Xanous' Dream Journal

#453 - DILD - 5:16AM

Last night, for whatever reason, I found it comforting to wear my sleep mask that I mainly use to block the early sun light on days I get to sleep in. Someone on place gave me the idea to use the sleep mask as a reality check. If I can see, I must be dreaming.

I am in some version of my grandparent's old house. There is some conversation with Nanny that I don't recall. I walk into a room and realize that I can see and decide that I must be dreaming. Excited, I look around the room to see what I can find. I spot and orange tabby cat. It notices me, and scurries away.

I become deeply introspective for awhile and lose my lucidity. I don't recall much of this, but my thoughts come back around to being at my grandparent's house. The last time I was here was right after they... OH! I remember that I have no surviving grandparents and being here brings me back to full lucidity. I think about searching them out, but really don't want to revisit the emotions, so I abandon the idea. I see the cat again, but like last time, it's runs off. I think to chase it, but remember I had a goal in mind. I want to get an inanimate object to talk to me. I happen to have an empty drinking glass in my right hand so I decide to talk to that, "Hello. How are you?" To my surprise, someone has drawn a face on the glass with a permanent marker. Ha! This is great!
I listen, but can only hear a faint, "Hello."
I talk to the glass again, but this time put it to my ear. There is no sound. I try a third time, but can't get anything else out of the glass. I become overly frustrated and and shout, "Talk to me you SOB!" I then squeeze the glass with both hands until it pops and shatters. Oops. I let it fall to the floor and search for something else, but I quickly wake up.

#363 - WILD - 7:47AM

I wake fully now and use the toilet. I am feeling really pissed off that I didn't get a real lucid this time. I actually start feeling sorry for myself. It's after 7am and I know the alarm will go off at 8am. I decide to chill myself out and really focus hard on WILD.

I enter vibrations. Oh God here we go again. Just like last time, I can't break past SP. My wife coughs and rolls over waking me some. I re-focus on body relaxation and slip back in fairly quickly. I struggle some more. I recall a semi lucid moment from earlier where I was going on about having too much negative energy lately and I need to meditate more. I may as well try that. I'm not getting anyplace like this. I clear my mind and I start to feel myself roll. Rather than try to stop it, I focus on the sensation as I meditate keeping my mind clear of all thought. I have some interesting HI but I gently push it away as thoughts.

I watch a full scene form. I am walking outside and can hear my foot steps crunch on some gravel. Is this more HI or a full dream? I look around and see that I am in a bright summer day near a Half Round Barn. It looks like the one I pass by all the time just outside of town in waking life. I look at my hands and they seem solid but a little video-game-ish. I become super happy and relieved to have finally made it into a a solid lucid. I immediately start back on my goals for the night.

As I walk around the barn, I use expectation to find Robin Williams. I notice how dry the ground is but there are high weeds along the side of the barn. Robin isn't there. I begin to call out for him as I walk. I notice how loud and full my voice sounds. I become excited again about being lucid but I push the emotions away. You don't want to wake yourself.

On the other side of the barn, I come to familiar street near my workplace. Some cars pass and I think Robin may be in one. Then, I spot some men working on a house in the distance. I shout for Robin and one of them looks. He appears to be a little too large and has a red shirt on. I wave exaggeratedly and motion for him to come to me. He stops what he is doing and beings running toward me. As he gets closer he looks nothing like Robin. I decide to try to force it with belief and expectation. I look way for a moment and really concentrate on Robin Williams face. I see it in my mind (irony) and look back at the man. He looks a lot like John Pennett now (Wrong dead comic). Oh well. Just go with it.
I say, "Hey you're Robin Williams!"
The man doesn't say anything but his body language says he's confused and he disagrees.
I give up on Robin and decide to move on. I respond, "So OK you're not Robin but you do have my fortune cookie."
The man must be a mute, because he lets out a soundless, "Ah" and throws his head back in silent laughter.
I see his red shirt is a "pocket tee" and the pocket is right at my eye-level. I spy a bulge in it the shape of what I am hoping for. I look up at his face and the man now looks a little like Wreck-it Ralph. Of course, this doesn't register with me at the time, because I really want that fortune cookie. The man reaches in his pocket with index and thumb and plucks out the cookie with his huge meaty hand. I greedily take the cookie.

I notice there is no wrapper on it and at first I am a little turned off by that. Well, I'm not going to eat it and it's not like it matters here anyway. The cookie seems a little large as I crack it open. I pull the paper out and let the broken peices fall out of existence. I try to read it but everything is blurry at first. I focus hard. First I see some oddly spaced numbers. Then I notice the random characters above that. Then a word under the numbers. En.. Ensl... En... Encaved? I want to make sense of this word but instead I tuck it way to mull over later when I am wake. Then, for some reason I try to read out the numbers to the man, "Threeee? Two?" I can't seem to read what I am seeing. The man seems really impatient with me and I decide he's right; there's no time for this. I study the paper a second more while wordlessly committing as much as possible to memory. Basically, the paper reads something like this:
-------------------------------------------------------------
%**&
2 3 4 3 5 6 3 5 4 2
E N C A V E D
-------------------------------------------------------------

I turn to the man forgetting about the paper, "OK hold on... Hey, I am going to perform a Patronus now. You can stay an watch if you'd like." I turn to hold up a wand but everything has gone dark now. I try to hold on an focus but I feel my body in bed so I let it go.

#319 - WILD – 4:18AM

I had two DEILD vibrations in SP but there was lingering fear from the previous dream and I didn't get far with it. It's close to WBTB to time so I go ahead and get up and take galantamine

I am in a place much like Braum's or Dairy Queen. I am in line at the counter and I need to order a cheeseburger for my son. My phone rings and I answer. It's the restaurant asking what my complaint was. I tell them I have none... yet. The woman on the other line is talking nonsense and I eventually hang up. I see that I am being skipped over by the employee at the counter. I jump in and tell the young lady that I want a Jr. cheeseburger. I realize that I had been drinking a soda while on the phone and want more. I reach for one and the lid looks jacked but I drink it anyway. It tastes really good. I see a Jr. cheeseburger on the counter with the lettuce and tomato spilled out. There's no wrapper. I hope that wasn't mine because I'm not paying for that. I hear snoring. I'm not lucid but I wonder if it's really someone sleeping in the restaurant or if it's coming from.... somewhere else. I focus on the sound and wake up.

It takes some time to get situated and I into WILD mode.

After awhile the vibrations start. I feel stuck but I slowly manage to get up. My body feels weak and falls back on the bed. I force myself to get up again and fall to the floor. I don't understand this and feel frustrated. There's a sensation of water and I focus on it.

I am in the bathtub. The water is running and there is a faint sound of it. It's dark in the room but some moonlight is coming in the window. I slide on my bottom back and forth intensifying the water sensation and letting the sounds fill my ears. The dream is pretty stable; it's just dark. I shout, “LIGHTS!” but nothing happens. Then a little less enthusiastic, “A little light in here please.” Nothing. The water stops. I reach and turn the knob. It's cold but the feeling of 'wet' is so vivid. I adjust the knob and the water is warm. I note how realistic this all seems.

I become bored and recall the music TOTM. I drop all dream sensation and willingly enter the void. I announce myself but as I start speaking it turns into another voice. I see Arsenio Hall speaking into a mic but his voice sounds a little off.
“LAAAAADIES AAAAND GENTELMEN. WELCOME MASTER DJ MIKE IN THE MOTHER FUCKING HOOOUSSSEEE!”
I realize I am walking in a club but not on stage. I am heading to the bar. There are green and pink neon lights on the walls and the room is sort of small. I take it all in a little shocked at my creation. I remember my part and keep on walking. I reach the bar and feel all eyes are on me. Not knowing how to play this off, I say, “Hey! I'm DJ M.I.K.E. To the C!!! Ya'll ready to paaaarrtty?” (lame I know but it was on the fly )
I am answered by a whooping from the audience but it sounded like not very many people joined in.
“ Hey bartender I'll take a 5th of vodak. Oh ya'll have to be more excited than that. That was kind of weak.” The bartender gives me a look but reaches under the counter for something. I laugh. “Nah nah I'm just kidding. I just want one drink. Like a beer.” The bartender gives me a polite nod.

I suddenly wake but stay calm and DEILD back in. I tell myself the dream beer doesn't matter. I wasted time when I should have been getting busy.

I blindly reach for a mic and a turntable and the physcial sensations are immediatly vivid. I make a basic beatbox into the mic and set it to loop. It sounds really weak at first but I turn some knobs and flip some switches and some techno music fills in. It sounds really good now and I hear the crowd cheer. I am encouraged by this and get really excited. My vision is still dim but I can now see the mixing board. I continue on, adding various sounds with the mic to the overall sound of the music. It becomes very much like dubstep and sounds really amazing and vivid. I enjoy this for quite some time and begin to dance, jerky and spastic. I wonder how the audience would react but I don't care much; It matches the beat and feels good. This doesn't last long though. I eventually jerk my physical body waking myself up.

#317 - DEILD Chain - 5:00AM

I awaken from a dream where I am at a high school basketball game. I try to find a seat in the bleachers but I see no familiar faces. I feel lonely.

I DEILD by focusing on relaxing every muscle in my body. The vibrations start quickly and transition just as easy. I focus on seeing my pregnant stomach. It seems to have grown but feels like I am just pooching it out. Its dark in the room but moonlight is filtering through the blinds as it usually does in waking life. As I walk out I see my shadow on the wall. I look really pregnant now. I'm not sure why I leave the bedroom. Maybe its just habit but I want to find a place to give birth.

The living room is just as dark and the dream seems just slightly unstable. I rub my hands and clap while focusing on what the house looks like in the daytime. This usually works but not this time. I try the light switch several times but it doesn't work either.I see a light coming from my sons room. I am now on my hands and knees feeling the floor for stabilization. I start to go in there but feel the dream slip.

I'm not sure if I wake or just dream that I am back in my bed but I go through the DEILD processes. I remember the OBEs seems to be more literal so this time I focus on visually entering the dream.
I think I hear my wife talking and I become irritated that she is waking me up. I say, "Alysha, what the fuck?" I feel like I actually spoke in my sleep and woke myself a little. My wife turns over and mumbles something. I'm not sure if this was dream or waking life.

I go into DEILD mode anyway and accidentally let my awareness slip a little. Fortunately, I come to full lucidity again when a scene materializes before me.

I am standing just outside the bedroom. Its still dark but this time the bedroom light is on. I return to bed for the birthing process. My wife is laying awake. I ask for her help as I lay down. I take a second to look for my double. My side is clear and I'm glad.

My wife gets up and starts cleaning or doing some task. I am focused on my stomach. Its flat again and I have to will myself to look pregnant. Once satisfied, I start pushing but if feels like going to the bathroom. I let out a few dream farts making me wonder about my physical body. This isn't working. I feel my crotch and clothing. I get naked and try to imagine a vagina while pushing. No good. I feel normal down there. Ok its C-Section time.

I ask my wife to cut me open and she gives me that look that I get when I'm being a dork. I use expectation to get her to cooperate while I focus on my belly again. I begin to use some emotion and think of this a little differently. Unfortunately, sci-fi movies enter my mind. I think of the Shit Weasel from Dreamcatcher and the Chestburster from Alien. My stomach starts churning and I see something with a long slender face pushing out against my flesh. I moan the words, "It's an alien."

My wife appears with an x-acto knife and begins to make a cut. My skin seems extra tough and the blade catches a bit then flicks off making a gross sound. It reminds me of trying to cut up a whole chicken with a dull knife. I see that even-though she hasn't really cut me, there is a nice scoring on my skin. I push and press trying to open it up but it doesn't work. I tell Alysha that she will have to cut really deep this time. She makes another cut and this time she opens me up.

I have a open cavity just above my bellybutton about six inches long with very little blood. Inside, I see something like a thick, congealed blood clot to the left and the other side has white-ish looking flesh like a part of my intestine or stomach. I don't see anything else in there and I assume that I will have to go deeper to reach the Alien inside me. I realize this has gone horribly wrong and I wish that I had never attempted this task. This whole experience has become too much for me to handle and I begin to feel really sick and woozy. I want out. My vision begins to fade and I frantically pull myself out of the dream.

Ok this WILD was really "forced". I had started with MILD but it was failing. I just don't think it works well with Galantamine. I had several failed WILDs that began with FA's. Finally after a couple of hours of failing a waking I really had to try hard.

I tried visualizing a repetitive hand motion but it just wasn't working. I tried passively observing HI but it became weak and almost non existent. So I resorted to just focusing on my cheek bones and chest. For some reason this feels natural and works.

Gibberish WILD - TOTMs 5:43AM


This time my SubC was a little tricksy. I thought I might have felt a very brief vibration but wasn't sure. I tried forcing it and focused on the back of my neck. Nothing. I tried rolling my eyes to strengthen it. Nothing. So, I waited a bit focusing on my cheek bones. In a few seconds it felt like my head was thumping up and down on the pillow. Ah, now we are getting somewhere. I felt something like a shift. It was subtle. I tested it by moving my left shoulder back a little (I was lying on my right side). It felt sluggish and exaggerated. I open my dream eyes but I am still unsure. I do a nose plug RC and blow through. It's always a surprise when that happens.

I transition out of bed with a little difficulty but manage fine. I can see the bedroom door. It doesn't look right. Its always really dark in my room so I hurry out. I pause. We have a couple of bookcases immediately to the left full of books in waking life. This is where I placed the note for TOTM. I look for the spot but don't see it right away. The room is dark but there is somehow a nightlight behind the bookcases shining through. I notice several books are missing but that doesn't matter now. I look and find the folded sheet of computer paper. My wife had written something without me knowing what it was before hand. I wanted to add a little spin to it. I pick up the paper and examine. It looks exactly the same. I open it.

I find that I have to tilt the paper toward the light to read it. To my surprise it was just a bunch of gibberish. I really focu on it and try to make sense of it but it's just a string of letters and numbers on two lines. I thought to memorize it. I committed the first bit to memory but thought whats the point? It read something like this:

S312F65FT689SDH
FT3489FG8923VF8

That's my the password to my account! Wait no. It's not. I'm ok.

I just look at the paper incredulously. For some reason I whisper, "What the crap?.... Ah shit." I think to try and force it to make sense but really I was satisfied enough to have done the TOTM. I toss the paper aside and move on. I walk into the living room but everything is going dark now. I start rubbing my hands and thinking of a new location. I rub my hands for quite a while just walking around in the void trying to make something appear. I can't decide where to go. I lose focus and wake up.

I stay still and DEILD. I feel like I have to force it the way I did the WILD. Really it's just that I have no vibrations and I have become dependent as making it my signpost for "GO" time. I stay patient and calm. This time I feel a definite but subtle shift. It almost feels like a brief dizziness. I take a risk and do a nose plug RC. I blow through and transition out of bed.

I walk back into the living room but feel the dream ending and going dark again. This time I resort to making out with the hardwood floor and rug. I mean really making out. (You gotta do what you gotta do) The feeling of the floor on my tongue is exactly what I would expect. While I feel the rug in my left hand, I even put a leg up and slide up and down on the floor. It was not sexual per-say just really about getting as much tactile sensation as possible.

Anyway, after I feel stable I notice the room is brightly lit and vivid. I look up and see our old boxy awkward looking TV where our newer flat screen should be. I smile and think this would be something to break. I sit up and punch the screen but it's solid and hurts my hand a little. I try again with the same effect. This time I think to aim beyond the screen and really follow through. My hand just phases into it. I give up and look around for something else to break. I see an empty beer bottle on top of the TV. Perfect! Thanks SubC! I step back and throw the bottle hard into the TV screen. The bottle shatters into a million pieces and makes a really nice and clean glass-breaking sound. Satisfied I walk out the front door.

But I pause. I think, "I wonder what this dream is about. I wonder if I am in my house for a reason." Standing halfway out the door, I turn and look at the room. I was surprised to see that the room was completely furnished and surprisingly close to real life. Usually my LDs have very little furniture. The only odd thing that I see is an extra doorway where there should be window. It is completely dark in there and I think I better not go that way. Besides I have another mission in mind. (I kind have wished that I checked it out, now that I think about it)

I slowly step outside. The front porch and yard is vivid and realistic. I feel self conscious because I feel like I am in just my underwear. I touch and feel myself and see that I am right. I tell myself it doesn't matter in a dream. I want to find the TARDIS and see where it takes me. I look around as I walk down my sidewalk. Something catches my eye to the right. I see a ground level sign about 8 ft. wide and 4 ft. tall mounted on a brick foundation. The sign is light up from inside. It is white with blue lettering. I think its some church sign. I walk up to it and look closer. It reads:

FAMILY
FA MILY

I find the sign to be annoying so push my shoulder into until it tips over and crashes on its back. I hear an electronic short circuit and the light goes out. Ha! I broke two things.

I look around and see a cop car across the street at some gas station. I worry that the cop saw me and will come arrest me for vandalism. I run back to my yard and feel somewhat safe. I think to run to the back yard and hide but I figure I'm better off not looking too guilty. Then I just forget about the cop and remind myself that this is a dream.

I look up at the sky and see two moons. One is a normal full moon and the other is a reddish orange full moon. Both are a little blurred. I note this as strange but normal for my dreams.



OK focus. I want to find the TARDIS. I look around expecting to find it. I imagine the unique sound it makes when it's teleporting. I stand there looking and waiting. The dream is fading. I realize that I was idle for too long. The dream always fades when I do that. I remember the success of making out with the sidewalk I had last week so I run and jump and do a belly flop on the sidewalk in the exact same spot. I start licking the concrete and feeling the grass. But I eventually wake up.

Thoughts | Non-Lucid | Lucid | Techniques/Aids

I had multiple mirco awakenings last night. So many that I was just too lazy to record much. Its a shame I didn't even write down my LD so I forget a large part. I hope the rest comes to me during the day.

DILD? TOTM fail
Something triggered lucidity. I am assuming it was DILD I remember trying to stabilize a lot in a neighborhood. Something about houses. I was on the ground feeling the grass and rubbing my hands on the grass. I really wanted to feel the texture and hear the sound. I remember trying so hard to focus and gain clarity. *memory gap* Now I remember I had my hands under my jawline. I was outside and it was sunny. I remembered that someone on here looked at their shadow. So I turned until I saw my shadow on a concrete wall. (seeing my shadow in a dream is a first) It looked normal and I had my hands were I expected. I started pulling but my head would not give. It felt as solid as real life. I guess I didn't put enough prep work into it. Then I destabilized really fast and before I could do anything about it I woke up. I think I tried to DEILD but failed. That must be why I forgot to record it.

Fragments
My wife and I are getting married (again?) We want a really small wedding. I am talking to my dad about performing it this time.

There was something about being on the DJ forum. At each post my spirit somehow when to a physical place.

VILD before and WBTB. Failed DEILD twice. Had a small amount of alcohol in my system.

Technique(s): WILD - Failed, DILD - Success, DIELD - Failed, Awareness (Sageous)

Thoughts:I am happy with this dream. It was short but it was still progress. I don't remember all of it clearly because I tried other methods after waking. Plus it was a really boring and mundane dream until I was lucid. I think the biggest contributor to becoming lucid was the fact that I really concentrated on Sageous' idea of self-awareness all day. And my wife and I did in fact go grocery shopping that night and I practiced awareness all much as I could.

WBTB. Up for 5 - 10 min thinking about dreams and lucidity. Fall asleep during WILD. Turns instead into DILD

Shopping *LUCID* - 7:00AM
I am shopping with my wife. (The store reminds of a store in other dreams) It is supposed to be Wal-Mart we are in (the store seems darker or dimly light) I am doing the normal check out thing. Waiting for the cashier and then put the sacks in the cart. My wife forgets something and runs off.

The next thing I remember, I am pushing the cart in the parking lot to my car. It is night time outside. Then I remember my self-awareness. Then suddenly I realize. "Hey I AM dreaming!" I quickly think about what I wanted to do. TOTM. I reach into my pocket and pull out a glowing florescent green potion with carbonation bubbles in a clear glass bottle with a cork on top. (I have imagined this prior) But at that very instant the world goes black and I feel my waking body lying in bed. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

DEILD - I enter SP and feel the vibrations. Then they fade and I move (or I think I move) because I feel uncomfortable and I wake up for good.