CanisLucidus

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #231: Fedoras and Flatulence

I wake up feeling disappointed that I didn’t manage to have a lucid dream. Well, too late for that -- Wife and the kids are up and getting ready and my folks are here too. I feel grumpy and sorry for myself, but I get started with the day. Lots of mundane stuff happens and eventually we all wind up sitting at a cafeteria table across from a pedestal.

The pedestal fascinates me. It has the vague outline of a statue on it, which will fade from looking fully physical to almost completely invisible. It’s a statue of Artemis, and I know that nobody can see it but me because I’m the only lucid dreamer in this whole place. As I’m staring at this statue, a brown-haired woman in her early 20s sits down in the chair next to me, a little closer than appropriate. She touches me on the shoulder flirtatiously and leans in. “Hi! What are we looking at?”

I feel uneasy about how close she’s getting but also attracted and flattered. I feel like I don’t know how much information I should reveal about being a lucid dreamer, so my answer is guarded: “That’s supposed to be a statue there.”

“Well, what do you see?” she asks.

The truth: “It’s a statue of Artemis. I can see it because I’m a lucid dreamer.”

“That’s amazing!” she says. She makes a few more comments about lucid dreaming and then stands up. Her inner thigh brushes my left hand as she gets up and I again get that mix of attraction and discomfort. She smiles. “You should call me if you ever want to talk to me about it.”

I think that I’d have no way to call her because I don’t have her phone number. I’m about to ask her what it is but stop when I realize how bad that would sound. This all feels strange to me now. I look to my right and my family isn’t here with me. It’s just me. I take the nose pinch reality check and I blow right through, becoming semi-lucid but just not completely convinced. .This feels so real, am I sure? I hit a second nose pinch and now I’m fully lucid.

I get up from the table and move into an adjacent room, remembering my intent to summon Dreamer. My go-to method has been transforming an existing DC into her, so I look around at the few dream characters wandering this scene and confidently grab the nearest one. It’s a short, pudgy Asian male, overall a really abysmal candidate for this transform into Dreamer. I want to be confident though so I go right ahead with trying to transform this dude.

I press my hands along his scalp, spreading Dreamer’s purple hair color along his scalp. He’s smiling and kind of chuckling at this, seeming to find it funny. The purple is coming out but whatever paint is coming out of my hands feels really clump and uneven. The guy’s scalp is kind of sweaty, too, and the purple paint even starts running down his face. His hair isn’t even half purpled before I get frustrated after a long time trying. Okay, maybe he looks too different, try changing the face. I start mashing on his face with my hands, trying to change his look into Dreamer. He seems to be getting kind of pissed at me for this and the whole thing just becomes awkward.

Okay, move on. I leave and walk into another room with a strange, gently wavy floor. I try the behind-the-back summon, narrating that “I feel Dreamer’s hand over here,” but I feel this doubt like I’m not doing things properly. I call out “[Dreamer]!” (using her real name) and vaguely hear a response, and I decide that she must be up ahead in some nearby room. I decide to use my old trick of demanding that the dream show me the way, and now when I call for Dreamer, a doorway glows with bright yellow light.

I continue moving through another series of 3-4 doors this way, demanding to be shown the way and the dream complying. I wind up in a large, cavernous room filled with DCs. There is a group of nuns near one side of the room that are dressed in unusual red habits. A large number of adults wander the room (more women than men) and close to the center of the room there’s a shallow pit where a large group of children are playing together. I ask the dream to show me where Dreamer is, but the glow effect always seems to be slightly out of view, frustrating me. I demand out loud that “Everybody point to where [Dreamer] is in this room.”

Every character in the scene turns toward a young, blond girl that’s playing in the pit. She’s about 6, her hair much shorter and lighter than I would have imagined, but I feel like this is her. I walk up to the child, who looks up at me with a goofy, slightly crooked-toothed smile. I place my hands on the sides of her head and say, “This is you, you’re [Dreamer].” As I say this, she grows to full height and now she looks completely like herself, apart from the fact that she has the little girl’s short, blond hair.

“Thank you for finding me!” she says. Dreamer puts her arms around my neck and we briefly hug. Almost immediately, all of the DCs in the room move toward, all of them smiling at her, greeting her, and wanting to interact with her. Some of them congratulate her. I stand by a few feet to the side, interested and amused. As each of the DCs greet her in turn, at one point a man comes up with a tiny fedora and placed it onto her head as if he’s crowning her.

The happy throng of DCs congregate around Dreamer as they all walk toward one of the room’s exits. I feel sad to see her leave the dream scene so early but all of this feels very natural to me, so I don’t resist it.

Once I find myself alone, I walk through another exit into an office scene with lots of people working at desks. It looks like we’re high up in a skyscraper. I make some mischief in here with telekinesis, throwing a plastic sign, tossing a desk, picking up one poor guy who’s just trying to get his work done. The office workers start seeming uncomfortable with my presence, so I look for an exit.

Off to the side is a platform with a waiting helicopter, so I climb aboard. Another DC tries to get on with us, and there’s a brief argument about who should get to come aboard. The pilot says (referring to me) “He can do whatever he wants,” and we take off. We fly over the city for a good while and I spy a few buildings that look reminiscent from spots in Breaking Bad. Eventually the helicopter hovers over a forest clearing near a building and I jump out. The helicopter flies off and I’m alone again.

I remember that I have a lucid dare from Dreamer that requires me to perform a Super Advanced Fart (one which is “very long, loud, and powerful”). At first I feel like this will be impossible. My body isn’t giving me “the signal” that anything can be conjured up. I know that this is a dream, though, so I convince myself that a bubble of pressure is forming in my stomach. Once that’s there, a good push sends me into a full eruption. The emerging fart is ultra loud and super powerful, lifting me gently into the air. It feels like there’s a hand or a platform under my butt lifting me upward. I wobble around unsteadily in the air, leaning left and right and bobbing a bit. It feels like I have a jet pack on.

I’d hoped to have enough propulsion to reach lower earth orbit, but I never get more than 15-20 feet off the ground. As the “event” ends, I settle back down to the ground. Dare achieved!

I’ve still got some dream left, so I decide to find Dreamer again. I ask the dream to show me where she is, and a door glows on a nearby building. I head for the door but before I reach it, I have a false awakening at the foot of a bed. Wife is lying on the bed, completely unclothed, writing on a notepad. I feel extreme sexual attraction and I curl up next to her. The moment that I kiss her neck, though, her clothes reappear. Then she shows me that she’s making a list of personality quirks that makes her good at Jeopardy questions. I’m still trying to figure out how to turn things frisky when my dad walks by on the way to the kitchen. The mood is officially ruined, so I get up for the day before waking up for real.

This was a a very vivid, pleasant lucid dream. My Task of the Month attempt didn't succeed, but it was a beautiful experience nonetheless. Also, this is the third time that my dad's DC has hinted to me that I'm dreaming and finally I listened!

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #86: Rock Candy

I'm standing at the door of a lakehouse with Dad, recounting an extraordinarily vivid dream from earlier in the night. I lean against the doorframe, looking out over the water. "I can't believe how much of this stuff you remember," he says. "And then that whole 'vivid dreaming' thing you do."

"Yeah," I respond. "It's actually called 'lucid dreaming'." It hits me that this is all a dream. I step outside to a wooden walkway, leap over the railing and take flight over the lake. "I'm dreaming right now!" I shout over my shoulder.

"That's amazing," I hear him say as I cruise away over the lake. I pass through a cypress canopy and get high enough to survey the lake. The lake stretches as far as I can see, its surface criss-crossed by dirt paths that are decorated with beautiful marble archways.

I land on one of these paths and walk along for a while, enjoying the serenity of the moment. I pass a bulbous, bright blue flower that's the size of a basketball. Its petals ripple gently in the sun and give off a glow that looks like a bloom effect you'd find in a video game. Just before I come to a marble archway, I find a pile of rocks and think of the Task of the Month (find a piece of coal and change it into a diamond.)

I dig through the rock pile, hunting for coal. The closest thing that I can find is a black, rectangular hunk of glassy, volcanic-looking rock. It looks too crystalline so I get the bright idea of crushing it into coal by popping it in my mouth and chewing it up. I bite a hunk of the rock off and begin to chew. The taste is amazing! It's like a homemade raisin bar with just a hint of chocolate. I'm immediately reminded of the goodies Mom would bake when I was a kid.

I wander the paths for a long while, contentedly passing under the shadows of archways, walking by strange, brightly glowing plants, and happily biting off pieces of this delicious black rock. I feel immensely pleased with what I've created for myself and unmotivated to change anything.

Eventually my path takes me to an ancient-looking stone wall. Oddly, there is a working escalator alongside the wall, and I board it, curious where it leads. As I ride up, I pass many people that I know, most memorably my friend DX (who I recently saw for the first time in over a year.) His short hair has been replaced by an enormous ball afro. We swap greetings, but the escalator quickly moves us past one another.

At the top of the escalator, I remember Task of the Month and spit out a bit of the black rock to see if it's coal-like enough to work. Unfortunately, it's more like slightly sticky, finely-chewed glass. I look back at the escalator and see Fedora, a guy that I used to know in college but was never friends with. I say, "Fedora, go ahead and give me that piece of coal you have." It works! Fedora hands me a perfect lump of coal and I get to work on squeezing it. It's becoming smaller and smaller, and I feel like a tiny diamond is beginning to form. Fedora demands that I give him the diamond when I'm finished since it's "his". I'm about to tell him that this is fine when the dream gets really unstable.

I prepare to DEILD, and it goes black. I'm very aware of my body now, almost awake. I release all awareness of my body and try to let the dream take me under. Apparently I let my self-awareness go too, because I'm shortly back in the dream, but no longer lucid.

I'm standing about twenty feet from the escalator talking with my friend The Schwartz and another person that I can no longer recall. "So what went wrong?" asks The Schwartz. I walk them through the last portion of the dream in detail. As I'm describing what happened, I see an attractive stranger in her early 20s eyeing me. She smiles and waves me over. Excited, I begin walking toward her but suddenly feel super guilty. I remember that I'm married and feel like a dirtbag. Then I remember that I'm dreaming and feel awesome again. The stranger smiles and turns away, an older guy (her boyfriend?) draping his arm over her shoulder and walking away with her. I start thinking about Task of the Month again, but the dream fades...