NyxCC

Date: 24 Jan

Pre bed: 200mg val, 50mg B6

Wbtb: 1/4 latte

Wasn't very wakeful even though repeated mantras a few times, fell asleep rather fast, had a few non-lds I can't recall

DILD: I am having a tense conversation with this female DC I know. She starts criticizing me. I reply that as a revenge I will then do something to make her feel the same way she makes me feel with all her comments. While this is a rather habitual mental reaction, I notice that contrary to other times I don't feel anything at that very moment. Still, as part of my revenge scheme I take her and turn her upside down in front of all the DCs in the room to publicly humiliate her.

As I stare at her, I notice that she just stays there, like a motionless puppet and become lucid. We're in a very large meeting room with a long table in the middle and lots of DCs participating in some corporate event. I'm in a daring mood and decide it's time to defy social rules by getting on the table in the middle of this meeting. Then I almost lose lucidity being carried away by thoughts of how all of the world's problems may be solved by by issuing unlimited credit cards to the entire population.

I keep thinking about this issue as I leave the place and continue towards an unknown city center. There to help me focus more I shout out loud "I am dreaming". There was a slight instability so this helps me ground as well.

Then I remember the invisibility task and go in the middle of the road pretending to be invisible.There are cars coming from all directions but as soon as I pay attention to them, they hit the breaks and spin a bit. I turn around and the same thing happens again. Then I see this huge truck coming in my direction. I start waving hands, checking if the driver can see me. He doesn't hit the brake or slow down and the truck is quickly coming closer. I step to the side to avoid the impact. There's little space between me and the truck, my uncontrolled expectations cause it to fall sideways on top of me, where I feel this huge weight on me. I try to move and free my head, but this results in a physical feeling, which gives me the impression I have just moved in my bed. I expect to wake up any moment but get an FA instead.

I believe that I have woken up for real and the first thing I notice is this piano music coming from the outside. I'm actually in the neighbors where we used to live some time ago and look to find where the music is coming from. I see this girl that I remember (possibly from another dream but could be false memory) who got that piano there and something about her. As if that isn't enough, the balcony is crowded - many people in their 20s and 30s dressed with business attire as if attending some sort of event. I'm think this is just too much when I am trying to fall asleep and decide this can only be a dream, reminding myself that I was trying to ld. Can't member how, but it seems I lose consciousness after that and have another FA.

I think in the beginning, I'm looking from the window to see what's down but then the scene changes and we move to this wooden porch. I initially see this strange big animal that looks suspiciously like a DS, I can't tell what kind of animal it is. Then there is a smaller one and I'm still trying to identify the large one. I'm starting to have some real doubts about this and begin to count the animals, one now looks like a bear and can't remember the rest but there's four of them. I conclude this is a dream and go to interact with one of the animals. It looks like a very large black boar/tapir and as I place my hand on its snout, it bites me and it even hurts.

I move slightly to the left and examine the rest of the area, where I notice a number of elephant-like creatures. I think they are separated from the porch, but no cage, it looks much like in a zoo. At some point the elephants begin to distort in features, open mounts and start roaring very louldy in a generally unpleasant manner. I try to stop them by thinking I want them to stop, but nothing happens and more join the roaring event. I remain there staring at them as they do so, kind of calm, but there's also this deeper inner response to their roaring, which surely is what is affecting them. I think that the problem is exactly this feedback loop - I am thinking that they are roaring, therefore they continue roaring. Then conveniently, I recall the inivible task and think it can be applied quite nicely here. I think that I am invisible. To my genuine surprise, at this very moment all the roaring stops for good.

I'm curisous to how far I can take this with my supposed invisibility and turn around and try to sneak out, while carefully listening for any reaction. The dream fades.

Notes: I have reduced B6 dosage to 50mg as previously it made me too wakeful. Recent valerian series - characterized by difficult recall, lower lucidity levels and more bizarre occurrences, in particular animals.

A bit out of time this week, an actually not so brief update:

13 May

- Me and a group of 5 kids decide to create a business. We go to register it, and the start up costs are only 100. We talk to some lawyer who says its is excellent because we are all from different countries.

- I become upset and leave the house of a friend wearing slippers. It is very hard to walk with these but I don't find this unusual.

- In our old neighborhood, there are lots of new stores. I go in a supermarket where they are making fresh carrot juice, it is green in color, I wonder a bit about that, but conclude that green carrot juice is ok.

14 May

- In our old place, my mom keeps talking, while I want to go to sleep. I tell her that her talking activates my brain and I cannot fall asleep. It is early morning, still dark outside and snowing.

- I see Dr dre on the street, he is smoking and I want to join him. Before I do, he has finished with the stuff. A skater boy pushes him hard and I think how rude kids are nowadays. I follow Dre to a building, but the cops are all over the place. I have a micro second of lucidity, remembering I read a part of Xanos's dream from yesterday and know it this the cause for this one. I lose my lucidity a second later and try to leave the building.

- I am in jail which looks like a normal house, my belongings are also there. A woman calls me and I think they are finally letting me go. She informs me that she allows me to go out, so that I can find a woman called Connie Flowers or something similar. A friend from school is also accompanying me. We look for the place where Connie lives, but cannot find her. I have another second brief moment of clarity and high awareness, when I am climbing a fence, while looking for her. I continue following the dream but get the brilliant idea to ask some old ladies to show me the way to Connie's house. They all point in one direction and that excites me a lot. I am absorbed back by the dream and we go to the place the women were pointing at.

- A false awakening where I jot down key words from the previous dream. I write Connie Flowers on a piece of paper. Had it not been this FA, I probably would have forgotten the name. It was so realistic that I actually looked down and expected to see it written in my notebook, but nothing was there irl.

- On a street, thinking about last night's dreams. I look at the sky, and decide to star gaze. I have my blanket with me. I get interrupted by a machine washing the streets. My slippers get washed away...

Note: micro-lucids, not counting
Pretty busy this week, I wish my sleep could condense, so that I still get some nice REM moments.