Xanous' Dream Journal

#494 - DEILD(ish) - 4:50AM

I had some help from my little friend Galantamine this morning. I'm not spend a lot of time typing this dream or the next so please forgive the typos.

Dose: 3:30AM
8mg Galantamine
400mg DMAE

For some reason I'm leaving work early in the morning and I'm in the break room getting some coffee. The break room in really nice and has a lot of free food options almost like a continental breakfast kind of set up. I speak to my boss and tell her bye. Then for some reason I go back to a back room in the hot mold shop and take a nap.

I'm laying on a pile of work rags and am feeling like I am in a half dreamy state (irony). There is a TV on. While I watch it things get really psychedelic and I high. I remember I was trying to get lucid and I just relax into the sensations while enjoying all the trippy imagery.

After awhile I snap out of it and find myself in bed next to my wife. I get up for something and see the mattress is laying on the ground outside and the ground is wet and swampy. I see an hear my dog eating dry dog food as I go lay back down. I remember that I was trying to get lucid and I feel that I am really close. I decide I don't care about being wet, but my wife wakes up complaining about it we take our blankets inside a house. As we are walking I think, "This really is happening." But I wonder if I am really dreaming. There is a room with two couches and we decide to sleep there. Something feels off and I know that if I just stop and concentrate I will be in a lucid So, I stop and close my eyes and focus on my body.

I am laying down again and start getting vibrations. I focus on that for a moment then sit up quickly. There is a high pitched zooming sound and I fall out of bed. I get up and though I worry a bit about opening my physical eyes I go ahead and open them. The dream is not bright and clear.

I am in my old house that we just sold. There is sparse furniture and I forget that we already moved out. I say out loud, "Bye house. Bye." I hear my son say bye back to me from the other room. "No, Riley. You're coming with us." I laugh. I walk around the living room and see our cats running around. I scoop up Amelia and hold her close to me as I think of my dream goal. I can't recall, but I get a crazy idea to stretch the cat. I hold her up and pull. At first it feels too realistic and I hesitate. Then I just go for it and she stretches out like a noodle. She looks a little like Noby Noby Boy and It's weird so I set her down and then she has this ridiculous cartoon pouty face. I will her body to return to normal and laugh. I tell her I'll leave her alone now. I walk out the back through the kitchen noticing how vivid and detailed the dream is. Amelia follows but I ignore her now.

I pause at the back door and focus on what I expect to see. I want to avoid stepping into the void. The looks close to waking life but the sky is surreal. The sun is low behind a cloud and the sky is a deep purple color fading to black and bright stars. I pause and take in the view. For some reason looking up destabilized the dream and I wake up shortly after that.

#477- DILD - 3:57AM

I am wondering around some building needing to pee. I have to pass by the first restroom for some reason and remember there is one down the hall. I come into a small room with double swinging doors on the opposite side. There is some small wedding ceremony right in front of the door, but I squeeze by. I feel bad for interrupting the wedding and hope I didn't bother them too much. There is an older woman that looks like my uncle's second ex-wife in the next room. She's going on about how nice the room is. I take a look around. It is nice, but I don't really care and I try to ignore her. There is a grandfather clock on the other side. For some reason this seems right. I open it and there is a tiny urinal. The woman is still talking behind me and stepping closer. No. I can't. I look around and see a restroom door. When I enter, the urinals in there have almost no space to the adjacent wall and they are dirty and rusty looking. I see some sign and figure it's an out of order sign, though I don't take the time to read it. I have some idea I am dreaming and leave the room.

Right away I lose lucidity and walk past the woman in the room and interrupt the exchanging of rings in the next. I have some odd close up image of all of this and his giant gold watch. I shake it off and go back into the hallway. Wait. I have been seeing odd toilet situations (dream sign). Am I dreaming? I do a nose plug and get a feeling of elation. I am dreaming! Wait I was just lucid a second ago. I have to remind myself. As I walk along, I say out loud over and over, "I am dreaming. I am dreaming."

I feel like the dream is fading now so I look around for something to hold and carry with me. I've done this in the past and it seems to prolong the dream. My cat, Sputnik, is here. She tries to run off as I scoop her up, but I get I good hold on her. I pet here and hold her close as I walk along. I pay special attention to the cat as I see that I am in Price Cutter grocery store. I randomly walk into the produce section just trying to let the dream become more stable on its own. Sputnik lets out a low quite meow in my ear and I notice she is purring now. I note how realistic this sounds. However, the cat isn't helping me stabilize despite all my efforts. The dream becomes more unstable and I get an image of my skeleton in a blue hue as I walk along. I try DEILD and start to feel vibrations but I am just too awake to hold it.

#428 - DEILD - 6:28AM

I intended to have G + Menthol during WBTB but I just could not get out of bed. Luckily, I pulled off a late morning DEILD. I was slightly disappointed that I got my dream goals all wrong, but I was super stoked to get lucid regardless.

I am watching YouTube through my TV and I see that CanisLucidus has his own lucid dreaming channel now. There's a lot of how-to talk and then does some funny skits and songs like some variety show. At first I think Wurlman and I need to step up out podcast game, but I quickly decide that we have our own thing going and shouldn't try to one-up CL. I find his show very entertaining and I am amused that we now have a really cool lucid dreaming TV show. I notice my father next to me on the couch and I expect him to say something about how he dislikes what I am watching, but he remains very quiet. I wake up.

At first I am pissed that galantamine didn't do much for me but then I realize I passed right back out when my alarm went off. I move a bit and get comfortable and settle right into meditation. Instead of focusing on breath I use body awareness in my hand and arms as my anchor. I hit heavy HI really quickly and my daughter says something about my hands feeling numb. at the same time, I realize they are very tingly like I had my circulation cut off. I say to her, "As soon as my hands start feeling different [normal] you let me know. OK?" I wonder, Will that really work? If I lose lucidity will my subconscious tell me when I am fully in the dream? Right after this thought, I notice I have vibrations. I decide now is the time to shift my awareness to something external — the center of the room. I start to feel some tendency to separate, so I try sitting up. It takes a lot of effort to move only a few inches and I hear a voice, "You've got to work those astral muscles. It's been awhile so it's going to feel tough at first, but the more you exercise the better..." I accept what my inner-self is telling me and make I several efforts to get up; each getting easier. Once I sit up completely, I visualize the motion of running and a scene quickly comes to view.

I am in a kitchen in a different house. I spot a back door and run to it. As I step into the back yard, I notice the numbness in my hands still, so I shift my awareness from body once more to the dream environment and quickly forget the hand sensation. I try to think of my goals, but my mind feel slightly jumbled. Flying. I was supposed to fly. I look up at the day time sky and begin to make swimming motions allowing me to slowly rise up. There is something about the swimming motion that brings my focus back to my body and the dream darkens, threatening to crash. I stay calm and simply shift my focus back to something more visually external. I see that I am tangled in a tree and I use it to pull my weightless body up higher then, jump onto the roof of the house. Now I think maybe my goal was to make music with random objects in the dream. I look around and, on the house, I see some sort of wooden structure with many different types of roof vents lined up. I decide these will make great drums and I begin to strike them with my hands. At first It is just a dull flat sound with no real rhythm. I try harder to have some sort of pattern, but my visuals won't match the sound. I decide it's better to just look away and I quickly get some sort of drum beat with realistic sounds. A song quickly forms and I sing the first words that some to my mind in a jazz tone, "Well, my little baby... she's a real sexy lady now.... Yeeaahhh." I am slightly startled how different my voice sounds, but I don't let it distract me. Organ music begins play a little tune now as I see movement in the corner of my eye. A black cat is walking along the road out front and I feel a strong desire to go after it, but I can't decide if I want to stop the music now or play a little more. I am torn between the two and sit there undecided as I suddenly wake up.

#397 - DEILD - 7:08AM

My WBTB was around 2:30AM and I kept it super brief. I was up only long enough to take some galantamine and wash it down with cold peppermint tea. This G night was a little disappointing since I didn't start becoming aware until much later in the morning. I suppose it was because I have been having back issues and I over did it with muscle relaxers pre-bed making me extra tired. Sometimes its hard to find that balance between dream and wakefulness that's required for LD and a lot of thinks factor into it.

I partially wake from a dream and enter DEILD. I have vibrations and slowly float out of body. I see something odd made of red laser light but I ignore it since I feel really unstable. I exit the room and find myself in what looks like D's house (my mom's friend). I haven't been here since I was little and I am surprised it's showed up in this dream. I just want to get outside so I exit the front door. There is a lot of stuff out there and I spot a cat curled up sleeping in a cushioned chair. I reach down and pet the cat on the head. The cat responds with a low purring meow sound and I walk away. I step into the yard only to find the edge of dream world disappearing into the void. I don't want to deal with that so I try entering another part of the house. I open a door but there is void in there too. Instead of stepping in, I reach an arm in and feel around for a light switch. The dream seams to be breaking up so I look back at the well lit porch for stability. After flipping the switch, I look back to see nothing has happened. I enter the room anyway and find myself lost in the void. I try going back but the door I came in is no longer there. I need stimuli and go with the first thing I think of. Sex. I blind summon a naked female body and couple with her. Her face look sort of familiar but no one I really recognized. We make out and things start to become more sexual but I stop as I begin to feel a bit of guilt. The dream crashes here and I wake up.

#398 - DILD - 8:53AM

I am at the park up the road from my house looking at my old Ford Ranger that I used to own in waking life. There is a wheel missing and the other tires are flat. For some reason I have a push lawn mower and my mountain bike. I really want to ride the bike but I don't want to leave the mower here. I try putting the mower in the truck cab but it wont fit. I realize I drove my SUV and fit the mower in the back of that. I spot some tough looking men with colorful glasses strutting by. I worry that they are up to no good but they don't bother me or my stuff. I feel the need for some shades and spot some white ones in the front seat and put them on. I realize that I don't usually wear white but I figure I may as well try something different. There was a lot of time spent here messing around with things but I finally feel content and decide to hop on my bike.

As I ride my bike toward the street I notice something feels odd. I look down and see the tires are flat on the bicycle. I decide to keep pedaling as I head in the direction of the gas station to get air. I tell myself that if I pretend the tires are normal then they will be. This thought reminds me of dream control and brings me to full lucidity.I am nearly into the street now and I decide that I will be able to ride super fast with the cars. Unfortunately, it's kind of slow and difficult like riding up hill. Although I can't pull of the speed thing, I know I can't be hurt so, I decide to mess with the oncoming traffic. I spy and orange car and pedal hard toward it expecting some sort of impact. Just before the collusion, my front tire jams up sending me over the handle bars and the car vanishes just before it hits me. This is disorienting but thrilling at the same time. I get back on my bike to experiment with this again but before I get going, someone makes a noise in the other room and wakes me up.

I have two other instances during the morning trying to DEILD. I recall hitting vibrations and trying to move my dream body but not getting very far. I recall very little else and assume I must have lost concentration.

WBTB 3:30AM
Strong Mugwort Tea
4:00AM

MILD

I am working for my old boss. We wants us to stay late. F is telling me about it. I tell F, "Well eff him. I am not staying any later." I turn around and see my boss. Busted. He looks at me and says something about how he just wanted every one to go to the amusement park and pick up a form so that the company can let us have the day off at the park tomorrow. "Whatever, I don't care about that. I don't even want to go. It's 3:30 and I am going home."

I still feel a little pissed and find F. I ask him if he is going to the park. He says yes. I decide maybe I will go. I don't understand why I have to get a form but a free day off work sounds really good.

I arrive at some place in the country. There is a black leather fainting couch with wagon wheels on it. I lye down and it takes me on a dirt path on it own volition. I slow travel through a peaceful country setting and I feel contented to take it all in.

Soon I arrive at a booth. I ask the lady for a form and she promptly hands me one. I ask her how I leave and she points to another wheeled fainting couch. I lay down and it takes me back. It travels very quickly this time and I feel myself surge forward.

I phone rings. I look and the words are distorted but I see my wife's picture. I can't remember what we talk about. But I realize that during the conversation I was transported to where she is. I feel like I am in a lying potion but I seem to be standing. She is on a small a bed with our son and a gray cat. I recognize it as the stray we temporarily took in last year. I point and yell, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CAT?!"

She calmly replies, "We found him and you said we can keep him."

Finally I realize this is a dream. I feel half awake now. I feel myself in my bed but still totally immersed in the dream. I ask my wife, "This is a dream isn't it?"

"Of course it is, babe."

I feel like I am waking up so I relax for DEILD. I get vibrations and I hastily get out of bed. I am standing in my room blind. I am trying to take it slow and be patient but I am frustrated. I remember something I read about surging forward in the void until a dream forms. I do just that.

I feel myself phase through the bedroom door and an exterior wall. I wasn't even considering that. I feel the G forces and the speed of my body as I go into warp speed. I can see a bright light from behind closed eye lids. I try to see a scene form but I feel myself destabilize.I get brief vibrations and then I wake up. Maybe that was the wrong time for this. I try to DEILD but the urge to enter this in my DJ was too great.