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    Linkzelda's Dream Journal

    1. Fix Yourself Instead of Fixing Others [WILD]

      by , 04-08-2013 at 05:18 AM (Linkzelda's Dream Journal)
      06.04.2013
      Fix Yourself Instead of Fixing Others (WILD)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      We're in a room, the fancy hotels that would have a large glass window that let's you see the city and beyond. I'm wearing a blue polo shirt and black jeans, I tried not looking at her for a while and decided to focus on something rather than her.

      I don't know why, things felt awkward, so I continued to look at the darkness over the window. The room we were in was at least 200 feet or so above the ground. I didn't focus on the city itself, just the darkness. The moon is beautiful just using peripheral vision, it illuminates the bland structure of this simulated city.

      Eva: You know looking at the city is not really real.

      Me: I just wanted to enjoy the view, even if it's just simulation.

      Eva: You didn't come all this way just to look at a city, or the sky, or the moon. You came to see me right?

      Me: .............


      Eva: Don't be shy, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to see me. Wait, are you afraid of what people will think about you just because of me? Remember what happened to those people who mocked you right?

      They were just distractions, they prevented you from having fun, even though you knew it was all a dream, and not reality.


      I turned around, ignored the city view and decided to sit at the edge of the bed Eva was resting on. The bed is kind of hard to describe, all I know is that there was a bed, and that it consisted of a dark maroon color with different shades of red. The bed was comfortable, but I just wanted to sit at the edge before things get too comfortable in this room.

      Me: They were my friends Eva.


      Eva: Sure they were your friends, but they didn't really take your behavior too kindly. You let them drain all the kinds of fun you could've had.


      I slowly turned around to her, slightly irritated, but she was clearly right. Instead of trying to argue, I decided to let her give her own opinions on how I reacted towards these people. I felt a complete sense of privacy within this dream, only one person to really focus on. There was a brown desk to the right of her, and it had a lamp shining with a hue of yellow. The base of the lamp was a laminated brown marble texture with mixes of white, gray, and milky yellow.


      Eva: Come a little closer.


      I decided to just freeze and not make a move. She takes the dark maroon bedsheet and gets closer to me.


      Eva: I'm just kidding silly, come on, lighten up.


      I still didn't know what to do, I decided to just let her take action.


      She's just wearing a black bra and underwear, and she gets closer to the left side of my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me and we stayed like this for a few minutes. I started to phase out, slowly feeling her presence around me. The feelings were mixed, and I decided it was best to let whatever happen, happen.

      She broke the silence and went back to the topic on my experiences with friends overall.


      Eva: You spent more time satisfying these people more than being pleased with yourself. As long as you had an emotional bond with them, you respected them no matter how they looked like. You even allowed yourself to almost fail college just so you can help another friend out.


      Me: But she really had a difficult time...


      Eva: Yes, but you're not responsible for her life.


      Me: But she was my friend.


      Eva: Do friends almost make you fail college?



      Me: Tch.....you really are honest aren't you?


      Eva: Isn't that what you wanted me to be?


      I closed my eyes and thought things over, it was the first time in a long time since I talked with someone in my dreams where they struck a nerve on me a few times. I realized I shifted my perspective back to myself near the glass window, except this time, I was bracing my back against it.

      I had my left leg up forming an "A" and had my right leg completely stretched out. I decided to look at the bottom of the bed with the dark maroon sheets hanging all the way, almost touching the floor. I still didn't want to look at her directly, but at least have her in my peripheral vision.

      I did it so that I would have more focus on her because I would be forced to see her presence. She gets off the bed and slowly walks towards me. I looked down on the dark red carpet with random circular designs. I get a bit anxious, but I quickly realized that I'm being a wimp for nothing since this is just a dream.


      Eva: Come on, she wanted you to have some fun for yourself, there's no point feeling depressed about her, she has her own life to worry about.


      I'm back at the edge of the bed again, focusing on her with my peripheral vision once more, and she sits to the back of me, spreads her legs and locks them around my waist. She moves her arms under mine, wraps them on my stomach and places her head on my back.

      Eva: Instead of trying to fix others, try fixing yourself. You shouldn't feel awkward around me, I'm just trying to help you. You're thinking about the worst case scenarios, and you wonder why it's so difficult for you to find me.

      You're already aware that this whole experience is within the confines of your mind, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect what you want to do with your life, both in waking and dreaming.

      Those same people who tried to change you ended up leaving you and forgetting about you, they focused on their own lives, and you should do the same. You realized that no matter how much you wanted to help people, that virtue has its limits. There's no point in trying to cleanse a person of their doubts and guilt, there are just some things people want to hold on to because of the memories behind them.

      I'm sure most people have at least one experience that they regret, and they let it drag them down. You shouldn't try to help them fix their problems if they're consistently showing that they don't want to forgive themselves. What hope is there for a person who doesn't want to help themselves? The only thing you can do is to simply have faith that they will make the right decision.

      You have to try your best and keep pushing forward, and I'm more than happy to help you. If you really want to live your dreams, you have to be willing to make difficult choices, even if it means forgetting your friends. It also means allowing yourself to change in order to accomplish those goals, there's no point letting other people drag you down; don't become too fixated with their lives that you forget about your own responsibilities.

      Do you even know what you want to do in the future?


      Me: [*editing that part out*]
      I just want to continue pursuing knowledge and developing myself, is that so wrong?

      Eva: No, I didn't say it was, but I..............


      editing that part out >_>

      Updated 04-08-2013 at 07:09 AM by 47756

      Categories
      lucid , memorable
    2. My Subconcious is my Ultimate Companion....

      by , 01-09-2013 at 09:44 AM (Linkzelda's Dream Journal)
      09.01.2013
      My Subconcious is my Ultimate Companion (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      This dream I had with her was very confusing, so the whole plot of the dream might be skewed, but I'll try my best to recall as much as I can.

      Oh, and let's call her Kaytlan, so I can at least remember which lesbian I'm referring to in the future. >.>

      I'm inside a room with her, she seems pretty cheerful, and waiting for me to go to her.

      The outfits she's wearing changes a lot, or maybe I'm just having a lot of mini-dreams of her that somehow fit together. I'm sitting down, and she has her laptop that looks like a Macbook. She's looking at something online I'm guessing, and she eventually puts the laptop screen halfway down.

      Everything feels so calm, and I feel so content being here. I don't have any sexual thoughts about her as yet, I was busy fantasizing on the realism of her actually being here with me in some fancy hotel we probably got for a few days.

      For some reason I felt like I was her only friend because of the model life she has in waking life, and she wanted me only to keep herself from feeling lonely. She's busy doing random things I can't recall very well, but I enjoy every moment with her as a companion.

      It looked as if she was bored but couldn't do anything probably because she didn't want to go outside and have dream characters going crazy over her. Despite the stagnant environment, it was the safest place she could be in right now.

      She's now wearing a very short dress that ends at the middle of her thighs, and the sexual thoughts are apparent now for me and continue to augment, but this all feels wrong because of my assumption of her sexuality. I'm now confused as to whether or not she's my dream guide taking another form of a blonde or if it's just a randomly generated dream character.


      She's not passive, at least most of the time, and my presumption of this is probably because I'm actually passive overall in the dream. It's all too confusing, there isn't any conflict, there isn't random things occurring, it's just a simple encounter with me and her.

      The emotions to describe this is difficult to explain. It seems my actions contribute to her reacting in a certain way, a simple cause-and-effect contact with her. If I was bored, she was bored, if I was sexual, she would tease me with her sexuality of being a lesbian.

      She leans over me, and I probably look at her cleavage for a few seconds before looking at her face. She has beautiful blonde hair, slightly bleached in some areas, and then she expands her arms, waiting for me to embrace her as a companion.

      My reaction to this was to simply hug her as well and see how I would react. I felt like there was a emotional purging with sexual thoughts, cuddling thoughts, and more. I knew she couldn't be here with me because she's presumably in a far location in waking life. There's no point being sexual with her because her image and my assumption of her being lesbian kind of traumatizes me.

      But at the same time, even if I was non-lucid, this impossible encounter obviously was a dream, but there's not point in becoming lucid, and even if I were lucid, it wouldn't be so exhilirating seeing what she'll do to me when I'm unconsciously watching this interaction with her.

      The image gets stronger and stronger, and I submit myself to her. She has a motherly affection, testing me to see what I would do to her. Suddenly I get the sexual urge to slide one of my hands to the middle of her spine, hugging her tightly with my left hand, feeling this warm embrace.

      The image of her and my presumption of her sexuality becomes the least of my concerns, and I enjoy how slowly I'm sliding my hands down her back. I reach the arch of her rear, and I'm just a few moments from clenching her asscheeks....and I could do anything I want with her...anything....she would instantly submit to me.

      But why treat her like some sexual object when she openly wants me to embrace her as a companion, and not as a sexual partner?

      Exactly what should motivate me to become carnal with this woman? We're in a room by ourselves, no one would dare distract us.

      This room alone is sufficient for the both of us to do many many many sexual acts. The kitchen, the glass table, the couch, and even the fluffy vanilla floor are all enticing spots for making love with her. There's something holding me back though, and I feel she has that urge that I need to go down deeper on the scale of lust.

      I can do nothing but embrace her and constrain my hand movements only for her back, shoulders, and the area before the arch of her ass descends. She is my ultimate companion, the concept of sexuality is bullshit when I'm with her, and it doesn't matter what my sexuality is with her.

      These images instilled of what she should be, and yet she makes actions that contradict it makes me realize what she may be trying to portray to me.

      Destroy my sexuality now, enjoy what she has to offer me, enjoy the potential she can give me. I shouldn't be setting a sexuality on myself so aggressively. But it's really hard to do that because women is the image that I'm set to like, and I love every bit of this mental filter.

      Here she could be anyone I wanted her to be, any blonde I wanted her to be. I could express my sexism towards her, and she would love everything I give to her. Does she want me to experiment with her? Does she want me to break her, is she playing along just to make me feel better?

      This same hug, so many emotions to explain, just a simple hug from her, just a brief gesture of love for me and me only. It's hard to make it seem that it's not a possessive love. No one else but me and her are here in this room.

      She's not a lesbian.
      She's not a sexual partner.
      She's not a twin soul.
      She's not an enemy.

      But she can be if she wants to......and all it takes for her to be all those things is sliding my hand down to her ass cheeks.

      I take the risk, I go down, grope it, and just before I could go crazy with her, she gently pushes me back and waves her index finger left and right at me.

      "No no" was the expression on her face as she gives me a smile and stands straight up in front of me.

      Then she decides to put her face near my crotch and digs her nose deep into the edge of the couch I'm sitting on. I can tell she's giggling, as if she's trying to show me that she can do anything for me down there, and all I have to do is hold her head, move it so she can bite my zipper and slide it down slowly and.....and..and I can't do it.

      So she's bending down with her knees on the fluffy carpet, and she becomes dormant, waiting to see if I'm going to touch her head and use her mouth as another hole to fuck with. That's the implication I was getting from this random act of her, but I don't really do anything.

      Her image starts coming back to me....the image along with the assumption, so it doesn't feel right when she's using the face of a lesbian I used to know......

      *shrugs*


      Why did she have to wear the short dress.............





      _________________________

      09.01.2013
      Code Lyoko and Batwoman's Mini-jet Vehicle (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      After recalling the dream with my subconscious, recalling this next dream seems like a waste honestly.

      So Odd is riding his board in the air, and I see that Batwoman's vehicle (The Mystery of Batwoman version) is below this green circular base. There's a tower about 30-40 feet above it, and I assume Aelita will deactivate the tower.

      I shift my focus in falling into this green base, infact, the whole environment is green and metallic, though the associations of the lime-green colors make me think it's the Forest Sector in Lyoko.

      The find that Batwoman's jet like vehicle runs on 4 Double A Batteries, and only 2 are inside the slots and the cover is missing. I tried stomping on the vehicle, and it's working just fine, for a while I guess. I jump on and ride around the air with it to do something.....
      forgot what happens next.

    3. Paper Earrings, Snake Creature, Flirting Sucks, God Lecture, Dream Guide Feigns Desire to Kill me...

      by , 12-17-2012 at 09:33 PM (Linkzelda's Dream Journal)
      12.17.2012
      Paper Earrings (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      I didn't do a WBTB, so my dream recall is kind of skewed.


      All I remember for this one is that I'm helping something create some kind of poster for a presentation.

      They also seem to have their earrings made of paper as well since I colored in two dark gold ovals and quickly glued them on her ears.

      I told her good luck, and she doesn't really say anything to me, or at least my recall of her saying anything is bad.

      _________________________

      12.17.2012
      The Prehistoric Snake Creature (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      I'm walking in a random neighborhood that seems to be derived of the one I'm currently at for winter break.

      I'm casually walking around in the morning time of the dream, and something feels weird near my feet area.

      I look down, and about 3-5 feet away from me is a creature that looks like a Prehistoric and fossilized Snake structure.

      The head of this creature was like semi-circle in a way, except there's a bump in front where the sides would crown around it.

      It has a transparent body structure where the body organs are easily visible; most noticeably the big glowing organ near the head and the start of its flexible spine.

      The best thing I can associate this thing's composition is the Resident Evil 4 Las Plagas parasite, especially the one that shows up when Leon starts hallucinating inside a shack where he would encounter the big sea creature later on.






      It had a slight light brown color for its body structure, along with a scaled lining that seems to be stacked under the head. The head was basically shaped like a broad arrowhead.

      It continues to follow me, and I try to walk slowly to see what this thing can actually do. I noticed that its arrowhead composition obviously points me out like a sore thumb.

      And if I try to make quick movements, it would sling itself like a slingshot and get even closer to me. So small movements definitely were the only option I had until I figured out a better plan.

      And I doubt I was able to find that "better" plan.


      _________________________

      12.17.2012
      Flirting is Not Working (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      I'm talking to this girl that I used to have for my English AP Lit Class in High School, and she seems to be kind of dull and stoic.

      I tried having a decent communication with her, and I believe there's someone else that we both had to meet to talk about something. I tried flirting with the girl, I think?

      Whatever happens, she leaves the area without saying anything to me, she didn't even portray any kind of emotion that she was concerned about me or anything at all.

      I watch her open the door, and she quickly gets on a Maroon Bicycle that looks like the University's default bicycle service model. She rides the bicycle awkwardly, but that probably pertains to the actual model in waking life making one ride strangely in the first place.

      The trees outside are full of life, and even though the leaves are covering the sunlight, it's apparent that it's bright outside. It also seems to be slightly windy outside.

      _________________________

      12.17.2012
      God Lecture with Grandma (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      I'm sitting at an auditorium of some sort, and the overall atmosphere is saturated with this yellow color.

      My grandmother goes on with this speech of the Christian God, and I'm really bored trying to listen to this. I try to block it out of audio, and there's a lot of people that are getting out of the area.

      I remain in my seat because of some weird reason of not trying to make my Grandmother feel bad.

      Eventually, I do leave, so HA!

      _________________________

      12.17.2012
      Dream Guide is Going to FREAKING KILL ME!!!! Or Not? (Non-lucid)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      I remember the dream starting out where I'm walking around an area that's close to my apartment in waking life. It feels like its 4-5PM in the dream, since the sun is close to sunset.

      I go to the left and end up walking to the curve that goes in a "C" motion, with me starting at the bottom of the "C."

      Then I ended up going to the right side of the other "C" shaped path, and I hear a police car coming nearby. The car ends up being some kind of old car model that's bulky and a little too large to be in the car category.

      I also hear some parts inside jingling and close to coming off as well. Don't know what the cop was going to do, but he left to do whatever it is. I thought it would be for me since I just happened to hear the siren out of nowhere.

      The dream shifts where I'm apparently going out with this blonde girl (inb4DreamGuide), and she's kind of cute. However, I can't verify her age, so I don't try to do anything weird with her. She does seem obsessive over me, requiring that I'm with her, or else she'll threaten to kill me.

      She looked a lot like Catherine from the game Catherine, the succubus one. She looks like she's 16-18 years of age in this dream. I remember being at the top stair level in an auditorium, and she's sitting around the front area to get a good lateral view of the stage.

      I look at the back of her head, and she quickly turns around and locks in on me. I don't think she's trying to kill me, she's just using that so I can get her attention and possibly do a reality check. Unfortunately, I didn't do that, and she turns her head back to look at the stage.

      I believe that I decided I should go ahead and sit next to her, and she's obviously a big contrast from the dark room of seats with people in dark clothing. The stage is the main attraction with the yellow lights shining on the shiny brown wooden floor layering.

      The glow emits all the way until it hits the Catherine dream character that's wearing her default white costume, or at least just a white nightgown.

      There's a part where I'm taking out a sword out of a sheath, but it doesn't seem logical that the sword can come out properly if the design is having "X Y Z" stick in the middle. It's practically impossible in waking life, but it slides off the sheath with ease.

      I don't know where this part came into the dream, because my dream recall is slightly off right now after not paying too much attention to remembering my dreams.

      Considering she was one form I wanted my tulpa to be in, maybe I should use her characteristics for tulpaforging.....excluding the "pretend to kill you" part.

      Updated 12-17-2012 at 09:41 PM by 47756

      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable