DarkestDarkness

3rd April 2021

Some in-line thoughts and notes.

Dream:

I am in a car with H. We are driving down a hilly area. I'm sitting facing the back of the car, but I'm in the copilot seat next to H who is at the driver's seat. The steering is not on the side it should be. It's sunny and I can see sharp shadows from the sunlight. H doesn't seem to b ewearing sunglasses or straining despite direct sunlight in his eyes.

Behind us, or in front of me, I see a teal van coming down the same road. As they get close I see through our windows it's an old man and his young daughter. They are somewhat playfully fighting over the wheel but it concerns me. It's not somethign to fool around with, I feel. And I fear they may collide with us as they are going past us.

There's a transition but I don't become aware of it in the dream. I am now walking towards a table which seems to be part of an esplanade on a plaza. It's in a tight spot between two buildings with white painted render.

H is sitting down at the table and I take the seat directly in front of him. Adjoining our table is another table. Sat to my right, is the girl from before. I try to tell her something about some dangers? And then, before I talk about the whole steering thing, H tells me not to bother and I realise at this point that I have no memory of the last few minutes.

I think I ask about what happened but don't get a clear answer and now the father is also coming back and sitting in front of his daughter at the table. We each have a meal, but oddly enough I don't pay any attention to mine.

Before all this. Me and H are in a town. It's dark and night time. Can't see too well except for some faint light at the edge of street light fall-off, away from where we are. We are going back to the car but H can't remember where it is exactly, but I did know exactly where it was. The car was like dad's car?

Before that, not sure what the place is anymore. Looking through a cabinet of some sort. There are drawing pads and other things. Me and H talk, they apparently belong to a childhood friend of his, called Tania. I ask what kind of things she drew? He tells me that when they played in the garden she would pretend to have superpowers she'd imagined/come up with and she drew some furry characters, in answer to my question. I vaguely recall seeing one or two drawings, focusing on faces and muzzles.

Fragment:

Before the other dream, before the first morning awakening. Something in a town, medieval-like but also old home like? There's a WoW feel. My old best friend, D is present in the dream somehow and we talk or something. There's something about T3 gear and tanking. I can't remember anything else but even writing about this made me feel nostalgic for some reason, not just for the game but for this friend too.

4th April 2021

Scraps and fragment:

Dream recall mostly faded and no notes taken. I remember at the end of one dream, I realised faintly that I was dreaming and so it was time to wake up or something. There was a hazard situation? But I'm not sure in what context now.

I had a very long dream sequence. In the dream I am in a dark land. I think it was brighter before, but it was night time and I am in some countryside area. In the distance I see burning towns and things like that. The path I am walking along is patrolled by demons accompanied by a dog-like creature on a chain lead. I am able to use some sort of invisibility ability, every twelve seconds or so. It lasts just long enough that I can hide in a corner and when they go past me, I use the ability to make sure they can't see me. I feel like there's some kind of spotlight on the three of us.

The dog senses me on some level but they leave and my invisibility fades and I move along. There are other patrols and so instead of continuing down this road going downhill I instead take an uphill fork in the road, which is narrower and seemingly goes unpatrolled. I don't feel any negative emotions, but I suppose I just feel neutral about everything.

Transition? I am at a town of some sort. It's seemingly the last surviving settlement in this area. At some point I see the settlement from an RTS-like point of view. There are many sub-cultures in this town, who are seemingly self-segregating in cultural terms. But I also remember going into shops and talking to people. Life seems normal and there is a modern feel to most things. There were many little plots involving interaction with others in this dream but I don't recall any in enough to detail to remember any of them fully.

27th February 2021

Fragment:

(was a long dream but only recalled bits and pieces)

Me, H, J and S; we're all meeting up at some rocky place. They parked their car in a small rocky alcove, I think we go and see the car?

As they found out, it was wet and the bottom part of their car is getting too wet. In this semi-flat rocky area there are some waves of pure and clear water, not more than an inch high. The area is slightly sloped down away from the rocky alcove bit but the small waves of water still climb with ease.

I talked to J about it and we discuss the underground water tables. I don't remember getting wet or feeling wet from standing in the shallow water.

Then something about us driving elsewhere. J was in their own car and we were in ours. H gives me his phone so I can text her if needed. But I suggest it may not be a good idea since she'll be driving too. (S was seemingly gone from the dream at this point?)

During the drive, I think we discuss food and how we should maybe stop for lunch somewhere along the way. I think we were going to but then we don't? I know that we do go past a place and I mention this and H remarks with "well, too late now" as we drive past.

We arrive at a lab of some sort. They do advanced soil analysis here? We get into a conflict with the personnel because they are apparently doing something evil.

There's a mini turret that tries to shoot at us but me and H approach it covertly and work to disable it. I end up simply disconnecting the neutral cable, not fully expecting it to work, but it does.

I think we then confront some of the personnel/research team.

18th February 2021

Dream:

In a version of our home and street. The van is outside and it was open in order for me to do something?

Our street looks like it's part of some city like Paris, I don't know. To the right and beyond where there's that intersecting road, there are much taller buildings. I recall something about having to wait. Maybe I have a backpack. Our front door is open. At several points throughout the dream I alter the colours of our house, both interior and exterior. I remember we have some kind of small tiled mosaic floor. I eventually become satisfied with a sandy colour scheme with red accents.

I remember I see a dream neighbour down the street. He's walking a dog or something and I'm concerned about it pooping near our door, but in reality they are too far for it to matter.

I don't remember what kind of day it is, maybe sunny but light looks overcast. At some point while I'm waiting I get into a random car across the street, it's red maybe? When I get in I'm suddenly on a first floor level, but I don't realise or care about this in the dream. I think at one point I see a man from one of the windows (right side of the car, I was looking out left initially) and we talk.

(recall gap)

The next thing I remember, I'm in a car with two people. I'm on the front passenger side, which is on the right (though I don't realise this in the dream). One person is a man and the other I can't recall. We're in a very busy area of a city like L but bigger, wider roads. We're on a four or five lane road approaching a very complicated and busy intersection.

Me and the man are having a conversation. We're discussing building a computer while the lights are still red. He's apparently from the past and is asking me about how hardware prices have changed and I presume he means over the last twenty years.

In the dream, I think I feel I was in a further future time than in reality. I tell him, some things like USB and other small accessory stuff are a bit cheaper, but not much. Otherwise most other things remain more or less the same but with very good specs.

The lights at this intersection become green and we start going. On the right there's a diagonally intersecting road we're merging with, it has just as many lanes and it's busy too and then there's an ambulance trying to come across from the opposite direction. I am quiet for now to let the driver concentrate, but once we are out of the complex situation, we resume discussion.

Fragment:

Bins and recycling are being collected. I forgot to put things out? And I try to do it then seeing as I still think they're about to collect it. But I don't see the collecting hi-vis people anymore by the time I get outside. Some other people are here, they are looking through bags. They tell me they are from some charity, they mention it by name. I forget what we talk about but I recall they were looking for clothes primarily.

Notes:
- Both sections of the longer dream relate to home in some way. Present home, past home and past-would-be home, I feel.
- The apprehension about the neighbour walking the dog may stem from the fact that lately dogs seem to have taken a liking to our door for doing their needs.
- Somewhat related, the part about re-decorating the house may

10th February 2021

Notes:

Haven't made much effort to recall, though initial recall was decent. Lately I've still been struggling to get up, but managed to get up at quarter past ten today.

Dream vividness has been a bit lower I think, though I can't say with certainty, possibly because I haven't been taking Vitamin B so much after re-reading up on B6's half-life.

Trying to not fall asleep again, my mind became distracted with random drawing ideas for my characters. Part of my issue at the moment seems to be I can't manage to feel compelled to record anything in the morning, possibly made worse by the fact I'm not getting up at what I'd consider a "good time". Partly sunny this morning.

12th February 2021

Fragments:

Bit about Discord. V sends me a message about some video, but the video link isn't on the private message, it's on my server. I think I wonder why he did this.

I check out the video; it shows what I in the dream assume to be his school, a high school? My presence enters the video. In a classroom, there's some kind of exercise about characters drawn on the chalkboard and they resemble Pokemon or something. Recall is too vague.

Another bit, outside in a town or village with H. We're getting in our out of the van. I remember narrow pavement and cobbled roads as well as a certain hilliness; it has a feel of my native country. Something political but entirely fictional happens in this dream segment; recall details are gone.

20th January 2021

Fragment:

I am at a house much like H's old home. I am playing with W, the cat? He wants to go out but I want to touch his fluffy fur and eventually I do open a back door to the house and let him out. He hesitates and I prod him sort of gently with my boot. It's sunny outside. The grass is what I can only describe as a perfect colour and the back garden slopes uphill. I see someone arriving in a silver car, a woman. I look down but pretend I didn't see her arrive as I close the back door.

She knocks and I reluctantly (?) answer. I have this feeling she just wants to sell something or whatever.

Rest of recall is too fuzzy. But at least two or three separate instances of talking to people or answering the door where they aren't wearing a mask, and neither am I. On each encounter, there's a weird physical tangle, as if they fall forwards onto me, like they've tripped on something and on some level, all of this puts me on edge.

One of those other instances takes place at our current home. Outside looks different but I can't quite place it anymore. It's also day time. A delivery from a truck or lorry? Interactions/dialogue with H at some point.

17th December 2020

Fragment:

(left too long because of little opportunity to write)

First bit. Looking at one of my art(ist) profiles. I feel sort of amazed, I have just over 250 people watching my profile, apparently.

Another bit, in some church, near the end of a dream. I'm helping some women, mostly in their 50s and so on. They eventually tell me I can't be allowed to join their group officially as it is for women only but they tell me that because I helped them they can however offer me an honorific title or position.

I feel pleased or satisfied, though I can't remember if I accept, but they seem happy either way too.

19th December 2020

Fragment:

In the car with H. We're driving along some bendy and somewhat narrow road in an industrial estate-like place. Some van "uncloaks" in front of us at a corner. H is upset and surprised by this.

Earlier bit; (recall faded too much) something about a large area of land owned by someone and cities on it. A mountain and atop it some castle? Night time. Lots of street/city lights in the distance. A semi mountainous region in general but a lot of water and rock outcroppings that are at least a couple of hundred stories tall, each.

---

Notes:

- Although I seem to remember the dreams from 17th of December were kind of long, the recalled portion has an interesting personal contrast between two worlds that are very different but are also very important to me.

-- The profile watching count certainly comes from recent worries based off/around self-expectation.

- The uncloaking van was certainly based off recently replaying through the Freelancer campaign but interestingly during the day there were at least two incidents with vans appearing a bit out of nowhere when we were on the road.

9th December 2020

Fragment:

Some bits in the car with H. I remember it was night time. Vague recall relating to something BL-like too. (location recall faded and dream not visually present in my mind anymore)

13th December 2020

Dream:

I am in some town, it is day time but nearly sunset. There's some downward ramp bit which leads out of town but there's a fence at the end of the ramp and I recognise this as being some kind of little construction supplies area. There's nobody around? (rest of this first dream bit recall had faded)

Then I am in my old town. It seems kind of dark and I'm walking up the avenue next to the church but I'm on the road itself, not the pavement. Not a night sky, just a black one. (like in a recent previous dream)

Things are RPG-like I note, and I spot some enemy players coming from the opposite way, toward me and from two opposing ends of the roundabout at the top. It starts to feel like DOTA and the view becomes more top-down too.

I try to lure one of these enemy players over to my side/area and I make sure to stay at a certain distance from them (interface perception of attack ranges?). I sense an allied player is nearby too. Me and one of the enemies stun each other simultaneously and then the other enemy player comes in. I get the first one nearly dead kind of quickly but I too am near death and so I wonder why my ally isn't or hasn't been helping me fight.

Friendly mobs come around from "behind" and I get the first enemy player killed, I'm very, very nearly dead and I retreat away. My ally finally joins in and distracts the second enemy.

I get to our main base and am thinking about how my HP regeneration is so slow and how I should (could) improve my strength stat to better this. I remember thinking or noticing that I didn't buy any of the usual starting items like I should have, not even tango or branch.

7th December 2020

Very fragmented:

Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave.

Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this.

Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it.

But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on.

At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here.

An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him.

But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market.

I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague.

Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it.

Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack.

Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name.

We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side.

(recall gap)

Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person.

It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image.

I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time.

Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls.

---

Notes:

- The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations.

- The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly.

- Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep.

- The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.

29th November 2020

Fragment:

Some part about being in a car with dad and he had an accident or something and then stuff repeated itself. I think it was mostly a light collision but I lost the details.

(recall gap)

Another part where I'm cooperatively going around with another dream character (male, stronger?) and we need to reach some kind of extraction point but while avoiding a military presence that's nearby. There was an APC on a hill or bridge and some kind of gunship.

I remember deviating from the straight trajectory we were on and finding a flatbed with a rocket turret mounted on the flat bit and used the turret to shoot the gunship down or whatever it was. I had a temporary cloaking buff that prevented my detection.

This part had started off on top of a green-ish hilly type area. Then nearing the extraction point with the military presence there was a forest but there were lots of orange tones, dead leaves and leafless trees. Daytime all the way throughout.

Then I carried on and met up with the other dream character I was originally with, we were in some city area not far. Grey-ish and concrete-y. There were pits? Some green liquid at the bottom of the pits. Vague recall of tall buildings and cracked foundations and cracked streets, which was where these pits or ravines were. I remember a cage at some point. Either I got stuck there or the other character did.

There was more to the dream but I took too long to start writing and forgot too many details despite the relatively vivid details of the dream.

---

Notes:

- This dream was originally quite long. Recall has actually not been particularly poor lately, but my DJing has been lacking, mostly because I have been waking up too tired and lethargic and so if I do start writing the recall is usually fading or gone. Also often by the point I realise I could have written something down, I have already slept again since the initial recall or have simply not bothered because it has felt too tiring to try.

- The area where dad was driving was thematically similar to the remainder of the dream.

12th October 2020

Fragment:

Somewhere in China. I was helping some kind of cabinet minister or something. I think I was his bodyguard and for some part of the dream we were in a silver car; the minister was the driver.

I was constantly on the lookout for potential threats. Vague recall of having a weapon. I remember an underground area, a mix of some metro station I know (grey, dingy) and an underground car park or something.

Most recall faded, but by the end of this dream sequence I was in a kind of transition where I was in my native country, in the capital or somewhere like it and near the water. On one of the quays? Something about catching a train.

Some family members were there and I was trying to be the last one to get on the train to make sure nobody got separated. T and her sister were there.

Not sure what part of the dream, but at some point I was selling guns, shotguns?

13th October 2020

Fragment:

Dream about a film, called "The End", which was apparently the first in a series. There's a group of four people and they have to stop the four horsemen at the breaking of the last seal. There's some narrating? Not sure: "But what if one of the people, the wizard, didn't make it on time? What would you do?"

This bit seems to be a replay of a previous dream section but with altered details. Vague visual recall of seeing the last seal break, implying the group failed.

Before this, I was a child or teenager. I saw my reflection, of my younger self, on a metal blade of some kind.

I had inherited a large wooden instrument from some African music player. I recall now the instrument looked exactly like a wooden organ pipe, but with tribal decorative patterns painted on it. (recently made a joke to H about one of these sounding like a didgeridoo)

It was apparently up to me to find someone who would take on this instruments legacy, or I could take it on myself.

I remember while I was younger I had to train weapon skills (vague recall of panel like classic WoW skills) and I was going to be training my unarmed skill, so I was going to spar with someone my age.

Something about needing saturated fat first though, and eating some cereal rich in it and other stuff.

There was a barge too... Maybe we were on it? Recall faded too much.

Even earlier than this in the dream, dad and I in the middle of a city, like the capital. He'd left his car in a lane and we were on the pavement talking, but I get the feeling he'd left the car open, like he/we were getting back in soon.

---

Notes:

- I never used to have dreams about my younger self. But it seems they are starting to appear more often. I have an inkling as to why but I can't be certain and it's a bit complex.

Too tired at the moment to make other notes on some stuff. Need to remember to edit this later.

1st October 2020

Dream:

In the van with H. For some reason, some part stopped transmitting power (to or from the engine). The drive shaft? Not sure, but it was still rolling and the engine itself was still going. But the van was only rolling (uphill, somehow) and couldn't accelerate, the throttle did nothing. We were rolling at about 40 in the middle of a town. H put on some hazard lights and other things and steered gently into a side bit stopped the van.

Then something about a vest he had to put on and I was attaching some untinged leather straps to velcro bits? Two other people were here and we were talking to them. They were the ones that told H to put the vest on?

One of these people was an artist and I don't remember what was said exactly, but I turned around at some point and now faced an alcove-type bit and all my paintings were there. I remember mentioning that there really weren't that many (I felt) but this small room still looked cluttered by them.

Dream:

Not sure how it started but some random character was the centre of it all now and there was this "ending of the world" thing going on. Some brightly coloured spheres went up in the air and then different things started happening but I forgot the details. I do remember some people and all their stuff, inside their houses, would get sucked/warped through reality into some kind of dimensional containers. I remember having a feel as if I could control some of what was going on, through a console? But otherwise I was not directly present or involved.

Then some other part after it's all over. There's two anthropomorphic mice and they are wearing motorcycle-gang type leather outfits. They are talking to each other and one of them has a coin about half his size. It's supposedly a 30 cent coin from the USA but he mentions it would be worth several hundred now after everything that had happened. The coin was shiny. There was a filmic or cartoony characteristic to this scene, but I think it otherwise looked realistic.

At some other bit in the middle of a ruined city. I feel more present in this section. I think something about how things didn't need to have turned out like this. I think to myself that if people had been more sensible, even with what was happening, there would be more to return to, or something to this effect. Neo or someone like him is here. He has a mobile phone and there are other people and there's now some kind of stigma (that I intuitively know about in the dream) about using this "old" technology and I remember a travelling section of the dream through or over the ruined city where nobody has guns or advanced technology but are all using improvised clubs.

But this Neo character talks to someone using this mobile phone and the nearby characters get angry at him. He tries to be quick about it and tries to lose their attention? But the dream ends shortly after this I think.

---

Notes:

- I think the two mice were probably a reference to Biker Mice from Mars, a show which I did watch a bit of but not a lot, my siblings had watched more of it, I think. But I haven't really thought about it in years.
- My previous entry also featured motorcycles.
- It's possible that it's just imaginative leaking from daily life, as a few times we've been going past signs that mention motorcycle accidents.
- The transmission/power issue with the van was probably related to a discussion I had this week with H in the van, in waking life.
- The second dream was particularly long, but I lost many details on waking, in part because of motivation issues though.

21st August 2020 (DFLN Thread)

Fragment:

In the van with H driving around. We go through some industrial estate or warehouse district. We see people being gutted as we drive past, but we aren't concerned. We just think it to be in poor taste or something. Some of the characters that are being gutted, I recognise them from earlier on in the dream, feeling no pity for them because they were nasty; but I still feel this looks like an undignified death.

Fragment:

Some version of WoW, but set in a realistic city of some sort, half fantasy, half not? With H, I was taking some area from the Horde and for the Alliance. I remember going on some sort of bombing run and seeing diagrams of the region. I remember the Horde outnumbered us by a great ratio.

Dream:

At the end of a dream I was in some kind of classroom, in a school. There was a teacher and there were several other pupils. The teacher was first giving some theory on something. Some things like hardware and software programming were mentioned. I have some awareness of being kind of lying down on my back, and next to something.

Then we're about to do something. The teacher moves, and I sort of sit up now. I'd been lying next to an old limestone tomb. We're apparently going to open it and examine the dead's objects of burial. Someone moves the lid open and I look at another one of the pupils, a girl. They don't realise it'll wreak and I instantly move my head away and breathe out, fully expecting a foul odour. But as the lid is fully removed, while I do get a whiff of something, it's very faint.

This struck me as odd, but in any case the rest of the pupils started carefully removing items and analysing them. Someone next to me takes a piece of clothing from some bony hands.

The teacher notices that something is off? The dead apparently has some kind of shawl, with a Discord logo on it and she says that it's impossible, since the body had been buried hundreds of years ago. I myself did not notice or see any such logo.

But this leads her to suspect that the body is more recent than previously thought and now when I look inside the tomb, I see a naked white man, with fine white-gold hair, sitting up. He looks pale or lifeless as expected, I seem to recall. The teacher touches the forehead of the body to inspect the temperature and see how "recent" it was.

The dream ended here, the doorbell rang and I had to go answer the door.

21st June 2020

Fragment:

My phone needed charging and I was at home with H. I went to get a charger for my phone and plugged it in; there was arcing/sparking and a flash.

I opened the back of the phone and took the cable off it and saw that the battery had bulged slightly in one place. And the cable specs said it provided 2.9v rather than what it supposedly needed, 5v.

Fragment:

Some bit around my home town. I'm in the car, with mom and dad. Mom complains about being nearly 11:30 even though the dash says 10:30. Mom was complaining because we had to be there (at the destination?) and my siblings weren't ready or in the car with us yet.

Dad took us to some cafe, or restaurant? Near where the pools in my old home town are.

Fragment:

In the kitchen at our current home. I was going to take codeine, but it had been prescribed for something other than pain, like allergies?

---

Notes:
- The part in the car with mom and dad is a typical scenario that might happen when we all still lived together, when I was a kid/teen.
- At the time I'm making these notes (10th of August), I am on medication that means that I can't take codeine too; this would probably be a good cue for RCing since I know it would be dangerous to actually take the codeine currently.

11th May

Dream:Earliest dream. I was in some place in the countryside, the dream was very vivid. I had my boots on, some pants, some t-shirt and my leather jacket. H was walking with me, I remember feeling the gravel beneath my feet.

In the dream I was recognising the place. I'd been here before in some other dream. This prompted me to tell H about it and he sort of dismissed it and even though I tried doing some reality checks with my hands, I didn't become aware of the dream state.

In my dream mind, this place wasn't exactly like how I remembered it from the other dream anyway. There was a gravel road and some buildings and some gravel plots along it, but the original place I was remembering had a normal road and it carried on, it didn't end abruptly like this gravel road. It reminded me of the southern areas of my country. There were pine trees and short grass that looked a bit dry. The dirt was fine and dusty and caramel coloured. The sky was a little bit cloudy but mostly clear and it seemed like the sun was setting. I remember looking all around me to try and identify anything from the original dream, but I felt there was nothing. The surroundings looked vast and vague at the same time.

After walking along the road with H for a while, we eventually came to a very large gravel lot, like a parking lot, clearly meant for that use. I remember H telling me to wait here. He had to get some book, or something, from town? I said I'd wait. I didn't know what I'd do in the meantime and I had the feeling that it would be a long time. Then my awareness transitioned to some other place.

A dream city. H wasn't here and though I have forgotten the dream plot exactly, there was something about a family that had to get to where I just was (the gravel/pine tree area). I was here to speed things along somehow? Something about a gang going after this family.

Then details are missing; I remember getting into a car, a silver convertible and also trying to fix down a panel on the boot or something. Then the mom of this family, who was driving, started the car before I'd even sat down and put a seatbelt on. She raced through the streets and I had little balance, tipping backwards and holding the open and swaying door with my right hand. I was partially sat on her son's legs, eventually he managed to help me in, but it took a while.

Some other part of the same dream. The chronology of the sequences is muddled. I went into a tall building and I remember carrying my black backpack and climbing lots of stairs. I didn't feel tired at all and my legs didn't hurt. Along the way, some young adult (early 20s) tugged on my backpack to have an easier time climbing. I resent that he'd done that but I said nothing and only gave him a look that made it clear to him not to do it again.

The staircase was very much like the one from my university. Very narrow, but no lift at each landing. Eventually I got to a pretty high floor, and it looked like my virtual gallery in some sense. There was a high open space that my fear of heights creep in a little, because there were no railings at all. I remember wondering what H would think of that.

Just behind the stairwell I'd come from, was a platform/floor and I climbed over its ledge without too much effort. It led down a dark unlit and narrow corridor. At the end of it was another stairwell, to my left. It went both up and down. There was a door directly in front of me. A white service door to my right after a short and narrow yard-long hall. Light came through the edges of this white service door and the stairs going up also allowed some natural light in from above, but not much, as it was still very dark in here.

On the stairs, a bunch of young adults (early 20s again) were sat on the steps. They looked at me, but more like through me. I looked back for a moment, but then ignored them. I tried opening the door in front of me but it was well shut and locked. I went back through the narrow corridor I'd come from and then skipped over the gap with the stairs and took a left turn. My mind blocked out the open space with no railings.

There were corridors and rooms this way. Many contrasts of dark and narrow halls with natural light from some windows. The floor was carpeted, not sure what colour, but I remember a cleaning lady. It just looked like a hotel in many regards but the rooms belonged to specific people who worked here or something, like an office area in a university. I can't recall the rest of the dream.

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Notes:
- In many ways, the last part of the dream was just some mish-mash of my first university's building and my general concepts of offices and temporary living spaces. The presence of the people in their early 20s ties in with the "university" feel.
- It can feel a bit annoying to ask H about the reality and have him only make me dismiss what I'm thinking about, though since then I have tried to imagine the situation occurring differently.
- My leather jacket seems to have been a recurring feature for some recent dreams but I haven't found any particular reason why just yet, since I have not worn it in a long time. The only thing that comes to mind is that feels like a bit of a shame that I just let it sit unused for quite a long time, but on the other hand it is usually too hot for me to wear it.
- Dreams where physical activity occurs are always refreshing for me in some mental sense. Being able to do intense physical activity such as climbing many flights of stairs can feel rewarding and the amount of inordinate pain I would get from doing it in real-life makes it feel like a waste of my energy and time. In dreams my low thresholds of pain don't really materialise and it is often the only time I get a break from feeling pain and discomfort throughout a day.

8th May

Dream:

I was in the car with H. H was driving very fast and race-like, even though we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. Pretty close one between a double length bus and a car. I remember the tyres screeching a lot all the way and I asked H why. He said it was because they brand new Michelin tyres.

It was like my native country and town. Eventually we arrived at a place, ground floor of a building, in front of it was like a petrol station. The place we walked into was like a school, for kids between the ages of eight and ten. H and I had been here earlier in the dream to drop off a keyboard temporarily. Now, we were here to pick it up again. I think the kids were actually teens in the earlier part of the dream. One of the kids now, was asking why we had to take the keyboard away again and H explained it had only been meant as a temporary thing anyway. H asked if anyone had played the keyboard. Some kids said they hadn't, somehow clearly afraid of being reprimanded, even though it was unlikely, but they also said they had practised at home like H had taught and demonstrated.

I didn't speak much at all, H talked to the kids a lot. Somehow reminded me of my geometry teacher, trying to actively get the kids to think and take interest in things. Eventually, a lady walked in, the teacher who runs the place. She was happy to see the kids entertained and it was as if we'd known her and vice versa for years. I remember noticing I had my black leather jacket and my regular boots on. I think in the dream we both became distracted from our objective of getting the keyboard. There was also a set of keys we'd left in the earlier visit, but we weren't being able to find them. The layout was different from the earlier visit.

Scraps:

Grandma from mom's side, dad and I, talking. I remember she was holding a golden cross that she wore around her neck. I made mental note of the size of the cross, almost too big to be held by one hand alone.

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Notes:
- I don't believe H has actually ever bought Michelin-branded tyres.