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    chajadan

    1. stolen money, sweet specs, and condom checks

      by , 03-17-2014 at 06:41 PM
      I was counting money and it was taking me some time to do it, like I couldn't quite figure out how to count it correctly, but I kept trying, assuming I'd get it. Then this girls comes up to me and gets a funny voice and says she took $100+ dollars from me. I remember having been it her shoes, and so I grab a 20 from the mix and give it to her. She's so happy about that, and surprised she's not being punished. I think to myself, she just turned herself in, that should be rewarded. Now (IRL) the whole punishment/reward spectrum just bugs. Anyway, then she grabs all the people/family together and says "we're gonna have a free party!", meaning she's treating. I do my best to be encouraging and facilitating at keeping the idea alive.

      At one point this person mentions that I was crying a lot, and I was like, yeah duh and stuff right? There's always something to cry about I'm used to it. They sympathized over my hardships, and kinda hugged me close.

      We walking as a group down this corridor, the setting seems to be school. The are two sets of kids, black kids and white kids. We all have these sunglasses, some kinda yearly school thing. The black kids' glasses have a lot more personally, and the white kids' glasses are kinda generic and non-descript, bare even. Someone mentions the look of the white kids' glasses (which includes me and mine), and I say we didn't get a choice in the design style, and I bet you guys, the black kids, didn't either. In other words, I'm saying your glasses may be funked out, but that's likely just the effect of other people's views too (even if it was just the legacy of some long ago black student).

      So there's this scene of slightly uncomfortable ideas. Nothing horrific, but it's a just useless noise I don't really want to entertain. People fitting into tight spaces, people getting stuck. For the most part it came across as someone else in those situations, and that was preferable to me. Then I was walking out along this snow over water, not sure if/when I'd fall through into freezing water, and given the inevitableness of ending up in these type of situations, I couldn't be bothered to emotionally respond to the situation, and just accepted the water will do it's thing despite any emotional design I put on it, so why bother.

      I'm walking by and I join in on the sexual scene. I seem to recall having this feeling like finally I was able to join in, not because of my proximity or their acceptance of as much, but like because some obligation (to self protection?) or external restraint was no longer in place. As I join the scene, the centrally hot non incidental person comments about how nice it suddenly feels, and he suspects the effect isn't from his previous partner alone. He tries to get that person to show them whether it was them alone or not that made him feel good. He sees it wasn't really him. Then I do the same thing to him we'd just been doing, and my it did feel good. It was like a form of indirect stimulation, like rubbing the soft spot of my neck up and down in dick, like you know sometimes you just hit this sweet spot. By now it's just him and me, and we continue being sexual. He starts to give me anal, but I'm like, are you wearing a condom? He says not yet, but he won't ride me long enough to cause issues before he puts one on. The idea tempts me and is somewhat logical, but I don't fully trust his ability to not pre-cum in me. We end up stopping and having a sit down moment where we discuss safety and the choice we make. He's always been more sexual. I was just waxing on about the dangers we invite in, and he seemed to kinda have a new appreciation of what I meant. The whole scene went on to be about how he and I began having sexual interactions that were outside of the smooth/uncomplicated/ and hardcore moments he was used to. Instead they were more awkward, like even logistically, harder to get oriented, less immediately satisfying, but which ultimately were growing to something very rewarding. We achieve this interested orgasmic state which was nice, but not uncontroversial, in that for a while the orgasm state seemed to say it's not that you feel necessarily good here, it's that you feel strongly here, and some of the sensations while not adverse enough to be a deterrent, we not the type of thing you'd shoot for. It comes up that in that state and he's keeping it alive, he could get slapped by me, and he has a dejected response saying oh yes, thanks for letting me know that's a possibility, and I'm like, yeah well, it's not as likely to happen with me involved, but what do you expect when it's not all a good feeling.
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