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    The Kestrel's Dreams

    Welcome to my Dream Journal! I'm still getting used to the site, so bear with me!

    I'll make this all pretty eventually.


    // Recurring Characters (real people), for your and my own reference (since they're all aliases) //

    Zukin: Bestie and 3/4, went to Germany with me last year. We have almost died together multiple times by now
    Backpacking Group: Zukin, Ivan, Dan, Josh, Kebab, Penny, Cindy, and Suzy; We all drove down to Texas and spent Spring Break ('14) backpacking in the Guadalupe Mountains
    Bob: Older Brother
    Erik: Little Brother
    Germany Group: Zukin plus 7 others who were in the same program to study abroad in Germany for 6 months
    Kristin: Current roommate and close friend of four years
    Jasmine: High school Best Friend, but we don't talk much anymore


    Now that I have something Lucid in my DJ: Orange text = Lucid

    1. Store of Lost Things

      by , 05-02-2015 at 04:30 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      April 28, 2015


      I was back home, at my parents' house. Zukin was with me, visiting, or something. She may have lived there with me. It was a strange conglomeration of all the places I've lived, but it felt like home-home. I was in the basement, when I found a trap-door in the floor in the laundry room. I went down here and found a really interesting computer lab with state-of the art computers and private rooms and whatnot... I went upstairs to tell Zukin about it, and she followed me down the hole to the secret rooms. We were both so impressed and excited that we went back upstairs and got a bunch of junk food and pop to take back down with us. We spent hours playing Minecraft down there, in one of the private rooms. I was almost worried about bothering people by being here so long, but then remembered this was a secret room in my basement. There were no other people there!

      We played for a long time, and then went upstairs for some air. Later, I went back to the trap door. I remember very clearly how I lowered myself through the small hole (it was small, just big enough for me to fit through) and hung from the ceiling a bit until I dropped myself to the floor in the first room. It was dank and dusty, but through a door were the computer rooms. I noticed another sort of hole through some rags, and explored this new area... to find a whole fucking store! It was an abandoned store, but all of the merchandise was still on the shelves, there was no dust, the lights were still on. It was rather beautiful. I explored this store and wondered if I could use all of the beautiful things in the store. It was an open, golden space. The lights were warm-colored, and the shelves were all about hip-height, the highest was at chest height, so I could see the whole store clearly. Things glittered and sparkled, it was so beautiful.

      And then I found the old online orders. Or something. There was a binder with the records, and it said they were all online orders. They were packages that were supposed to have been sent out like 40 years ago. I sifted through them, opening some of them. I was worried at first about opening what wasn't mine, but these packages were so old... I thought about trying to find the people they were for.

      I opened one of them, and it had a calendar/planner inside it. But like, it had already been used. It had belonged to a college students, and she had written so many notes and doodled all over all the pages. It was gorgeous and I had this huge sense of "omg HISTORY" rush through me. Each page had a little furry creature printed on it, and this woman had doodled the creatures doing things like catching pokemon and karate.

      Also in this pile of never-sent-out packages was a pile of all the things I've ever lost. It was amazing. I found dresses I thought were long-gone, that I grew out of ages ago, and some many little things I'd lost over the years. I was so happy, and felt disappointed when I woke up because it was such a cool reality in that dream, and I missed it.
    2. Crazy Horses and Mirror Tricks

      by , 03-06-2015 at 02:58 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      March 05, 2015



      I was with my parents, and we were talking about the Doctor. I was longing for him, and later got to meet up with him (he was apparently someone we knew?) after babysitting some kids, and he gave me a simple string necklace with an orb on the end. I thought it was just a silly trinket he would give to a child, so I was a little upset about it all. When my mom saw me wearing the necklace, she looked concerned and immediately tried to call him. They either told me, or I had a strong hunch that this necklace was something special after all, and that maybe he had strong feelings for me. This thought excited me, but my parents seemed to be treating it with caution and concern, like a baby tiger or something.

      Then, they both told me about a dream people had been having. They said it might be connected with the Doctor somehow, so I decided to try to incubate the dream, whatever it ended up being. Like, they told me a sentence to think about, though I can't remember what it was. I ended up falling asleep in the chair I was sitting in with my parents.

      In this dream within a dream, I was a worker or resident of some sort of working commune of sorts. We lived and worked in a long building of maybe five stories. But it was on a cliff face, so on that side, the ground floor was below the cliff wall. That whole side of the building, on all floors, was lined with a large wooden balcony looking out into the canyon. There was a sloped road into the canyon next to the building so I liked to watch cars go by.... except cars never seemed to actually go by. All of us in this commune were basically paid to live there and basically just do small odd-jobs all the time. Like, we'd get paid to move these large picnic table-type tables out to the balcony for dinner, or for indulging our hobbies. Some of us were trained doctors (I was one of them), and we would care for people when they got hurt or sick, though it didn't happen often.

      On the other side of the building, in the center, there were a set of double-story glass doors leading into a prairie backyard with a terraced garden at the other end, and horse/sheep/cow stables above the garden terraces. It was so beautiful, but kinda utopian (as in impossible and slightly darker than it seemed). Like, on the surface it looked like a perfect little community... but there were whispers.

      On the day this dream took place, we had moved the tables out to the balcony for lunch. It was a special day because it was the day a Canyon Horse spirit did a yearly run down the road into the canyon. But for some reason it started early. It had always been in the evening, when the sun sets, and the windows were always boarded up and fastened, and we fasted for the evening, or something. But this year, it was starting in the middle of our lunch. The sky darkened and men came in to shutter the balcony openings; but I just barely spotted the spirit streaking by through the closing shutters. It was a deeply spiritual moment, and afterwards, I was so excited, so I didn't notice the tension around me. Something was happening.

      We found out why the doors and windows were always boarded up for this event; the horses in the stables out over the terraces were going mad. The stable men who had been tending them were being trampled or turned mad themselves. One horse was on its back, but still somehow galloping, as if it had legs coming out of its back; it was super creepy. They all, men and horses, started charging the building, trampling the gardens and prairie. People in the house panicked and tried to shutter the doors, but it wasn't working. So we started running. I was running along the building in the direction of the end of the canyon, because there was a town in that direction. I stopped at one of the side doors and looked down the country-lane-ish pathway it opened into, to see which way the horses and men would go. I thought they would all just go straight into the house to get people, but they fanned out and changed direction as soon as I could see them. It was now too late to change my mind, and I wished I hadn't waited, and had just run when I got to the door.

      I ran through the streets until I reached a small neighborhood and started turning down streets to try to loose the mad people chasing me. I felt like they were after my flesh, wanting to tear my heart out or wear my brains as headdresses....

      I came to a small house, but it had a divot of sorts in the layout, with a bush in it. I ducked into the divot, thinking I would be safe there and no one would be able to see me. But you could see me from the other direction, so it the men ran past and turned around, they would see me and I would be cornered... It was a risk, and I took it. Right when I settled there, a man, I assumed the owner of the house, came from the other direction and spotted me. I thought he was going to call out in alarm, but he must have seen the pleading in my eyes, because when he looked ahead of him and saw the madman who was still chasing me, and pretended he didn't see me as he walked to his front door. The madman passed, kept going, and then the new man beckoned me quickly to go inside, while he kept watch for the madman coming back.

      I was so grateful I would have cried. but when I got inside, it was MY house. My parents were there, sitting where they had been sitting when I had fallen asleep. I had a moment of lucidity and realized they were themselves, not DCs of themselves. I sat down in the seat in which I had been sitting before, and stared at them, dumbfounded. "Well, that was trippy..." I said. They told me that people who dreamed after thinking that sentence they'd given me all had nearly the exact same dream. They asked me to describe my experience. They were a little surprised, because most people experienced the dream through a man's eyes, even if they were women IWL. I had been a woman, and when I thought about it, most of the people in the building had been women. My parents said this meant something, but I don't remember what that is, or if they even actually told me. I started to feel myself slowly slipping from sleep to wakefullness, but there was no breaking apart of the dream, because I was sitting exactly where my waking body had been. Nothing about my vision or consciousness changed, except that I slowly felt myself waking up.

      (this was the weirdest FA I have ever had)

      "Whoa," I said to my parents. I asked them if I had just been actually talking to them. I had; they had inserted themselves in my dream or something. It was all very weird, so I stood up and walked around, not really taking in the fact that my house was now a hybrid of my actual house and that building from the dream. There were a series of small moments; One in which one of my best high school friends was visiting, and we were standing on the top of a hill outside this new hybrid house, looking down a stairway path to the bottom. She threw her phone out over the hill, toward a beach at the bottom, and then ran after it giggling like an idiot. River Song came through some double doors at the side of the house (opening to a balcony eerily similar to the one from the dream) and I was suddenly a young girl, and ther ewere sort-of two of me. We ran up to River Song and hugged her, yelling, "MOMMY!!" I was me again, looking through a storehouse of sorts which had been lost to humanity for ages. We were looking at all the priceless objects inside it, and picking which ones to take home with us. I chose pieces that reminded me of figures my Oma has, because I wanted to have some like them. I forget what mom picked.

      Then, I was me again, and sitting against a full-body mirror that stood in the middle-ish of a large room. I smiled, because suddenly I knew I was dreaming. I didn't even need to RC, I just knew it was a dream. I was in a very laid back lucid mood, so I took out my phone and looked at it when I touched the on button. There was a 3D-ish sphere on the top right corner, a moving metronome to the left of that, and some lines below them, which waves and wiggled. The DC sitting diagonal to me laughed and commented on my metronome thing, and I said, "Hey, this is MY dream. You're not allowed to see things you can't possibly see. That's MY job." I stood up, and went to find my parents.

      I found where the large room connected to the hallway that was actually in my house, and walked to the end of it, looking at my hands to stabilize the dream and just for shiggles really; they were frozen in this spread out position even when I moved my fingers. Like they were glitching. I turned around and, expecting to find my actual living room when I went back, headed back. I did indeed find my real living room when I returned, and my parents were there. I took hold of the trim on the corner of the wall, and slowly floated myself upward so I was horizontal. I slowly floated up to rest on the ceiling; I was chilling on the ceiling as if I were underwater, and gravity was flipped. My parents just smiled up at me. I thought about attempting another ceiling portal, but remembered the Advanced ToTM about pushing yourself through a mirror as a portal. So I instantly turned off this weird gravity and landed on the ground, and went down the hall again, and turning around with the intention of finding that large room with the mirror again. I did find it when I returned, and sat against the mirror again. Everyone was gone from the room now, so I closed my eyes, imagined that I was going on a mystery journey, and just let myself sink into the mirror. I slowly phased through it as I fell backward, and I let myself tumble out into whatever new place I had discovered. A rainbow passed through me, and then it was crazy; I was in a strange cave-like place that wasn't actually a cave. Where ever I looked, my eyes were like lasers that sprouted flowers and rainbows and stars would shoot out and spread around the area. It was fairly dark but where I looked would illuminate to reveal a dark blue rock-face thing. I liked this so far. I found a small star chart on a podium, and investigated it. The first thing that caught my eye was a rubber chicken. WTF, I thought, and then found a telescope next to the podium. I wanted to get a look at this for myself, so I looked through the telescope, pointing it where the rubber chicken would be. I had been assuming it was a constellation made by weirder people than me, but when I spotted it in the viewfinder... it was ACTUALLY a huge rubber chicken in space. Like, I could tell it was light years away, but it was as big as a huge planet. I felt the dream fading, and let it go because I was happy with the results.

      Updated 03-06-2015 at 03:24 AM by 69491

      Categories
      lucid , false awakening , task of the month
    3. Water Fontain / Creepin' / Damn Cieling

      by , 03-01-2015 at 12:42 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      February 28, 2015


      Water Fountain Woes

      I was at the math/science center I went to in High School. I walked past a water fountain that wasn't turning off. It was always on, so I pulled it out of the wall to try to fix it. But I pulled it too hard and disconnected it from the water intake thingy. I hooked it back up and the water kept coming. I eventually gave up trying to fix it, and got a drink from it before leaving.



      Creepin'

      I was visiting the admissions adviser for my grad program, but I was being a super creeper and like walking around her back yard. The neighborhood seemed familiar to me, as if I've been there before. I could see inside the house but I never went inside. I noticed that the snow was all melting and it was getting warmer, so I assumed spring was coming very soon. When I got around to the front of the house again, I saw some of my students playing by the street. I went to talk to them and they got really excited and wanted to show me their homes.



      Ceiling Troubles

      I was at home, holding my girl cat and snuggling her. The whole room seemed larger than IWL, and a LOT cleaner looking and brighter. My dad came into the room from the backyard, and said, "Gotta feed mah CATS!!" When the cats went to eat, I realized my old dog was in the room as well. She was flopping as she tried to get up to get to the food. My dad came over and nudged her a little to help her up. She's been gone for almost 5 years now, so I was very confused until I realized it was a dream. oh right. I'm at Zukin's asleep on her floor right now. "I'm dreaming." I said, looking at my hands, which oddly enough looked completely normal. I still knew I was dreaming, though. My dad looked up and said, "What? You're crazy."

      I ignored him and went to my bedroom. I looked up and decided to use the ceiling as a portal. I jumped up and expected to go through the ceiling into another land, but ended up smashing into it, making a hole and getting stuck in it. I looked around the attic and made the hole bigger by smashing pieces away, until I could look down at my dad, who was standing there looking up at me. "WTF are you doing Kestrel...?"

      "Oh, just hanging around."

      Me and my dream humor. Then I woke up.
      Tags: cat, dog, fail, home
      Categories
      lucid , dream fragment
    4. Crystal Ball

      by , 01-23-2015 at 02:11 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      January 22, 2015 (With CZ)


      I was in a queen-sized bed with Zukin and some random guy who was apparently our roommate (and we only had the one bed?). Before going to bed, Zukin had told me that the guy was into me, but I didn't believe her. We always slept with Zukin and I on the sides and the guy in the middle, for some reason. I turned to face the wall, so that they were to my back. I felt his knee on my calf or something, and I didn't move it, wondering what he would do. He scooted closer, so I scooted closer too, and then we were full-on spooning. He hugged my stomach, and I turned to face him, and our legs were all tangled and we cuddled for a while. Just as I felt like I would fall asleep or something, he pushes me away and says something like "Unacceptable... To the VAULT!" And gets up, and goes into the bathroom to get some tools out. I was dumbfounded, and just shouted, "Oh FUCK YOU. It's OVER." He didn't seem to hear me, though.

      Zukin was laughing silently, and scooted over to whisper to me, "I'll take your place. Let's fuck with the bitch." So we switched places, and when the guy came back, scissors and a few other weird beauty tools in hand, we were both cracking up on the inside. He trimmed some gray hairs from her head (not that she has any IWL), did something really weird with her nails, and then used the round contraption to clamp each of her toenails to make them healthy? He was making random comments about stuff I don't remember. Then he started asking "me" about things like how many credits I had. Zukin was like "Oh I dunno. Kestrel, how many credits do you have?" I answered, and then she relayed he information back to him, who still didn't get that we'd switched places. He was just babbling like an idiot and we both cracked up, deciding he was a bit of a creep, and left him in the bed. We opened the door to the bedroom and it opened into an airplane cabin (from one of the lavatories).

      We went to our seats, which happened naturally. I looked out the window and saw stunningly blue tropical waters and many islands; an archipelago. This made me realize I was dreaming. I didn't even need to do an RC, I just knew. I turned to Zukin, shook her and shouted, "ZUKIN WE'RE IN MY LUCID DREAM!" She smiled and got all cheerful, giggled a little bit, and I looked back out the window. I controlled the plane right from my seat, just thinking it should go this way or that.

      I looked out the window as the plane turned and bobbed up and down, and Zukin pointed at something off in the distance. It looked like some sort of massive temple from here, so I willed the plane to go to it. I was suddenly in the cockpit, with windows all over (above, bellow, to the sides) and we dove for the water. We dove underwater and flew through it for a while, then the nose pointed up again and we were almost at the thing we had seen. As we got closer, I saw that they were actually lines and lines and lines of large poles sticking out of the ground. They were painted to look like the furs of big cats. There was one aboriginal man standing amongst the poles, looking up at us.

      I had shed the rest of the plane; I was now just flying around. I wanted to go back to the bright blue waters, but when I went over the water again, it was all murky and dark. I frowned, closed my eyes, and envisioned the bright blue waters I had seen before. I could see it in my mind's eyes, but when I opened them, the water was still all icky looking. I sighed, and turned back to the land again. I ended up in some weird building, with a layout a bit like my apartment. It was dark and the bathroom looked weird, but it slowly started turning into my apartment. I went into my room, which was just as messy as it is IWL, but in a different way. I found a piece of tissue paper, and put it down on a clear spot of floor because I wanted to find a crystal ball. I noticed an old couple sitting on my bed, but ignored them. When I looked back at the tissue paper, I was pleased to find there was now a crystal ball underneath it.

      I removed the tissue paper, and started rubbing the crystal ball. I saw swirls and sparks inside it, and closed my eyes to think really hard about the question, "What with the next year bring me?"

      When I opened my eyes, the crystal ball flashed 4 or 5 strings of words. The first one, which I remember, was, "Glück für dich," which was actually pretty promising (and apparently is the name of a song? Glück für dich. Interesting instrumentals but his voice bugs me a little... Not sure what to think about this song, really)

      I flashed another German message I can't remember, then a string of numbers, which I also can't remember. but the last thing it flashed was "KI-HI, CCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!"

      I tilted my head, because that one didn't make any sense. I wondered if the crystal ball was broken, so I closed my eyes to try for a new crystal ball. When I opened them, there was a blue box with a crystal ball in my hands. I shrugged, took it out of the box, and tried again. I started rubbing it, and closed my eyes again, and looked up. The old man must have thought I was weird, because he was like, "Are you alright, miss....?" I shushed him and waved my hand, and my concentration was a little broken, but I looked at the ball anyways. I started to wake up because my alarm went off, and I only managed to catch, in bold, loud fount inside the crystal ball, "LOVE PROSPECTS: " and then
      opened my eyes in my bed. I was shouting in my head "WHAT ABOUT LOVE. IS IT GOOD?? WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAAAYYY?!?!"

      Updated 01-23-2015 at 02:19 AM by 69491

      Categories
      lucid , task of the month
    5. Backyard Hotel

      by , 11-27-2014 at 06:05 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      November 22, 2014



      I was at home, and my mom had taken a trip of some sort. It was indefinite in length, and apparently when it's just dad, we just drink a lot of beer?

      I was walking out in the backyard, and found out my parents had bought the field behind the house and built a hotel on the land. From the outside it appeared to be just a huge concrete cube or something. Rather ugly in general.

      But when I went inside, I was blown away at the exotic beauty of the whole place. It was wide-open but also cramped in a very colorful way. I walked around the first floor, and was fascinated with all of it. The dining area was all sort of carved or shaped out of natural clay and then painted and textured with bright colors. The stools were in all different shapes and sizes. No two tables were the same. There were also quite a few mirrors all around the building.

      At some point I had to go to the bathroom. It was a largish room with separate little rooms for stalls, and low-lit. It was co-Ed. When I was in my stall, there was a knock on the door and a face popped over the top, they told me and everyone else in the stalls to stand up for some sort of game/bonding experience...

      After I managed to get out of that situation, I was sitting in my backyard watching a sky-writer that was hired for the opening of the hotel. But apparently the sky-writer was in a bad mood, because he was writing out peoples' deppest, darkest secrets.
      Tags: color, family, home, hotel
      Categories
      non-lucid
    6. Getting Squashed

      by , 11-12-2014 at 04:16 AM (The Kestrel's Dreams)
      November 09, 2014


      I was walking with Zukin along one of the streets by my house in my hometown. We passed the house of one of my highschool friends. His sister was out in the yard playing with their dog.

      When we got closer to the intersection with my street, we were both squished by a truck. But it was more like being sat on my something big and heavy, but squishy. We almost suffocated, but the driver realized and moved. We threatened to sue him, but he gave us both something to keep us from doing that. I can't remember what it was, and it probably wasn't anything all that great IWL, but to my dreamself it was the best shit ever apparently, because we left happy.

      We got to the intersection of that street with my street, and apparently Zukin was living in the house on that corner. We went inside, except I went inside first, unlocked a door on the second floor (it was a door at the end of a hallway, that opened to what looked like a place where they used to have a balcony, but didn't anymore, or something). Anyways, I unlocked and opened that door, and two people jumped up through that door.

      Zukin had mentioned something about a "ceremony" (she used the hand gestures). I assumed it was going to be drinking, or something, but when we got to her room, she takes out a pink anal vibrator, and was getting ready to use it in front of everyone who was there. My linguaistics professor was one of the people there, for God-Knows-What-Reason. I was basically like "WTF Zukin" and excused myself to get something from my own house. While I was walking up the hill to my house, I was looking at all the trees. There were small, and looked like they were for harvesting something or other. I knew what they were for apparently, and I could tell which ones were ready to be harvested, and which ones still needed growing.

      I went back to that house for an amazing dessert that was planned.
      Tags: home, wtf, zukin
      Categories
      non-lucid