the man couldn't understand most of the questions. So he was getting help from my mom.

      Dream #2

      I was in a bedroom. I'm pretty sure I was at someone else's, possibly my family's house. I was playing some kind of white Game Boy that had a clear purple case around it. Then I left the bedroom.

      Before I'd left, I'd seen an upstairs neighbor, an old, black man with a really skinny bony face, pale skin and blonde-brown hair, peeking in the window at me, as if the bedroom were in a one-story house and not an apartment.

      I came back to the bedroom. I realized that I'd left my Game Boy just sitting out on my bed, where it could be in plain view of the old man. I wanted to put it in a less visible place. But there was a girl standing in front of the door. She wouldn't let me in. She was a pretty, Latina girl in a colorful dress. I knew she was the old man's friend.

      I pushed past the girl and went into the bedroom. The Game Boy was gone. Only the purple case was left. I walked into the living room, upset. The living room was like the one in my great-grandmother's old house.

      Just as I walked into the living room, the old man walked in. He was grinning like he knew just what was going on. He was wearing some kind of suit, maybe beige or tan with a white or blue shirt. I yelled at him, "Where's my Game Boy?" But he just sat down in a chair and kept grinning, like I couldn't do anything to hurt him. I think I got really mad and shook him.

      Dream #3

      I got something in the mail that looked like a greeting card mixed with a letter-sized envelope. It opened on the long side, and it was supposed to be opened so that it flapped upward.

      There was some printed information inside about how I'd been drafted into the Army. Below the printed information were two handwritten numbers, both long, and involving both letters and numbers. I think they each began with an A and a dash.

      I hoped there was some way I could avoid being drafted. I thought, Well, I have a job already. Then I thought, No, I don't have a job. Well, I better get one quick.
    6. early morning with dad; grocery store girl; grandma and another state

      by , 05-24-2011 at 11:45 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a house all by myself. The house was one story. The living room was huge, but it was extremely cluttered, as if laundry and blankets were strewn everywhere. It was early morning and dark.

      My mother and the rest of the family had left the house some time ago. They had probably left for at least a few days. I had the house all to myself. I didn't live here with my family, but I was "in town" for a few days.

      I walked into a bedroom which was just off from the living room and right next to the front door of the house. The room was really small, maybe twice as big as the small bed inside it. It was also extremely cluttered.

      I may have heard a car arriving outside. I knew it was my father. I think my mom and the rest of my family had left because they knew my dad was coming for a visit and they wanted to avoid him.

      I walked out into the living room through some kind of thin sheet that was now hanging over the doorway to the bedroom. My dad was already in the house. I was wearing a red and white trucker cap. My dad may have been wearing one as well.

      My dad may have asked me why I was up so early. I said, "I always get up this early. This is when I go to work. In fact, I'm heading to work right now."

      My dad and I were looking toward a huge sliding glass door to the backyard. But our view to the backyard was blocked by a thin, yellow curtain and possibly also a white dry-erase board.

      My dad asked if I always go to work this early. I told him I did, and that I tried to work pretty late as well. My dad said, "Well, my habit has always been to do Fridays only from nine to five. I thought you might do the same thing. At least on Fridays."

      Dream #2

      I was in a grocery store, getting checked out. The front of the store had big windows running along the wall, looking out on a bright, sunny parking lot. I felt like something, almost like a big piece of machinery, was behind me, making it very uncomfortable for me to stand in the checkout line.

      A thin, Latina girl just a bit shorter than I was bagging my groceries. She asked me at some point about my work. I was away from work and I needed to get back. I may actually have been picking up supplies for some kind of work party. The girl may have asked me if my work was really strict with how long I was away.

      I told the girl about my hours and what I did at work. She had bagged my stuff and was now walking out of the store with me, helping me take my bags to the car.

      I was out in the parking lot. I may have been by myself. A few kids whom I may have thought of as a group of kids I'd taken out on volunteer projects came walking up. I was a little shy, but I called out to them. We kept talking, but for some reason I kept heading to my car, which was a few aisles away.

      I now saw that my sister was among the kids. I couldn't see my sister or the kids anymore, but I was "talking" with my sister. She told me she would try to be back at home for whatever party I was throwing. But she wasn't sure she could make it. But if she didn't make it I shouldn't be upset. Because she -----

      Dream #3

      I was in a hotel lobby. The interior was small, but furnished with nice wood and chairs. But the light was a terribly drab fluorescent. I sat at some couch.

      I got a call from my grandmother. She said she had prepared some form for me so I could stay at this hotel for a kind of long period of time. I now had the "form" in my right hand. It was on an iPad. The form was black with white lettering. The blanks, when not written in, were an orange-fadey color.

      My grandma said she'd filled in a lot of the form. I noticed she had filled in my social security number. I was kind of surprised by that. But my grandma said, "Yeah, of course I have your social security number. I can get that if I want. I can even have them give me your social security card if I want. It comes with being your grandmother."

      I felt slightly inconvenienced at having to be at this hotel, but I figured I'd stay here anyway, since my grandma had done so much to secure a place for me.

      But either I or my grandma pointed out that the forms would not be finalized for a while. I told my grandma, "If thats's the case, I need to go somewhere else until the forms are finalized. These people don't like having me here in the first place. And having me here without my permanent forms finalized is just an excuse for them to give me a bad time."

      I spoke with my grandma about where I should go while I wait. My view was now of a map. It was apparently a map of Colorado, where I grew up. I kept travelling south on a red road on the map, through a number of towns notated by circles. The color of the map changed from pale lime green to yellow.

      I kept telling my grandma I couldn't stay in any of the towns my vision passed through, as the people in those towns all hated "people like me." I eventually went south of Colorado's border, which was much more jagged and rounded than it is IWL. There were three towns just south of the border. I may have figured one of those towns would be safe for me to stay in.
    7. baby for another family

      by , 05-01-2011 at 02:10 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a different family's house. I had been there for at least one day. I made some kind of agreement with the parents. After this I either left the house or fell asleep and made an out-of-body flight out of the house.

      I either drove or floated around the family's neighborhood. I thought about the deal we had made, and some kind of arrangements I would have to make. The sun eventually came up, and, as it was pretty bright, I floated back toward the family's house.

      The neighborhood looked nice, like some kind of upper class neighborhood in California, with white houses and palm trees, set, apparently, among rolling hills. I basically floated right into the house, right through a front wall, on the ground floor.

      The set up was a living room, then something like a half-room/half-hallway, then a big kitchen, then another room like a second living room in the back of the floor, and a few other rooms off to the left of that. Everything was lit with a kind of dim, blue-grey light, as if the bright early morning light were coming in through heavy, blue-grey curtains.

      I floated through the living room. I eventually touched down and began walking. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw the mom of the family. She was the only person up. She sat at the kitchen table, preparing something, possibly something for a baby.

      The kitchen table, along with the rest of the kitchen, seemed to be cluttered with household items, but not dirty.

      I was wearing a thin, powder-blue babydoll-skirt with tiny, puffy sleeves. I wasn't wearing any underwear, and I seemed to be at a pre-pubescent stage of sexual development. I don't actually know whether I was myself or some pretty-looking boy.

      Apparently I had made some kind of deal, either with only with the mom or with the mom and the dad, that I would dress up and act like a baby girl for them.

      Something had happened to the daughter. It was like the daughter was a product, like a doll that had broken. They needed to make up for this by using me as a baby-substitute. I can't remember the details, but it reminds me of TV shows when a puppy dies and the parents try to buy a new puppy to trick the kids into thinking the puppy is still alive.

      I didn't need to act like a little girl yet, because everybody was still asleep. Plus, there was apparently some specific event that I was acting for, and it wasn't until later in the morning. So I was about to go put on some regular boy underwear.

      But as I walked into one of the rooms off to the left of the kitchen, I decided that I wanted to wear diapers and crawl around and act like a baby around the mom. So I crept shyly back into the kitchen and stood right next to the mom. I asked if it would be alright if I put on some diapers right now. She seemed indifferent and said that would be fine.

      I walked through a left door in the kitchen. I was going to go around through the left room and then back to the back living room, instead of straight into the back living room through the back doorway in the kitchen. The diapers were in a cluttered pile of household items in the back living room, possibly near a fireplace.

      At this point in time I may also have been sucking on a pacifier. I may also have looked a lot more like a little girl than a man or a little boy. It was now also like the baby girl I was "replacing" was still around and perfectly fine.

      I thought, The little girl still has to use the diapers. The mom is indulging me by letting me wear more than I need for the time that the family needs me. It's really just wasting diapers. It's doing a disservice to the little girl, because she needs the diapers and I don't. And isn't it gross that I want to wear diapers before the event? If I'm so eager to jump into diapers right now, doesn't that prove I really like wearing diapers?

      (Side note: Sorry for the hentai character of my dreams sometimes. I'm not trying to gross anybody out.

      As for the not-so-hentai parts of my dreams, I think the family and California neighborhood themes come from my trip to the Paley Center, or the Museum of Television and Radio, yesterday.

      This is a museum where you can watch all kinds of old TV shows, commercials, etc. It's kind of like a mix between YouTube and a library. They also have a movie theatre where they run a specific set of TV programs all day long.

      So yesterday the movie theatre was showing the program An American Family, which was made in 1971 and is kind of recognized as the first "reality show." The family in that show lived in California.

      Even though the family was pretty dysfunctional, I kept wondering what it would be like to be a part of the family, in a positive way. I mean, they seemed pretty dysfunctional, but pretty glamorous, too.

      Anyway, then I watched some TV programs on my own. One of the programs I watched was a Nova special about UFOs. It was made in the 1990s, and one part of it involved an interview with a family in Miami whose children were apparently visited by aliens on a nightly basis. There were a little boy and an infant girl.

      But what reallly struck me about this family was how white their house was. The wall were blank, white, so bright. The carpet was white, the couch was white, everything was white! It was so unreal -- I thought I'd only see a setting like that in a movie or a dream. I think the family's house in my dream was a reaction against the purity of that house.

      Updated 05-01-2011 at 02:26 PM by 37466 (Added side notes)

    8. st. louis wish; airplane and laundry

      by , 04-21-2011 at 12:07 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      There was a view that was partly like a TV view and partly like a scene that I was inside of. The view was of a kitchen. The kitchen looked like it was from a 1950s TV show, like The Honeymooners. The floor, walls, and tables were grey.

      A family was in the kitchen. The children sat at the table with a man who was possibly the kids' father, although he may not have been a relation at all. The wife was walking around in the kitchen, possibly getting food ready. The children were all young, less than ten years old. The children and the mother may all have been wearing heavy nightgowns. The man was somewhat professionally dressed, and he seemed to have waxed hair and a waxed mustache.

      The children and the mother were all giving the man a gift. They were going to take the man anywhere he wanted to go. The man was surprised by this gift. He put some serious effort into thinking of where he wanted to go. He may have thought of some exotic places. But then the children began playing some kind of weird tag-like game around the man's chair.

      The man seemed to be having just as much fun with this game as the children were having. But the man fell in his chair at one point. He appeared to be injured. The children, who had been afraid of the man before, were now afraid of him again. He may have been knocked out, or he may have been dying. But the kids didn't want to be around when the man had regained enough consciousness to yell at the kid.

      The kids ran through some kind of weird place that looked like an outdoor scene indoors. The ground was grey and slightly hilly, but it all seemed to be littered slightly with white wads of paper. The kids found some group of parents.

      I was trying to make a point to everybody (even though I wasn't necessarily in the scene) that the man wasn't mad. I now saw the man. He was still lying on his back on the kitchen floor, wheezing in and out, barely conscious. He was being tended to by a man and a woman. He was saying that if he was going to go anywhere it would be to St. Louis, so he could see his family again.

      Dream #2

      I was in some apartment complex. I had come out of the apartment I was in. The sky was heavy with dark clouds, as if were going to rain heavily or as if it had just gotten finished raining. A man and a woman were walking down the steps from a floor above me. We were leaving the apartment at the same time for some similar reason. We may actually have been leaving together.

      I saw a huge American Airlines plane flying really low near the apartment. It flew over a deep green landscape, like trees over a rolling, suburban neighborhood. The plane was so low I thought it was going to crash. But it didn't.

      I may have needed to speed up to get where I was going. I ran down a stairwell and then did someb weird move where I slid down one of the vertical poles of the complex.

      I was now on the ground level of the complex (even though I may previously have been on the ground level as well). I walked around a corner of the building and went into a laundry room. I had to grab my laundry before I could leave.

      Some other people had apparently used the dryers after I had put my clothes in them. The dryers and washing machines were actually stuffed full of clothes, as if at least two other groups of people had come in after me and shoved their clothes into the machines without first taking the clothes out that the previous people had left in. It also appeared to me that some people had taken some of their clothes out already. The laundry room was filled with piles of clothes.

      I was kind of worried that my laundry had only been partly done. But I began to pick through all the clothes, trying to find everything that was mine, so I could leave. As I was picking through the clothes I found two pairs of panties. The panties looked like they were for a little girl. They were white and made of terry cloth. They had some design of Tweety Bird and some quote in cursive writing on the front. One pair had a purple waistband and one pair had a pink waistband.

      I figured I would steal one of these pairs of panties. Probablyb nobody would notice, I thought. I knew the panties were for a little girl, but I figured I could fit into them as well. I may have decided on the panties with the pink waistband. I may have been worried about getting caught while I was stealing the panties.

      I was now sitting in some living room. A woman was walking up a staircase, possibly up from a basement. I was afraid to see her, as if it just seemed so uncanny that she could appear from the stairs. But now the woman came down the stairs from an upper floor. The woman was my co-worker, SP. She was wearing boy clothes. She wore a brown, button-up shirt and a round-brimmed hat. She had a suitcase with her.

      SP told me that she had gotten all her laundry taken care of and that she was now leaving. She told me that she had even seen my laundry in the laundry room. Something she said implied somehow that she had actually sorted and folded my clothes for me. I asked her if this was true. She said yes. She said that everything was laid out in the laundry room for me. I may have seen everything on a folding table with a fake wood top in my mind's eye.

      SP may have made some comment about how difficult it had been to sort my clothes out of all the other clothes in the laundry room, but how she had done it because she thought it that my clothes were important enough to keep track of.
    9. injured mom and cars; art historian monkey researcher; gangs of kids

      by , 04-02-2011 at 02:09 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was possibly with my brother and sister at night. It was pitch black outside.

      We may have been driving a car around, possibly a black SUV. But we may have needed another car, which my mother may have had. We may have been angry or impatient with our mom because she wasn't bringing the car.

      We got some call from or about our mom on one of our cell phones. Our mom was either sick or injured. I suddenly felt very worried and sad, but also ashamed that I could have been so impatient about my mom when she had actually been injured all along.

      Dream #2

      I was with my friend H. We had been attending some kind of lecture. Now it was over. We were standing in some side room, off to the side of the lecture room.

      The lights were mostly off in the lecture room and the side room. A little bit of fluorescent light seemed to be coming from somewhere else. The lecture room was kind of big and square, like a dance rehearsal area, but with low ceilings and full of folding chairs.

      The side room was much smaller. It had something like two workshop tables in it. On each of the tables, long sheets of paper were rolled out, more than one sheet per table.

      H and I stood in the side room with a white man with red hair and a red beard. The man was something like a professor. The man's hair was kind thinning back from his forehead. He may have worn blue jeans and a sweater with dull green, yellow, and red striped and designs on it.

      The professor had given a lecture on something like Buddhist mandalas. The papers all rolled out on the table were Buddhist mandalas. But they were all laid face down.

      H was talking with the professor, asking a few questions about Buddhist art. I got a little distracted from their conversation, and I was wandering around at the other end of the side room.

      At some point H and the professor decided it was time to go. They started heading out the door and told me they were ready to go. For some reason I told them that I would just be a second, that I just needed to put my shoes on.

      As he walked toward the door, the professor began telling a story, apparently directed toward me, about how he did research on certain monkeys using certain chemicals. The chemicals might often create certain blood conditions in the brain, like hemorraging.

      The professor said, "Of course, the monkeys run around and play all happy. But they have no idea that if the chemicals make the blood conditions in their brains, I'll have to make them fall asleep." The professor then explained that he would then sell the affected brains to the researchers.

      The professor and H had walked out a door, into the next room (a stairwell exit?) which was lit with fluorescent light. I stood there for myself for a second. For some reason, it took me this pause to realize that the professor was purposely infecting these monkeys, then killing them, cutting open their skulls, taking out their brains, and selling their brains to interested parties.

      I may have tried to get the professor's attention (he and H were still within earshot) to ask him if this was really what he was doing.

      Dream #3

      I was possibly walking back home. It was late afternoon and a clear day. The air was cool and pleasant, and the sunlight was dim, pale gold.

      I turned left and walked down a sidewalk bordered by lawn. It seemed like I was either at the boundaries of some park, or possibly the lawn of a complex of very tall apartment buildings. The road, to my left, was wide, but it wasn't very busy.

      The whole setting seemed very clean. But I wasn't familiar with it, and it didn't feel like my neighborhood at all.

      Somehow I now needed to cross the street to get to the sidewalk on which I had already been walking. There were two black boys, about ten years old, one of whom may have been sitting on the metal housing for a transformer.

      The kids saw me crossing the street. I passed the kids. One of the kids stayed where he was. The other kid kind of followed me. I had a feeling that the kids were going to try to jump me or steal something from me. But I wasn't too worried. The only thing I had with me was a CD version of Philip Glass' opera Akhnaten (why?).

      The kid who was following me kept edging up, as if he were going to walk in front of me, then falling back. I just kept ignoring him.

      But now I saw a big group of black kids walking down the street. The kids were maybe in their late teens. There were seven or eight of them -- enough to block up the entire walkway and small strip of lawn by the curb. The kids looked like trouble. So I decided to just cross the street right away, to get out of their range.

      But, crossing the street, I saw a huge fence, maybe 6 meters tall, possibly bordering another lawn-type space. On top of that fence there sat an even bigger group of black kids. They were already looking at me, and they looked ready to jump down from the fence and attack me as soon as I passed them.

      I veered to the right, to head back toward the road I had been on before turning onto this road. I could tell that that road was much more populated, and that a lot of cars ran down it. I figured it would be better for me to just hang out on that road and avoid these gangs of kids.

      But, for some reason, I was really flustered that I had to do this. I felt like things hadn't been like this before, or like in the neighborhood I thought of as my neighborhood things weren't like this. I wondered why things were like this now or here.
    10. reflecting on dream; driven by mom; friend and bed

      by , 03-29-2011 at 11:43 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was with my family in some kind of parking lot in the mountains. It was early morning, with pastel blue and pale gold light of dawn and cold dew still coating everything.

      The parking lot was set in two levels. But the levels were separated by a big hill. My motheer had driven me, my brother, and my sister here. We were apparently waiting for something else to happen before we left the parking lot.

      But somehow I was now in another car, driving around in the upper parking lot while the rest of my family was driving around in the lower part of the parking lot. For some reason, I felt like this whole thing had been dreamt, and that I was now awake and out of that dream.

      I rehearsed the elements of that dream in my head while I looked down at my family. My family drove past some kind of small path which had a little foot-bridge that went across a tiny stream.

      Dream #2

      My mom was driving me through some neighborhood at night. My mom was probably taking me to the airport. But we ended up driving in some weird pattern that took us up into some totally wrong area and then back to where we'd started from.

      My mom mentioned something about six hours, like it would take us six hours to get to the airport, or like my flight didn't leave for another six hours. My mom stopped at a fast food restaurant. I may have stayed in the car while she went in to grab the food.

      Dream #3

      My friend H and I had been driven to some place by a man, possibly my old friend D. The place seemed to be a cabin or shack out in the middle of a huge lot of barren soil, possibly somewhere in the mountains. The sky was grey, and the air was chilly and damp.

      H and I were in a bedroom in the cabin. We were in bed. We'd just arrived here, but the man was thinking of taking us out somewhere, either for a fun dinner or to pick up some stuff we needed. But now H wanted to have sex with me.

      I was already laying on H, making sexual motions with her. But I told her we couldn't just up and have sex while the man was waiting outside for us.

      I was now outside, by myself. I realized that H was still inside. The man was now somebody like H's old boyfriend, C. I realized that H could be mad at me for not having sex with her. She could end up convincing the man to have sex with her, just to spite me.

      I was walking on some kind of line that had been drawn on the soil between the two cars. The line was a double-line, like the yellow lines in the center of a road.
    11. new deli; dance of women and girls; single mother kayaking; lucid park

      by , 02-26-2011 at 03:39 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a new deli, which may have been downstairs from my apartment. The deli was still under construction. There were all kinds of things being unpacked.

      The place had a blue-green kind of feel, as if the walls had been painted a pale blue-green. There were rolls of paper unrolled on the floor. Counters were set out in random fashion, as if they hadn't been fastened to their permanent positions yet.

      There were a couple soda refrigerators with their doors open. One was on the back wall, in front of me. The other was on the wall to my left. They were both tall and narrow. The refrigerators were so cold that I could feel the cold coming from them.

      The coolers were so cold that the sodas (or bottled waters?) inside the coolers had been frozen. I figured this level of coldness was natural, since the store wasn't opened yet, so that the coolers weren't tuned to a normal level.

      There were a few people running around in the store, getting things ready. I saw at least one woman and one man. They were both Mexican. They were talking back and forth and joking with each other in English or in Spanish and English.

      I knew that the place wasn't open yet, and I felt like I shouldn't be here. But, for some reason, I felt really comfortable here. I figured I'd grab some stuff and then head back up to my apartment.

      It suddenly struck me that, now that there was a new deli below my house, it would be a lot easier for me to come downstairs and grab some frozen pizza. I thought I would suddenly be eating a lot more frozen pizza than I'd been eating in a long time.

      Dream #2

      There was some kind of television show or some kind of stage performance about adult women who had romantic relationships with young girls.

      The stage and background were white. The stage may have been clean and polished, so that it was slightly reflective.

      The women and the girls wore spandex suits with blue, pink and purple flower designs on them. They also wore something like flowing, white blouses that went up over their heads to become something like hoods, leaving a circle open for their faces. The hoods may have been topped with flat circles, which were slightly tilted.

      The women and young girls were doing a slow dance, in groups but kind of solo, where they would elevate and point forward their legs and arms slightly.

      Dream #3

      There was some kind of narration about my mother's life. There was talk about how my mother had had such a tough time because she had been a single mother. There may also have been talk about how my mother had been really upset when my father had left her.

      There was now a view of a car like a station wagon driving up a steep, mountain road. The road didn't criss-cross or spiral up the mountain: it just went straight up the steep slope. As the car drove, the narrator spoke about how my mother worked through a lot of emotional difficulties and survived to this point in life.

      Listening to this narration made me really sad for my mom. But it also made me kind of proud of her. I felt I had seen this road somewhere. It occurred to me that I might have seen the road in a dream. The surreal steepness of the road and the way the car seemed to be reaching extreme heights on this mountain all reminded me of some tall mountain dream I'd had in the past.

      I was now in the backseat of the car. My mom was driving. We had approached some place halfway up the mountain. We pulled into an asphalt parking area.

      My mom, and possibly one of my family members, maybe my sister, was talking about how lucky we were. Some of our more removed family members, my mom said, had died in pretty terrible situations. They had died all alone, sometimes in shameful ways. The closer family members of those people had had to deal with the ghastly emotional impact of those situations.

      But, my mom said, the closer members of our family who had died had died rather peacefully, with loving families around them. And, right now, all our family members were in situations where, even were they to die suddenly and unexpectedly, they would at least die in a position where they were somewhat comfortable and they knew their family loved them.

      I either thought to myself or said out loud that that wasn't true. I thought about two of my cousins, P and B. P is a man and B is a woman.

      I thought that both P and B were in situations where, if they died, they'd be all alone. At least one of them was actually in an extremely dangerous situation, though in my dream I couldn't remember where either cousin was.

      I was now out on a river bank with my family. I suddenly realized that my cousin B wasn't far away at all. She was actually in this forest. She was kayaking through this river.

      In my mind's eye I saw further down river, to a wide stretch that was shaded pleasantly by tall pine trees. Where we were, the banks were open and lawny, with jagged rocks for the river's banks.

      Maybe all my immediate family members were out on this bank. We had a couple of kayaks nearby. We must have been getting ready to go kayaking, although for some reason, I seemed to feel like I was thinking of suggesting the idea of kayaking to my family, as if it hadn't yet occurred to anybody to go kayaking yet.

      I thought of dipping one of the kayaks into the water, but the water (which was actually only moderately fast) seemed way to rough and the rocks way too jagged for the kayak to handle.

      I turned around and saw at least one of my nephews, the oldest nephew, getting dressed in an orange life jacket. I felt like everybody was getting dressed in life jackets, as if they were all getting ready to go kayaking. I thought this was great, and I offered my own life jacket to one of my nephews, since I knew they liked wearing my stuff (???).

      One of my nephews, maybe the oldest, said he'd take my life jacket. But suddenly I realized I'd left it somewhere else. It was like I'd left it in the car. But it was also like I'd left it somewhere very far away. I said I'd have to go get it. I hoped I could get it fast enough so that it wouldn't cause a delay.

      I suddenly realized that I had also left the life jacket in water somewhere. The life jacket had been in the water so long that it was now beginning to dissolve. I hoped I could pull the jacket out of the water before it dissolved entirely.

      In my mind's eye I saw the life jacket. It was white, instead of orange, but it had orange flower designs on it.

      Dream #4

      I was walking through a park. It was a clear day, pretty warm. The sun seemed to be going down. The sky was dim, and the light was partly golden and partly cool and dim.

      I walked along a concrete path in a somewhat narrow curve of the park. There was deep, green lawn on either side of the path. There were a few people in the park, just relaxing. I think everybody in the park was black.

      The sound of my breathing slowly became more and more audible. Suddenly it seemed to me like my breath was like the breathing sound of somebody in a space suit, like in the movie 2001. I wondered why my breathing would sound like this.

      It suddenly occurred to me that the reason my breathing sounded like this was because I wasn't exactly in a park. I was in a different kind of place altogether. The only time I could think of when I was in a place like this was in my dreams.

      I realized I was dreaming. There wasn't a tremendous improvement to the clarity or sensation of the dream, like there usually is when I become lucid. But I was suddenly a lot more aware of the environment.

      I smiled at a few people. I was happy to be aware, and I wanted to share my happiness somehow.

      I walked into a wider area of the park. Since there were a decent number of people around, and they all seemed to be peaceful and happy, I figured I'd try to talk with some of them, just to see what things were all about here.

      There were a couple of boys playing (with a set of blocks or other toys set up to look like a castle?) half on the concrete path and half on the grass. The boy on the path had his back turned to me.

      I smiled and addressed the boy in some way to get his attention. The boy turned his face toward me. He looked a lot older than he actually was. Something about this threw me off balance. I looked quickly at the boy and walked on down the path.

      I tried not to let the boy's surprising appearance throw me off balance. I tried to continue acting cheerful. I figured if I could keep the cheerful attitude I'd had as I'd become I could stay lucid. But I could already feel that I was dropping out of lucidity.

      I could see that I was approaching something like a brick-and-concrete, arched gate that served as an entrance to the park.

      Updated 02-26-2011 at 03:42 PM by 37466

      lucid , non-lucid
    12. mining town; nose hairs

      by , 02-24-2011 at 12:42 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was driving through a town. I was probably in the car with my family, and my mother may have been driving.

      The town was centered somehow around some kind of mining operations, or else it had been in the past. I may have had some "memories" of looking at photos of the town or watching a video about the town.

      At some point we drove past a young man in a business suit. The man was white, very tall, and very thin, with hair down to about his jaw line. He looked very professional, but also very haggard and tired, almost to the point of a nervous breakdown.

      My mom drove the car into a parking lot for an apartment complex. As we drove into the lot, I commented how nice and clean this town seemed, but how it had such a lonely, spooky quality, like in a ghost story.

      Dream #2

      I had just finished some kind of task with a group of people. The people were all at the other end of a huge, fenced in field, like a lawn for a number of soccer fields. It was a sunny day.

      I may have been walking away from the field. But I got distracted. I noticed that I had a bunch of humongous hairs in my nose. I began pulling them out. But there were so many.

      I walked back into the field and frantically began pulling the hairs out of my nose. A man who looked, and wore clothes, like Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean was nearby. I didn't want him to see me pulling all these hairs out of my nose. So I walked between two stone walls, like the walls for outdoor racquetball courts.

      The Orlando Bloom guy followed me. So I hurriedly walked away from the stone walls. I gifigured I would just leave the field altogether.

      I was still pulling hairs out of my nose. I had a handful of hairs. They were all about 4cm long.

      As I approached the gate, the Orlando Bloom guy came up behind me and said he needed to talk to me. He said he was having the same trouble I was, and that he was going to "contact the lady" about it. Apparently the lady had told the guy she could solve his problem. But she hadn't solved it yet.

      I knew that everything the guy had just spoken about was in regards to the long hairs growing out of my nose.

      I went into a park bathroom, possibly to was my hands. I was now exiting the bathroom. The bathroom was big, made out of concrete and cinder blocks, and had dimmish, fluorescent lighting.

      As I approached the door, I could hear the guy talking to somebody on the phone. I could tell from the guy's voice that he was no longer Orlando Bloom, but some guy I had known in college, JP.

      The guy was telling the person, who I knew was a pretty, blonde girl, that his cover had almost been blown. It turned out the guy had been at the field either to follow me or to keep me out of the way while something bad happened. But since I had put the guy in a position where he'd had to talk to me, the position had been messed up. Somehow all of this was the woman's fault.

      I stood before the door, not yet opening it. I felt betrayed by the guy. I thought he'd been trying to sympathize with me or be my friend.

      I lifted my hands up before my face. The backs of my hands were cracked in a few small places. In the cracks was a hard, ambery and red substance, which I took to be scabs.

      I went to open the door. But the guy, having finished his phone conversation, pushed open the door, almost knocking me over. He now definitely looked like JP. He was tall, with pale olive skin and short, slightly spiky hair.

      The guy was slightly surprised by having run into me, but he greeted me kindly, in a way I now understood as being completely fake. I greeted him in a fake-friend way too, just wanting to get out of thr bathroom and away from the guy altogether.
    13. sister is sick; zombies in mall

      by , 02-21-2011 at 04:41 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a car with my sister. We were out in the driveway of her house, although it feels now like we were also in some kind of dirt parking lot for a fairgrounds. My sister was talking to me about and showing me some kind of pictures of a place that she and some of her children were planning to go to.

      I had to go to some other car to get something for my sister's trip. I went to the other car with my brother-in-law. It was a few rows away in the dirt parking lot.

      The trunk or hatchback of the car was open, and my brother-in-law and I were looking inside. I had my computer opened up in the back of the car. I asked my brother-in-law to look up something on YouTube. It had to do with some pop-culture figure or figures, but it also had something to do with homosexuality.

      My brother-in-law looked the thing up. I was now walking away from the car. I was now worried that somehow my brother-in-law would think I was trying to make some comment on my own sexuality by showing him that YouTube clip. (In waking life, even though I wouldn't say I'm gay, my sexuality is absolutely not normal. But I try to act as normal as possible when I'm in front of my family.)

      I was back to sitting in the car with my sister. My sister now said that she was too sick, after all, to go to the event. For some reason, the whole family was now going, instead of just my sister, brother-in-law, and some of their kids. I was also going. Now only my sister wasn't going.

      I felt bad, like maybe we shouldn't go at all if my sister wasn't going.

      Dream #2

      There may have been some situation where I had to take care of some task for a group of professionals. But I had messed it up somehow.

      Later on, I was running from zombies. The zombies were pale white, with rotting faces. Most of the zombies wore button-up shirts, ties, and slacks.

      I was running from the zombies through big corridors like mall-sized corridors that looked like hallways in a hospital. Everything was white, lit with greenish-white fluorescent light. Occasionally I would find myself in larger rooms.

      Zombies would pop up everywhere and surprise me. They would almost catch me, and then they'd chase me through the corridors. I may also have been shooting some of them with a gun I had.

      Eventually I found some way to jump way high, up to some high-up window. The window was swung open from its top. I floated down through the space. I found myself in some greenish-white-lit place that looked like a mix between a bowling alley and a hospital.

      From all different places, a bunch of normal humans came into the bowling alley. Many of them were carrying guns. Some of them were wearing what I thought of as hunters' outfits -- beige vests and caps, flannel shirts, and khaki-like slacks. Many of the people were wary, on guard, waiting for more zombies to just spring up.

      I was about to go to all the people. I thought I had found a group of people that I could be safe with. But as I approached them, they became suspicious of me, almost violent toward me. It was obvious that I wasn't a zombie, just like it was obvious that they weren't zombies. But they didn't care. They just didn't like me, and they didn't want me around.

      So I walked away from them before even approaching them. I may have started walking down one of the bowling lanes, thinking I'd find a sneaky way to get through the building at the end of the lanes.

      Suddenly I was fighting something, possibly zombies. There were gunshots everywhere. Explosions were blowing up the wood of the bowling lanes. I was turning back and shooting at whatever I was fighting.
    14. grandfather dying; fuel-pans; snowy hill; Philadelphia beach; changing of the guard; porn mistake

      by , 02-13-2011 at 03:46 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a car with my grandfather (who, in waking life, passed away about two years ago). We were in a parking lot. It was night, probably a cold night. I was in the driver's seat, and my grandpa was in the passenger's seat.

      My grandfather told me that he had a disease and that he was going to die in a very short time, maybe as short as seven days. I got very sad to think that my grandfather was going to die so soon. What struck me more than the fact that I would miss him was the thought of him standing so close to the complete uncertainty at that moment of death.

      I started to cry. I clenched my throat and grit my teeth as I cried, as if I were trying to stifle the cry. But my tears were also very bitter, as if they were somehow electrified.

      I now stood outside of and just in front of the car. There were two trees in front of the car. They were right next to each other, possibly crowding into each other. The tree on the right (as I faced the trees) may have been some kind of evergreen tree. The tree on the left was barren of leafs, with a strange, parallel branching, with the final branches sticking out almost perfectly straight. These branches either had big, red buds on them or else something like Christmas lights.

      My grandpa was floating up into the barren tree. I may have been holding on to his hand as he floated (or climbed?) higher up into the tree. The tree was something like the way to heaven. So in this sense, my grandpa was already dying. Eventually I had to let go of my grandpa's hand.

      Dream #2

      I was in a small house like a log cabin in the middle of the woods. The place was crowded with people, all probably "my family." One man in particular, an older, skinny man, lay on a scanty bed, probably wearing long johns or a tank top and old-looking pajama pants.

      It was a really cold day and I needed to get somewhere to check on something, possibly some other house that might be in trouble. The house may have been separated from us by a lake, which was frozen now.

      I probably would go across the lake by taking some kind of vehicle -- which, now, seems to have been something like a hovercraft and ski-doo mixed together. But to drive the vehicle, I'd need fuel.

      All over the room there were these stumps of wood, stood upright, like columns. On top of the stumps there were upside-down lids for metal garbage cans.

      The upside-down lids were filled with some kind of substance. This, I understood, was fuel for the vehicle. The fuel was clear and had a kerosene-like quality to it. But it was in a partly frozen state in all the "pans." It was melting from snow-like blocks into the clear liquid state.

      I asked the old man if I could use some of the fuel for the vehicle. The old man asked me about the conditions outside. It had to do with something about the level of the snow outside. I'd been outside only a while ago, and I knew that the conditions were bad. I didn't lie to the old man.

      The old man said, "Then, no. You can't use any of the snow. You know what kind of danger you'd be putting yourself in. And in weather like this, the ice on that lake is weak. That vehicle would melt right through the ice, and you'd find yourself inside the pond."

      Dream #3

      I was out walking with one of my old friends. We were up on the crest of a snowy hill. It was a sunny day, and the sky was clear and blue.

      To our left were something like footprints. To me they probably seemed like human footprints, even though, now, they seem to me to have been gigantic footprints.

      For some reason, these footprints proved that the snow was pristine, virgin snow, untraversed by other people. This was a relief to me, as I had been afraid this whole time that people had already been climbing this hill, and that sooner or later I'd have to deal with a lot of jerks while I was out hiking.

      I looked further down the snowy slope to my left. At the base of the hill was a small town. I think I mostly saw one-story houses, probably from the 1960s or 1970s.

      Dream #3

      I was "talking" (in my head?) with a few of my family members. They had asked me to stay wherever I was for a little more time. I decided that I would.

      My family members then told me that as a reward for staying a little while longer, they would also give me a couple final days all to myself and give me a free trip (or free tickets?) to the beach.

      At this point I realized I was in Philadelphia. Apparently Philadelphia had this very short stretch of beach, but it was one of the best beaches in the world.

      I now saw this beach as if I were flying over it from a couple hundred feet in a helicopter. I saw how short the stretch of beach was. The water into which the beach receeded also looked a bit murky, greenish black, not the kind of water you'd want to swim in. It also seemed like all sides of the beach were bordered by a rather intimidating fence. I saw people on the beach. It didn't look like a very fun place to go. But I kept telling myself, It's a luxury beach, one of the best.

      I felt guilty. I didn't know why my family would feel like they needed to give me such an incentive to stay around a little while longer. They should have just been able to feel like they could ask me without having also to give me something.

      Dream #5

      I was outside in some kind of semi-suburban area that kind of feels to me now like Princeton, New Jersey. I was out in an area of open, wide, rolling lawns. In the distance were some houses and a short, long structure that was something like a church. There was also, somewhere else, a tall, stone statue of a figure like Christ.

      There were a few other people in this environment, men, around my age. At some point, some man blew a bugle or made some general call to everybody. This, I told myself, was a "changing of the guard."

      Apparently we had all been playing a game where some people were in charge of the other people. At the "changing of the guard," the people in charge were no longer in charge. I don't think anybody would be in charge at that point. Possibly the game would just be over.

      At the "changing of the guard," we all had to go to one specific place, at the top of one of the rolling hills of grass. I was heading to that place. But at some point I saw one of the men in charge.

      I had to scurry away in some weird way so that the man wouldn't see me. If he saw me, he'd taunt me or hurt me or make me do something embarrassing. He was allowed to do any of these things, because he was still in charge. And even though the "changing of the guard" had been called, if the man didn't know it, he'd still act like he was in charge. And I, for some reason, would still obey like he was in charge.

      Now I was at the top of the hill with the same man, who was apparently an old friend of mine. The game was over, and it was now time to relax. My friend had brought some women with him. The women were naked. They were younger than we; I'm not sure how much younger. They were pale white and had pale red-brown hair.

      My friend and I were going to have sex with the girls. Before this time, I now noticed, my friend and I had simply been "having sex" by masturbating and then coming onto torn up pieces of styrofome cups. I was still holding a piece of cup that was the base of the cup with just a little bit of the vessel still rising up off of it. The cup was a kind of pale, blue-green color.

      I was just getting ready to come into the cup when my friend pointed out a girl to me. She was mine. My friend immediately got busy with another girl, right in front of me.

      The girl who was mine kind of looked at me shyly. I felt bad. She kind of seemed afraid of this whole thing. I told her if she didn't want to do anything, we didn't have to. But if she did want to do something, she should lay down on her back.

      So the girl lay down on her back. I think she was lying on a soft, colorful, plaid blanket, instead of on the lawn. I was now naked. I lay down on the girl. I had a little trouble getting aroused, even though it felt good to be on the girl. Eventually, though, I did get aroused, and I finally went inside the girl. It felt good. I asked the girl if she felt okay, too.

      Dream #6

      I had apparently gotten a new phone. I couldn't figure out how to make something on the phone's internet work. I had typed in a number of addresses for sites I wanted to get to. But none of them had worked. At this moment I wanted to get to some site where I could see some info related to my work. But I couldn't get it.

      A woman who works as a coordinator for a volunteer event I go to in waking life said she could figure out the phone for me. So I gave her the phone. She's an older woman, kind of tough, but very nice. She's a little stout, with skin tan from always working in the sun. She has grey hair, which, in the dream was, I think, extremely frizzy.

      As the woman figured out the phone's internet for me, I suddenly realized that a lot of the sites I had tried to access on my phone had actually been pornographic sites. I was hoping that the woman would just access the site I needed for work and not see any of the pornographic sites.

      The woman now said she had figured the phone's internet for me. She seemed happy at first. But then she stopped, a little grossed out by whatever she had seen. She handed the phone back to me and gave me a disappointed look. I knew she had seen a porn site.

      I took the phone, wondering what site the woman had seen. The screen had purple lettering on it saying "Daddy's Little Girls." I thought, Oh god, please don't tell me this porn site is what it sounds like. But I knew that it was exactly what it sounded like.

      The background showed the side of a house with a pair of some kind of instruments that looked like something related to whatever I was looking for for work purposes. They didn't look like exactly what I was looking for, but I felt like they were close enough.

      So I said to the woman, "Oh, there it is! The product I was looking for. That's the only reason I was looking at this site!"

      The woman just continued to stare at me with that grossed-out, disappointed look.
    15. great-grandfather's bed; perverted phone

      by , 01-29-2011 at 03:32 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      My nighttime discipline has been terrible lately! Last night, I spent too long watching the Girls' Generation "Visual Dreams" video and some anime stuff on YouTube. It wrecked my dream recall.

      One thing before I do the dreams. At the Japan Society in NYC a series is currently running showcasing the work of the director Sabu.

      On Wednesday I watched Sabu's film Monday. The plot of the story revolves around a businessman who wakes up after having been drunk for two days. He slowly recalls all the things he did while he was drunk.

      The story reminds me of waking up and looking back on a dream. But at a certain moment the main character takes charge over his actions. At this moment, the "dream" stories become more like lucid dreams.

      There aren't any extreme special effects. But I think the film, in itself, is very good. And I think it's also good as a metaphor for the dreaming and lucid dreaming processes.

      Anyhow, I want to suggest that anybody in or near NYC go to the Japan Society to check out some of Sabu's films. Sabu is there to introduce each film and do a Q&A. So that's also incredible.

      Dream #1

      I was in my great-grandmother's backyard on a sunny day. My great-grandmother was still alive. My family may have been near me somewhere. My great-grandma was talking to me, possibly standing very close to me, or possibly through some kind of telepathy.

      I was now in my "great-grandma's basement." I stood before a bed that was covered in deep blue sheets. My great-grandma told me something about my great-grandfather. I got the feeling that this may have been the bed my great-grandfather had died in.

      My great-grandma now told me that I had to lay in the bed. It was as if I was going to be in town for a while, and that I would have to stay at this house while I was here. So I'd be using this bed.

      The bed was now different. The previous bed didn't have any headboard. But this bed had a very fancy headboard of nice wood. The bed also had blankets. In fact, the bedding appeared to be a very nice, homemade quilt with mint-green squares alternating with white squares with pink flower (?) designs on them.

      I was a little afraid to lay in the bed. I felt like it had been empty for so long that maybe bedbugs had started to live inside of it. I thought I would check the bed for bugs. But I knew my great-grandmother was somewhere around me. I didn't want to check the bed in front of her and offend her by implying that she had neglected the bed.

      Dream #2

      I was in some museum or art gallery. I was in a room, possibly laying face down on a cushioned bench that was backed up against a wall. My head kind of hung down over one end of the bench. This specific room was spacious but small, kind of dimly lit, with white walls and possibly some thin carpet.

      There had been some big art exhibit opening. The opening included some kind of presentation by the artist, a woman who kind of looked like Laurel Nakadate. Now everybody was milling around or leaving. Most of the people looked like somewhat wealthy business people.

      The artist woman leaned against the wall near the bench on which I lay. I was playing with some device like an iPhone. All the icons on the phone were squares with a swirly pattern of pinks, browns, and oranges. I was scanning through a number of different icons.

      The artist said something to me like, "I could never figure out how those things worked. You seem to know it pretty well. You must be smart."

      I figured from this that the artist couldn't afford to own an iPhone. I let her look at mine, so she could figure out how to use it. But as soon as I handed it over, I felt a little bit of anxiety. I knew I had a lot of really wacky porn sites still up on my internet. I hoped that she wouldn't look through my internet history.

      The artist, did, however, end up scrolling through my internet history. As the artist continued using the phone, the phone became something like a sit-down driving game like you would see in an arcade. The artist was sitting inside the game, scrolling through my internet history, which was a black screen, with old, pixellated, dim-white lettering. The room also became dim, like an arcade.

      The artist, thankfully, kept scrolling down to sections full of internet searches I'd apparently done for really fancy recipes. Also, there seemed to be some sections where I'd taken pictures of these fancy dishes I made.

      The artist may have made some comment about how nice it was that a guy actually put effort into making all these delicious meals. That comment made me even more afraid of the artist finding the porn sites.

      I thought that maybe I'd get lucky and that the artist might not happen upon any of the porn sites that I'd looked at on my phone. But she eventually did. The porn sites in question were apparently of me, all by myself, on my bed, masturbating or dressed in women's underwear.

      At some point the arcade game version of my phone became my phone again, although at certain times the views were coming straight into my head, as if I were just imagining them all. The artist was gone, although I may have heard her talking to me, as if I were hearing the conversation telepathically or through "memory-phone."

      I now stood before a bed in an almost completely dark room. I may have thrown the phone on my bed. I still had the weird photos of me running through my head. Eventually I got on the bed, standing on my knees.

      (Side notes: Dream #2 implies that I look for porn and fancy recipes on the web. This is wrong. I don't look for fancy recipes. But I probably should, because I think cooking is really cool.)
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