ashleylauryn

Hi all,

For my first dream journal post I thought I would post one of my craziest lucid dreams. This dream was wrapped up in so many metaphors and symbolism for different parts of my life and mind that I literally feel like I took a walk through my mind the night I had it. Most of the other lucid dreams I've had have been far shorter and much more subtle and impressionistic but this lucid dream was definitely the longest, and darkest of all I've had.

I'm not sure if it would be considered lucid or 'semi-lucid' as while I was fully aware of the fact I was dreaming I was still afraid of certain things in the dream that, had I of been fully conscious I would have known couldn't hurt me. I also had many moments of doubting myself and thinking that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I'm awake. Anyway, you decide for yourself.

On to the dream...

It started out as a nightmare, I can't remember much about what happened before I went lucid only that in the moment my mind decided to let me know I was dreaming and 'woke me up' so to speak, I found myself in a giant black room filled with darkness and death and basically everything horrible my mind could conjure up. The room wasn't so much a 'room' as such, but more like a space that seemed to go on forever.

The space was filled with all sorts of bad things everything from demons and dead bodies hanging to negative people in my life that I've encountered. I didn't particularly feel threatened by anything, like what you would in a non lucid dream, I wasn't thinking 'oh god that demon is going to eat my eyeballs as his entrée' but more like 'make it go away, I don't want to look at it any more' This is what I mean when I say I don't think I was fully lucid as while I knew nothing was physically going to hurt me, I still didn't have the control to change what was occurring.

Anyway, I was trying really hard to make all this bad stuff go away and make things happy but I just couldn't do it. I began to have a full blown freak out, soon after this is where I began to doubt myself and for some reason I started to think that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I was just going insane. Going insane has always really scared me so I started to freak out even more wondering why I couldn't control what was happening or even wake myself up.

I became so desperate to wake myself up that I started screaming out to my boyfriend at the time (who was lying beside me) to wake me up, hoping I would say it in real life and he'd hear me. Obviously this didn't happen.

After a while, I gave up trying to get out of the dream and instead tried to focus all of my energy on trying to make something appear that would help me or tell me what to do. I closed my eyes and focused and when I opened them a man sitting in a therapist chair appeared.

The man was sitting, waiting for me in classic therapist manner (one leg crossed, clipboard in hand ready to make notes) and he looked a little like Steven Spielberg. Since apparently everyone we see in dreams we've seen before there is a chance maybe the therapist actually was Steven Speilberg (haha!)

I sat in the chair in front of the therapist and told him frantically that I wasn't sure what was going on, I thought I was going insane, that I didn't know why I couldn't control anything and that I couldn't make it go away. The therapist told me that I couldn't control everything, that I just had to stop fighting it and embrace it and that I would find out more later.

This conversation went on for a little while before I ventured off into the vast darkness, still quite terrified although wanting to take the therapists advice, I tried to embrace it, I tried to let go of my fear. I kept walking and the darkness began to transform into a beautiful dream landscape. Bright colours, patterns, like something from an acid trip. I was literally bouncing off the walls and floating.

Soon after this moment of psychedelia the colours began to change back into more natural colours and everything started to look more real again. I looked ahead and the landscape transformed into my old primary school assembly hall. It was like walking back through a memory and I could see the childhood version of myself at assembly. I examined myself for a second before I went up to child me and hugged myself. I felt at peace and happy, like I had reunited with a piece of myself.

Then my childhood self turned into some kind of tiny demon and started attacking me, I couldn't get it off me so I bit it's throat out and ended up waking up panicked and scared.