Mouka's Mind Palace

I suddenly became lucid during a regular dream when I looked down and noticed my hands looked strange. I was in a house... again. This time I didn't feel trapped, but I felt hopeless and unable to do anything, with no dream control at all. I walked through the house, intending to go outside, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw a square hole cut into the wooden floor. It was just big enough to climb down, and it seemed to radiate evil and darkness, with a staircase going down it... so I went down it. It seems I have this weird fearlessness in my dreams that I fail at in real life. I think its my determination to find what I want, like I'm so sick and tired of my lucids not working that I've stopped giving a fuck about nightmare things. They're only in my way, after all. As I walked down the stairs to the bottom, I turned the corner and the first thing I saw was a spider web with crazy things in it, like the big black scribble I remembered seeing on a nightmare creature in a dream a few weeks ago. I kept walking, down a huge wide hallway that was dusty with a hard packed dirt floor. It was dark but I could see a little in the distance. There was a tall, lanky grey alien standing a little bit ahead of me, and he moved closer, blinking in and out, without actually moving his body. When he finally got to me, I was just like FUCK YOU and slapped out my hand, and he turned transparent and faded away. I continued walking. I was looking for Seru to come break me free, but I was frustrated that I couldn't find him and he wasn't showing up when I called. Then I felt my dream fading and I returned to my waking body, but I lay perfectly still and attempted to re-enter the dream.

As I lay there, I went into sleep paralysis while waiting which just kept going and going until I finally gave up. But when I opened my eyes and sat up, I found I was back in the dream. It was super unstable though, so I focused on my surroundings, feeling things and noticing the sounds and smells... dank and musty. I was touching a metal bar or table and it was cold and hard. I continued down the hallway and came to an opening that was on the right side of the hallway. It was some kind of balcony open to the evening sky and the sun was going down. The ground outside was almost pitch black but the sun was bathing the balcony in a nice orange glow. But I couldn't get off it and go outside. I turned around toward the hallway and looked down it and figured I'd just sit and wait for Seru since that always seems to work. Arrogant domineering asshole, always wanting to be the initiator in any situation... Just then I saw some sunlight breaking through the hallway ceiling, illuminating it with rays of light and, and he was standing far down at the end of the hallway. He moved towards me but I couldn't see his face then, because it was in the shadow. When he came close, he jumped into the air and flew past me quickly, through the balcony into the evening sky. I jumped up and flew after him, breaking through the house and off the balcony as well. I flew behind him for a while, even though he was going pretty damn fast and I had a hard time catching up to him. But I was able to slowly catch up and fall in beside him... I was afraid he'd look over at me and have some creepy nightmarish face since I'd found him in the nightmare basement, but once I was parallel with him, he looked over at me with a smile and he looked regular. I guess moods and setting doesn't have any effect on a dream guide. I was so damn happy that he broke me out of the house again that I reached over and kissed him... it was a really vivid kiss, and felt real. Which was weird, because I can still imagine the feeling. When I did that, he stopped and wrapped his arms around me (what a sweetie. still an arrogant asshole though) We did some fun pervy things, but then I remembered I wanted to ask him something, so I asked if he really was my dream guide or if the last time I asked him was just a fluke. He reassured me that he was, but then he stopped and gave me a strange look, and I realized the dream was fading away again. Never got to finish my pervy stuff. Pityyyyyy.

Lucids two nights in a row! Nice. This one started out as a regular nightmare rather than through sleep paralysis. I was watching The Lion King with my brother like we did when we were kids, and I was sitting there playing the original Pokemon on my old Game Boy. Then suddenly dad came running into the room all psychotic, laughing with a gun in his hand, and we freaked out and ran away. He chased us and caught my brother, and I heard horrible gunfire and so I ran down the hall and locked myself in a room. He was banging at the door and I was so scared and kept trying to push through the window glass, but then I noticed my hands on the glass. My fingers were all funny and I immediately recognized it as a dream and went lucid. I turned around from the window and the room was pure white, and the banging had stopped. So I left the room and found myself in another house I couldn't get out of, but this time it was all white and there was sunlight everywhere. ...but I was still locked in. In one of the rooms was a grey alien, which was a little weird, but when I walked up to it and poked it, it disappeared. Now back in the hall, I just told myself "You know, I can never find that guy when I search, so I'm just going to sit here and wait on him." So once again I was sitting on the ground in the hallway, surrounded by white and sunlight, calling out to Seru all pitiful-sounding. I heard a noise at the end of the hall, and leaned over to look, and there he was standing there looking at me and smiling. Yay, it worked! I went over to him and asked him if he could break me free from the house again, and he said yes. He flew up through the ceiling and I flew up after him, but this time I didn't just hit the ceiling instead I went right through it. Then we were up in the air and I was looking in awe at all the landscapes surrounding me. In front of us was this massive flower garden, fields and fields of all different species, it looked so rainbow-speckled, and it was so vivid I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to go down there immediately, but then he told me to look at the rest. So I looked to the right and there was a vast ocean and a beach that stretched forever, and far in the distance in front of us, past the flower fields, was a giant wall. Like the Great Wall only much higher. We landed on top of a tall fence overlooking the flowers, and out of all the different flowers, rare ones and such, this one common blue-purple pansy stood out, and I really wanted to keep it because it was so vivid but I also didn't want to ruin the field at all. I was curious about the wall so I asked him what was beyond it. He said there were mountains as far as the eye could see. Well... the call of the unknown lured me in and I wanted to go over the wall. He took off into the sky and I flew after him, towards it, buuuuttt... then my husband's alarm clock woke me up! Haha, well that's okay. I got a sweet vivid lucid dream, a dream guide, and fun places to visit next time.

(I haven't actually updated this journal for a few months, mainly because I fell back into my old ways of writing in a paper journal even though I promised myself I would stick to online journaling due to the tag and search features that I love. So here's my new year's resolution, to put down my notebook and use the internet I'm going to upload a few memorable dreams and my lucid dreams in the next few entries, just to have a bridge between the last few months and now. They won't be in any particular order since I didn't date them, I'll just label those entries as (undated older dreams #).)

(undated older dreams 1)

I was at a store with mom, and we found an area with lots of glass trinket cases that had neat items in them. The whole area was very pink and girly but I really liked the items there. There was a case with anime trinkets in it, mostly Hello Kitty and Pokemon, and a bunch of Team Rocket figures caught my eye. One of them I remember vividly was a figure of Jesse but she had the hair of Nurse Joy, and I thought it must be some kind of error and might be worth a lot of money, but then I saw this awesome as hell cat figure I just had to have. I picked it up and turned around to show it to mom, but she was nowhere to be found, so I put the figure down and debated whether or not I should stay there looking at figures waiting for her or if I should just leave to go find her. Eventually I decide to leave because there's this awkward tension between me and the salesperson and I got the feeling he thought I was trying to steal something since I was just loitering around. Eventually I ran into mom, and she told me to go get the cat thing, but on the way back to the case I passed by a giant RV sitting right in the middle of the store and get sidetracked by it. Going inside the RV, I noticed there were lots of small blinking red lights all over the floor, and whenever I picked one up it would make rude comments at me. There was a strange sound coming from the bathtub, but before I could check it out mom and grandma showed up at the door all freaked out and told me to drop the lights and leave the RV quickly. There was this feeling of absolute terror and I ran back out into the store, and froze when I saw this man sitting in an aisle with a blanket laid out in front of him. He had a human head in his hands and was cutting it up and laying it out piece by piece on the blanket and labeling the pieces with prices. He had parts like the eyelids and lips and bits of brain laid out and they were all blackish green with decay. As soon as I saw it I woke up feeling like I was going to vomit.

A lucid dream where I was sitting at a computer, and when I looked at my hands I noticed they looked strange and became lucid. As soon as lucidity hit, the whole dream froze like a paused DVD and I was unable to move. It faded until everything dissipated and I was floating alone in pitch black nothingness, so I willed myself to float upwards in an attempt to find something, but then my head started tingling like it does when I go into sleep paralysis, and I stop going upwards and start involuntarily spinning around in circles.

Not sure if this is related to the last one, but at some point I was laying in bed and stuck in sleep paralysis, and when I opened my eyes I saw a grey alien standing at the foot of my bed out of the corner of my eye. Instead of looking at it, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it and push myself into a lucid dream, but then I heard this horrible noise coming less than an inch away from my right ear. It sounded like someone pigging out on food making an OM NOM NOM sound with their teeth, but it had this unnerving evil quality to it that kinda freaked me out. As soon as it stopped I had this small dream where I saw a clear blue sky, but then it darkened to night and a red moon appeared, and a shadow of some kind of monster flew across it.

(This is from September 21.)

I awoke into the dream staring at sentences in a book as I was laying in a bed. I noticed that the words on the page were kinda shifting around and getting fuzzy, and I thought I must be dreaming. So I did the palm RC and became fully lucid when my finger went right through my hand. I stood up from the bed and surveyed my surroundings, and saw I was in a messy bedroom with hardwood floors and wallpaper with flower prints on it. There was a hallway to the left that was lit brighter than the room I was in, and on the wall to the right was a mirror. I got really excited when I saw the mirror because I remembered how I was able to use a dream mirror in my last lucid dream to successfully summon Afiel. First, I tried just calling out his name and willing him there, because I didn't want to be reliant on mirrors, but it didn't work so I stood in front of the mirror and saw this time that the wings on my back appeared on my reflection, however when I moved them up and down they didn't move in the reflection. I attempted to summon Afiel as I did last time by having him appear behind me in the mirror, but it would not work and I started getting upset. Then I tried a trick I'd read on the forums here where I shouted "Increase lucidity!" to make the dream more real. I yelled it about three times, and every time I would hit the wall with my palms while shouting it, and that caused a wave that looked similar to an aftershock wave to ripple across my surroundings and make the scene clearer and more vivid as it moved. I remember being super excited at adding this new trick to my lucid arsenal. But then I looked down that bright hall out of curiosity, and I saw a grey alien creature standing at the other end of the hall. I couldn't see its face, but I knew what it was, and I had chills up my spine. I backed away in fear and crawled into the bed, cowering with the covers placed between me and it, but then right when my terror peaked, Afiel popped in out of nowhere and did a running tackle at the alien and it disintegrated. I jumped out of the bed, absolutely ecstatic (mostly because the alien was gone but also to see Afiel) and ran over and hugged him. I think the lucidity yell made him feel more real, because I remember thinking how weird it was how solid he felt when we were hugging. With him now there, I felt free to test some other things, like trying to change the scene. I would close my eyes, float up into the air, and should "Teleport (name of place)!", but when I opened my eyes we were still in the bedroom. After a few tries, I opened my eyes a saw clear blue sky, but I also felt my body waking up so I grabbed my shirt and tried the lucidity shout again. It worked, but I was again back in the bedroom. Afiel suggested I couldn't teleport because I was using a single-person teleport and it would be impossible for me to go somewhere without him since we were tethered together in the scene. I gave it one more shot, grabbing Afiel and attempting to teleport us both into deep space. Immediately, there was dark blues with random points of light zipping by me, it looked a lot like that effect that plays when Sam leaps into another body in Quantum Leap... suddenly I saw galaxies appearing and disappearing, but I can't remember if Afiel was there with me. Before everything could stop zipping around and calm down, it all fell apart and I woke up.

(This is from September 17.)

I was attending some kind of UFO/conspiracy convention with Cory. There were lots of people dressed as aliens and stuff, and just general alien items everywhere. It was kind of embarrassing for me, because even though I wanted to be there, I didn't want him to think I was some kind of crazy conspiracy nut. So when we were sitting together at this long lunchroom-type table with a bunch of other people, I would whisper to the others around me so Cory couldn't hear what I was saying. I remember telling a guy next to me, who said he was an alien from Orion, that I wanted to get the Pleiades tattooed on my stomach. Then one of the convention leaders put out a stack of pamphlets about a Bigfoot-like pig creature, and we all went up and looked over the pamphlet. After a while, Gordon Ramsey appeared and had a small MasterChef-style competition right there at the convention. Cory and I joined. We had to do a tag team thing, and I decided to give Cory the moose meat because Gordon said it only had to be cooked a few seconds, so I assumed we could do that easily. Cory didn't hear him about the cooking time and left the meat in the oven during his turn. Then when my turn came around I raced to pull it out of the oven before it overcooked, I was so into it that I even grabbed the pan out of the oven with nothing but a towel and endured the heat, even though normally I can't get near an open oven because of heat intolerance. Unfortunately, it was too late, and the moose meat started dissolving before my eyes, and we lost because we had no dish since the meat completely evaporated into the air.

The earth was being attacked by aliens in flying saucers, and I was in a big open grassy area in a park. To the right of me was a bridge going over a small brook. There were people running around and screaming, and a flying saucer was passing over us and shooting people down. I fell to the ground and pretended to be dead, and some others did as well. After a while, the area was littered with dead corpses and a few people here and there pretended to be dead. Soon the saucer came back by and started to taunt us, a voice on some kind of megaphone attached to it made fun of us for pretending to be dead, saying that they could still see us, and they began to laugh and shoot lasers at the faking people. I was scared and jumped into the brook, and hoped I could hold my breath until the aliens left, but when I resurfaced, the aliens were gone but the entire park had been flooded over by the brook and there was no land anywhere to be found. I hopped onto a floating piece of plywood board and rode it with the current, only to find a concrete platform and a fort jutting out of the water. When I landed on the platform, some dirty people in tattered clothes greeted me, and they told me the whole planet was covered in one giant ocean and tribes only existed on small platforms placed in random areas. They accepted me into their tribe because they liked my plywood board. Apparently, my tribe had some kind of alliance with a group of mermaids that lived nearby, because the mermaids would help us with fishing and defense. At one point, I was far out from the tribe, floating on the board and fishing, and a merman I had become friends with was fishing with me. Suddenly I caught something big and a giant shadow pulled my fishing pole under. When it surfaced I saw it was a blue whale, and the whale swam away in pain at the hook in its mouth. The merman felt bad for the whale and went after it to retrieve the hook, and I went back to the tribe. Then a huge Lovecraftian bug-monster rose out of the water and started to attack us. It grabbed me and picked me up, about to squeeze the life out of me, when a harpoon burst out of his chest and he fell into the water dead. I saw that the merman had arrived and stabbed the monster with it just in the nick of time, and we were all grateful to him.

(This is from August 29.)

I hadn't graduated high school, so one day I decided to go back. I moved into a big building that had identical dorms for all the high school students; it was very industrial looking. On the first day of school, I was really hyped up. I knew I would do better this time around and not fail, because my social anxiety wasn't as bad as it was back then. My first class was history class, and everyone seemed nice. The teacher was, I think, the librarian from the elementary school I went to at Fort Monroe. She handed out our first assignments, which involved talking to ten people in the class and listing them on the page as having certain characteristics, like "What person seemed most like a leader?" or "Who would be the best with finances?" I was completely mortified. Even though my social anxiety was better, it wasn't good enough for me to go around talking to everyone in the class. I sat there at my desk looking at the paper, it was covered in drawings of Yinepu and I pondered on that and wondered what it meant. I looked around and saw that the other students had gotten into big groups, some were laying around on the floor talking about the assignment and some had their desks in circles. I didn't know what to do, but a few people came up to me, probably sensing my dilemma, and told me to put their names down under certain categories. After I realized no one else was going to come by, I pretended to sleep at my desk and just decided to accept my F. After a while I started eating some candy, and the teacher walked up to me and said no candy was allowed in the class, so I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth and pretended like I didn't have any. Unfortunately she already saw it so I knew I would be in trouble later. When I got back to my dorm, I fell down on the couch relieved it was over, but then the doorbell rang. It was a classmate, and he said he'd found my debit and my credit card on a bench at the mall. I thanked him, but I was suspicious because he looked guilty, so I checked and my accounts were missing some money. I knew he had bought stuff at Reebok with it but couldn't prove it right away, so I thought about how I could get the security footage from the mall and show it to the police. Later on, I got online and noticed on my dad's Facebook profile he said he was going back to high school, which was weird because he has a college degree already. Apparently he'd moved in below me, so I looked out the window and, sure enough, there was his white truck in the parking lot. I decided to avoid him so I wouldn't have to talk to him.

I was outside in a big yard. I think it was an old farm, because there was a big fence that stretched on for a few miles and an old three-story wooden building that looked like it was about to collapse. There was a cobra that was chasing me, and it really wanted to bite me even though I didn't do anything to it. I climbed up on the fence, which was tall enough to be out of reach of its strike, and ran along the top of the fence to get away, but it still followed me. Then I jumped off the fence and ran into the big wooden building to get away from it, but the building was creepy inside and full of grey aliens! I had a laser gun so I shot at them all video game-style as I ran through the building and up the levels. I think I was actually in a video game at this point because I could see my ammo and health bars. Each story had more aliens on it and was harder to get through, but I had to move fast to keep ahead of the cobra that was still chasing me.

There were a lot of people in a big crowd, on either a red team or a blue team. I was on the blue team but everyone insisted I was on the red team and wouldn't believe me, so they made me wear a red hat with demon horns on the top.

(I haven't been online in a while so I'm going to write a few entries today summarizing the dreams from the past few days. I normally write them in fragments on my iPhone's notepad, and then use that note later to bring back details when I write here. Since it's been a few days I'm not sure how much detail I can remember! This one is from August 27.)

It was early morning and I was getting ready for school. Mom was going to take both me and my brother, but he wouldn't wake up and get ready, so I was afraid I was going to be late because we were waiting on him. I went into the bathroom and saw blood gushing out of my leg, but for some reason I wasn't worried about bleeding as much as I was worried about getting blood on my clothes, so I took some cotton and bandages and wrapped my leg up to stop the bleeding. Then I asked mom to force Jonathan to wake up so I could get to school, because I wanted to get there before my bandage soaked through so nobody could see I was bleeding, and also so I could get thicker ones at the nurse's office to completely stop the blood flow. Mom refused to leave until he was ready to go as well, so I begged dad to take me to school instead and he also refused.

I was driving down the road to a grocery store. The road went through a big city so I passed by lots of skyscrapers and under bridges and such, and then wound up driving next to a railroad track. As I continued I drove close to a big building that looked like a courthouse or something, and up above it I saw a flying saucer hovering! I stopped in a panic and watched it, and it would just hover up and down. Every so often it would turn sideways and that's when a beam came out and pulled up a random person, so whenever I saw the UFO turn sideways I would duck in my car so it wouldn't see me. I eventually continued on and came to the grocery, which looked a bit like a Whole Foods. I went in, and found myself wandering into the back stockroom because I noticed lots of people going into there who weren't employees. In the stockroom, the huge floor had been completely cleared, and everyone was standing in a big circle around a mat with a boombox and some dancers. It was some kind of dancing competition, and the people in the middle were really good. I stood in the circle and felt really shy, because everyone else was dancing along but I was afraid to. Then I saw Jenny and Nifty, and they came over to stay next to me and I felt less shy and began to dance along too. Nifty saw me dancing and was all "Daaaang, you're not that bad!" and wound up pushing me into the center of the competition, but I didn't freak out and instead felt really happy and had lots of fun. After a while, Jenny and I ducked out and went back into the front store area and bought some drinks and groceries for ourselves. When we got to the cashier, she started bagging our stuff in a weird way like putting heavy things on top of eggs and bread and crushing them. So I asked her not to do that and she glared at me, called me a bitch, and threatened to hit me! I would've had some choice words for her, but Jenny was right there and I didn't want to cuss in front of a little kid, so instead I said that I was going to inform the manager and then the cashier suddenly became nice and sweet. After that, we left and I drove Jenny home. On the way I drove by the flying saucer on the courthouse and told Jenny about it. We were both scared and kept ducking whenever it turned on its side. We watched as it kept abducting people and then we eventually drove off terrified.

There was a big open grassy field with lots of animals hanging out. I was walking around the field, looking at all the animals. I saw lots of wild dogs, and a bobcat sleeping on a big piece of cotton. All of the animals, even though they were wild, did not object to having me pet them, so I hung out there and just pet animals. It was very calming. As I stood there, this non-wild dog came walking up to me. It had on a weird pink and blue pastel outfit made of silk, and it walked away so I followed it. It led me into a cave where lots of people were standing around watching a competition. In the cave, there was a big stone bridge covered in green slippery stuff going across a pool of murky water. People would take turns trying to cross the bridge without falling in, and the winner would get money. I thought about trying it, but then I saw another guy try it, and halfway through they opened a big circular cage that was filled with huge yellow moths, and the moths flew at the guy and threw him off balance. I decided against it since I'm scared of moths. Then they released a wolf at the guy, but the wolf was actually friendly and was just there to freak the guy out.

I went to some sort of festival or marketplace with my parents, but they took their own car and I followed behind them in mine. We traveled down a winding road with lots of flowers and pristine sidewalks and fences, it was very upscale looking. At the end of the road there was a gate set up that was similar to the gates you have to pass to get on army bases, where they wouldn't let us pass until we each bought tickets to the festival/marketplace thing. After we got them, they let us through into a huge parking lot that was packed with probably tens of thousands of cars, and the lot was divided into lots of smaller parking lots placed all around the area of the gate, I think each was numbered so you could remember where you parked. My parents and I parked in separate lots and went into the festival, but I don't remember the actual festival except that it was inside a giant warehouse and had dimly lit blue hallways with vendors selling things like stuffed animals. When we came out I couldn't remember where I parked, but I saw a red car that looked sorta like my Celtius. I walked up to it and realized it wasn't my car at all, and a couple walked up and asked why I was staring at their car, so I felt really embarrassed. Then I noticed a bike rack sticking out of a space further up and assumed it was my car instead, so I smiled and told them I was just walking past to my car up there, but as I got closer I saw it was just a big black SUV that happened to have a bike rack and wasn't my car either! So embarrassing, because I knew the couple was still staring at me as I walked around confused... Instead of continuing to search the whole lot, I asked my parents for help, and I hopped in their car and we drove around the the different lots looking for my car. (I remember playing the song 'To The Hilt' by Die Krupps on their radio and they were all "Ughhh your music sucks." Whatever homes, my music rules.) We drove through the gate to check the outer lots, but when we tried to get back through the gates the guard demanded we buy tickets again. I explained my situation and luckily he let us in and even helped us look, so we all split up to search the whole lot. As I was looking I heard a loud whirring noise, kind of like really low pitched binaural beats, and looked up to see weird undulating black things flying around in the sky that kind of resembled big cargo copters but were super disturbing in the way they wiggled while they moved. I was terrified thinking they were UFOs with grey aliens in them, but kept looking for my car instead of running away. The copters started attacking and a giant face came down from the sky and started killing random people it set its sights on. It looked kinda like the Face of Boe but bigger and completely white and see-through like a ghost. Then it set its sights on me and I was so scared and hid behind a car. When I peeked around the side of the car I saw it floating there on the other side looking for me, so I kept going around the car trying to avoid its gaze as it also went around the car trying to find me. Suddenly it came down on me from on top of the car and I screamed, then I woke up right before it jumped me.