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    1. Criticized at School

      by , 07-24-2016 at 06:51 PM
      I took a swig of vodka form a bottle, a drink of some other alcohol, and poured a tiny bit of orange juice into a shot glass and drank it.

      Later:
      I was in a classroom sitting at a table with some old school friends. They were young teenagers, and I think I was too. Our teacher was my dog's previous Dog Trainer. She mentioned something about shrimp, directed at me, I said I didn't like shrimp. She said I should maybe 'open my mind more.' I was confused but just sat there. A pretty brunette girl walked into the room with another adult/teacher. My friends whispered to themselves and then told me that I would be like that girl if I was nice. I felt hurt, and told them that I had never been purposely mean to them and asked them what had I done to treat them poorly. I decided to get up and leave the classroom.

      I went outside of the building and sat on a ledge overlooking the street. I saw a boy from my childhood (dreamt about him not so long ago, but I never think or talk to him in waking life, wonder what he represents?) skateboarding down a hill.

      The next day I went back to class after grabbing a lot of books from my locker. At my seat in class there was an attendance slip with a sea foam green ribbon on it that said 'please see Julia.' I knew it was because I had left early yesterday. We had a test on yesterday's material and I knew I wouldn't pass.The teacher seemed concerned and irritated with me, and as I left asked me to please at lest consider going to the event on Saturday. I wasn't sure what she meant.

      Thoughts:
      I went for over 2 weeks without drinking and decided to buy some wine this weekend. I drank, but didn't enjoy it as much as I previously had and looked forward to the bottle being empty so I could start 'not drinking' again. Obviously still hooked enough to not want to pour it out.
    2. Apt #4 Again

      by , 07-05-2016 at 04:39 PM
      Apt # 4 again. I arrived there after being away for a while and found a note from an unknown organization that OF [old friend that I’ve fallen out with] might show up soon. I felt slightly stressed. Went in and cleaned the place up. OF never arrived, but OR [old roommate] did with someone else [mysterious, no face], and OC [old coworker] did with someone else [mysterious, no face]. I felt a little excited to unpack and rearrange, and thought of looking at maps for small towns to move to next. I thought about how my mom had kept renting this apartment for me on the side, even though I hadn’t been living here.
      I was at a bar and I held an almost finished glass of water. MB was next to me and grabbed my glass, and I told her it was just water, and that I had a sore throat. I told her I wasn’t drinking alcohol anymore. She laughed and drank the rest anyway, and said, ‘you did drink too much.’
      I remember walking down a long desert road, the kind of desert road that is at the foothills of mountains, rolling hills, lush with cactus, and beautiful. I also drove on a beach, close to, but avoiding the waves as they crashed in. The beach was northern and mostly sparse, a few jutting rocks and a few people.
      Going back to apt #4, 2 dogs are out on the sidewalk in front, a small one and a larger chocolate colored retriever. The retriever was kind of defensive at first, but I found a nearby toy and deflected his anxiety and he eventually relaxed. He ran inside when I opened the gate. Ex [KT] was in my apt with a dog when I walked up the the door. He was sitting on my couch watching a video I had paused earlier on my little TV. I was angry, asked him what he was doing here. He told me I had planned it and said it would be good for us. I told him we had to cancel, I wasn’t up for it. He left and I regretted not telling him that I want his key back.

      Thoughts:
      I’m back at this transitional apartment. Should I be afraid? Prepared for some kind of struggle? Am I just comparing my current conditions to this place? I felt more together in this dream, not so angry. I have decided to not drink for a while. Maybe that is what this is all about.

      Updated 07-05-2016 at 06:20 PM by 91019 (grammar)

      Categories
      non-lucid
    3. More Dog Stuff

      by , 06-22-2016 at 07:02 PM
      I was on a dark street with my dog (I seriously must have nothing else going on in my life) and she suddenly ran off toward the river. I was shocked because she has never done this, and she was ignoring my calls. I finally caught up with her but I didn’t have a leash. I thought it would be a good idea to put her in my car (I can’t remember what I was doing at the time, but I was going somewhere that wasn’t home.) I held onto my dog’s collar as we walked back and I encountered a drunk man that I apparently knew as a regular in a restaurant I worked at. He made some random comments that I don’t remember and I felt slightly uncomfortable. I went into a theater/pub where two of my friends were. One of them had my car keys. The first one I encountered, Amy, was announcing someone to the crowd. I tried to get her attention but couldn’t. I saw my other friend, Angi, and she gave me my keys. My dog morphed between my current dog and my last dog, who passed away almost a decade ago. This is not uncommon. I also remember driving by an outdoor laundromat during the day, and thinking that I could work there, that it didn’t seem so bad. The place was basically a parking lot with one or two washing machines/dryers and a stand with a bunch of hot pink and bright blue flowers for sale.

      I had dreams of trying to solve graphic design problems too, in fact I thin this is what the bilk of my night was spent doing. I'm currently taking some courses, and I guess my brain is working overtime.

      Thoughts: I took Valerian Root before bed last night, probably falling asleep around 12:15am, which is late for me. I read some design books in bed before sleeping. My thoughts seemed to be racing again—not very stressful thoughts, but my brain struggled to relax. Again, visualization practices seemed difficult and uninteresting. Woke up at 3am and read for an hour or two, fell back asleep around 5ish. I'm taking my dog to the vet today for vaccines. Looking for part time work.
      Categories
      non-lucid