solaetia

Fragment upon waking: 3 groups. 3 circles. The letters 'NC.' Guys being chosen for something, maybe to fight.

I watched an older man, with shoulder length white hair and wearing a fedora, ride off on a sort of monorail. It looked like he was sitting on a bike that he didn’t have to pedal. He went off into a field. No trees. He was going to get off in the middle of a field and start a job. The sun was setting and my vantage point was from the ground. There were wild flowers.

I was starting job. I walked from the parking lot of a giant home supplies-type-store and inside me and two other females walked up to a cash register to check in. We were told to buy restroom passes. I also bought some cinnamon gum and some taffy candy. One of the girls behind the register suggested I buy a parking pass as well, so I did. She said it was lavender scented and I said that was great. A man next to me kept dropping change, he was with us. He looked like my old art prof.

There were 2 people from an old job I had in my department at this new job. One was my new manager, I liked her. It was time for us to order food, and she gave me her order to put in. When I picked it up at another area in the giant warehouse/store, it was one small bowl of cereal, and one large bowl of cereal. I realized I had made a mistake, and took it to her and told her I would order what she wanted and I would pay for it. She wanted one small bowl of cereal and a vegetable quiche with no onions. I went to a phone and began telling the person on the other line the order when I noticed there was an echo. I saw a woman in my department just about five feet from me answering my call and putting the order in a computer. This seemed inefficient, so I walked over to her to fish the order. Then I sat down, and I was holding a folded pair of khaki slacks. As I moved there was a message I was listening to, about how someone couldn’t wait to see me. The girl overheard, and she made a cute ‘aww’ noise. She asked who it was from. I said a boy I went to school with, someone Ive known since I was 10, and I really don’t know very well at all. I added if I lived near him I probably wouldn’t be that interested in him. I told them how when were were kids, I was a cheerleader and he was a football player. I told them that later I went through a weird phase though, and that we should all have to go through a weird phase. Get fat, wear glasses, stuff like that. It builds character. We all laughed.
I ordered my food finally— a veggie burger with chips. I was told that if I wanted to get chips that I needed to adopt a baby. I said ok. A few minutes later I wondered if I should have consulted my husband first, and wondered if I could change my mind but still get my food.
I went to get burger, they handed me a cooked patty, no bun, condiments or plate. I looked around for chips, couldn’t find them.

Thoughts:
I find it strange how often I dream of exes from my childhood to semi-recent past. I don’t understand why…the guy fro this dream I haven’t thought of in years. In waking life he was my first kiss, and it was terrible for me. I was twelve years old and I wasn’t mature enough, nor interested in him at all when this happened, and I had committed to going to an upcoming dance with him as well. I went to the dance, had a horrible time. In retrospect I was just too young and not really ready to have a boyfriend. I liked boys, but as soon as they showed interest in me I felt disgusted by them. I don’t think that ended until I was around 17. The new job aspect of this dream: I am looking for part time work, but not of this nature. Maybe part of me fears getting a job I will not like or that I will make mistakes at a new job.

Apt # 4 again. I arrived there after being away for a while and found a note from an unknown organization that OF [old friend that I’ve fallen out with] might show up soon. I felt slightly stressed. Went in and cleaned the place up. OF never arrived, but OR [old roommate] did with someone else [mysterious, no face], and OC [old coworker] did with someone else [mysterious, no face]. I felt a little excited to unpack and rearrange, and thought of looking at maps for small towns to move to next. I thought about how my mom had kept renting this apartment for me on the side, even though I hadn’t been living here.
I was at a bar and I held an almost finished glass of water. MB was next to me and grabbed my glass, and I told her it was just water, and that I had a sore throat. I told her I wasn’t drinking alcohol anymore. She laughed and drank the rest anyway, and said, ‘you did drink too much.’
I remember walking down a long desert road, the kind of desert road that is at the foothills of mountains, rolling hills, lush with cactus, and beautiful. I also drove on a beach, close to, but avoiding the waves as they crashed in. The beach was northern and mostly sparse, a few jutting rocks and a few people.
Going back to apt #4, 2 dogs are out on the sidewalk in front, a small one and a larger chocolate colored retriever. The retriever was kind of defensive at first, but I found a nearby toy and deflected his anxiety and he eventually relaxed. He ran inside when I opened the gate. Ex [KT] was in my apt with a dog when I walked up the the door. He was sitting on my couch watching a video I had paused earlier on my little TV. I was angry, asked him what he was doing here. He told me I had planned it and said it would be good for us. I told him we had to cancel, I wasn’t up for it. He left and I regretted not telling him that I want his key back.

Thoughts:
I’m back at this transitional apartment. Should I be afraid? Prepared for some kind of struggle? Am I just comparing my current conditions to this place? I felt more together in this dream, not so angry. I have decided to not drink for a while. Maybe that is what this is all about.

I was working on the layout of an old newspaper and the image of a man at a radio station talking into a mic appeared. He said he had been working at this station since 1865 under the title of ‘Father of the House.’ I remember thinking he didn’t look that old, maybe only 45.

I was working at the cafe, very busy section towards the front of the house.
Two women together ordered food, changed tables while waiting on food so I had trouble finding them at first. One of the women told me she hadn’t ordered this dish: it was a baking pan of 4 enchilada-shaped objects wrapped in what looked like blue plastic. It was called ‘the Four Plastics’ and I remembered her ordering it but I didn’t argue. She said she had ordered the ‘Rhubarb Salad. Lots of detailed activity happened that I don’t remember well now- fumbling with computer and ordering food, fumbling at cash register and fumbling getting people checks. I was at the cash register and I could see a girl in my section was out of water. I grabbed a pitcher and I walked over to her. She was a regular (dream- but she seemed to be a younger female version of a waking life regular I used to know) and she had a drink when I got to her table. She said it was an accident that she gestured towards me, that she had been doing some kind of experiment/magic. She was only 19, had long auburn hair, giant round glasses, and an awkward face. She was nice, but very strange. I felt bad for her, and wanted to find a way to help her grow into herself, specifically initially helping her to speak in a more eloquent manner. But I didn’t say anything. I listened to her tell me and some other people how she was tiring about going to a costume party, but that she would probably stay at home and dress up at her place alone. Maybe as a tomato? I can’t remember.
We had a new chef and a new [manager?] at the cafe. They were loyal to each other.

I had a small black puppy with me behind bar at one point. It was scrambling in my arms and ran around behind the bar and up to the top to greet some customers.

At one point there was an ex president visiting. He was of an asian background and he lived in this town that the cafe waist now that he was retired. His daughter worked at the cafe. They had been eating and listening to audiobooks that we rented out- a long series of perhaps 12 titles, all written on his receipt that he handed me at the cash register when he walked up. Initially he told me, ‘Don’t freak out…’ when he walked up. I told him I was remaining relaxed. One of the titles had the word phantom in it. I had trouble ringing them up but I did the best I could. A woman manger came up to me later and told me to organize them in a better way. I told her I wasn’t sure how- but she shoved the receipt into my chest and walked away.

I don’t remember it happening, but my husband had left me. I had moved on to an ex from long ago and he had left me as well. Then I had moved on to yet another ex, and we had been living in an old apartment similar to one we actually lived in in real life. We had issues and then we decided to stay together but get different apartments. I found one that was slightly cheaper at $640/month in the same complex. He eventually left me too. I remember feeling sad that everyone seemed to leave me, that something must be wrong with me.
I woke up (false) on my bed with my jeans and t-shirt on. I couldn’t recall going to bed, thought I must have bee really tired and just passed out when I came home from work. As I laid there, I looked up and could see a bunch of bikes hanging around me, and a bike part on my bed. Then I saw my mom through a window in my bedroom door. She came in and I told her that my ex had left me. I told her I already had my own place, and she seemed to be trying to help me plan my future, saying, ‘That’s not so bad…’ about the price of the apartment. I felt sad about living in this city again, didn’t want to be there. She was giving me $160 for my birthday. I told her I wanted a bike.

My apartment was a the foothills of some mountains. In the valley there was a large river. It was beautiful, though I didn’t acknowledge it in the dream. To the southwest , and n the opposite side of the river, was another range of mountains, and one structure in particular looked like a giant rock monster. I imagined him as a mythological being, that sometime woke up and ran through the valley, creating the river bed. He seemed slightly scary.


Thoughts:
I think I’m subconsciously afraid that I am not treating my husband well enough and fear him leaving me. I think this fear is valid but not really applicable, as we have great communication and things are good with us. I think this comes from general anxiety within my self about many things in my life. The cafe dreams are definitely a reoccurring theme, and I suppose I feel like I am struggling to keep up with things and making too many mistakes. Again I think it comes from a general anxiety, maybe specifically over my career.

I was on my way to the airport to pick up some cousins(?) coming from both KY and Germany. A woman I work with was also arriving there and was there to work with us. I was ready to go back to the car but she said they were going to stay at the airport and work for about 9 more hours. I left without them, not feeling rude or worried at all about how they would get to my place.
Eventually we were all back at my place (dream, never been there before) and working on something around a coffee table. Tan carpet. Bland furniture.
Then I was living (or my parents were living here) in a giant, beautiful house with a large backyard and a pool that I have dreamt about before.
There seemed to be a kind of party going on, it was perpetually evening with lowlight but not nighttime. An old friend was there, other forgotten people, and several exes. Each ex showed up by themselves and claimed to still have feelings for me. I didn’t think it was a good idea to revisit any of these relationships, but I did tell one that we could just maybe hang out as friends for a while and see how things went.
In the pool and I saw a crow underwater, like it had drowned. It seemed to be stuck against the side of the pool about 3 feet below the surface. I felt sorry for it but did not think about it for long. I saw my old friend goober and attempt to grab it but she couldn’t reach it for some reason. Eventually one of my oldest exes swam over and without a word managed to get it and put it on the side of the pool. I looked it the crow, sopping wet, and felt sad again and that twinge of whatever that feeling is when your around something that is dead.
Then the crow started to move! It slowly sat upright and seemed to be practicing opening and closing it’s beak. I exclaimed to my ex: It was DEAD!!! It is coming back to LIFE! (Good chance to become lucid here, but alas) I moved towards the crow and it looked my way, but in the way that a blind person does, like the crows eyes weren’t working very well yet.

I walked around the pool and patio and collected clothes. Actually just several pairs of my pants, all drenched and muddy from apparently being rained on? Not the kind of wetness that comes from pool splashing. Next to one pair of pants were two black runes with white markings on them. I also picked up a tweed tote bag, still with a tag on it.

Two different people at this gathering had journals that used to being to Obama— one was like a brainstorming journal with sketches and notes and the other was more planned and put together.

I was in a small circular room, and my perspective was from the ceiling near a wall. I seemed to be floating without a body. I watched a woman do weird hand tricks with snakes. All I could see was her arm (not sure how, I know there was a small audience in the room too) The snakes ranged from normal size to giant, perhaps the girth of a couch. the biggest snake was yellow. The woman’s hand made odd formations and touched the snakes periodically on the heeds, which transfixed them, and kept them from biting her. She almost got bit once, but managed to pull off some amazing stunt with her hand and the snakes left the room one by one.

Thoughts:
Different kind of ex dream here. The perpetual evening of this dream gave it a particularly surreal vibe. The backyard and pool were comforting, the kind of feeling I’ve had when vacationing at really nice homes. Safe, warm. I’m not rue what the crow means. Crows in waking life are important to me, so it isn’t unusual for me to dream about them, but these circumstances feel a little symbolic, but Im not sure of what.
I’ve had dreams of large snakes before, several times in fact, but this one felt almost shamanic.
The Obama reference, just weird!

Waiting tables, in the weeds. I had to take ashtrays to outside tables to switch out
and I put a bunch of tiny (dirty) ashtrays in my mouth so I could have room to hold other things in my hands. Realized this was gross and removed them, but I think a customer or two saw me.

With an ex (EB) and I was miserable, told him that he needed to move out and he said he wouldn’t but I was determined to get away from him.

Then the situation became a girl that wanted to blackmail me, and she wouldn’t leave unless I gave her money. I can’t remember what she thought she had on me. I kept telling her to move back home, which I think was Florida.

I had a different partner, and even though we were on the verge of ending things, his mother was trying to help me make the girl leave. I was thinking about moving, maybe we were ending things because of this. I remember looking at a map of his mom’s house, the key had the textures of the floors of each room.

Partner and I discussed him throwing a bday party for me, to let friends now I wouldn’t be around for a while. He decided to buy them all tickets to a concert instead of a party. I thought this was weird. (But I guess it’s weird that he would be throwing a party for me that I wouldn’t even be attending.)

Thoughts:
I hate these old ex dreams.