WhyAmINaked

I think I was Jesus again. If not, then some guy who can walk on water.

I start by walking through a crowd of people in a bazaar. They look like peasants and villagers out of a fantasy-themed video game, and I know a couple of them can be recruited to join my party if I have enough reputation. I'm also kind of shiny, and I have the sick and poor looking to me.

Eventually, I come across an intersection, but a train of pack beasts (cows, I think) are crossing, and I wait until they are done. Somehow, this goes on a really long time until I just decide to step over them in a single stride.

That stride takes me to the end of the bazaar, and suddenly, I'm on a ship sailing the seas. I'm also being chased by a naval fleet, so naturally I'm a pirate now. One of my pursuers get close, so I run out on the water and stick out my leg to trip a ship. And it works! This somehow turns the tides, so I move my ship around and engage in battle. I board a ship and duel the captain while my crew fights invisibly in the background (I've been playing Sid Meier's Pirates!, so don't judge).

There's a brief sweet and embarrassing scene here that's juxtaposed with the sight of the navy's retreat from their divine ass-kicking. I celebrate, but sadly, the dream fades.

Dream two and three aren't all that memorable, nor as vivid.

In dream two, I'm riding my motorcycle (missed MILD cue alert) through my dream interpretation of Seattle's SODO and Georgetown at night. I believe its snowing/raining, and I want to get home before I slip and crash.

In dream three, I see my grandfather on my mom's side -- who died before I was born and I have no idea what he looks like -- and we talked a little. I don't ever get a clear look at his face, nor do I really know what we chatted about. I think it's about medicine or health because of this gem of a gibberish line: "live eternally so you learn to be aware of the cat's retribution."

Wise words, Dream Grandfather-Ghost. Wisdom +1.

I am helping to clear out tables in a gym for some sort of lunch event. At one point I shot a stray basketball, but I missed. I then shot my jacket (seeing as there's no other place to put it), and it hung itself on the rim. I remark something like "well, of course that worked."

Things moved to the actual lunch itself, where I'm situated in the middle of a long table near the corner with a single push-door under a green EXIT sign. The food was mediocre at best, and I didn't really want to be there. The table next to us was serving "Mexican" food, but all I can recall were fries and fried chicken. They looked like they were enjoying themselves much more.

At this point, C, someone I have a very poor opinion of, showed up, and he has a 2 or 3-year-old nephew that looks just like him. They both have close-shaved heads, and that makes the kid look like a kiwi, so I stuck a piece of red tape (missed MILD cue alert) like you'd find on bananas in the store on the side of his head. A mutual friend, T, appeared just to roll her eyes in disapproval.

I reappear outside, and I'm by a bus stop in what looks like a rainy day in downtown Vancouver, probably somewhere in East Hastings judging by the condition of the buildings. I just missed my bus, apparently, so I run back inside to take a shortcut.

It's now a mall inside, and I'm running towards one of the large department stores at an end of a wing. Along the way, I notice a gathering/event, and it's for -- I'm still a little distraught at this -- pairing dying kids with one-legged puppies. And Dream Me -- I need to make a distinction between the two of us -- hurdles over a sick, bald boy with tubes up his nose who's petting a one-legged collie that is sadly flopped down on the floor. Dream me didn't even look back.

ANYWAYS. So I arrive at my destination, which is a theme restaurant/hotel much like the Hard Rock cafe. I sprint through the restaurant and head down a flight of stairs next to the bar.

I re-appear in one of those Jeep/SUV hybrids, like a black Range Rover or something, and I'm barreling down a glass tube in the water like you'd find in aquariums (or maybe screens showing water/marine life, or both?). And when I say 'barreling down,' I mean a literal vertical drop off at least 30 stories, and towards the end, it looked like an elevator shaft. I wasn't panicking at the fall, but it felt more like "ooh, the bump at the end is gonna hurt my ass." This was still a part of the restaurant/hotel's architecture, by the way.

I somehow exit the tube (not sure how), and now I'm out in the field on my motorcycle (Red motorcycle -- Missed MILD cue alert) in gray, autumn weather. I'm heading towards a large structure that stands out a bit like Scrooge McDuck's vault, except I know this is like a memorabilia building/museum for the restaurant/hotel. I also noticed that there is a money counter to the top right of my vision at something like $71,XXX/$154,000 (I'm surprised the values were this vivid). When I crash my motorcycle through some giant glass windows and start purposely wrecking the place up, I begin to meet my quota.

At one point the lights go out, and security is walking about with flashlights above me on some sort of glass pane, but they don't notice me at all. So I keep purposely running into things, and I think I was at $151,XXX when I notice that I unplugged my router. Apparently, my earphones got caught, and this all somehow forced an end to whatever I'm doing. It's also at this point that a security notices something is going on, so I scoop up my router and earphone (I tried to untangle them first, even) and make my escape. It's night time at this point, and I see headlights on the road. It's wet and windy out, and the leaves are yellow and orange. My dream ends.

My MILD mantra before going to sleep now is "If it's red, I'm in my bed." I'm worried it's too catchy to do what it's supposed to do. ANYWAYS...

Dream one has me in what looks like a steam-punk/apocalypse world (no real visual proof other than I just know), and my home is the remains of half of a jumbo plane. It's night time, and I'm sitting by a fire cleaning/fixing some sort of a tool or machine. (Edit: I now remember that I have a red bandanna with a flower motif around my head. Missed MILD cue alert!)

A single-row character select screen gets juxtaposed over the top of my "vision," as if I'm quick-selecting something in the middle of game play. As I browse the portraits (which are in DOS 256-color again), they are associated with my actual friends. Towards the right end of the screen, the portraits are grayed out; I guess in this world, friendship is an achievement you unlock.

Each individual friend has their associated stats according to Dream Knowledge. Sadly, my dream is not vivid enough for me to see detailed stats. But I do get a general associated sense of it according to certain traits. There are at least 10 characters, and I "know" there's more if I scroll to the right. But these are the ones I could still remember:

• My friends B and K, brothers who power lift and play organized football in real life, have really high Strength scores. I also Dream-Know that their abilities are offset by low their movement rate, which I lol'ed at because I guess I'm just a dick.
• Girl-R and Boy-R both can cast spells (Looks like I associate artistry and creativity with magical ability. Or maybe just people whose names starts with R.), while Girl-R also shares the ability to charm animals with Girl-J.
• Boy-R, I should also note, is the Ken to my Ryu in real life, and that carries over in this dream in terms of "knowing" our stats are similar.
• Sten from Dragon Age was there. No, I don't know him in real life. Go home, Sten, you are drunk.
• Boy-J has rogue-like stats, possibly because he's shady. And he'll flaunt said shadiness, which makes him all the more shady.
• Poor, poor A. In real life, he's slightly taller than me, but possibly twice my weight -- but he doesn't have the physical abilities of B and K. He'd go down in the initial wave of a zombie attack.

And wouldn't you know it, the second I think of being attacked, my camp is raided by the Mohawked raiders from Fallout (they have red pants. Missed MILD cue alert!), only my vision is obstructed by the character select screen -- which has now taken over my entire "screen" like the overlay in Steam -- and I can't seem to find a way to hide it again. That's karma for A, I like to think.

ANYWAYS, so I'm running around blind, and my vision would flash red (possible missed MILD cue alert) on the edges like a FPS as I keep getting shot. I know I'm also doing a lot of damage to them (also, I'm dual-wielding pistols -- flashy, but not terribly effective), only none of them are going down, and I'm reloading a lot even for dual wielding. I fall back to a part of the airplane, and I know I'm not going to be able to hold off the raiders for long like this. In which my brain -- my asshole of a brain -- goes "lol! Know what would suck?" and plays that scene from Robocop.

Well, I guess it worked, because the raiders are now focused on poor Murphy (who materialized in my dream JUST to suffer a horrible fate). I theorize that there's a sidequest in Fallout New Vegas that references this, so my brain went there. Either way, the scene abruptly ends to the sweet sounds of gunfire and torture screams.

We're skipping dream two because that's Willy's time. There was a missed MILD cue in there, and I will also partially hint that towards the end... well, has anyone seen those troll-ish Photoshop images where they take the inside of a lotus flower pod and superimpose it over someone's flesh so it looks like there are tiny ho-AHHH, FUCK, I JUST GOT A MENTAL IMAGE. NEXT DREAM! NEXT DREAM!

Dream three was barely there, and all I can recall was that I'm on my motorcycle (edit: my motorcycle is red. Missed MILD cue alert!) on a highway next to a forest, and the weather is gray and shitty. And all I have for dream four is that I knew I had four dreams.

Oof, a long one.

I dreamed I was reading a comic -- the art style is very detailed and "serious," kind of like a Hong Kong comic, except redone through Illustrator/Photoshop with color and detailing effects -- about a series of vignettes involving a fire demon(?) that took shape as a large snake. I distinctively remember the text was gibberish symbols, kind of like the ZOSO symbols Zeppelin used. I kept flipping through the book to get to cool parts that I knew was there, but I can never get to the page I want to. But eventually, I get to a particular scene, where the snake demon is in its pit-cave, and it is coiled around a Warrioress who, presumably, was there to vanquish it. She laments "hundreds of years of training... for nothing?" which is the first time I can recall dreaming of legible text. She was dressed inappropriately.

This somehow bleeds into a DOS-era graphics character-select screen, and the warrioress was one of the 8 or 10 fantasy-setting characters you can choose. But after browsing through them, the characters came to life (looking like real people), and I'm suddenly also with them in a Shenanigans-styled restaurant where we are all the staff. A Pixar-animated bird was flying in the ceilings, and the lighting was dim, but pleasantly adequate. It felt like we are in a Seth Rogen comedy, but Rogen is nowhere to be found. He is the luckiest one of us all.

It felt like we spent a long time preparing the menu, which were things that you'd find in a Whole Foods. I know the vibe of the food -- salad bars, soup bins, etc. -- but I don't know what specifically they are. But after wandering around the restaurant, I somehow end up in an apartment that I knew belonged to me.

The apartment was in a small city like fucking Wenatchee or Monroe or something, but it also felt like I was in a city with a cool arts and culture vibe. Anyways, my apartment is sparsely decorated, and is quite spacious. I recall a main room, a bedroom with a bathroom (or, bath "space," as there are no doors between my bedroom and the bathroom. I don't notice this part immediately, by the way.), and a kitchen. I don't have the lights on, and I entered alone, but then I walk back out to the main room/kitchen and I see a conflux of my mom and L from work playing Hexic, and having a ton of trouble "getting" it. But just as it looks like Mom/L is about to achieve something my dad comes running in and presses random buttons to cause Mom/L to lose. For the lulz.

When I look out my bedroom window, I can see that I'm in a mid-sized city, and it's night out. Suddenly, I'm on a motorcycle down those same streets, going at a nice steady clip. I think I was looking for somewhere to get a bite to eat, and I'm travelling down a really, really long road. I zip past huge buildings, hotels, structures, and at one point a walled-off medieval European castle that also resembled Jabba's Palace a little. I eventually end up at a University, and after riding past the quad, I end up in a grass field that has a steep drop that leads to more grass fields, and the rest of the/another bigger city can be seen in the distance. I now have my comforters with me, and I wanted to lie down and sleep under the stars, but I chose not to because I know students will come by in the morning and it's gonna be awkward to see a guy sleeping in the middle of the campus.

I immediately end up back in my apartment, and this is when I noticed the bathroom. About this time, I wake up and actually have to pee in real life.