solaetia

2 cats shape-shifters.
There was a hole beneath toilet in Mom’s house. My dog saw it and started to crawl down it– it lead to the basement. One of the cats started to come down too. The cats liked like giant Abyssinians.

I worked for a guy, I think a chef. It seemed like my husband sometimes. I was outside and there was a yard sale. This was on a road where we lived when I was 10-12, in a house where the worst things in my life happened. A guy pulled up in his car and through the rolled-down driver’s side window inquired about a poster that was for sale at the yard sale: He asked if it was the kind made on pig skin. I assumed he meant vellum. I can’t remember if I answered him. This guy owned a ‘greek pastry’ place. I saw this guy again later and my boss/husband told me to just stay away from him. The guy also told me to stay away, it seems that there was some kind of rivalry going on between him and my boss/ husband.

My husband was seeing someone else. We were polyamorous but I was unhappy. He and a woman and some other friends went to comedy show without me. I was devastated.
Walking down street trying to get to apt 4 at night. Raining? My best friend from high school [C] was my roommate but moving back to Europe with a grant to write something. We never talked although we lived together.

I was at a class– Spelling? Woman with baby used buzzer instead if clapping for asking questions. My husband and his girlfriend were in class before me
I told his gf how unhappy I was after I talked to my husband and asked him if it had to be this way. No one cared about my feelings.

My dog was locked in a room. It had a glass window, like recording booth. I somehow got her out and she turned into a large grey spider. I wanted her to change back, so I held onto her. Someone else there saw her and recognized bug as a 'world burther.'

Thought I saw my husband in a red [unreadable] with a baby going, to a show in a crowd of people. I ran up and hugged him but it wasn't him.

A strange man told me to come to the show to watch out for my husband. I began thinking I might divorce him. I thought about asking my parents if I could move in with them. I thought about how I was a burden to my parents.

I was finishing up a day of work in a very tall skyscraper. It was getting late and there was a storm, I could see lightening flashing in the dark night sky out of the giant windows of the large room I was working in. The building was swaying. I was rushing to complete my work and get out of the building, but also interacting with old friends who were around. I think I got to the bottom of the building and stayed inside. It was sunny and daytime there, although we were inside there were still giant windows that you could see out of. Many friendly interactions that I have forgotten the details of with two old friends.

Bear chained to a tree and someone was chaining a dog (my dog?) next to it. I wondered why they would do that, it seemed very dangerous.

Thoughts:
I suppose the part about the storm at the top symbolizes anxiety around getting work done, or finding more work. Making my way to to 'bottom' seems almost like regression. These were 'old' friends, and I went down instead of up. Maybe my past feels safer to me, and I miss that safety? The bear chained to a fence seems really symbolic. The bear was no threat being chained to a fence, it was 'under control' but not completely gone. Putting something vulnerable that I care about like a dog near it is dangerous. Am I doing something that is putting myself or loved ones at risk unnecessarily?

This dream isn't as horrific as it sounds. My dog and I were running down a street. I also remember visions of her riding a bike next to me, which I find hilarious and wish could happen. I see her veer a little too far into the road, and suddenly a truck is almost on top of her but it stops in time and I grab her quickly.

Sadly this is all I remember from lat night.

Thoughts:
Twice while running yesterday I saw my dog was indifferent or unaware of traffic, and noted to myself to keep her closer to me as a truck rode by closely, and one truck passed in front of us without letting us cross the street.

I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

With my brother and telling him about my friend’s band, listening to them. I tell my friend that they should (re?)name their band Weirguild. I thought about how I had a new apartment to unpack. I wondered if I should go there now, or if it would be better to wait until later.
Suddenly I remembered that I had left my dog at daycare, which was an old apartment I used to live in (#4). I grabbed money but I realize I never saw her enter apartment I just dropped her off in yard. I felt panic rising.

With an old friend (JM) on a bus. She runs thru open bus doors to get out at stop- this seems like a strange thing at the time, like a feat she accomplished. The people on the bus are looking at her in astonishment. It was like she somehow jumped from our bus to the street through another bus into the street again.
We are walking to ? My dog’s vet? We get there and there is a dog that looks like just a head and no legs. He has a tan retro military shirt or hat on. A face that looks almost human. I say he looks like a [military] vet. I know someone who works here.*

Thoughts:
My brother loves music, he also plays some instruments. This particular friend is in a band, and I haven’t talked to him in a long time. Last time we talked he asked me if I had listened to his band yet. (He sent me some links to their music) I felt guilty because I hadn’t. I’ve been phasing this friend out of my life, not because I don’t care for him, but because we had a FWB situation before I met my husband, and my friend admitted feelings for me when I became unavailable. We’ve parted ways in an amiable way, but I don’t think he understands why Ive been ghosting him, even though I have tried to explain it in the past. I said it wouldn’t be fair to my husband, but in reality I felt it would be unfair to my friend to continue being a part of his life if he had feelings he needed to get over.

I was on a dark street with my dog (I seriously must have nothing else going on in my life) and she suddenly ran off toward the river. I was shocked because she has never done this, and she was ignoring my calls. I finally caught up with her but I didn’t have a leash. I thought it would be a good idea to put her in my car (I can’t remember what I was doing at the time, but I was going somewhere that wasn’t home.) I held onto my dog’s collar as we walked back and I encountered a drunk man that I apparently knew as a regular in a restaurant I worked at. He made some random comments that I don’t remember and I felt slightly uncomfortable. I went into a theater/pub where two of my friends were. One of them had my car keys. The first one I encountered, Amy, was announcing someone to the crowd. I tried to get her attention but couldn’t. I saw my other friend, Angi, and she gave me my keys. My dog morphed between my current dog and my last dog, who passed away almost a decade ago. This is not uncommon. I also remember driving by an outdoor laundromat during the day, and thinking that I could work there, that it didn’t seem so bad. The place was basically a parking lot with one or two washing machines/dryers and a stand with a bunch of hot pink and bright blue flowers for sale.

I had dreams of trying to solve graphic design problems too, in fact I thin this is what the bilk of my night was spent doing. I'm currently taking some courses, and I guess my brain is working overtime.

Thoughts: I took Valerian Root before bed last night, probably falling asleep around 12:15am, which is late for me. I read some design books in bed before sleeping. My thoughts seemed to be racing again—not very stressful thoughts, but my brain struggled to relax. Again, visualization practices seemed difficult and uninteresting. Woke up at 3am and read for an hour or two, fell back asleep around 5ish. I'm taking my dog to the vet today for vaccines. Looking for part time work.

1. I went into a basement level shop to check on the alteration of a bra/corset. It was metallic grey. The shop couldn’t find it.

2. My dog was recovering from a surgery of some kind, (injury on one of her hips/hind legs?) and I decided to stay with Jane, a woman who used to work at the dog training facility we attended. In my dream I only lived a block or so away from Jane, and it was total dream logic as to why I needed to stay at her place. I remember her asking me, and I told her that I knew she was trained in case something happened while my dog was recovering. She seemed to disagree that she was qualified, but I justified it in my mind. Later though, I remember thinking I should gather up my things and go home so I started to do that. Just then, some people came to Jane’s front door- a group of meshy-looking adults that seemed to want to sing for us. They had 2 dogs and I held my dog back and said she wasn’t good with other dogs (partial lie). They came inside anyway, and stood around us and seemed intimidating. It was a mixture of men and women, specifically I only remember the pockmarked face of a man with a mustache. I decided to continue gathering my things and bolt. I had an old long blue car, maybe something like circa 1970s. It barely ran, and some people in the group made fun of me as I drove off. I said, ‘This isn’t my only car!’ The way in which I was driving was more like me on a toy car (sitting on top of a small car) which is common in my dreams.

3. Ordering dog food online. This felt like a longish session of me being unable to make a decision on what type and size food to order. ???



Thoughts: I went to bed after a full day of work and exercise. I took a melatonin because my mind wasn't feeling very tired. I read for a while and then slept like a dead person until @3am, when I woke up and remembered just a small portion of the corset dream. Read for about an hour and a half, tossed and turned until I fell back asleep. Thoughts more active than usual, had trouble quieting my mind, and visualization did not come easily. I'm not sure what these dreams mean if they mean anything. My dog has an upcoming vet visit for a vaccination. She was a little sick the other day but otherwise very healthy and happy.

An environmental catastrophe was about to happen to the Earth. Humans were aware of this, and there was a system installed in which we all had to wait for our name to be called (sometimes in groups, sometimes alone) and step aboard a small asteroid-like rock that floated nearby a cliff. The asteroid was like a disposable mini-rocket, and as it launched off with each group, it begin slowly disintegrating until the people aboard would fall to the ground and die, or be injured and die later. It was terrible, but not very real-feeling. I watched a friend die, then came my turn, and I woke up before I died.

I fell back asleep and entered a similar scenario, only this time it felt more real. I was living in a 'Fall-Out' type village, with very few amenities and maybe 50 people at most. We were under the control of another group of humans, like a military or militia. We had a local stand where a guy sold things like cigarettes, food, drink, drugs, etc. There was a man who delivered small amounts of rations regularly. I saw some soldiers going into some of the other homes on the compound and I knew the end was coming soon, they were going to take us away, and some [vague] bad thing was going to happen. During one moment I seemed to be playing the role of a child, although I also had my current dog, Cayna. I heard that the soldiers weren't allowing animals to come along and I began to panic. I knew I couldn't leave Cayna behind. She would starve. I knew she had been abandoned before and I dreaded the idea of putting her through that again, at my hands. I was leaving the home I shared with other people and I think I told a woman and her 2 kids that I had a dog and I was so sad to be made to leave it. I asked her if she was ready to leave too, and she said they were staying, because they have a cat, and if you sleep outside with your pet you can stay. I was thrilled and went to get my mother [random woman in dream, not real mom]. I saw her in the back of a car being driven away. I cried for her and she looked back and seemed to be crying out in pain of leaving me behind.

I had Cayna though, and now I seemed to be back to my regular age because my husband was with me. I knew sooner or later we would be forced to commit mass suicide. I felt an enormous amount of dread. I thought, 'This is the worst possible ways things could end.' I wondered about Cayna again, and how she would survive without us. I thought she would have plenty to eat for a while—the left behind food and corpses...but then something convinced me that her death would be horrible if I let her live and I began to wonder if the safest thing to do for her was also poison her when we had to poison ourselves. My heart hurt; how could this be happening? I thought wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow, right before the and that someone said we didn't have to die after all? We could go on living! I felt a sting of hope rise and die quickly. I looked at my husband who was teary-eyed as well and told him that maybe the best thing for Cayna in the end would be to take her with us. He cringed and seemed to emote that he didn't want to talk about it. I said, 'I understand but I just wanted to say it now so when the time comes we had talked about it.'

Some time went by. We were outside this entire conversation, my husband and I. He suddenly told me to hold still and he began plucking at something on top of my head. He plucked off a ladybug -still attached to some of my hair- that he said had burrowed itself into my head/hair.

Thoughts:
I had some allergy issues right before bed, and my throat felt tight, felt itchy, and it felt a little hard to breathe. I've had allergy induced asthma before and it wasn't that bad, but I decided to take a Benedryl to relieve my symptoms. My husband spends lots of time playing Fall Out 4 lately, and I think the post-apocalyptic town was designed with that in mind. I have been a little worried about my dog. She is aging, and I wonder if I am giving her the absolute best care that I could be. Do I exercise her too hardly when we run? Do I feed her too much? etc. I found it interesting as I typed it out that my worries about abandoning my dog turned into me playing a child being 'abandoned' by my [dream]mother. I'm not sure what that means though.

I was floating in an ocean in mostly darkness, although I could see below the surface of the water. I could see my legs moving to keep me afloat, and a long rope attached to me, via my waist I believe. On the other end was a camera. I was part of some experiment for me or an unknown identity to explore depths of this water.

Later:
I reunited with an ex from my distant past. I'll call him Jake. My first memory of the dream is Jake and I laying in bed in the morning, sitting up with our backs propped on pillows against the wall. We were talking, and Jake said, 'Don't go falling in love right away.' I was not in fact feeling happy I was there, and felt like perhaps I had made a mistake. I said, 'I'm not, don't worry.' Jake looked hurt, and I realized he had actually seemed very happy we had re-connected, and maybe I had hurt his feelings. We were on some kind of trip, and we were leaving this day. I packed up, and Jake didn't talk to me much. Randomly my mom was there, as well as my step-dad, accompanying us on our journey home. Next we were in a car with a young version of my bio-dad driving. I was in the back, Jake in the front. He said, "We need to talk later, and I hope you remember what you promised me back [at the bleachers? football field? I have a vague image in my mind of what he meant, but I don't remember what he said]. I also didn't remember what I had promised him and I felt a little nervous, and a little like a jackass and I thought I was probably ending things once again with Jake and he would hate me.

Next Jake and I (and maybe my family?) are in a grocery. I have an old, ragged roller suitcase. I stand next to a store employee and notice a crow at his feet. The crow is eating tiny crumbs of debris from the floor. I laugh to the store employee and we both agree the crow is a great little helper (keeping the floors clean). The crow begins to peck and tug at my suitcase, but I don't care because it's old. Then without my direct recognition of this in the dream, the crow is a dog, like an Australian Shepherd, and we are playing tug of war with my suitcase.

We stopped at a small Bed and Breakfast, my mom and her husband resurfaced. They showed us the rooms we would be staying in. The entire Bed and Breakfast shared one kitchen. I didn't like this idea but I wasn't too bothered because I knew we were only staying one night. It was a cozy place, like a grandmother's home. Jake, an older man [replacement for my Dad and Stepdad?] and I sat around the kitchen table. Jake was talking about how many horrible people there are in the world. I said, 'But there are lots of great people too,' I start to mention how I also think about how everyone was once an innocent child, but Jake seems not to care what I have to say. A baby crawls into the room and spills a small amount of soda on the rug. I laugh and the baby giggles, and I teach it how to clean up the spill. The baby, clad in a diaper, seems to only be around 8 months - 1 year old. I ask Jake and the man if they have seen that funny new Hitler movie. 'You know, the German one, where Hitler time travels to present day after he thought he killed himself? It's really pretty funny in some spots."


Thoughts:
The ocean beginning seems very obviously symbolic of me looking deep into my emotional past or sub-conscious. I can also see how it is a well-executed prelude to the following dream. As far as the 2nd dream, I have been dreaming rather frequently about various exes, and finding myself stuck in relationships with them again. I'm afraid this says something about my latent insecurities about my marriage; aspects of it that remind me of things in past relationships I didn't like, or things about myself that I don't like. In waking life I am very happily married, and although my husband and I are working to better ourselves, I suppose I am looking forward to a time in the future where these things have changed.