Visions in the Dark

I am at a public fair of some kind. I don't know the place but there is a large circular Romanesque building in the center and rides and consession stands surrounding it. The circular building in the center is multistoried and I am on an elevator going down to the ground floor. There I meet someone I knew in public school, J.P, though he looks older. He is lost and trying to find his way somewhere. I help him orient himself and he goes on his way.

I am there for army training and see the group that I am supposed to be in and start following. The group is led by Lieutenant-General Roméo Dallaire and he is weaving us through thrater seat aisles and pillers around the building and various rides and events outside. After we have completed a circuit we start again but this time jogging. The rest of the group seems fine but one other girl and myself soon start to tire and have difficultly keeping up.

After the second circuit is completed Lieutenant-General Dallaire starts the group running. Halfway through the circuit I am too tired to run anymore and fall behind, losing sight of the group. I am outside of the circular building and near a large inflatable male lion that is coloured black. It is laying down but it's mouth open as if amidst a might roar. I feel disheartened already because of failing to keep up with the group and falling behind but also feel equally small and pathetic next to this mighty lion. I sit down on a folded metal seat nearby and mope.

Sometime after I have caught my breath the Lieutenant-General and the group rounds and corner and approaches me. I stand up and apologize profusely to Dallaire but he only responds by asking if I am ready to go. I do not understand and he says that he "never leaves a man behind." I protest and say that I am not good enough but he responds that I won't know if I give up trying. I am feeling a bit refreshed after my rest and agree to try again. The group starts off again at a jog and as I follow I look over my shoulder at the inflatable lion and see that it has changed colour to a bright and luminous golden. For some reason this gives me confidence to press on.

The group eventually starts to run again and this time I am able to keep up for the whole circuit. The running comes to an end at a clearing on the tarmac outside of the circular building where a small stage with a red curtain backdrop has been set up. Many civilians have gathered around and in the crowd I can see my father. Lieutenant-General Roméo Dallaire gets up on the stage and starts introducing the runners, giving them little medals and declaring that they have completed the recruitment process and are now officially in the army. Everyone else goes first and I am last.

When it is my turn the Lieutenant-General gives me a metal, says I have completed my training and then adds that I have a special significance in completing this because I persevered in the end and made my father proud. Dallaire notes that I am now in the army at the same age that my father joined the navy and that our proud family militay history will continue. I am confused by all this and though happy to have completed the training I still don't feel that I am good enough to be in the army.

The dream ends there.

(There is a "trigger warning" on the content of this dream.)

I am in a ruined and abandoned building that looks like it used to be an office or conference center of some sort. I am hiding on the inside from "bad people" on the outside who I fear will try and force their way in if they see me. I scavenge materials from around the building to create a shelter for myself in the front of the building in a room that looks as if it was once a lobby. Most of the material is an old ripped up tent or peice of canvas that is coloured yellow, which I throw over a table that is leaning to one side.

I hide myself inside my makeshift shelter to get away from three stray dogs that have suddenly appeared and are sniffing around and will not leave me alone. The biggest of the dogs, a black lab, forces its way into the tent and starts ripping it to shreads. The dog does not attack or threaten me in anyway but I grab it by the scruff of the neck and force it into a submissive position laying on its side. The dogs leave me alone after that and soon disappear.

Now that the tent is completely destroyed I gather together chairs and small tables to hide under even though I am aware that if anyone looks inside the building through the lobby windows that why will be able to see me. I notice shadows and shapes of people moving near or past the windows and freeze in terror. Then it happens. A man in a blue military uniform passes by a window and looks in. I try to hide myself behind a pile of furniture but he sees me and starts trying to bust the front door down, which I tried to barracade with a few chairs.

The man marches in and beelines to where I am hiding. He grabs me and ties me to a support pillar in the middle of the room. He uses a large bowie knife to cut off my shirt. He then foddles my breasts before raping me. A line of similarily dressed military men file into the building and do the same, one after another. They all ignore my screams of protest and terror.

A lone soldier dressed in green suddenly appears in the door way, weilding two handguns, and with lightning speed shoots all of the blue military men before they have a chance to retailiate. He then gently removes my shackles and carries me out of there. I do not know how long or how far we walked but he takes me into a lavish suite in a ritzy hotel and lays me on the bed. The hotel apparently has its own hospital and the soldier summons the hotel doctors to come and care for me. He dutifully waits outside my door on guard and carefully scrutinizes everyone who comes to the room. The soldier does not hesitate to kill anyone who he thinks is suspicious and the people he does kill happen to have blue military uniforms hidden under their doctor coats.

After a while the medical staff leaves and the soldier and I are alone. Despite being horribly brutalized I feel extremely grateful towards him and I lead him to the bed and we make passionate love to each other. The next day he is gone and I cannot find him even though I search every floor of the hotel. Indeed the hotel iteself is now devoid of all people and staff, even though all the lights are on and it looks as if it should be full of activity. I am alone and feel confused and abandoned.