KittySquirrel

Well, it's been a couple of years. I've found my way back to this forum, inevitably I suppose.

The dreams I've had over the past few weeks and months have mostly been either too nondescript or too non-memorable for me to derive any meaning from them. On another level, I also have had ones too horrific, in that I try to forget them immediately. These ones find me on nights in which i fall asleep in a state of higher sobriety than usual. If i've partaken in drink, I typically fall asleep with ease, and with no dreams. It's nice in a sense, but does not produce the wondrous dream state which I have come to crave recently.

Anyway, last night, the night of my 26th birthday, was the first time in a very long time I had a series of dreams which I felt were worth recording in some way. Not only were they incredibly vivid, but they seemed to touch me in a serious manner that was not to be ignored....

They could be seen as standard in that so very many things happened.. so many events and sequences with profound emotional impact on me, but i remember so little of the details. I'm sort of sad about that. But I do remember certain particular instances, and I will cling to those with everything I have.

The main instance was a sort of summer camp.. and so many of my family and friends and lovers were there. We were all there in harmony and happiness. It was so beautiful. I experienced none of the usual anxiety or fear that would normally plague that kind of scenario in real life.

I only remember one moment vividly, of many moments, that must have been the one meant to be remembered. I was sitting with a crowd of people, and next to me was Courtney, a friend from my youth who i had a big crush on in my adolescence. I was holding hands with her, feeling the warmth and comfort of her being. She was blonde and tall and lovely. All of us were watching Hana preform her song 'Cowgirl Bebop' (This is a real life song btw). Now, it's worth noting that in my dreams, I typically never experience pieces of art in their real life true form. However, this dream sequence was a rare exception. She preformed the song as it was exactly recorded. And I wept, as did Courtney and Hana, as did Hana's father, who oddly was also in attendance. It was truly a beautiful experience for me. I hold it up as one of the most cathartic dream experiences I've had so far. Everything just seemed so meaningful and harmonious.

The dream was also punctuated by a murder mystery situation. Initially, I was confident that I knew who the murderer was. And this person was eerily beside me the entire time, and there was certainly some tension between us. However, he was not the murderer. I then thought the murderer may have been me. But then occurred an instance in which I peered through a wall that had been blown through completely, destroyed by some kind of explosive. On the other side, I saw a diminishing flame, it may have been a tiki torch. For some reason, I then knew that I was not the murderer either. His identity was never revealed.

All in all, I'm looking forward to recording my dreams again. I don't know why, but it is important to me and my spiritual development. I experienced sleep paralysis upon waking about a week or so ago. It was horrible, being completely paralyzed while a sinister being loomed over me for I don't know how long, and i was unable to move or do anything about it, just cry in fear until i regained control of my body. I hope it never happens again, and I hope intentional dreaming, recording dreams, and perhaps even lucid dreaming, will prevent it.

Lately, I've been having dreams involving embracing, kissing, and affection, mainly with women whom i cannot put a name to. I'm mainly thankful that these dreams do not seem to involve me ex, as my feelings for her remain strong and difficult to deal with. However, a dream that took place the other night stood out to me. I find myself in a strange building with many windows, accompanied by this girl I've been seeing lately. There are things that happen in this dream, but I cannot remember most of them. But I do vividly remember a particular instance, similar to how I remember things from my childhood. A girl who attended my high school makes an appearance. I always sensed that she liked me in high school, but I never made a move. In the dream, there seems to be a mutual level of attraction between us. We kiss in a room that has windows and is visible from another part of the house. Afterwards, I immediately am with the other girl I've been seeing in real life, and she confronts me about kissing the girl from my high school. I can't remember what I said, but whatever it was convinced her that my kissing this other girl was not a big deal, and she quickly forgives me. We embrace, and all between us seems okay. That is all I can remember. It seems as though I've been having dreams like this every night. Last night I was in an absurd situation with a blonde girl at a dinner table. I know there was a lot more to this one, but as usual, I cannot remember. I can't say that I do not enjoy these dreams, but I fear that soon my ex lover will enter them. If that occurs, I imagine I'd wake up with such pain and find myself in tears.

I had a dream that my family and I were traveling to some sort of event (it may have been the Kentucky Derby or some wine tasting sort of thing). The place at which we arrived was composed of rolling hills and vineyards as far as the eye could see. I'm a bit hazy on the order of the events, but i can remember that I traveled down into an underground shoppe beneath the rolling hills (sort of like a Hobbit home). It was rather quaint and had many strange items which appeared hand made and wooden in nature. There was only one other person in the shoppe besides me: a young woman with brown hair who was running the place it seemed. It is strange in dreams how you can possess an inexplicable attraction to a simple projection of your subconscious; such was the case in this dream of mine. I was drawn to her, and for some unknown reason, I felt the need to speak with an Irish accent to her. Somehow, I was convinced that this would attract her to me, and it did. We kissed and embraced and so forth. (It was so strangely vivid, and i can recall my emotions in the dream almost perfectly still. I imagine this vividness was due to my rather large consumption of apple juice before going to bed that night.) The last thing I remember about the dream was my sisters, who were digging in a part of the underground shoppe for some unknown reason. That's about all I can remember. Isn't it amazing how wonderfully random and creative dreams can be? It seems you can't consciously make this stuff up. So beautiful, one of the mysteries of life.