KittySquirrel

Well, it's been a couple of years. I've found my way back to this forum, inevitably I suppose.

The dreams I've had over the past few weeks and months have mostly been either too nondescript or too non-memorable for me to derive any meaning from them. On another level, I also have had ones too horrific, in that I try to forget them immediately. These ones find me on nights in which i fall asleep in a state of higher sobriety than usual. If i've partaken in drink, I typically fall asleep with ease, and with no dreams. It's nice in a sense, but does not produce the wondrous dream state which I have come to crave recently.

Anyway, last night, the night of my 26th birthday, was the first time in a very long time I had a series of dreams which I felt were worth recording in some way. Not only were they incredibly vivid, but they seemed to touch me in a serious manner that was not to be ignored....

They could be seen as standard in that so very many things happened.. so many events and sequences with profound emotional impact on me, but i remember so little of the details. I'm sort of sad about that. But I do remember certain particular instances, and I will cling to those with everything I have.

The main instance was a sort of summer camp.. and so many of my family and friends and lovers were there. We were all there in harmony and happiness. It was so beautiful. I experienced none of the usual anxiety or fear that would normally plague that kind of scenario in real life.

I only remember one moment vividly, of many moments, that must have been the one meant to be remembered. I was sitting with a crowd of people, and next to me was Courtney, a friend from my youth who i had a big crush on in my adolescence. I was holding hands with her, feeling the warmth and comfort of her being. She was blonde and tall and lovely. All of us were watching Hana preform her song 'Cowgirl Bebop' (This is a real life song btw). Now, it's worth noting that in my dreams, I typically never experience pieces of art in their real life true form. However, this dream sequence was a rare exception. She preformed the song as it was exactly recorded. And I wept, as did Courtney and Hana, as did Hana's father, who oddly was also in attendance. It was truly a beautiful experience for me. I hold it up as one of the most cathartic dream experiences I've had so far. Everything just seemed so meaningful and harmonious.

The dream was also punctuated by a murder mystery situation. Initially, I was confident that I knew who the murderer was. And this person was eerily beside me the entire time, and there was certainly some tension between us. However, he was not the murderer. I then thought the murderer may have been me. But then occurred an instance in which I peered through a wall that had been blown through completely, destroyed by some kind of explosive. On the other side, I saw a diminishing flame, it may have been a tiki torch. For some reason, I then knew that I was not the murderer either. His identity was never revealed.

All in all, I'm looking forward to recording my dreams again. I don't know why, but it is important to me and my spiritual development. I experienced sleep paralysis upon waking about a week or so ago. It was horrible, being completely paralyzed while a sinister being loomed over me for I don't know how long, and i was unable to move or do anything about it, just cry in fear until i regained control of my body. I hope it never happens again, and I hope intentional dreaming, recording dreams, and perhaps even lucid dreaming, will prevent it.

Last night was not exactly fun. I can remember brief instances of this one; they mainly seemed to be warped situations of things that have happened to me in the last few months IRL. I am at a performance, with cover bands, but it’s as if they’re all playing to a track, not actually playing their instruments. I am expected to play piano to a Queen song, but someone takes my place. I’m at a movie theatre, about to go see a film by myself. I run into several old high school acquaintances. I’m finishing a group project and turning it in at the last minute; I think this is at my old house. The last instance was the most vivid and unfortunate. I’m sitting alone on a couch in a strange room; it’s like some parts of the wall are missing, or maybe the ceiling. It’s cloudy and grey outside. I think this place is near a lake. I see my ex-girlfriend just outside, her red hair vibrant and flowing in the wind. She is soon inside on the couch with me, and we begin to kiss and hold each other close. This is the first time I can think of that I’ve had this good of a dream about her since we broke up. In most dreams I can remember, she is cold, distant, or angry. In this one, she is welcoming, reciprocating, and affectionate. Then my friend comes in the room, acting like his usual annoying self. IRL, he didn’t like my girlfriend, and even told lies about her to my friends. This anger I feel toward him was evident in the dream. I am happy with her in this dream, and I want him out of the picture. Feelings of affection I have for her in the dream are coupled with the feelings of hatred I have for my friend. This is very similar to an instance that occurred a couple months ago IRL. But I wake up and realize, that although I’m over her, my hatred for him remains.