NafDaddy

Last night, I had my second lucid dream. In it, I became aware my mother, who I had just been talking to, had vanished. This sparked lucidity, and I euphorically ran down a track at a college I live nearby to, shouting in triumph. I nearly lost lucidity, so I calmed down. I've never flown in a dream, so I tried. Nothing happened, even though I knew it was a dream, I knew I was able to fly if I had the expectation present. Disappointed, I saw my sister walking ahead of me, but she was walking funny.. like she was made of melted putty, swinging her arms and legs strangely. She transformed then into a large, sinister character with a monstrous face torn in some parts to reveal his skull, which was slightly on fire, wearing a trench coat. Rorschach meets Ghost Rider, then takes nightmare steroids and grows. He strode quickly toward me, then transformed into an obscure acquaintance. My desire in dreams is to talk to DCs, so I asked him, what do you represent? He answered, you, now. He walked away, gaining a blue toga and a massive bow, like a Greek hero, or Kid Icarus. I looked into the sky, which started to fade to black, then back down to retain my dream awareness. I tried spinning to a new environment to no avail.

Knowing this was a lucid dream, I started looking for some lucid booty, and I am not a pirate. I asked several women I saw to undress, but they vehemently defended their honor as any woman in a street would, making me feel self-conscious and slightly abashed. I walked into a nearby building and couldn't change anything. Nothing, I was in a very low degree control over the dream. I talked with a couple people about making plans to go to another dream, and they were drawing up plans for it (a cruise in a wondrous tropical sea with a boatload of girls), when I walked past a man I knew sitting on a couch. He said, Matt, this will always be a part of you, then proceeded to molest a girl I know who he was next to, who was sniffling and unresponsive. Enraged, I lost sight of creating a tropical paradise and wanted to hit him, though I'm not generally violent. As I moved slightly toward him, I merged with the girl on the couch, who turned into a very close lady friend, and the dream turned sexual.

I woke up feeling angry, ashamed at the disturbing content and thrown off in general. Did I expect to be turned down? Was the amorous ending a reward for trying to attack evil, or did I give into my anger and become the evil itself? Mainly, I see the strangeness of it all as being caused by my inability to control and manipulate my dream environment (not able to fly, create new dream, etc.). If I had been flying, I think I could have escaped the nightmarish elements of it.

The real unanswerable question is, why are the two evil characters in the piece, the fearsome monster hero and the predator, a part of me, and how can I either integrate them into my psyche... or destroy them? Love your enemies despite their wickedness, even if they are within, or are these weeds in me that I should be rooted out and burned?