Xanous' Dream Journal

#396 - DILD - 7:12AM

I was feeling really off this morning and decided to sleep a little longer before going in to work. The result was a cool LD. Totally worth it.

I wake from a dream and try to DEILD. I as I sink back into sleep I feel very mild vibrations. I get overly excited and feel my heart race. I try to calm myself but the vibrations end. I should nose plugged here to make sure but I assume I woke up too much. I try to focus on relaxing my body as I put my attention on my crown chakra. I quickly lose focus.

I am at some mixed version of my current workplace and my old elementary school. I see several people from work. Someone is walking with me outside. There is an open area where many people have gathered together holding yellow lilies. Somehow I know they are having a funeral from someone's pet. I remark to my friend how dumb this is as we walk through the crowd and enter the building on the other side.

I feel like I am sitting in a car but I am inside some room. There is a fat bearded guy talking about selling me some herbs. He mentions a list. I only recall him talking about Achuma and Kratom but the list is actually much longer. I say, "That's ok dude. I buy all my shit online."
He replies with, "I also have some weed."
I was about to walk out of the room but I pause at this. "Um... ok. Do you sell bags or single joints?" I really just want a joint.
"Both", he says.
I remember that I have some cash but I left my wallet in the car. Also, I worry that other people will hear this exchange. "Um. I'll get with you later." He nods and I step back outside.

There are still many people gathered around for the funeral. I realize I am smoking a cigarette next to Spencer. I remember that I quit smoking and begin to feel sick. I have only smoked half the cigarette and I feel a little bad for wasting it as I throw it down. I look up at the people standing around, as I wonder why I was even smoking. I look back down at the cigarette and watch the rest of it fast burn into ash. At that moment I recognize that I must be dreaming. I know I had a goal in mind but I don't care because, I think what I just saw was the coolest thing ever. I also notice that I have never smoked a cigarette in a lucid dream.

I quickly search around for another cigarette. I don't think to check my pockets but instead rummage around the nearst area. I see two empty plastic planters stacked on a low concrete wall. I quickly find something the right shape, but as I focus on it, I see it is a white crayon. I decide this will do and I hold it like a cigarette as I mimic a lighter motion with my other hand. I see sparks and flame as I put it to the end of the crayon. I take a nice long draw from it and in hale. Jeff is standing next to me watching and I intentionally blow the smoke in his face. I notice the taste and feel as do this; it's all very faint. Jeff smiles and lets out a laugh while looking astonished. I walk away and decide to show off for the crowd. I really want to repeat the fast burn cigarette at will. I spot my friend Lindsey in the crowd as I step up on the low wall. I avoid her gaze as I know she would disapprove of my smoking in waking life. I hold the cigarette up for all to see and point at the tip with my other hand. As I move my finger from tip to butt the cigarette fast burns and drops away as ash. I hear a few people gasp but mostly there is laughter. The dream goes black and I quickly wake up.

Dec 17th 2014, 4:38AM

I am in a version of my old high school in Texas. I realize that I have 3 books from the previous year in my locker. I take them out and see Christy from work what to do. She says to just take them to the front desk. I drop them off without saying anything and think I want to go find Jason B. and tell him about my girlfriend. As I walk into a random area I realize that I haven't talked to her all summer. I'm not even sure she is my girlfriend. Ah, I better wait. I turn around and walk back to the first area where Christy was. I scratch my beard. Hmm. I'm the only guy in high school with a beard. How old am I? Hell, Im a 34 year old high schooler. Why am I still here? As I walk I slowly become lucid. Ah this is a dream. I have this one a lot. Elements of the dream quickly drop away until I am in the void and I wake up.

I had to big dream signs this morning and I'm finally beginning to catch the military one.

School. My old supervisor is teaching me math. I was trying to grasp it but she didn't really show me how to solve the problem. I kept asking her to show me a few examples but the just kept on talking nonsense. I can still remember It started off as a word problem and then we wrote out a mildly complex algebraic equation.

Military I am on my way to a military base. I think about how I was in high school again but it just didn't make sense to go through all that again. I know that I wanted to do because I feel robbed having to go to a crappy private school but if I'm going to take classes it may as well be college anyway. I arrive in some open air Jeep. When I get close I am pushing what looks like some sort of child's electric car. There's a long dirt road and a building sitting in the middle of a vast open field. I approach a man in a lawn chair and ask him were I'm supposed to go. I tell him that I am a new recruit. The man says something flippant and an older man in uniform points to a small pavilion back up the road. As I push my car in that direction I think about how I really don't want to be here and I ask myself why I am doing it. At that point I realize I am dreaming and tell myself that it doesn't matter so I may as well play it out. I still feel reluctant to continue but I do anyway.
I think I lose my low level lucidity now and the next thing I remember is I am trying to decide what branch of the military I am joining. For some reason I go with Air Force. I open a door and find a small bed in a large closet. I wake up.

I had another vivid dream this morning but it has slipped my mind and I didn't record anything on my GP. I don't even know where it is right now.

color code:
Gray = Comments
Black = Non-Lucid
Bold = non lucid dream cues
Italics = dream thoughts
Red = Lucid

I wake briefly and feel wakeful so I go for WILD. I have a lot of very heavy hypnagogia making it super easy.

#193 - 6:00AM - WILD - 2 of 2

I see a scene almost movie like. I am lucid but have no control. I am looking around behind the shed in my back yard. There is something hidden there or buried underneath that I don't want anyone to find. I want it to stop so it doesn't get discovered. I have great anxiety.

I turn around and see 5 from the movie 9 in a cage but its made of wicker and hay. I trust my hand through the weak wall of hay on the bottom half and pull him out

I turn around again and I am in my ex-in-laws drive way. I phase through the glass of the bay windows and see my ex's brother lying on a mattress. There is darkness but I wait it out until things clear up. I see him lying there at first in jeans then naked. I feel extreme hatred for him and bite his dick off. I feel something in my mouth but it feels like I am biting my bottom lip. There is no pain but the shock of what I just did wakes me a little. I promised myself I was going to treat DC's like waking life from now on.

I am standing at the kitchen sink rinsing out the coffee pot. Somehow I realize I just chugged the whole thing and was about to make another pot. I feel odd about this and tell myself I am dreaming. I feel like I am lying to myself but I go with it anyway.

I put grounds and water together in the pot and set it on the stove for a second with no fire. I tell myself that if this is a dream it will be perfect coffee without my trying. I pick up the coffee and put my hand in it. I looks normal and feels hot already. OK fine. I fully believe that I am dreaming now and gather my sense of self. I focus and try to think of goals. I realize that I am in my house so I go for the card. I wonder if that same idea applies even-though this is not an OBE. Still, I figure it will be fun to try.

When I get into the next room. I see darkness but totally ignore it and just visualize what I was going to do. I feel myself pull up to the top of the china cabinet. At the top I can see again. There is the card. I pick up up and at first it is the 9 of diamonds but the diamonds then morph to hearts. I jump down and walk back into the kitchen were there is more light. When I look at the card again it is half jack half king of clubs. I stare at it and laugh out loud and how funny this looks. I flip the card over and am a little shocked that is black and says Fallout on the back. (I totally forgot that I used the deck of Fallout New Vegas playing cards!) I also note that the card is thin like paper. I shrug the strangeness off and flip the card back over. It is now jack/queen of clubs. I stop. I turn to my daughter who has been looking over my shoulder. When the hell did that start? I say to her, "OK. I need to focus." I think, What is the card really? I set all my intent to really seeing the true card. When I look again it is the 7 of diamonds then the diamond turn to circles. 7 of diamonds. Good enough. I drop the card and in doing so the dream fades to black. No worries. Next dream please! (When I later looked at the card it was the 5 of diamonds. Close!)

I am back in bed and feel rather randy. Amy Pond from DW comes to mind. She instantly appears and I begin having sex with her.



After some time I begin to feel guilty and I try to imagine my wife. A blond version of her shows up and I finish with her. It was very detailed but, once again, I'll spare the reader and save myself some embarrassment.

Horrible segment I know but at least I tried to make it right!

After that, I have a false awakening but I am not at all fooled by it. I think about waking myself for real to record the dream but remember that I told myself I would do that again. I'll just have to trust that I'll remember all when I wake up. I get out of bed thinking must have messed myself. For some reason I am wearing jeans shorts. I find that odd since I haven't owned a pair since the 90's. I laugh a little at that.

Then, I notice something on my hands. It looks like some kind of thick clear goo like egg white. OMG that's so gross! I rush to the bathroom and begin to wash my hands in the sink. I note how real it all feels. I think I should probably just ignore it until it goes away but I become distracted by my reflection in the mirror. I sing a little tune while studying my reflection. "I'm lucid, I'm lucid, I'm so lucid..."

Now I really do forget about washing as my reflection morphs into many different versions of me. Most of them look dark and creepy. Some are zombie like and some are just plain evil. I don't worry about it and find it all very amusing. At some point I think to morph in to a Blutbad or werewolf. I naturally shift into it like I have before but this time I have the pleasure of closely watching it all happen up close in the mirror. I let out a low growl to help it all along. the low rumble coming from deep in my throat sounds and feels very convincing. I look down and see my hands are elongated, furry, with long sharp Wolverine claws. I relax and shift back to normal, then step back a little to get a clear view of my normal self. All the shifty morphing has stopped now and my reflection becomes clear and sharper than it had been. I look a little prettier than waking life and I say out loud, "Damn, I'm good looking!" Then for fun I go full werewolf and back again.

I decide to play a little more but this time I focus on my teeth. I open my mouth a little and try to give myself vampire fangs. My teeth look really dirty and brownish but ignore that. At first just the typical two canines slowly grow out and become sharp. I was feeling pleased with my abilities when suddenly all my teeth grow out long and sharp. At that, I decide that I've had enough and become interested with the mirror itself.

My teeth looked like Prisoner Zero from DW:


I tentatively push on the mirror with one finger. Again it feels as solid as stone. I push a little harder with my full palm but it doesn't change. I remember to focus on there being no glass. I try to reach behind my reflection but instead of just my arm going in, I fall in head first. The reflection becomes another room with it's own dept and realism. I feel a stuck at the waist for a moment and I feel the barely contained panic expression on my face. Almost like embarrassment. I force myself to relax and wiggle through. There's a split second of darkness starting to settle in as I fall through and become a little disoriented. Again I just ignored the darkness and it goes away.

I stand up and look around. The bathroom reminds me of a small restroom that was connected my class room when I was in Kindergarten so long ago. I hear a class bell and feel like I better get moving. There are two doors on both sides of the room. The right side feels like the way to go as I think the left must go back to my bedroom. I exit right.

Now I am in a large school that seems similar to my elementary school. I begin running down long hallways at high speed. The feeling reminds me of playing Skyrim so I try to make magic appear in my hands. I hold them up like on the game and visualize. I see some faint glow in both hands, the left is orange like fire and the right is blue like ice. I don't feel like it's getting there fast enough so I hold them more to my side vision as I focus on running. I pass many open class rooms full of desks and shelves of stuff. I don't really see any people. Now, there is a definite energy ball forming in both hands. I begin to ready myself for some real magic but I suddenly wake up without warning.

I drank a little too much last night and only remember this one dream. This is a really old dream sign of mine but I never seem to get it. The next time I dream about school I will know that I am dreaming!

I was in a class room taking a test and nothing on the paper made sense. (confusion)I got the feeling that I had dozed off when the teacher was giving the lesson. (FA?)The kids around me where whizzing through the questions like it was easy. I could only stare blankly at the paper not really comprehending the words on it. I felt really stupid and was panicking inside. I didn't want to ask the teacher for help because I felt so embarrassed. I could not believe he made us do this crazy test after the summer break. None of the other teachers did. (False memory)I spent a lot of time looking around, trying to reason this whole thing out until I woke up.

I was going for WILD after my WBTB but I was very tired and my WBTB was too short. I had several awakenings but only remember two of the dreams.

#1
I am at work with some silver can in my hand it looks like a tall boy beer. I get the idea that has huperzine in it. I take a long drink and note the taste. It is very sweet and fruity with a pleasant alcohol after taste. I look at the can and see its Blueberry Pomegranate flavored. I remember taking huperzine earlier and try to calculate how much huperzine is in my system now. I worry that it will be too much.

I see Frank walk by and he comments on my drink. Something about how he wants to try some so he can get lucid. I am shocked and happy that I turned so many people at work on to lucidity. (actually just 2 in waking life).

I realize that having beer at work will get me fired so I try to hid it under my desk. Then, I not a horrible side effect of drinking huperzine beer in the day time. I am incredibly aroused and it will not subside. My boss asks me to come over to talk to her but I am too embarrassed get up out of my chair. I quickly wake up.

#2

I am at my old Jr. High cafeteria in Smithville, TX watching some play on the stage that was there in waking life. Then play ends but we they begin a second showing and every moans about it. We stay because we all feel obligated to support our children.

The curtain opens and someone is trying to hang something on a wall that had busted out sheet rock. I am curious if this is the actual play of if they need to fix the set. I wonder up on stage and some toddlers come out to play with me. I talk to one and then realize I am on stage. I duck and army crawl away.

I have a brief awakening and focus on my awareness and body.

#186 - 5:18AM - DEILD

I find myself back at my old Jr. High but I am outside in the commons area where we used to hang out before class. I am staring at the concrete and see the trash can that is always there. I look and see the grassy center and the structure around me. For a moment the memory is so vivid that it conjures up old indescribable emotions that are only connected to that time and place. For just that moment, I am completely overwhelmed and think that I literally somehow teleported there in waking life.

I quickly recover from this and assure myself that I am dreaming. I look around at the scene and note how correct everything seems. After a moment my vision gets a little blurry so I stop and remember my task. I walk around toward the gym and shout out, "CANISLUCIDUS!" CL's name sounds and feel a little thick in my mouth so I shout out his real name which is much easier to say. Nobody shows up so I decide to just call him on my cell phone. I reach to my right pocked were it always is and at first I feel nothing but after a few pats I feel a lump and then the shape of my phone.

I pull it out and blindly push something on the screen saying CL's first and last name then put the phone to my ear. I immediately hear a very stereotypical Russia man on the other end.

The details are a little hazy with the dialogue but I remember basically what was said. I may have to paraphrase a little here.

Man: This is [firstname][lastname].
Me: Uuummm. OK. Where are you?
Man: Rustonovic Farms (or something like that then some Russian phrase)
Me: Rustonovic Farms?

I repeat the Rustonovic Farms and the phrase several times to remember. I quickly decide this is gibberish and let it go.

Me: I want to talk to the real [Firstname][lastname]

There is silence on the line but I wait. Then...

CL: Hey! How are you?
Me: Hey! What's up,man? This is Mike. You know from the Internet. It's Xanous. (CL begins talking excitedly but I interrupt him.) I want to tell you something. You are dreaming.

I want CL to actually be here so I look over to my right expecting to see him. He's standing right next to me on a cell phone but he doesn't seem to notice that I am here. I look at him while talking.

Me: You are DREAMING. Get it? This is a DREAM.

The light of recognition seems to come into CL's eyes now.

CL: OH WOOOOW! Yeah I am.
Me: Ok good! So here's my code word. It's [code word] Remember that. OK what's mine.
CL: Account numbers.

I realize we started walking together now and notice that we made our way over to the high school parking lot. I look over at CL and he still has the phone to his ear like he is talking to someone else.

Me: Really? Account numbers? That's two words.
CL: [Gibberish]
Me: Ok so account numbers it is.

I realize that CL's voice has gone sort of flat and lifeless. I wonder if he's lost his . I look back over at CL and I see that he is a boy now and we are at my waking life car. I open the door. The dream is getting unstable and my lucidity is starting to slip. CL climbs up into the car and sits in a car seat. I go with the motions and strap him in.

Me: You're not really lucid are you? Are you even [first name]?

The scene goes dark and I find myself in the void. I quickly wake myself to remember the dream.

recurring 1) I'm in school again (this time elementary) and I am trying to go to the library. I push past a lady blocking me. There is a sign on the door that reads exactly "No library card I have know." I am deterred and think I will get a card when I get registered for classes.

recurring 2) I am enlisted in the military against my will. This time I have me two daughters with me. There is a woman drill sergeant and we are trying to find bunk beds. The space between the beds is so small that I am cluster-phobic. My older daughter is complaining the the woman gets angry. I explain to her that these beds are just too small. The woman says she will see what she can do. I know that the kids will get to move on soon but I will be stuck here forever.

3) Fragment were I am stirring the compost in my yard and adding stuff to it.

*My wife told me this morning I was singing "The Walking Dead" in my sleep. LOL. Too bad I don't remember any zombie dreams.