• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. Awake Meditation: Baby Angry!

      by , 04-28-2011 at 07:26 AM
      From 4/22/11

      While listening to 60 minutes delta binaural audio
      Body kept jerking, releasing energy and/or resisting releasing
      Discomfort, feel sick (am getting sick, a cold I thinkÖyep, I can confirm this days later)
      The pads of my feet hurt
      Want to turn my head and sleep
      Visuals coming and going

      Then I do FFEDCIDA practice (Face, Feel, Expand, Dissipate, Coalesce, Integrate, Decide, Take Action)
      (I want to add "simultaneous opposites combining"; it feels like it belongs around expanding, dissipating, and/or coalescing)

      Muddy orange color
      In large geometric pattern in my stomach
      Like a cube but more complex, diagonal layer
      Unfolding, shifting, almost clunking but thatís not the right word

      Thought of being sick as a baby, when I was so sick it scared my mom
      Out of control, discomfort, nothing to do, angry at being controlled
      Angry and helpless and fucking pissed

      Anger dissipating Ė fast, whirlwinds out
      Into nothing, blackness?
      It feels like the blackness is almost closing in on it, eating it

      FearÖof that blackness, Iím somewhat ashamed to admit
      Opulent white swirling energy I used to use when I did massage and subtle energy work to surround myself reaches up and twines with the orange
      It feels right
      Twining, like oil and water, such different energies. The orange static, the white multidimensionally hued, shifting around, how will they come together? I watch.
      What is that white energy? Gratitude, it seems.
      Deep gratitude like in the last lucid dream.
      It is coming together
      This lasts a while

      The energy straightens into brown, tree-like texture
      Logs almost
      But hollow
      One settles across the back of my body at my shoulders, holding them strong
      Two more down my torsoís sides
      Body feels healthier
      Whole body jerks, back arches
      One has settled in my spine, up my neck?

      Feeling grounded
      After getting up, I recalled that when I had used that white swirly energy as a protection when I did massage and energy work, I also put a shell up around it that looked like the texture and color of those logs. I think I got some backbone back.

      Apparently anger and gratitude can be a powerful mixture. Mixture isnít quite the right word, it is as if they partially combust and transform when mixed to make something new. Iíd say alchemy but that just sounds too hooey.

      not that this whole thing wouldn't to most people.
    2. Martinis, Big Bird-Like Feathers Dance, and the Toe Crush Asana

      by , 04-22-2011 at 09:04 AM

      This is a very rough draft
      From the night before the night before last

      Pairing Off

      Going up a long curved ramp/hallway, similar to the casino on Catalina Island
      At the top, people are evaluating each other as potential dates, taking turns
      each successive pair going inside the large room where the dance is being held
      I am the last girl to walk into the room, but I see the guy that is left through the door and I donít like his body language or the way heíd talked to the girl. I donít go into the room and instead turn around and walk back down.

      The ramping hallway is lined with settings of a wine glass, a martini glass, and other items, repeating over and over. I look for a martini or glass of wine that hasnít been drunk from yet as I walk down and down.
      I unscrew the base of a martini glass and drink from the small, hidden bowl portion of the stem.
      a man is walking up
      we both think it is funny that Iím drinking from the bottom
      I turn it right side up and drink from the ďcorrectĒ top bowl (It didnít spill when Iíd first turned it upside down). it tastes delicious and Iím surprised. Best martini Iíve had.
      I want to impress him and it looks like Iíve succeeded
      we walk up together
      I think I tell him about a friend (girl/potential date) he should meet

      two of my girlfriends are up there and he and one of them hit it off
      Iím kind of jealous but also not, I donít think it is right for me to be with him for some reason
      (not the right time?)
      we dance with yellow (Big Bird color) feathers arranged and held in a shield shape. shields of feathers, lol.
      we shake them and are performing or practicing for people (a coach?)
      6 groups of dancers. the guy, me, two girls,
      (and two other people?) make up our dance group

      the teacher shows us how to do a yoga pose that is specific to the type of dancing weíre learning
      stand on one leg, hold your right foot and press the big and pinky toesí pads together, as well as the 2nd and 4th toesí pads together. A might uncomfortable in the dream. I thought it was funny. While in the yoga pose, I struck a playful disco pose with my arms. It actually felt like the silly pose helped the energy align and flow.
      (makes me think of my PTSD and anxiety. Absurdity can be an antidote.)
      I looked at the others and they were holding their foot behind them instead of in front of them so I went to switch, though it didnít seem right to me to have my foot behind. The dream ended before I finished "correcting" my pose.
    3. Processing Practice: Jealousy Layered over Sadness

      by , 04-19-2011 at 06:52 PM

      FFEDCIDD Practice
      FFEDCIDD = Face, Feel, Expand, Dissipate, Coalesce, Integrate, Decide, Do

      Jealousy roaring up. Expanded about a foot from my body. specks of contained heat (but not touchable?) It was like an insulation, a bit spongy. Jealousy felt bizarre - that might have been the first time Iíve really let myself feel it. I have memories of stuffing it down because it was unattractive.

      In love with my fan-157116_69886810_3202825.jpg
      A loose approximation
      (more like just a pretty thing that had similar colors)
      by fleicap

      Under it a sadness centered in my gut, heart, and throat. The sadness (or maybe my mental reflections on it) brought me to memories of soothing myself as a child by crying into a mirror alone. I feel a lot of resistance to posting that little intimate detail, so maybe forcing myself is the way to go. Gah, Iím not always this serious, an insecure voice inside me is sharply whining and pushing.

      Updated 04-19-2011 at 07:31 PM by 44605

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