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    1. The Tour Guide and the Evil Brother

      by , 09-16-2017 at 04:35 PM
      08-22-2017 -- Unsure how this will come out, how much I'll remember, and whether it will be interesting or not, but we'll give it a try. There were earlier bits, but the first thing I can remember is riding in a sort of passenger van down a street that I've remembered from many other dreams, a slightly smaller road connecting major highways, sometimes in the RPV area, sometimes in Washington, and sometimes in England, kind of connecting Cambridge and London This time is one of the Cambridge ones, and the beautiful blonde 'guide' (for lack of a better term) is commenting how we'll soon be at our destination, and I mention it should be right over the next hill, and then make a big deal about how I remember that from my England trip in '92, even though I have not been back, since.

      There is a guy driving the van, dark hair, fairly slim, but we're told to ignore him, as he 'doesn't exist.' Indication is, the blonde should be driving, and the only person here, but she prefers to have help. She's quite attractive, and a mild flirt, and I can't help but hope something eventually happens with her, but for now she is mostly involved in serving us as a sort of guide. There are several others on the van, including a family with several children, and I am trying to entertain them by picking up some candy and juggling it. There are several small chocolate balls maybe a half inch in diameter, and then I accidentally pick up something that looks much like a Cadbury egg, and hold it up next to the others and comment on "No, that's not right!" and drop it. So I have the three small balls, and I am trying to juggle them, but I can't juggle, so I end up tossing one up and down in my left hand, with two in my right, just tossing them up and catching them with the same hands. The kids know that isn't what juggling is like, so they laugh at my antics, which is what I wanted in the first place.

      Somehow we've eventually arrived in France, and though I don't get the hows or whys of any of it, we all end up strolling into a classroom where the class is in session, and this annoys the professor, who is poking fun at us. The driver, who was the one who brought us here, is being forced to smoke the professor's pipe, and told he needs to cough like the professor before the professor will listen to him. Meanwhile, the professor is blowing smoke in his face. So the guy takes a puff or two on the pipe, then starts blowing odd smoke formations. Instead of 'simple' smoke rings, he is blowing a sort of smoke chain or smoke 'lattice' that kind of reminds me of making balloon chains. Very cool stuff. The Professor seems kind of offended by that, and then asks the driver if he is a secret agent. The driver says no, and the professor answers with 'Well I am, and we've been after you for a while," and arrests he and the gorgeous blonde. Myself and the other passengers are just kind of brushed aside, and left on our own. The blonde tells me not to try and find them, I think, as they are hauled off.

      The family is looking to me for leadership, no idea why, but is ready to throw me off at a moment's notice, so what's the point? They are talking about where to go next, and how to get there, and we get separated for a minute, and I end up spotting the driver and the guide running toward a train station. I guess they managed to escape the folks who had them, and are making a break for it. I chase after them until I reach the ticket takers, who aren't about to let me in without a ticket, but that's ok, I just wanted to get close enough to call out a 'good luck' to the blonde, who has short three letter nickname that is masculine, while she most certainly isn't. It's as if I were calling her Bob, though that wasn't actually it. Anyway, the ticket taker/guard looks at me strangely, but I don't care.

      I run into the family again, and the oldest daughter has decided she wants to go to Publix, because of how great a store it is, and I am kind of surprised to learn that the chain has spread throughout Europe. I'm trying to figure out how to find one, as the others just walk up to a mall directory, and discover a Publix in the mall (which is huge, with something like 6 or 8 'wings' of shops, and much larger than any other mall I've seen before), but of course it is on the entire other side of the mall, and I'm fat and out of shape, so my comment on the whole thing is along the lines of 'of course!' I turn around and discover the family is gone again, so I glance at the map, identify where the Publix ought to be, and try to head off in that direction.

      I'm kind of walking, kind of running, but things get a little strange, as I look in the direction I want to go, and am suddenly moving much quicker, almost like I was riding a segway or something, except there is no equipment, it is just the dream helping me get around more efficiently. I must have made a wrong turn somewhere, as I find myself in a huge hotel on the outskirts of the mall, and since I still need to get to the Publix, I try to turn around to get back where I started. Suddenly I find myself in somebody else's vehicle again, and I come to realize it is Uber, but that Uber is very strange and different in other countries.

      The driver is a sort of a young punk, and quickly runs his very strong car (build like a tank) into the back of a pick-up truck, which knocks it into the smaller car in front of it, which is then knocked through a barricade, as my driver laughs at them. He offers me a couple of tootsie rolls, and I am about to turn it down because I don't like tootsie rolls, when he reminds me that in other countries, Tootsie Rolls are not just the sticks of weird 'chocolate' that isn't quite chocolate, but a wide variety of different treats. I unroll the roll, to discover four pieces of candy of the See's or Russell Stover type inside. Yummy. Meanwhile, the driver has caused another crash that wrecks another car, and leaves his virtually untouched, and he continues to laugh as he explains he is taking out his competition, while refusing to pick up their passengers who are desperate for rides.

      Soon I am back where I started, in the mall, and still trying to get to the Publix, but now I seem to be driving my own French Uber, problem is, I turn onto a highway I hope will take me to the Publix, only to find all the traffic heading directly at me. Forgot I was in Europe, and have to drive on the left side of the road. (Obviously my dream cannot remember that's only the UK!) So I swing off the road and quickly turn around, heading back off the freeway without causing myself or anyone else any trouble. I drive a few meters down, and find the correct entrance, heading the right way, but there is a large gang of bikers parked there. I am worried they might want to cause trouble, but signs and announcements proclaim that biker gangs often help maintain the peace and keep order. What?

      Anyway, momentarily I find myself pushing my way through crowds on a train, as part of another Uber tour where I am just along for the ride, and the person who is in charge is very much like the other punk, and likes to pick up little kids who need to go pee and set them on top of tables so they pee on the tables and when the train shifts, it runs into people's laps, so he can joke about it. These folks are nothing but trouble, and I keep moving along, wanting to make it to the next car, where I find myself sharing space with the gorgeous blonde and her driver again. He's worried to see me, but she's just flirting again, and rubbing up against me, as she tries to 'explain' things without explaining anything. I ask if they heard me call out to them before, but get no answer. Just more flirting from the gorgeous blonde! All I know is I want her, and every time it seems something might happen, he just happens to pop up again, and she says I'll just have to wait and see if he ever lets anything happens! AAUUGGHH!!
    2. Guns and Paranoia, a Huge Earthquake, and Janet doing Preston's in Europe

      by , 06-17-2013 at 05:49 AM
      06-16-2013 -- [Most dreams have been skimpy and unmemorable recently, so I haven't been bothering with them as much. We'll see how entering them in goes, now.] I find myself at the Hickory house, where, oddly, Rosemary is trying to pressure me to move out. It's late at night, and I am in my second bedroom, trying to play some sort of computer game or something. Hints of adventure games and roller coaster tycoon, but no details. Rosemary is turning into mom, but still kind of half pressuring me to move.

      Mom wants me out, but she also wants me safe, and starts lecturing me about why I am not carrying around my gun at all times. She is actually putting up a sort of chain link/barbed wire fence separating the living room from the rest of the house, so that if people break in through the sliding glass door, they can't move on to the rest of the house as easily. She's getting rather paranoid.

      Meanwhile, I am looking for the gun I can seem to remember from another dream halfway recently ... one where I had something along the lines of a revolver that I seemed to be shooting at fireworks or something. (I think this was an honest dream I had somewhere in the last year or two, but have no idea if it ever got written down.) To keep it safe, I had it separated into several pieces, and I am now gathering those pieces and trying to put it back together, but the first two or three times, I get it wrong and end up with things like the sight under the barrel, rather than on top. I do manage to eventually get it put together correctly, though, and soon have the shot gun put back together, as well. I gather up my ammo and start loading both guns. Both use the same ammo, something that I think was on Carolyn's advice.

      The tough guy sitting together putting other guns together and planning strategies for possible fights is either Dave D. Or Nick W., I'm not sure which. I walk out into the front yard, preparing to test fire the guns to be sure they work well and I can still remember how to shoot, but I find myself wondering what to shoot at to try and avoid getting in any trouble. I figure out a safe shot shooting a tree across the street or something, but I may have done something wrong because the bullets are moving really slowly out of the gun, and bounce off the tree, coming back at me. I catch the bullets and figure the guns may still need some more work.

      I end up trying to stay in a room kind of connected to the garage for a bit, as a way to get out of mom's hair, yet still be at the house I grew up in, but it is dirty, and has bugs or critters in it, and there is a really beat up kitten with badly matted fur and lots of scabs that I decide I don't want to be around, as well as a really strange girl who seems kind of prone to violence, so I give up and head back inside.

      I'm about to talk to mom, when the place starts shaking really badly, and I quickly realize there is an earthquake happening. It is a major one, and seems to go on for at least five minutes, and it is really bad. The house is breaking up around me, and starting to sink into the ground, as massive cracks start splitting the floor. I decide to head to the front door, and as things continue, into the front yard, trying to get out in the street, and away from collapsing trees, as the entire house seems to be collapsing out of sight. I look a couple of doors down, where Don D. is also out in the street. And even though we're standing here on Hickory, we're both kind of shocked at the earthquake. We would expect it in California, but here in Florida, it was unexpected. [The Hickory house and the neighbor were both in California, no matter what this dream thinks.]


      06-16-2013 -- Earlier bits that are entirely sketchy ... driving somewhere with Carl, getting the mail at the Hickory house, and then watching the washing machine in the garage (oddly a front-loader, which we never had at that location) as it starts to flood, since the door is open, yet strangely doesn't. Then I step out of the garage ....

      And find myself in a European hotel somewhere that bears a striking resemblance to Sargent Preston's. Somehow, Janet is about to perform as Klondike Kate in this knock-off of the original club, and though none of the other performers are working here, the replacements have been trained up well enough that the whole thing has the proper feel.

      The manager of the place is wandering around selling desserts that are actually pretty decent clones of what they had at the original Preston's, but not exact. (Preston's never actually sold the kinds of cakes I was dreaming of.) Dale tries exactly one bite, but won't eat any more because they are made with alcohol. As the show is just about to begin, I am thinking of video taping it, but decide not to.

      A few seconds later, when the show has started and Janet is singing "Hey Big Spender," it sounds exactly like her singing it in real life, and the band is doing a perfect job with it, as well. I am singing along in perfect time under my breath, and dancing back and forth slightly to get the best views as I suddenly am video taping, regardless of what I decided a few seconds ago. And through all this, Janet has not noticed me there, yet, and I'm waiting for her to spot me.
    3. Golf Cart Pursuit and Axe Murders at the Monastery

      by , 01-26-2013 at 07:49 PM
      01-25-2013 -- [Have no idea what this was about, but since there was nothing graphic about it, I am posting it anyway.] Somehow I am at the Hickory house, back a couple of decades ago, and I am somehow watching a porno film that was filmed, in broad daylight, in the front yards at Vinnie's house and Robby's house, and I am wondering how this happened with none of us knowing about it and freaking out about it. Then somehow things shift, and they are filming it now, and I am trying to get together with the females, but just to talk, not why you would expect. Weird.

      Then I soon find myself out driving a small vehicle (think along the lines of a golf cart or something) down a slightly winding sort of paved path like a sidewalk leading through a park or something, while I can hear sirens in the distance, coming from the main road. I continue along the winding path but soon flashing red and blue lights are getting closer and closer in my rear-view mirror. I pull my golf cart off to the side of the path, and hope I am not in trouble.

      The cops stop in another golf cart, but one that is made to look like a police car, and they ask me about a suspect they are pursuing. I don't recognize their description of a very short-haired female, and they don't seem to believe me, but they continue on their way in pursuit of her, anyway, and I then pull back onto the path, and continue, as well.

      Eventually I reach my destination, which seems to be almost a sort of small bank, or perhaps store. I have gone in and done what I needed to do, and as I turn to leave, I spot a woman two people behind me in line who looks very much like the woman the cops described to me, and I figure I will call them as soon as I get outside, and let them know that she might be here.

      But as I reach the door, I find the cop starting to open it. I nod my head at the woman in line, and kind of roll my eyes questioningly, and he nods. It is who they are looking for. So I head out the door, and he heads in. As I am walking down the block, I find myself really staring at the police cars because they have some odd sort of warning on them about a killer axe or something. The cops are glaring at me for looking, like they think I have too much interest or something, but I'm just trying to figure out what it is about.

      I think I find myself in Europe, driving around a bit with perhaps Jeff G, who is driving really badly, and soon we end up at a sort of a cross between a really old cathedral or monastery, and a museum, where the whole axe murder thing took place. Somehow there is a model of the monastery inside a glass case, and I am lifting up the glass case the peer really closely at the model, while the curator glares at me.

      He really doesn't like me, and is glaring at me something fierce, while I notice he is missing his nose, and looks slightly like the Spinx, while there are signs around the placing asking people not to ask about his nose or something. I gently set down the glass case and tell him I was just studying it, and I didn't (and wasn't) going to touch it. I also say I wasn't going to ask about his nose, gesturing at one of the signs, while everybody else around chuckles. He glares at me, and gestures for me to get out, so I leave.

      A little more driving, and then maybe a little bit of a street crossing, and I find myself, still somewhere in Europe, meeting with some thugs about some possibly hot computer equipment, and I and one of the thugs are talking back and forth about some sort of circuit board with an 'avocado' connection. And the boss, who has never heard about this, is demanding to know what it is.

      I am explaining that an 'avocado' connection is a board that is manufactured out of such weak and poor material, it is like trying to force a thin slice of avocado into the slot on the circuit board without it breaking.