Lucid Time!

Fragment: Something to do with Jack Black. He is in this really bad comedy partially centered around lucid dreaming.

Spoiler for slightly sexy:

There was some dream where I was watching some kind of really bad porn story. The story was about a boy and a girl who are good friends in school, and you think that they are going to be together, but then it turns out that the boy is gay and the girl is lesbian.
Later on in life, you see they both have partners, and for some reason they decide to have this foursome sex thing. The boy has become really skinny and unattractive, and his partner is very fat and his whole body is covered with acne. The female is also very unattractive. I remember them showing her nude, she looks like a really skinny guy with a vagina.
But that's not the weird part. I am actually the second female. I looked at myself in the mirror (the room had this big floor-to-ceiling mirror). and (Not bragging or anything; these were pretty low standards) I was by far the most attractive person there.
I was also kind of skinny, but had more figure and muscle than anyone but the fat guy, and had some breast (at least an A-cup). I recall having wide hips and huge, strong legs, and short black hair with a blue streak in it. I thought that I was some kind of runner or cyclist or something.
Anyways, I wasn't lucid, but I knew this was NOT what I wanted. I started to leave and the door was locked. Then the skinny boy tried to grab me and put me in the bed. I overpowered him and pushed him into the mirror, that broke and blood went everywhere.
Then the fat guy grabbed me from behind. He put me onto the bed and got on top of me. He had this really weird short fat penis that wasn't gonna fit. I prepared to kick him in it when...

I FA'd. I was at college and started walking to class. For some reason my dad showed up and he started talking about Ebola. I didn't want to hear it, so I had to change the subject. But the only thing I could think of was the porn dream. So I told him about it and he listened intently, as if he was enjoying it.
...
This somehow led to lucid flying above campus. I wish I remembered more than flying and hoping that my dream would know what the rooftops of the campus buildings looked like.

I woke up around 5:00am and wanted to 'go back'. This is happening more and more frequently.

I was having some dream where my roommate had been replaced by an old lady, and I had to take care of her because she had memory loss and forgot her pills and what not.
At least she was not grumpy.
Anyways, she has to take her pills every day, and today we have to go get refills for her. She also has to do her 'hearing' everyday that has something to do with her hearing aid and projecting a frequency that helps her to hear better.
But my favorite thing to do is help her with her fruit smoothie that she drinks twice a day. She gets her fruit through the government and gets this big basket of fresh fruit everyday, more than enough for her smoothies.
So I decided to be healthy and start drinking the smoothies with her. I have this juicer/smoothie maker in my room, and when you put the fruit in, a game comes up like fruit ninja. You have to slice the fruit for it to be added to your smoothie. I ended up getting a bunch of mangoes and kiwis in mine.
There was some aspect to it like the smoothie could be used as rocket fuel. I had this tiny prototype rocket engine attached to the bottom of my smoothie.
I somehow find myself at this exhibition where this native tribe is visiting from a far-away land and showing off rare herbs and spices. The lady that I am taking care of wants those added to her smoothie. I find this other lady (who was really just an older version of Manei, guess she wanted me taking her seriously in this dream.) She asks me to come over and do something.
She has a small garden with all of the herbs in it, but there is a pathway running diagonal through it. The garden is like a sandbox, about 3ft by 3ft, and the soil in it is kind of sandy.
Anyways, she tells me to look down, take two steps and then stop. I take two steps and walk nearly to the other side of the garden. She then somehow shifts me back to the opposite corner and asks me to take two more steps. I follow. This repeats two or three more times. I look up and we are now on a beach.
She changes to her original age and smiles at me. I do a nose pinch, but strangely, the airflow is 'glitching' on and off. I feel like it is starting and stopping very quickly. Nevertheless I become lucid.
Manei is sitting in the lotus position, and I recognize the beach we are on; the one from my first LD that we used to return to often. It is nighttime and the beach is moonlit.
"It's time you learned about nature. Everything in nature is connected, though it's hard to look and see the connections. Take this garden for example."
I look back at the remnants of the Herb garden from the transition. All of the plants are uprooted and ruined. I sit down in front of it. Somehow I decide that I want to make the plants regrow and repair themselves with my mind. I start to focus on the sand and a strong wind comes in blowing all of this dry sand over the plants. Then a bunch of new sprouts came up.
"Good, now move over there. You're going to use your energy to create a plant from scratch now. Visualize the sand grains as full of life, like each one is a seed."
For some reason I partially sink into the sand. I focus in on the ground in front of me and try to picture a plant growing. Nothing seems to be happening. I start to get disheartened. Just as I do, I see a bump in the sand and a little sprout comes out. I send my energy to it and it grows into a bushy fern-like plant.
"You see, this is what the Buddha was talking about. Everyone has a connection to nature!"
Er... I might not be the most up-to-date on Buddhist scriptures, but isn't he all about inner peace of mind and finding oneself and all that?
Regardless, she stops talking. I decide to test the 'connection to nature' aspect of this. And somehow, I get from my 'connection to nature' to 'Let's practice waterbending!'. I look out at the ocean, and the waves rolling into the coast. I hold out my hands in front of me, palms down and try to picture the waves stopping.
Slowly, all of the waves come to a stop and the ocean is a mirror surface. I see the moon and stars reflecting on it. So beautiful. I then release my grip and run into the water.
I begin moving with the flow of the waves, that come back small at first, and then big. I feel like I am waterbending, but this feels a little more... (oh for heaven's sake) natural. I try to move with the flow of the waves using them to increase my motions rather than fight them. I try to make one of the waves splash Manei and it works. She chases me into the water and tries bending back at me. We are about to get into an all out, for-fun waterbending fight (Because dream guides can have fun too, you know.) when she gets the "oh, sh*t" look and tells me to run.
I turn around, back out over the sea, and see a tsunami rolling in. Nope, nope! We don't run. I turn and face the wave as it swells into a white-cap and prepares to crash right on me. I hold up both my arms crossed and split the wave down either side. Both sides pass me harmlessly. This feels more like the original water bending, more forceful and less flow-ish. But it's all I can do at this point.
The gap in the wave continues to widen and Manei passes through the gap as well. I turn back to see her standing on the shore. The wave crashes on either side of her but doesn't dare go near her. I turn around and see another, larger tsunami rolling in. I realize this is becoming one of those 'drowning' dreams that I used to have as a kid. There's no sense in fighting it any longer.
I send a telepathic shout to Manei saying "Get the heck out of here, I'm gonna wake up." I look to the shore and she becomes blurry and fades away. I turn and face the wave, that is barreling in at impossible speeds. I start thinking that I should wake up, and manage to do so right before the wave hits me.

Just gonna put the whole thing in a spoiler tag. This dream doesn't strike any personal issues with me, but some people might find it inappropriate.

Proceed at your own risk.

Spoiler for not for the faint of heart:

So there is some kind of Sex Ed class being taught in my front yard, and there is a thick fog all around. I can remember there being a blackboard in the yard.
The class is taught by (and I am not just trying to be entertaining here, I actually dreamed this) A giant talking condom. That's right. I recall a giant condom package floating down out of the fog. The condom slipped out of the side. It stood on the open end, and the head literally had a face formed from wrinkles in the plastic. Looking back the face actually looked rather frightening. I wonder why I wasn't frightened by it in the dream.
So this... monstrosity begins the sex ed class. It draws some... well let's just say some descriptive pictures on the blackboard, and starts talking about them. I take note of who else is in the class. I remember seeing my old high school crush, my friend S and a couple other random people. There are seven or eight of us, total.
The condom continues on with the lesson. He keeps making all of these inappropriate innuendos about me and my crush who are both acting very embarrassed. I think there was another couple who he was poking fun at too.
Eventually the boy and girl in the other couple get sick of it and tell him to stop being so perverted. The condom says that this is part of the lesson. That people need to stop thinking sex is some kind of taboo. Sex is a part of life, and we should all embrace that.
You know he's got a point there.
...
The condom is now talking about other aspects of healthy life. He tells me to come up and gives me a lit cigarette and tells me to try it so he can make a point about not smoking. I tell him no. He tells me he will fail me if I don't try it.
I put it in my mouth and take a deep breath. Just like that, my lungs froze up and I felt like I couldn't breathe at all. I began spewing a cloud of thick smoke from my mouth and fell down. I was struggling to breathe, and as I blacked out, I woke up.

Okay, so I'm with my mom. We're at this strange place that is something like a rock quarry only while we are there we gain the power to control plants and cause them to grow.
So there was sort of a long chunk of time where absolutely nothing interesting happened. We filled up the rock quarry area with various forests and gardens. She asked me to check on her car at one point. I'm gonna skip to the good stuff.
So we are walking around. The quarry area is not thoroughly filled with plants and forests and we come across something that we do not recall adding. A dark forest. All of the trees look dead, and there are skulls lanterns hanging from the trees. Dark clouds linger over the woods.
My mom stands at the edge of the woods and asks why somebody would make something like this. I told her that we came through here and filled this area with pines not too long ago. At this moment two feelings came over me simultaneously. One of them waslucidity. The other was the feeling that there was some evil presence encroaching upon us.

I told my mom that this was a dream, and that I felt something evil approaching. She ran off, leaving me. I stared into the skull woods for a few seconds and could feel fear sweeping over me. All of the skulls begin to rotate to look at me. I feel like I had better change the scene.
Dream spinning. I close my eyes and hold out my arms. I open them and now the skull woods is surrounding me. Skulls are looking at me from all sides. The evil presence is more powerful as well. I attempt to dream spin a second time, and this time I do it for several seconds until I feel carpet on my feet that I suppose were bare.
I am now in a hotel hallway. Something still feels off. A few of the lights are flickering, though the hallway looks to be a part of a fairly upscale hotel. The room in front of me has a glass window going from floor to ceiling. I knock, expecting my guide to come, and I see a toddler approaching the door. I open it and kneel down and talk to the toddler.
"Hey little buddy..."
I notice the toddler's eyes look off. They look more like those of a doll than an actual baby.
"Where are your parents?"
The toddler takes out a large knife and smiles at me. For some peculiar reason, even though I was lucid, I did not think to confront this nightmare. Aw man, I'm going for two.

I shut the door, lock it and rocket down the hall in flight. I turn right two times and then stop. I knock on a door that is to my left and hope and wonder as to what I will find. Hopefully not another psycho baby. Upon knocking on the door it nudges open. I look inside and the room appears empty. There is a large blanket-covered bump in one of the beds.
I make my way in, and the blanket covered bump comes open to reveal a man, probably in his 30's with black hair and a thin beard. He rolls over to reveal two bare-chested females, one blonde and one brunette, who... well I don't know they don't look very attractive, neither of them. They look to have almost exactly the same body.
The man rolls over. He looks somewhat annoyed at first and asks what I am doing. I tell him that I had just escaped a skull forest and a psycho baby. He reacts about how you would expect. I then asked if I could join in whatever 'fun' he oh so obviously was having here. He told me I could.
Naked TOTM time, and perfect setup. I throw off all of my clothes. The brunette recoils in terror. The blonde looks more confident, and she smiles at me. I don't know what they saw, I didn't look down. I kneel down and look at the blonde. I tell her that I've been waiting to try lucid sex with someone for a long time. She then gets confused wondering what 'lucid sex' means, but looks to brush past it. I look off to the ceiling for a second hoping that I won't make a mess in the bed.
Probably not, these girls aren't very attractive, and I'm probably not going to get that into it.
Then, a knock on the door.
The man grunts. "I'll get it." I put my pants back on. The man gets out of bed, and I realize that one of his hands is missing. He asks me to help me fit his broken robot hand. I attempt to aide him, but a broken robot hand is a broken robot hand, and all the fingers are missing. Whatever. He plugs it into a port on the end of his arm, puts on boxer shorts and we go to the door. There is nobody, just a couple sticks of dynamite attached to a remote detonator with blue duct tape.
The man screams some curses. He runs out into the hall and looks down at it. Confused, as if he is waiting for me to tell him what to do. One of the girls yells "Just kick it down the hall." He does but the duct tape sticks to his foot. He falls over and his head goes through the wall. He screams. I then shut the door and the competition and the explosive out. .
Now then, ladies, where were we?
I wake up.

Probably should have laid down some stabilization at some point. Would have had a little more warning for that...