• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. dirty beach; two sandwiches; dianne wiest lunch; new restaurant

      by , 02-08-2012 at 02:42 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was out on a beach that was packed with people. A lot of people seemed to be out with small contraptions, almost like the rods that would hold up huge umbrellas, but with no umbrellas, and with bases that lay in the sand.

      I stood by a little, blonde girl. She was really tiny, but she spoke really well. She wore a leopard print bathing suit and sunglasses. I had asked her her name -- or maybe I'd asked her my name. She responded by telling me I was silly or stupid.

      The girl then told me that I'd spoken so much about going into the water. So why was I now just staying out on the beach. I figured the little girl was right. I should go into the water, at least to impress the girl.

      But I looked at the water. It was just as packed as the beach was. And it was dirty as hell. It looked like old, used washing machine water. And posts seemed to be sticking up out of it, too.

      Dream #2

      I was laying on a bed, probably in the living room of a nice apartment or condo in a tall, new building. My mom sat either on the edge of my bed or on a bed that was adjacent to my bed. We were watching some movie. The movie struck me as being a little brutal or gross.

      I was either making two sandwiches, or else I had two sandwiches lying before me as I lay on the bed. Each sandwich had its own plate. Both sandwiches were on heroes.

      The sandwich nearest me had ham and cheddar cheese. I remembered that I liked the taste of ham with some other meat. So I told my mom I could make our sandwiches with that other meat as well.

      But my mom said no, that didn't matter. She seemed to be hungry and annoyed, and she didn't want to worry about complicating things. I felt bad for complicating things. So I decided to leave the sandwich alone.

      But I personally wanted the taste of both meats on my sandwich. Then I remembered that the second sandwich had both meats on it. So even if my mom was annoyed by my two-meat idea, I could secretly eat and enjoy a two-meat sandwich.

      Dream #3

      I was at a dinner table with an older woman, probably my mom. We were in a really nice restaurant that was mostly empty. The table was round, a meter in diameter, with a white tablecloth.

      Three older women sat down at a table that was right next to ours, even touching ours. The three women all looked rich. They were all dressed in black.

      My mom had a conversation with the women. It sounded pretty intelligent. But I can't remember what it was about. One woman, the one closest to me, was staying rather quiet. I looked at her. She looked really distressed.

      I recognized her as Dianne Wiest. But she looked a bit skinnier and older. I wanted to tell her how much I enjoyed her performances in her movies. But I didn't say anything.

      Later I was riding in the backseat of a car. My mom was driving, and another woman was up in the front seat with her. My mom said, "Rachel ----- wasn't as talkative as she usually is."

      I thought, Rachel -----? I knew my mom was talking about the woman I'd looked at. But I guess I'd gotten the name of the woman wrong.

      My mom continued. "Oh, well. Usually she's more open when she's around kids. It brings out more of a feeling of hope in her."

      I thought to myself, Well, I'm pretty youthful and exuberant. I can bring out hope in people, too. I should have been a little more outgoing with Rachel.

      Dream #4

      I walked into a restaurant. It was as enormous as the main area of Grand Central station in NYC. Toward the back, the seating area tiered up. The carpet, and maybe the walls, were green. The tables all had white tablecloths on them. The place was empty.

      I walked back to the back tier. I sat down and was now seated with a rich-looking, older-looking man and woman. We ate and spoke cheerfully about something. I was having a good time. But I was trying to play down the fact that I wasn't rich, so that my financial condition wouldn't make the couple dislike me.

      I then realized that this was a brand new restaurant that had opened up in a big, abandoned building. I thought of some friends who I always go out to dinner with. I thought they'd be really impressed when I told them I'd come to a restaurant that had just opened.
    2. south america map; eating medals; girls' race; food before hike; no sex in loft; girl's movements

      by , 12-09-2011 at 03:27 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was walking with a couple "friends" through a large area like a mix between a museum and an airport. The floors were grey. There was at least one balcony overhead. The light was a watery-white fluorescent.

      One of my friends was a woman. She going to take a trip somewhere in South America. It was somehow like I had gotten her interested in this trip, or like I had gotten her involved with some organization that had put her on this trip.

      The woman was kind of worried about how the trip was going to turn out. She didn't even know exactly where she was going in South America. But she didn't want to be so far away from the equator that she was always cold, and she didn't want to be in such a small town that there was never anything to do.

      I told the woman that we would look at a map of South America. If she told me enough about the place she was going, I could probably figure out where it was on the map.

      I now saw that the big area we were in had a gigantic map of South America. The map stood upright. It was maybe twenty meters tall. It was shaded to match the land forms and vegetation areas of South America. It may have been three-dimensional as well. On the floor, perpendicular to the map, was a long platform-like base with words on it.

      I pointed through the moderate crowd up toward the map of South America. I could almost imagine myself driving along some of the roads in South America.

      The woman must have been telling me about the place, because I was gettng a distinct impression that she was going to ----- (? - Chile, or Argentina?). I told the woman she didn't have to worry, that she would be going to a very warm place.

      But now we were walking up toward a whole new map. I don't know what happened to the previous map. But we'd never gotten very close to it. But now we were getting up much closer to the second tall map.

      The second map may have been larger than the first map as well. For some reason, I was afraid to be so close. The map was all blue. The ocean surrounding South America was a dark blue. South America was a pale blue or turquoise.

      One city near the northeast end of South America began blinking. But the woman then told me the name of the city where she would be: "Las Ne-----." That city started blinking, just a little to the southwest of the very center of South America.

      I knew that this city was in Brazil. The city was small, and the winters got very cold there. The woman would be miserable. But this is where she'd been assigned to go. And I'd gotten her into this whole thing in the first place! I felt terrible. But I still tried to convince myself that maybe she'd end up liking it.

      I looked over to my friend. She was now TB, a male co-worker from a couple jobs back, who IWL comes from Brazil.

      Dream #2

      I was riding a bike through a suburban park, along a concrete path. It was a sunny day. I was all alone, but I may possibly have felt like I was a part of some race.

      I rode across a lawn, which was flat at first, then rolled down a small slope. As I went down the slope there was a small building about fifty meters ahead of me and off to my left. I headed for another concrete path at the bottom of the slope.

      Closer to the path was a small tree, kind of like a pine tree. But its limbs and branches were rather barren of needles. The branches were also dotted with a strange kind of fruit.

      The meat of the fruit was yellow, but very small. It was dotted with seeds, like a strawberry is. But the seeds had either grown so big or ingested so much of the fruit's meat, that they were huge, taking up more space now than the meat of the fruit did. The seeds were shaped like coffee beans. There were also brownish pine-needles sticking out of the fruit.

      As I got down toward the concrete path, a young woman came biking up the slope toward me. I figured she was gay (a shallow assumption) because she was overweight, wore a boyish t-shirt and khaki shorts, and had a boyish haircut of curly, brown hair.

      I knew that this woman was in a race. I figured it was probably the race I was also in. I didn't seem too concerned about the race, though.

      I was now eating as I was riding. Maybe I was eating something like beef jerky or fruit roll-ups. I remember I was chewing like crazy, almost like a wild, angry animal.

      I pulled a small, narrow paper back out into my field of view. I pulled two small pins out of the bag. They were backed with brass and fronted with some kind of multi-colored, glass or porcelain design. They were medals for races I'd won.

      I may have been stopped and standing or sitting on the lawn by this point. I may possibly have popped one or both of the medals in my mouth, as if I were going to eat them. But I suddenly realized that you don't eat medals. You save them. I was really hungry. But I put the medals back in the bag.

      Dream #3

      I was inside some kind of structure with a lot of people. The structure -- I'm guessing -- was a tent made out of tarp-like material, like you see for big picnics or for large booths during summertime festivals. The walls were all pulled down, though, so that the sunlight coming through them was a dim, dusty amber.

      I was in the midst of the crowd, talking with two little Asian girls. They were maybe five years old. They were good friends. They both had short hair, cut about jaw-length.

      The two girls were now being called away, maybe by one girl's dad, who may have been a tall, kind of skinny, white man. The girls had to go get ready for a running race.

      I now stood in another area. I looked up to my right. There was a doorway in the wall of the tarp. From that doorway, a plastic-boarded running-track was laid out through the center of the structure. It was bordered on either side by some kind of barrier -- maybe a jumble of stretch-tape barriers, steel-gate barriers, and plastic net barriers.

      Everybody milled around on either side of this race track, kind of half-anticipating the start of the race. I may have looked up through the doorway to see the girls. They were in their starting positions, which were actually a few meters outside the doorway.

      I was now back a ways from the track. The race started. Two girls may have run into the structure. But I didn't know one of the girls. The other girl was one of the friends. But she now seemed much younger than the other friend I'd been talking to. And she didn't know how to stay in her own lane. She was veering far to the left.

      The race may have been stopped, due to the lack of focus by its two participants. Or it may have continued, though nobody really cared about it anymore.

      But I wondered what happened to the other girl I'd been talking to. I may have looked (maybe only in my mind's eye) up through the doorway again. I may have come to the conclusion that thing had been so confusing at the start of the race that the girl had tripped and fallen.

      I was sad that the girl had fallen. Everybody knew she was the favorite to win the race. I thought they might even start the race all over again for her sake. But maybe they wouldn't. That might not be fair.

      I then thought that maybe I had caused the girl to fall. Maybe, while I'd been talking to the two little girls, I'd caused the older little girl to become so sexually attracted to me that she was distracted, and so she'd messed up her footing at the beginning of the race.

      Dream #4

      I was sitting in a seating area of a small deli with my friend MG, a Swedish guy I'd worked with on an Americorps program in New York.

      We were going on some hike somewhere. We'd stopped at this deli to pick up some stuff before we left. But then we'd decided to sit here for a while before we really headed off and drove to wherever we were going to start this hike.

      The table we sat at was a small, two-person table. From about waist-height up, there was a mirror running along the wall to my left. Across the narrow dining area from me, some refrigerated food and beverage display cases lined the walls. The floors of the area were brown tile. Farther ahead, behind MG, I could see where this area opened up into the larger store area of the deli.

      Two girls walked down toward, then past, our table. The girls were maybe eighteen or nineteen years old. They were incredibly hot, with blonde hair, tight shorts and soft t-shirts clinging closely to their breasts. It seemed like the girls may have been planning to go hiking, too.

      The girls sat directly behind us. It seemed like they wanted us to talk to them. But I felt like I was too old to hit on eighteen-year-old girls. I'd look like a dirty, old man.

      My backpack (? - don't wear one) was on the table in front of me. It was stuffed so full it almost looked like a green ball. I unzipped it and pulled out a clear, disposable container, like you might see in a deli, holding a single slice of cake.

      The container held a meal or side dish made out of rice and a ton of black beans and black bean sauce. I ate the entire meal, scraping as much of the black bean sauce as I possibly could.

      MG said, "Are you sure you have enough ----- for our hike?" I didn't know whether he meant food or water. So I told him I was fine. I said that after I'd eaten this thing, I wouldn't need anything else for the rest of the day.

      MG said, "Well, I guess some people just have different bodily needs. It's kind of amazing to me. I would never go that long without -----."

      I now wondered whether I hadn't misunderstood MG. I'd just eaten a ton of food, it seemed to me. Why would I need to eat anymore for the rest of the day? MG must have meant that I'd need water. And now that I thought of it, I didn't have any water in my backpack. I would need water.

      I looked over to one of the refrigerated display cases. It was a narrow cabinet with a glass door, holding a bunch of sodas and waters. I saw a few waters, like Poland Spring waters, on the bottom shelf. I figured I'd buy one of those.

      Dream #5

      I was in an apartment with a pretty girl. It was night, and all the lights in the apartment were off. The only light in the apartment was from dim city lights and the light of the moon, which was apparently full and huge, so bright that the rest of the sky was inky black.

      I was apparently house-sitting here. I'd invited the girl over for the night. The apartment was big and nice. But the living room held both the couch and the bed. My viewpoint kept changing between the couch and the bed.

      The girl was over in the shadows of the room, maybe in a corner near the door. She had specifically come here to have sex with me. But now I seemed to be afraid to have sex with her. I may have expressed a fear that I didn't want to be having sex right at the moment when the people I was house-sitting for returned.

      I was now sitting with my back to a window or to a sliding-glass door. But some part of the window must have been open, because a gauzy, billowy curtain kept wafting up around me. I may have been looking off to my right, to a TV set, which was turned off.

      The girl was on the phone, either the apartment's phone or her own cell phone (which may have been an old, silvery, flip-open style phone). The girl was talking to her friend, complaining about all my excuses for not having sex with her. These excuses were mostly about the apartment itself.

      "But," the girl said, "if this place were a loft apartment, where we were the only ones who could get into the entire floor, there'd be no worry about anybody seeing us coming into the apartment."

      (This had, I guess, been one of my worries.)

      The girl now said, "But, wait! Isn't this a loft? This is! This is a loft apartment! We have the whole floor to ourselves!"

      I realized the girl was right. Maybe we could have sex, after all. But suddenly my mind began filling up with a million other reasons why the girl and I couldn't have sex.

      I was now kneeling on the floor, near the corner of a coffee table that stood before the couch. The girl was back to complaining to her friend on the floor about all the excuses I kept giving for not having sex.

      All the time I listened to the girl, and thought of ways to get past all my silly excuses, so that I could have sex, I was staring at a sculpture of a woman's torso.

      The sculpture was nicely shaped. But it seemed to be brittle and plastery. And the skin was a little too orange to look human. The torso was made to look like it wore a black bra and a skinny pair of black panties. I may have been turned on by the panties.

      Dream #6

      I was out in some area, kind of like a parking lot that was being used for a summer festival or fair. There were a decent amount of people milling about.

      A little girl was milling around with her mom and dad, maybe five meters away from me. The mom and dad were standing at a distance, maybe eating some food. The dad was tall and thin, bald, wearing a white polo shirt. The mom was shorter, maybe a little overweight, blonde, with a kind of saggy face.

      The girl was maybe nine years old, blonde, with tan skiny. She wore a summer dress with thick straps and a plaid pattern with a dark pink background and lighter pink criss-crosses. The girl stood in front of some sort of belt-rope barrier.

      The girl began doing dance moves or gymnastics moves, possibly while she was eating an ice cream cone. She lifted her right leg out to her side, then bent over to touch her right arm to her right leg. She then "bounced" off her leg and twirled her torso and arms over to the left. She moved into something like a somersault, then stood and began the move again.

      As the girl did all of this, her limbs formed trails, like in a multiple exposure photograph or film, so that it looked like the girl, as she moved, was forming phantom arms and legs. It was really beautiful.
    3. hugging sisters and boys in cafe

      by , 11-20-2011 at 03:08 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was standing in a corridor that looked like it had a wheelchair ramp built into it. The wall I faced was a window wall, extending all the way down the corridor. There may have been a hairpin turn along the wall to get to a tiny, glass-walled space before the exit door.

      I probably stood right at the door, inside the building. Outside stood a family. They were all telling me goodbye. The family was white, kind of well-off-looking. There were an older dad, probably a mom, and a bunch of other people.

      There were two little girls in the family, and I may have been attracted to the littler one. She may have been five or six years old.

      I took some chance to hug the little girl. I had a feeling that if I hugged her, we could both share our feelings of attraction for one another in some secret way. I was sure she was attracted to me, too. But I didn't want to get in trouble for showing my feelings.

      Later on I may have been in some cafe. I may have been sitting at a table with a white boy. The table we sat at was against a wall. I sat on one end of the table so that the wall was to my right. The boy sat at the adjacent end, so that he faced the wall.

      He was probably gay. He was tall, kind of pretty. He had his hair shaved really close on the sides and then kind of flowing on top. He wore a grey jacket, and he may have had the collar of the jacket turned up.

      The boy was kind of stuck-up, it seemed to me. I was pretty sure he hated me. I didn't want to bother him. But I was also kind of angry that he acted so stuck-up. I felt threatened, and I wanted to prove somehow that I wasn't threatened.

      I was now back with the family at the door. The older sister was now talking to me. The older sister was maybe ten or eleven years old. She had blonde-brown hair and tan skin. She wore a white skirt and a turquoise tank-top.

      The older sister told me that the little sister had gotten sick or something, so she couldn't hug anybody. So the older sister would have to hug me instead.

      I knew that the older sister was attracted to me. I knew that she thought if she could just get a chance to hug me, she'd make me attracted to her instead of to her little sister.

      I hugged the girl. She wasn't skinny, but her body, around her waist, felt strong. I did feel like I was attracted to her. But I didn't want her family to know. I didn't want to get in trouble.

      I walked out the door with the family. I either held hands with the older sister or managed to do something with her like lift her up onto my shoulders, so she was riding on my shoulders.

      Everybody in the family seemed pretty happy. For some reason, I asked the girl something either like, "If you knew this was the last day of your life, what would you do?" or, "If this were the last day of your life, could you truly say you've died happy?"

      I was now back in the cafe with the tall, white boy. I had apparently asked him some question as well. He was writing something in a notebook. His handwriting was mostly capital letters, very blocky, in something like black, felt-tip pen. But he was also answering me. I had a feeling that he was finally coming around to liking me.

      Then another boy sat across the table from me. He had olive skin and black hair, with his bangs kind of spiked down a bit over his forehead. He wore a brownish sweatshirt. He also seemed to be gay.

      The first boy had at some point gone to open the door of the cafe so that some cool air could flow in. But the second boy sat next to the thermostat. He turned up the heat.

      The first boy asked the second boy if he'd turned up the heat. The second boy said he had. It wasn't clear whether he'd done it because the open door was making him cold or because he wanted to keep the heat at a level that was sure to annoy the first boy.

      The first boy stood up to go close the cafe door, assuming that if he did that, the second boy would turn down the thermostat. But as he stood up, the first boy said to the second boy, "You know, I'm really beginning to despise you."
    4. stage photo for sister

      by , 08-26-2011 at 12:03 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was part of some situation that was like a TV show. In the show, there was some guy, who was either a young man or a young man dressed up like an old man. As the young man, he may have been clean-cut and slightly effeminate, wearing some kind of plaid, Abercrombie-style shirt. As the young man made up as an old man, he had white hair and wore a black suit.

      The man and I were with a few other people. The man started talking about how he was gay. I said it didn't matter to me whether he was gay. I said that I wasn't gay.

      There was now a transition scene, maybe to a commercial. The transition scene showed a bunch of hot girls in spandex suits like exercise outfits doing some kind of hip-hop dance on a big, wooden platform, like the floor of a dance studio. But this "floor" was either elevated above buildings, on the roof of a building, or attached like a ledge to a building. The camera panned away, revealing a huge city.

      I was now in a theatre. It was like the program I'd come to watch had finished. We were all leaving the theatre. There were only a few people left in the seats. I was up in the balcony. A female friend of mine stood to my right. Looking down to the stage area, I saw a big, wooden platform. It almost looked like a gigantic, wooden bed frame, with a tall, narrow mirror as the headboard.

      I told my female friend, "That's what my sister wanted me to take a picture of! She'd told me she wanted a souvenir shot of the big bed from the show. I had no idea what she was talking about. But now I remember it!" I also remembered that the "big bed" was the platform the dancers had been on during the transition scene.

      I pulled out a camera and started to take a picture. There were two girls, one in her early teens and one a bit younger, standing by the stage. The older girl wore a long, maroon sweater and a wool cap, and she had straight, black hair that flowed almost down to her waist.

      Either as the dream ended or as I woke up, I thought it would be a good idea to ask the two girls to stand near the "big bed," so I could illustrate the size of the bed by using them as reference points.
    5. grandpa's air force photos; lingerie store; song

      by , 08-25-2011 at 12:28 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was at my great grandmother's house. My great grandma (who IWL passed away about two years ago) was sitting in an armchair near her front door. My sister sat at a footstool near the chair. There were other family members in the house, as if we were having a gathering or party of some kind.

      My great grandma was showing us photos from a big photo album she had. The photo album had black covers, and the pages were letter-size, clear plastic page sleeves, probably with a black "backing" set into each sleeve. Each page had one photograph, which was as big as a letter-size piece of paper.

      The photos were from my great grandfather's time of service in the Air Force. Apparently he had fought in World War II. My great grandma and/or my sister told how my great grandpa would send these photos home in letters. The letters would be kind of cheerful, not hinting at any danger my great grandpa was experiencing.

      My great grandma had put all these photos into a book and then had then captioned each one in the same kind of cheerful, breezy tone that my great grandpa had used in his letters.

      My great grandma now laughed. She said that, looking back on these photo captions, she was shocked at how naive and silly they sounded, and how they trivialized the hard experiences my great grandpa had had in the war. We all laughed.

      My sister took the book. She may have had the intention either of putting the book away or of showing us the pictures, but not reading any of the captions. I asked my sister, a little forcibly, if I could see the book. I wanted to read some of the captions aloud. After my great grandma's story, the captions seemed like the most interesting thing of all.

      I sat down on a footstool on the other side of the room from my sister. I looked through the pages. Some photos had captions on their bottom edges, typed in. Others had captions written on the backs of the photos, scrawled out in big letters with some purplish pencil. Others had a combination of typing and handwriting.

      I now started actually looking at the photos. I was stunned when I saw a photo of a jet fighter, like an F-4 or an F-16. The fighter was on the ground, and it was largely hidden from view by big vehicles like trucks, so I only saw the nose, cockpit, and two rectangular air intake valves on either side of the nose.

      I looked at the back side of the photograph. It said F-15 and something like "Flurry or Fury" or "Fluffy or Fury." The word "Fury" was then repeated. This was all typed, centered, at the top of the page, as if by an official agency. There was a little bit more official text, followed by a lot of scrawled out writing from my great grandma.

      I stuttered to my family, "This -- this -- must be one of the first uses of jet fighters in actual combat situations!"

      My great grandma nodded in affirmation.

      I then flipped through some more pages. One group of photos showed some kind of switchboard area. Women were working the switchboards. There was one photo with a woman with dark hair, in a 1940s style, curly, down to about her shoulders. The woman wore a uniform, but I don't remember if she wore a hat. She may have been wearing small, round eyeglasses.

      I said, again in surprise, that this was one of the first groups of women to be used for something like strategic or technological operations.

      Dream #2

      I was walking into a really busy clothing store, coming in behind a big group of people. There were racks full of clothes as soon as we came in the doors. The people in front of me kind of filtered out to different areas of the store. A little girl in a cheerful-patterned, red and white dress followed the people.

      I basically went to some set of clothes racks with panties on display. There were some other people there. Two were a couple, a young man and a young woman. They both looked kind of well-off. I was afraid they would think I was a pervert for being here. I also worried whether the parents of the little girl I'd seen would think I was a pervert.

      Dream #3

      A song. A guitar played a nice sounding, strumming melody with a solid, but relaxed rhythm. I took this to be the foreground music. Then another stringed instrument (???) Would come in occasionally and add a little riff that sounded a bit like that "Brazil" song from the movie... um... Brazil, by Terry Gilliam.
    6. mirror, people at door, outside with psychiatrist

      by , 08-20-2011 at 02:16 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in "my apartment," in my bathroom, looking at my face in the mirror. The bathroom was dark, with light coming in only from another room. I was disappointed with my appearance. I felt like I looked really ugly.

      There was suddenly a knock on my front door. I didn't know anybody who'd be knocking on my door at this time, so I was afraid to open the door. I went to look through the peephole to see who was there -- I was even afraid to do that.

      The person at the door was a tall, muscular black man wearing a black tank top, khaki shorts, and a baseball cap tilted off to the side of his head. He was bouncing around a lot. He looked annoyed or angry. I didn't open the door or acknowledge the man. I just walked away from the door and back to the bathroom.

      There was another knock at the door. This time I stood frozen in the doorway of my bathroom, afraid to even go to the door. I looked from the bathroom to the door.

      My apartment was really big. It was like the bathroom was at the front of a short hallway. Between the hallway and the front door was a living room. But the living room was more like two huge rooms. Both the rooms were plainly visible, but dark. In the center was a kind of columned space that was lit with incandescent light. There was nice, kind of old-style furniture everywhere.

      I somehow saw through the door, which now had a window of greenish and pinkish stained glass in a diamond-grid pattern on it. At the door were two old, white men, kind of overweight, with white hair. It was now like part of the stained glass on my door had been broken. The men could see into my house. But I didn't know if they could see me.

      There was a really nice, big, comfortable armchair near the hallway. A very pretty, blonde, little girl in a really nice, fancy dress, sat in the chair. She made some kind of remark about the people at the door. The remark was made with a cheerful tone, but it was kind of dark. It made me feel like the two white men at my door were probably here only to cause trouble for me, but that I should probably open the door to them anyway.

      I was about to go open the door for the men. But they now saw me through the smashed-out pieces in the stained glass on my door. The men said something about how they had only been here to help me. They were probably going to install some kind of device in my house. But if I didn't want to open the door for them, they weren't going to waste their time.

      The two men left my door. I ran after them, hoping to get them so they could do whatever good thing they were going to do for me. I must have gotten down to the ground floor of my apartment building. In an area that may have been a little small and cramped, possibly busy with some kind of housework, I met a woman, another resident.

      The woman said, "Oh, those guys are all holding a big meeting for all of us downstairs later on. They gave everybody that speech. They figured it was a good way to make everybody feel guilty. So that way everybody would want the thing the men want to put in the house. So now, to find out what it is, we all have to go to this meeting."

      I was now outside, in a neighborhood that looked a lot like my neighborhood in waking life. It was late afternoon or early morning. The sky was deep, vivid blue, but there were also bright, red-pink clouds in the sky. I remarked to myself that I'd never seen clouds with such a strong, red tint.

      Somehow my psychiatrist met me a couple of blocks down from my apartment. I was walking back to my apartment. So my psychiatrist walked with me. We passed a small family that was taking up the entire sidewalk. We had to maneuver past them. I squeezed along a chain-link fence along the sidewalk.

      One of the kids of the family may have been on a tricycle. Another of the kids was a little, Latina girl with dark skin and long, black hair. She was maybe ten or eleven years old. She wore a bikini with a black and white design of tighly interlocking patterns, like Native American pottery paintings. She also may have had red scrunchees holding her hair back in either a ponytail or two pigtails.

      I had been very interested in the Native American design on the girl's bikini. I had never seen that before. But the girl had been kind of crouched down near the bicycle. And when she stood up, something about the sight of her rear end as it went from a crouching to a standing position really turned me on. So I looked away, ashamed of being turned on by a little girl, especially in front of my psychiatrist.

      We crossed the street. I was looking down to the sidewalk and up to the strikingly red-pink clouds as my psychiatrist spoke with me. My psychiatrist told me that she had some meeting set up with me and another psychiatrist, possibly a man. She told me that soon I'd be able to go to "special sessions" with this second psychiatrist.

      My psychiatrist told me that she'd tell me more once we got inside. Apparently my apartment complex actually held her counseling office instead of my apartment.

      I asked my psychiatrist if I would still be doing regular sessions with her, since the sessions with the guy would only be "special sessions." I mentioned some previous psychiatrist I'd had before, without being able to remember her name, as if I had seen her for "special sessions" while still seeing my psychiatrist for "regular sessions." But my psychiatrist didn't answer me.

      My dream now took on a very scratchy, rushing feeling, like I'd usually have when I was going into or coming out of a lucid dream. I think this may have been partly because I had gotten really frustrated trying to remember the name of my previous psychiatrist.
    7. face-girl, heart-boy, train search, mustache, topless little girl; pointillist painting

      by , 08-10-2011 at 12:13 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      There was a girl who hung out with some extremely fashionable people, possibly Andy Warhol's entourage. She had either darkly tanned or copper-brown skin. Her body was lovely. But her head was very strange.

      From her forehead back, her head was like a flat disk, like a plate. It was hairless and a little bit mottled. On either side of this disk, almost at the sides of the woman's cheeks, were eyes. The eyes were quite wide, pale, with very tiny pupils.

      I saw the woman in two scenes. In the first scene, which I can't remember very well, the woman was indoors, in some place like a fashionable club. In the second scene, the woman was walking on some brick path beside a house, drinking some can of juice or soda. In this second scene, the girl was wearing a long, stylish, but very summery, green dress.

      I noticed that the girl's mouth and chin were both very small. Her mouth was almost all the way down to her chin. I thought the girl must have had some kind of disease that had deformed her face.

      I now heard the woman talk, as if in narration. She had been an orphan, but it had been very hard for her to find a home, due to her deformity.

      Another female narrator now explained that her situation had been similar with that of a boy. I now saw the boy laying in the back of a car. He was little, maybe eight years old. He had shaggy, brown hair, and he wore a white t-shirt and khaki shorts. He told the camera (?), "I've been to a number of different homes. But nobody's wanted me -- because of my problem."

      I wondered what the boy's problem was. He didn't look deformed. But I suddenly saw his chest, for just an instant. The boy had a healed-over puncture wound, very deep, in his chest, just up and to the right of his colar plexus. The wound looked just like somebody had stabbed a sign-post into the boy's chest. I took this wound to mean that the boy had heart problems.

      The boy continued, "I went to the libraries to do research on my disease. But they didn't have much about it. But I studied whatever I could find."

      I had a view of the boy in the library, typing at a computer. It looked like he was on some kind of black and white, text-only page on the internet. But it was just the library catalog. I thought to myself, It's a real sign of the times that, whenever this documentary was made, all you could do on a computer at a library was look up what books they had at that specific library. But nowadays, if you have the right keywords, you can do tons of research on just about anything.

      The woman narrator now spoke about how she went to the library the boy had gone to, so she could see for herself how little information the library had regarding the boy's disease.

      I was now far out in a big town, which I may have thought of as Brooklyn. I was way out at the end of town, but I needed to get back home. It was daytime, and the streets were really packed. I was looking for a subway station. I kept zig-zagging through various crowded streets, hearing people's conversations. I kept finding subway stations, but they were never the right ones.

      One subway station was elevated maybe five or six meters above ground. It was set into a concrete stairway which had shrub-filled planters all along it. This appeared to be a station for one of the green trains (4, 5, or 6 line in New York). But it also seemed like the station was closed, even taped off with yellow police tape.

      I wandered down a straight road filled with people and cars and tall buildings. There was noise and rushing everywhere. I may have done more zig-zagging through the streets, looking for a police station.

      I was now in a quiet, suburban neighborhood, walking up to a driveway on the right side of a house, coming from the front of the house. As I did, a 12- or 13-year-old girl came walking up beside me. She was only wearing a pair of yellow briefs-style panties. She had pale skin and brown hair down to just above her shoulders.

      I was in some bathroom. I had a huge mustache, and maybe a huge goatee. I was trimming my hair. I realized that the more I cut off, the better I looked. I wondered what would happen if I just cut the whole thing off.

      I was back out in front of the house. In my memory, I heard a black man telling me how it would be bad if I kept thinking about the little girl whom I'd seen topless. He said that something like that was bound to get me in trouble.

      I was now walking back over to the driveway. At the curb, the driveway had something over it, like a gate of garlands, through which a new bride might walk on her way up the aisle at an outdoor wedding.

      Just coming through the gate was what appeared to be some kind of creepy guy. It looked like the guy was trying to catch up to me and elbow in front of me for some reason. So I sped up my walking to get to the house's side door before the creepy guy could get to me.

      But then the person called out to me, not by name, just something like, "Hey!" I looked at the person and realized it was just the girl again. She was naked, again, except for her yellow briefs. The girl held a white, terry-cloth summer dress in her hands. But she didn't look like she was going to put it on.

      The girl's body was a little weird to me. She was pretty thin, but her bottom was a little bigger than would seem to be proportional with her torso. The girl also had two "breasts," which were more like two little nubs of flesh with nipples on top, very close to each other at the center of her chest.

      The girl seemed to be pretty interested in me. She said, "Yeah, I'm studying -----." (I forgot what she was studying.) We got in the house. We were in a hallway. At the far end of the hallway I saw a room off to the left, with orange walls, where my mom was sleeping on a low mattress or couch.

      The girl and I walked into a room near the front of the hallway and off to the right. The room was small and plain, with just a mattress on the floor and a white sheet draped against the back wall. There may also have been a loose door or a long wood board leaning against the wall near or under the sheet.

      The girl was continuing to talk about her study project. Apparently it was all a real pain in the neck. Now she needed to use a computer for some research. So she'd come back here, apparently to use my mom's desktop.

      But we were apparently in this room because the little girl wanted me to have sex with her here. I was thinking it probably wasn't a good idea, because I didn't want my mom to wake up and discover us. But I also felt like if I wouldn't get in trouble, I should probably just have sex with the little girl. She seemed to be really curious. I thought I should help satisfy her curiosity.

      Dream #2

      (I had fallen asleep while "rehearsing" the memories of my first dream.)

      I stood in a dark room of a museum with a woman and possibly another person, maybe a man. The woman was very business-like, professional looking. The walls of the museum were either black or not lit at all.

      The woman and I stood before a painting of some dramatic scene, like a Redcoat soldier on a hill during the Revolutionary War. But it was done in a very realistic style, like that of Millet (?), except more watery. The sky was a slushy blue, and the hill was like washy waves of green, dotted with white flowers. The Redcoat seemed to be collapsing. He may already have been down on one knee.

      The style struck me as very dramatic and beautiful. But suddenly I realized the painting was a pointillist painting -- a style of painting I generally don't like very much.

      I told the woman that this might be one of the very few pointillist paintings I actually like. I gave a description of the painting. As I did, I suddenly thought, Wait a minute! This isn't a memory from one of my dreams! What the heck am I doing here?

      The painting seemed to start changing, a black, comic-book style painting "burning" out from underneath it, from the middle outwards.
    8. my cover list; girl in church; ferret; two books; peeing a lot; friends audition; aeon

      by , 07-30-2011 at 01:45 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I had quit my job. But now I had come back. I was in "my office," which was mostly grey, with dim, greyish fluorescent light. My seat was a cubicle off to the right from a long hallway.

      I was coming in for the day at the same time as another man. The man had dark, red-brown skin. He had frizzy, red-black hair pulled back in a ponytail. He wore a dark blue dress shirt and dakr grey slacks. The man and I spoke casually for a moment. The man had a gentle, slightly high-pitched voice, with a flattish, American accent. He seemed really nice.

      The man went into the office across from my cubicle. I figured that he was going to be my boss. I was trying to think of all the ways I could help him. After all, I knew all about this office, and apparently, today was only the man's first day.

      I didn't sit in my seat. I also didn't turn my computer on. I'm pretty sure I just stood up, shuffling through papers, trying to figure out things like what kind of data I needed to get for the man.

      The man and I were then heading down the hallway beyond my cubicle. This hallway was featureless and empty. We ended up in the office of the head of my department, DR. DR sat at his desk, which was kind of cluttered. DR had already given the man instructions. The man had left.

      I stood beside DR and just to his left, as if I were going to look at something on his computer screen. DR turned a little bit and then relaxedly turned his head a bit more so he could see me. His eyes looked kind of sleepy, and it looked more like he expected me to ask him something, rather than that he had a plan for me.

      I asked DR, "Is there a cover list you'd like me to start out with?" This, I assume, meant a list of companies for which DR would like me to gather data. Usually my boss would be the one to discuss this kind of list with DR. I'd be the one to pull the data.

      But DR said that he did have a list for me. He pulled out a piece of paper that looked very much like an electronic Excel spreadsheet with marker or thick pencil scrawlings in the cells. He told me to get started on this list.

      I was ready to get started on the names, and I was even trying to plan out how to put together some financial models for the companies on the list. But I was also surprised. I hadn't quite known I would be asking for a list. And I didn't know DR would just give me one.

      I knew this meant that I had been "promoted" to the position my boss had. That would mean I'd be on an equal level with the man I'd walked into the office with this morning.

      I was now back at my cubicle for a brief moment. I was considering what kind of work I needed to get started on.

      But then I was out walking on a sidewalk, going up a steep hill in a residential area. It was a clear sunny day, and I was walking under the shade of trees with thick canopies. I had my phone to my ear and I was listening to a conversation between my boss and our HR person, LS.

      LS was talking about what a good job I was doing in my new position, and what a good fit I was for the job. My boss got mad and he yelled, "Of course he is! I've been telling you people that all this time! But nobody ever listened to me!"

      Dream #2

      I was sitting at church, probably near the front. The place was so crowded that all I could see were people. Everybody seemed older, and everybody was dressed up. A shaft of bright, white light from a high-up window lit the area around me.

      I turned my head to the right and looked down. In an aisle (that had only been temporarily formed?) a little girl came walking toward me, possibly coming away from an older woman. The little girl had frizzy, curly, light brown hair. The may have worn a tank-top like smock and slacks.

      The little girl seemed to want to sit with me, so I lifted her up and sat her onto my lap. I sat forward, apparently to listen to the rest of the sermon. But I was mostly thinking of how happy I was to have the little girl sitting on my lap.

      Dream #3

      I was walking on a sidewalk somewhere. A black and white ferret ran up from behind me, passing me on my left side. It ran up to my mom.

      I said something to my mom like, "Wow, I see what you mean, after all! Ferrets are really nice!"

      Dream #4

      I was out in some kind of barren landscape, less like a desert, more like a natural area that had just been plowed over for a construction project. I stood just before some short hill or mound of brown soil, possibly with clumps of grass or vegetation growing on it. It was a sunny and pale day.

      I was planning to go out on some kind of trip. I had two books with me, but I could only take one. Both books were paperbacks. One books was a regular sci-fi book, possibly from an older author, like Arthur C. Clarke or Isaac Asimov.

      The other was called "The Joy of Sex." But it wasn't The Joy of Sex. Instead, it was some kind of semi-sci-fi novel mixed with porn. But the porn segments were supposed to be very well-described, like for educational purposes, to teach people how to have good sex. The book itself was a Penguin Classics paperback, and on its cover it had that French painting of the two girls in bed, with the one girl between the other's legs.

      I felt a little grossed out at the thought of reading all the sex descriptions in the book, so I decided to take the regular sci-fi book with me on my trip. After that, I felt a little guilty. Hadn't I always felt like I wasn't that great at sex? Didn't I always feel like I should learn how to be better. The "Joy of Sex" novel could have taught me how to be good. But I had decided not to take it.

      Dream #5

      I was in some dark bathroom, peeing. I just kept peeing and peeing. Eventually I started peeing all over the toilet seat and floor. Apparently this was some public bathroom. I started to pity the guy who'd have to use the toilet after me. I was really messing it up! But I had no intention of cleaning it.

      Dream #6

      A young man, who looked really familiar to me as some kind of movie or TV star, sat before the big desk of some TV executive. The executive sat behind his desk. The office was pretty big, very nice, and dimly lit.

      The young man had just auditioned for the role of Joey in the TV show Friends. But he didn't make it. The executive, who really liked the guy, had to break the news to the guy. This whole scene in the executive's office appeared as if it had been filmed, and filmed for an episode of Friends, like a kind of "History of Friends" episode.

      I knew that it wouldn't matter that the guy didn't get to play the role of Joey. The guy looked very familiar to me (even though I can't place him now -- he looked like a mix between Joey and Ross, with stubble), and I knew that he would end up as a cast member in another successful TV show or movie.

      The young man now stood up at the left side of the executive's desk. The executive stood before the young man. He was gradually, obliquely telling the young man how he hadn't made the cut.

      Finally, in some weird display of sympathy, and to show the young man that the executive liked him, the executive lifted up his head and smiled. Apparently the executive had been wearing a baseball cap the whole time, because his face was revealed from under the bill. The man was apparently famous, and this strange reveal was meant more for the sake of the filming.

      The executive was tall, kind of thin, balding, and maybe in his late 40s or early 50s. He reminded me of a famous TV person, but I couldn't place him. In another way, he kind of reminded me of Ron Howard.

      The youn man was now going to a restaurant to meet his friends. There were two men who sat waiting at a small, circular table for the young man. Both the men were older than the young man. They were tall, skinny, and they had kind of frizzy, blonde hair, like Art Garfunkel.

      Before the young man came into the restaurant, the two men had actually been holding hands over the table, like they were lovers. But when they saw the young man come into the restaurant, they quickly let go of each other, as if to hide the fact of their being lovers from the young man.

      The young man hugged the two men and then sat down at the table. He was wearing a pale, pink shirt and a brown, cowboy-style vest. He threw his hands up in the air and said, "Well, I didn't make it! I was close, but I didn't make it!"

      The young man had apparently had two parts to his audition. The first part had just been him playing the role of Joey. He had done better at that part than everybody except the guy who had actually gotten the role. But the second part was some kind of test, maybe even a written test. The young man was now explaining to the two men that the executive had explained to him that he had only gotten a 70 on that test.

      The young man said something like, "A 70! Can you believe it? A 70! That's all I got!"

      Dream #7

      No vision. Just words. Something like: "Aeon -- aeon in the mind. The mind in man."
    9. not teaching writing; talking dog, russian reality show, career maze

      by , 06-02-2011 at 12:14 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a house. I walked from something like a living room into something like a kitchen. The kitchen looked like a normal suburban kitchen, but there was a big table, which was either wide and made of thick wood or was a big, wide table like for a group of students in an elementary school art class. Orange-gold afternoon light came in through the kitchen window.

      There were three young men at the table. Two sat on one side and one on the other. I walked behind the two and sat to their right. The seats were benches. I saw that the two young men were working on homework assignments. The assignment seemed to involve a lot of photographs.

      Then the other young man began explaining stuff to the two young men. The stuff he was explaining had to do with English writing and speech. I thought, Well hadn't I been teaching these guys English before? Why is this guy teaching these guys English? But I then thought, Well, if that's what they want, I can't be mad at them. And I can't act mad. So I think I stood up and walked into the other room.

      Dream #2

      I was out in some park, either at night or in the early morning. I was walking past some small, red-brick structure which I think was a bathroom. As I did, a man walked up with a small dog.

      The dog wasn't on a leash and it ran straight up to me. The owner made some comment about how the dog was nice and how he wouldn't mind my petting her. The dog was a litte, red dog that looked like a mix between a dachshund and a collie, with pointy ears. It only stood 200cm tall.

      I reached my hand down to the dog, even though I was still standing straight up. I may have asked the dog if she minded my petting her. The dog responded in a distinct voice, but probably by telepathy, "Oh, I don't mind at all. In fact, I'm gonna give you a big hug."

      The dog managed to curl her head and neck around so that she had my arm pressed close to her shoulder. I was kind of flattered that the dog liked me so much.

      Now it started to rain pretty heavily. I was carrying an umbrella. I knelt down and picked up the dog, which was now something like a tiny, white poodle. I again asked it the dog minded my carrying her to her owner. The dog said, "No! You can help me get back there without having to go through the pouring rain!" But the dog was already soaking wet.

      As we walked over to the owner the dog began telling me about some kind of reality show from Russia that she really liked. We got over to the dog's owner. But now the dog was a really pretty woman with pale eyes and brown hair.

      The woman had told me quite a bit about the reality show. I had even seen a few images of the show in my head. The woman said, "They had the whole collection of the show on sale. So I bought it! I bought the whole series!"

      I my mind's eye I saw a huge collection of big, fat videotapes.

      The man said, "And that was a lot of money for her. $380 (or $830?). For the amount of money she makes at her job (nursing?), it was a big sacrifice."

      The woman said, "But I love the show, because I'm from Russia, too. And they had a full showing of the series and then an auction for the videotapes right after that. And I won the auction. Well, everybody loves the show. The showing was done in a church. So even the church supports the show!"

      I laughed at the fact that the church would support what was apparently an outrageous reality show.

      Suddenly I was having sex with the woman. It may have been right there, as we were standing. She was naked, and I was suddenly having sex with her. I came, and somehow I felt as if I had certainly made the woman pregnant. I felt like somehow we were in bed. I felt like I would turn the woman over on her stomach and start having sex with her from behind.

      But the woman was gone. I looked around. I was standing on my knees on a bed in a dark bedroom. The bedroom was big, and there was at least one other bed. The beds were set close together. They were all big and nice, with a lot of thick sheets on them.

      Somehow I knew that I had had sex with the woman in this room. While we had sex, another woman had been in the room with us. It was somehow understood that I was going to have sex with the second woman as well. But once the second woman realized I had gotten the first woman pregnant, she took the woman into another room, which was something like a hospital room.

      The women, I thought, may have been lovers. There had been no intention for the second woman to have sex with me. The women just wanted me to have sex with one of them so that one of them could get pregnant. Not for a family, but for some kind of medical purpose.

      I stood up to go look for the woman I'd had sex with. I didn't know whether I should feel obliged to look for her, since our sex must likely have created an emotional bond between us, or whether she'd rather I just left her alone.

      I ended up in some kind of schoolroom. There were a group of people, at least one of whom was a little girl playing a flute or a recorder. The little girl was slightly tan and blonde. She wore a pink t-shirt and a knee-length skirt with flower patterns on it. She wasn't who I was looking for.

      But suddenly I was in a maze. The maze was made out of cardboard or particle board. The walls were all painted in a scribbly fashion with white, green, and grey. I got the feeling that somehow the little children in the class that the little girl belonged to had made this maze, or else that the maze had been made in such a weird style for their enjoyment.

      I was near the front of the maze. The front part of the maze just seemed to be some kind of wide gallery, itself a kind of classroom. A male teacher sat just inside the gallery. A group of students were sitting in chairs just outside the maze. The maze was like its own building, so that the children were sitting outdoors, in a field like at a county fair.

      The teacher was giving the children music lessons. One by one he was having his students play their instrument, usually a flute or recorder. The student would go through some kind of song and then would be required, at the end of the song, to go into an improvisation.

      I now had the understanding that the maze was something used for careers. It was like children would go through this maze to determine what career would be best for them. Or that when children went through this maze, sensations were fed into their bodies to help them understand just what a career was like. Or that people actually walked into this maze when their careers began, and they just kept on going.

      A couple of teenage boys walked into the maze. One of them was pale with a medium build, kind of wavy, shoulder length hair, and glasses. He looked kind of brainy. He wore a t-shirt that was a little too tight for his build. He looked toward the classroom and called out for a younger student, "Hey, where's -----?"

      The boy's friend said, "Didn't you hear? They monetized him (her?) early." The boys then walked through the maze.

      I understood that "monetizing" mean readying someone for a career. Apparently this was the near future. It had been determined that the only purpose of an education should be to prepare a person for his or her career. The aptitude and ability of a child was determined early. And the child was advanced to begin his career as quickly as he was capable of advancing.

      The boys' little friend had already been "monetized," put into a money-making position, very early. I got the impression that the classes were full of children of all different ages. The classes also seemed to be extremely relaxed, easy-going, almost to the point of being random or aimless.

      I was now outside the maze. It was now a little girl's turn to play. She played through the song. But when it got to the improvisation part, the little girl kind of hesitated. She played something that sounded a lot like "A Love Supreme." But after cycling through that melody, she hesitated to fly up into an improvised melody.

      The little girl stopped playing. She acted embarrassed, rubbed her hand against her forehead, and said she didn't think she was ready to improvise quite yet.
    10. retaliative neighbors; swim girls; dean radin's infinite universe

      by , 06-01-2011 at 11:50 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was coming back to my apartment. I was in the second floor hallway areas, which was much bigger than IWL. The atmosphere was blue-grey. The floor seemed to be made out of tiny, square, white tiles. The wall had mailboxes set into it somewhere. I stood outside my door for a moment and then stood inside my apartment, just near the door, possibly even pressed against the door.

      My apartment, I could feel, was pretty big. It had two or three bedrooms. And it was decorated really nice. There may have been a thick, beige rug with a green, hexagonal design on it over the couch. But I didn't see any of this directly, because I was still pressed to the door.

      IWL, I have called the police on my neighbors on a number of occasions for banging and pounding violently on the floors all through the day and night whenever I'm home. Now, somehow, I heard that my neighbors were getting back at me for calling the police on them. They had called the police on me. They may have claimed that I was now the one making noise.

      But they may also have claimed that I was guilty of a much worse crime, some kind of violent crime. I thought about it for a while. I wasn't certain that I actually hadn't committed this crime.

      At some point a woman was coming up to my apartment to visit me. Then she may actually have been in my apartment. I don't think I ever saw her. I may only have imagined her being in my apartment. She was pretty. She had a gentle, but serious expression. As I continued pressing myself against my door I either spoke to the woman or imagined having a conversation with her.

      Dream #2

      I was walking down a concrete path on a sunny day. The path may have been between two lawns. But on either side of the path were chest-high, chain-link fences.

      At some point another concrete path joined the one I was on from the left, at a right angle. Five girls were walking up that path. They were maybe 7 or 8 years old, but they may have been 10 or 11 years old.

      They were all skinny, tanned deeply by a lot of time in the sun. They had brown hair. They wore orange bikinis with yellow stripe on the left breats. They were all wet, as if they'd just gotten out of the pool. Their wet hair, shoulder-length, was slicked back from their foreheads and kind of tangly.

      Dream #3

      I was in the middle of classroom, walking between the aisles and rows of seats. The class was full, and all the students had their heads down. They were either studying very hard or taking an exam. I think I was just wandering around, not quite sure I belonged to the class.

      Dean Radin, the President (?) of the Institute for Noetic Sciences, was somewhere. I could see an image of him, as if it were stuck in the back of my head. He looked a bit too skinny, and he wore some kind of black baseball cap, like somebody from NASA or a SWAT team might wear.

      Radin explained that people thought the universe was a certain age. He may have said 4.5, 8.3, or 83 billion years old. "But this isn't so," Radin explained. "Because each of us sees the universe and perceives the time of the universe through our own eyes. So if you add up the years of the universe perceived through the eyes of all those beings living in it, you get a much higher number."

      Radin's argument didn't quite make sense to me. I was trying to figure out how it could be true. Radin then went on to explain how this phenomenon of multiple views of the universe actually made the universe infinite.

      I had a vision of a lot of plastic, transparent cirlces, like bracelets or necklaces for little kids. The circles were all one piece, but they looked like they were made out of a number of spherical beads. The bracelets were one color. Some were yellow-green; others were orange.

      I was now in "my bedroom," which had two beds in it. It was night, and my light was on. On my back wall, on the left side, near the ground, and just a little ways away from my bed, there was a huge hole. Inside the hole I saw a wooden wall which also appeared to have dirt in it. Apparently I lived in the basement. My upstairs neighbors had put this hole in my wall so things from underground could get into my room.

      I suddenly had a mystical feeling, like this hole would somehow connect me with whatever it was Radin had been talking about.
    11. charles bronson in diapers; reverse telescope gag; little girl's wish

      by , 05-23-2011 at 11:44 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      It was a bright, clear day. Charles Bronson lay on his back on a stone step or bench that felt like it was either the top bleacher section of some really tall stadium or some high point on a building.

      Charles Bronson was naked except for a diaper, which he was currently wetting. A young, pretty blonde woman sat at Bronson's feet, waiting to change Bronson. From the look in her eyes she liked the fact that Bronson wore diapers and wet them.

      Dream #2

      A woman was on stage right before or at the beginning of an event like the Oscars. She gave a short speech and then said that the announcer for the show would be out to present in one moment.

      The stage and the theatre seemed really large while the woman had been speaking. I had seen everything from a far back, high up row. But now, as the woman left the stage through a door to the left, my view followed her. The woman walked out into a fluorescent lit hallway. I turned back to look in at the theatre. The place looked really small.

      My view was back inside the theatre, as if hovering just above the people in the first rows. A kind of old man walked in through the door through which the woman had left. The man may have made some comment about seeing the people in the back row. So he put a telescope to his eye. But he put the wrong end of the telescope to his eye.

      I could already tell that the guy was going to make some kind of gag about how it seemed like the people in the back row were really far away or how it was like everybody in the audience looked really small or something like that. I kind of didn't want to hear such a groaner.

      But the guy seemed to be delaying this joke. All this time he had stayed halfway in and halfway out of the door. Now he shuffled sideways all the way into the theatre and up onto the stage. I assumed he would make his telescope joke once he was up on the stage.

      Dream #3

      I was laying on a couch, on my back. There was a window somewhere beyond my feet, letting in some grey naturaly light. Just beside the couch's arm on which my head was resting there may have been a bookshelf. I think I had my hands under my head.

      A little girl with long, brown hair stood beside the couch. She wasn't wearing any clothes. She may have eventually crawled up on the couch to sit beside me. She told me, "I wish I had boobs."

      I told her, "Be glad for the time being that you don't have boobs. Probably once you have them you'll think they're a real pain in the neck."

      The little girl was now gone. There were a lot of people in the room now. I knew an older woman was coming to talk to me. I may even have heard her call for me. So I sat up and looked back.

      The couch was apparently in some place like a cafe or a grocery store like Whole Foods. The room I was in was somewhat like a living room. But beyond this room there were food counters and display shelves running down a kind of narrow hall that I think opened into a bigger room.

      There was a pretty full crowd of people, maybe men and women in their late twenties, looking around and shopping. From them I saw the woman, kind of short, skinny, with short, grey and black hair coming through the crowd. She asked, "What did you tell that little girl?"

      I didn't think that anything I'd told the little girl was wrong. But I saw how it could be construed as wrong. I lay on my right side, shouting out something to the woman. I thoujght I had been telling the woman what I'd been saying to the girl. But at some point I realized I wasn't telling the truth at all. In fact, I was telling some kind of nonsense story that would look like I was trying to cover up what I'd said.

      So now I really focused on what I was saying. I told the old woman (wherever she was), "I told the girl that she should be happy for the time that she doesn't have boobs. Because once she gets boobs it'll be a real pain in the neck. Because guys'll be chasing her all over the place."
    12. subway platform and kitchen

      by , 05-20-2011 at 11:41 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was down on a subway platform. There were no lights on the platform. It was like the power had gone out. The only light was from a stairwell leading directly up to the ground. That light was enough to keep things nearby visible, though still very dim. But farther along the platform it was pitch black. There were a few other people on the platform.

      I was waiting for a B-train. But somehow I heard the train was going to be delayed. I figured I'd wait around a bit. To occupy myself, apparently, I jumped up a meter or so in the air and kicked one of the metal column-beams with both my feet.

      I think I came to understand that the train was going to be very delayed. I wondered if I might catch another orange train: maybe the D-train. But I thought that would also be pointless. I thought I might as well get out of here and go to another station. But, for some reason, I still decided to wait for the B-train.

      There was now a little girl and her father. The little girl was maybe two or three years old. She had short, brown hair and was wearing lavender-colored shirt and pants.

      The little girl was showing off to socialize with me. She was doing some weird kind of hopping thing, hopping up and down, as if she couldn't control herself because she was so nervous.

      I liked the attention, so I didn't notice that the girl was getting carried away. She hopped a little too far and fell onto the tracks. She landed on her feet and didn't seem afraid or anything, but I knew it was a bad situation for her to be on the tracks, and I kept worrying that she would touch the third rail and get electrocuted.

      Before I could really process anything completely, a big, muscular, blonde man like a soldier rushed up from behind me. He quckly (and softly!) jumped down onto the tracks, picked up the girl, and hopped back up onto the platform. He set the girl down, standing, a couple meters away from her father. He then sat down next to the father. The father was now apparently sitting cross-legged on the platform concrete.

      The girl may now have been sitting on the concrete amid a bunch of blankets. I crouched or crawled around in front of the girl, to play with her. Apparently she liked me because I had a good imagination and I could play kids' games as if they were real.

      Somehow I knew the girl was already pretending I was some kind of creature. I asked her what kind of creature I was. I figured that I'd then act out being the creature in somekind of wacky way.

      The girl told me I was a bug. I tried really hard to think of a bug, but none came to my mind. Eventually, I crawled on my knees and held my arms behind my back, rubbing them together. Apparently my arms were supposed to be wings, and I was rubbing them together to clean them. This may somehow have reminded me of being a fly.

      I was now in some kind of foresty area, talking with Matte (from DV). He looked a little too skinny, and his face was stubbly and haggard. I worried about him and told him he needed to eat more and keep up his weight.

      I was now in a kitchen. At first there were a young man and a young woman. But the young woman, probably having fixed her meal, left the kitchen. The young man may have been shirtless. He always had his back to me. He was either cooking on a stove or waiting for something in a microwave.

      Matte had been taking a shower, but now he came into the kitchen to cook some food. The kitchen counter was L-shaped, and, as the young man stood at the back part of the counter, Matte stood at the right part. Matte was also cooking at a stove. So the counter may have had two separate stoves.

      Matte was cooking using a wide, flat, square kind of pan with a non-stick, black interior. He was cooking a few pieces of fish, some pieces of bare chicken, and some french fries. He was cooking them all in a ton of grease.

      I thought to myself that it was good that Matte was cooking and eating this much protein. He really needed it. But I knew that that kind of diet would tie my weak stomach in knots. So I'd have to think of some diet of my own.
    13. diaper picture; girl in movie theatre

      by , 05-10-2011 at 11:40 AM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a bedroom. The bedroom was really messy, and it had two beds, both of which were strewn over with tons of blankets.

      I was looking at a pad of paper which hinged at the top, like a gum-bound sketch pad. All the pages were filled in, but mostly with words and images like photographs, as if this were some kind of newspaper or underground magazine. The images were in black and white. A lot of the images were supposed to be pronographic, and I think they were meant to turn me on personally, as if to prove I was perverted.

      One kind of badly printed, overexposed photo showed a girl lying stomach down on her bed. Her head was buried under blankets, but the rest of her body was visible. She wore a dark tank top, a mini-skirt, and a diaper. I thought the girl was an adult at first. But then I came to think she might be a little girl. I tried to look closer to see the photo.

      To my right, on the other bed, a little girl lay stomach down, wearing a diaper, like in the photo. An old man either knelt by or sat on the bed. He was well dressed and had somewhat nicely arranged, grey hair. But he looked really scary, and his plae blue eyes seemed to be bugging out of his head. He kept poking the girl's bottom with his index finger.

      My mother, or a woman my mother's age, may also have been in the room.

      I looked back to the sketch pad, to try and find the photo. But I couldn't find it. I kept flipping through the pages. But I might only have seen a bunch of words. I heard some voice talking about the passage of time and how sad it is that we can't go back to what we used to be.

      Dream #2

      I was in a movie theatre, sitting on the left end of a right aisle, a few rows back from the front. I was all alone in the row. My brother and a couple other people his age sat in the row in front of me. The lights were on in the theatre. It was like one movie had just finished and we were now waiting for another to start.

      A tiny, little girl with kind of long, messy-curly, blonde hair and wearing a long-sleeved, red shirt and a diaper asked if the seats to my right were free. I said yes. She may have asked something else, because my brother was standing up and giving all kinds of advice to the little girl.

      The little girl sat in the seat right next to me. She grabbed my arm and cuddled against it. She said, "I'm so happy we get to sit with you. My mommy will be here in a second."

      I felt like my brother was jealous that the little girl had completely ignored him while he was giving his advice, and that the girl was so excited to sit by me. I hoped it wouldn't cause him to have any emotional difficulties or outbursts. But my brother must have sat down with his friends.

      Eventually the girl got kind of bored sitting by me. She hopped off the seat and tapped on the back of my brother's seat, as if she wanted to talk to him. Now I felt a little jealous.
    14. dirty comics; freezing up at track meet

      by , 05-07-2011 at 01:15 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I read two comic book stories which had an American comic book style, but which were put together in a manga-like book. But I think the book read from left to right, not from right to left. Both the stories involved a woman seducing a very young girl.

      The first story I read was near the back of the book. It was very colorful, and it seemed to have Buddhist images somehow, something like mandalas or tankgas (?).

      The second story I read was all done in black and white. It looked almost like a Love and Rockets comic. In this story, a woman had a little girl lying on the bed on her back. The little girl wore only a miniskirt. The woman holding something that looked like a small tea pot.

      At some point the woman darted her body closer to the little girl. I could almost see the woman's movement, and I heard a sound like steam.

      Dream #2

      It was a clear, sunny day. I was running on a track with a group of other people. Almost all, if not all, of the other people were black. We were probably all in a race, although nothing about the race felt particularly focused.

      At the first curve of the track I may have been in glaring sunlight. The track may have felt large and wide, and it may have felt like there were large grandstands on the final stretch of the track.

      At some point there may have been a man behind me, taunting me and trying to intimidate me with his movements. I decided to run even faster (although we may hardly have been doing little more than jogging in the first place) to get away from the man.

      I hit the second curve. The fist part of the second curve was shaded by tree canopies. The second part, going into the home stretch, was sunny.

      The activity of the people on the track became even more unfocused, or more relaxed, than it had been before. There were some people just running back and forth across the width of the lanes. Other people were stretching or warming up on the grass.

      I found myself being passed by a lot of people. I may have been wondering why I hadn't been running fast all along. Now I'd slowed down again, and I was mad at myself for having slowed down. I tried to speed up, but my legs were frozen. I could barely move them, and it was getting harder and harder to move them.

      A woman passed me and ran through the end of the curve of the track, to the final stretch. She was tall, with light brown skin, a mucsly frame, and pale red-brown hair. She wore a white, bikini-style two-piece running suit. The bottom seemed a little loose on her. As she ran, her buttocks flexed really hard and became like big, tight spheres.

      As I reached the end of the curve, I may have seen a shiny, silver UFO in the sky. It may have looked like a flying saucer with a silvery lighthouse-top attached to it. It may have shot out an orange-red ray.

      (Side note: I'm kind of doubtful about the image of the UFO. In other words, I'm not sure if it was part of my dream or something that came in after I woke. But the image was so strongly "there" that I put it in my journal.

      Last night I went to bed reading the book Measure of Madness by Cheryl Paradis. It's a series of stories from Dr. Paradis' career as a forensic psychologist. In one of the stories, a man shoots a couple of sanitation workers because he thinks they're aliens.

      I think my sight of the UFO in or after the dream was somehow influenced by that story.)
    15. baby for another family

      by , 05-01-2011 at 02:10 PM
      Good morning, everybody.

      Dream #1

      I was in a different family's house. I had been there for at least one day. I made some kind of agreement with the parents. After this I either left the house or fell asleep and made an out-of-body flight out of the house.

      I either drove or floated around the family's neighborhood. I thought about the deal we had made, and some kind of arrangements I would have to make. The sun eventually came up, and, as it was pretty bright, I floated back toward the family's house.

      The neighborhood looked nice, like some kind of upper class neighborhood in California, with white houses and palm trees, set, apparently, among rolling hills. I basically floated right into the house, right through a front wall, on the ground floor.

      The set up was a living room, then something like a half-room/half-hallway, then a big kitchen, then another room like a second living room in the back of the floor, and a few other rooms off to the left of that. Everything was lit with a kind of dim, blue-grey light, as if the bright early morning light were coming in through heavy, blue-grey curtains.

      I floated through the living room. I eventually touched down and began walking. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw the mom of the family. She was the only person up. She sat at the kitchen table, preparing something, possibly something for a baby.

      The kitchen table, along with the rest of the kitchen, seemed to be cluttered with household items, but not dirty.

      I was wearing a thin, powder-blue babydoll-skirt with tiny, puffy sleeves. I wasn't wearing any underwear, and I seemed to be at a pre-pubescent stage of sexual development. I don't actually know whether I was myself or some pretty-looking boy.

      Apparently I had made some kind of deal, either with only with the mom or with the mom and the dad, that I would dress up and act like a baby girl for them.

      Something had happened to the daughter. It was like the daughter was a product, like a doll that had broken. They needed to make up for this by using me as a baby-substitute. I can't remember the details, but it reminds me of TV shows when a puppy dies and the parents try to buy a new puppy to trick the kids into thinking the puppy is still alive.

      I didn't need to act like a little girl yet, because everybody was still asleep. Plus, there was apparently some specific event that I was acting for, and it wasn't until later in the morning. So I was about to go put on some regular boy underwear.

      But as I walked into one of the rooms off to the left of the kitchen, I decided that I wanted to wear diapers and crawl around and act like a baby around the mom. So I crept shyly back into the kitchen and stood right next to the mom. I asked if it would be alright if I put on some diapers right now. She seemed indifferent and said that would be fine.

      I walked through a left door in the kitchen. I was going to go around through the left room and then back to the back living room, instead of straight into the back living room through the back doorway in the kitchen. The diapers were in a cluttered pile of household items in the back living room, possibly near a fireplace.

      At this point in time I may also have been sucking on a pacifier. I may also have looked a lot more like a little girl than a man or a little boy. It was now also like the baby girl I was "replacing" was still around and perfectly fine.

      I thought, The little girl still has to use the diapers. The mom is indulging me by letting me wear more than I need for the time that the family needs me. It's really just wasting diapers. It's doing a disservice to the little girl, because she needs the diapers and I don't. And isn't it gross that I want to wear diapers before the event? If I'm so eager to jump into diapers right now, doesn't that prove I really like wearing diapers?

      (Side note: Sorry for the hentai character of my dreams sometimes. I'm not trying to gross anybody out.

      As for the not-so-hentai parts of my dreams, I think the family and California neighborhood themes come from my trip to the Paley Center, or the Museum of Television and Radio, yesterday.

      This is a museum where you can watch all kinds of old TV shows, commercials, etc. It's kind of like a mix between YouTube and a library. They also have a movie theatre where they run a specific set of TV programs all day long.

      So yesterday the movie theatre was showing the program An American Family, which was made in 1971 and is kind of recognized as the first "reality show." The family in that show lived in California.

      Even though the family was pretty dysfunctional, I kept wondering what it would be like to be a part of the family, in a positive way. I mean, they seemed pretty dysfunctional, but pretty glamorous, too.

      Anyway, then I watched some TV programs on my own. One of the programs I watched was a Nova special about UFOs. It was made in the 1990s, and one part of it involved an interview with a family in Miami whose children were apparently visited by aliens on a nightly basis. There were a little boy and an infant girl.

      But what reallly struck me about this family was how white their house was. The wall were blank, white, so bright. The carpet was white, the couch was white, everything was white! It was so unreal -- I thought I'd only see a setting like that in a movie or a dream. I think the family's house in my dream was a reaction against the purity of that house.

      Updated 05-01-2011 at 02:26 PM by 37466 (Added side notes)

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