• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 10/02/2021

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ initially but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I still like the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar. Note, I don't update the dream signs section very much anymore. Over the last two or three years I've come to realise that some symbols are quite constant but many change too much or are just variations off a theme, so it has stopped making quite as much sense to keep a long-term list of what the signs are.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    Click to see all DJ entries that may involve dream-like experiences but are not technically dreams

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. c.

      by , 03-18-2020 at 07:08 PM
      Dreams from 14th, 17th and 18th. Mostly just copied directly from any morning notes I made for each day. Some notes in-line with the entries.


      14th:

      Dream Fragment:

      First dream? Some Egyptian place, a big outdoor temple. I remember detailed stone and all the shapes I normally associate with ancient Egyptian architecture. I remember night time but also day time. It was a fairly long dream.

      It was a game like world or something. I was Link from Legend of Zelda? I remember fighting winged obsidian statues (likely "borrowed" from WoW). I remember the feel of a controller in my hands though. Maybe a Gamecube or Nintendo 64 controller, but could have just been a Wii one, since the joysticks have remained fairly similar over the years.

      Dream Fragment:

      A dream I'd travelled to my native country but with my high school class, and some other classmates from childhood. I remember we were in a coastal area visiting something. I forget all the details. This black I knew, Milt, was messing around some exhibit area? And then we were burying smoe ancient and withered corpse that had not received any funereal service. We then surrounded him with rocks and then placed larger boulders on top of him. The corpse was on a small dirt incline, about 20 or 30 degrees steep.

      Then I remember a room, indoors but nearby. It was dark inside, but I can't remember what happened there.

      Dream Fragment:

      Last dream that I woke up with, a WoW dream. Was playing rogue as usual and I was together with a raid group in Orgrimmar. We were in a different version of Thrall's throne room, it was more like a mix of Stormwind in a way because there was a lot of white stone and it was well lit.

      We were all bunched up in a corner, waiting for Horde players to come. I remember we didn't want to attack Thrall until we'd dealt with most of the nuisance players that would appear. We had already attacked Thrall before? I remember feeling surprise at the fact that none of the Alliance players from the raid group were messing around.

      17th:

      Scraps:

      Something about trains? Vaguely recall the dream took place outside and that it was day.

      18th:

      Dream:


      The dream was a bit of a mix of Freelancer and other space games I've played over the years. I was avoiding some large blocky asteroids while flying a ship, and when I got clear of the asteroids I noticed a planet in the distance. I kept my course which was already on approach to it and noticed a gas cloud/small nebula formation appear. It was a green-ish dark mustard colour and mostly surrounded the planet. Like a smog coming off the planet.

      I remember the descent down into the atmosphere in some detail. There was some virtual interface element somewhere that, combined with the structures I saw, made me understand that the planet was mostly covered by factories and dense cities comprised mostly of narrow but tall skyscrapers. It looked like most of the surface area was being maximised for industrial output space, not for living. I landed somewhere and went to a bar of sorts, typical of Freelancer-like gameplay.

      People didn't look well off. There was a stereotypical North American "Trucker" feel to the place and there was an overall air that this entire place existed in a state of bare subsistence. I remember talking to some of these people but I don't remember exactly about what. It was night time both through the descent and while I was at the bar place.

      Dream Fragment:

      Some underground place, very well lit. There was a feel to the dream like some of the more dark and serious anime type stuff, such as full film-type productions. There were policemen with gas masks and they threw some sort of stunning gas grenades. I try to escape with two other people. We were doing a heist or something? The police looked like the Secreta from E.Y.E. but with typical blue and white colours instead of gold and black.

      Some transition or outside? A rail track of some sort. The dream was quite long but I was a bit too tired and I've forgotten most details. I remember two groups of people, and Auron from FFX. There was some cart carriage thing that went on the rail track...
    2. xcvii.

      by , 03-11-2020 at 04:05 PM
      Dreams from March 10th and 11th (today).


      10th:

      Dream Sequence:

      The last dream sequence started out with me playing a female gnome on WoW. Though I had rogue abilities my character's portrait indicated "level 49 warlock" when moused over. The character had a pointy dark purple hat and matching dress.

      I used my stealth ability because I was in some distorted version of Tirisfal, mixed with Ashenvale, making me feel an imminent danger of being attacked by other players. I could see trolls riding around on raptors, a few level 60s but otherwise mostly around my own level. I was afraid that this approaching 60 hunter might spot me or become aware of me long enough to then start attacking but somehow, despite the level discrepancy, that didn't happen and I was able to get past him, down a natural slope with a path; as I did this the hunter was entering a dungeon with an entrance like Stratholme's service gate (the back entrance).

      Then I saw other horde members, mostly between levels 17 and 29.

      There was a river (more like Ashenvale this part), and this low level female orc warlock was swimming in the river, doing some quests by the looks of it. I realised I had a quest here too, to grab some dried up flowers floating in the water. I forget the item names now. Five items of one type, one of another, and some extra item that I already had on me anyway according to the quest log. While writing the initial note for this, my mind sort of suggested that the elf music from Ashenvale was playing, but I don't really remember that in the dream in itself. Probably the effect of a strong associative relationship between the dream's construct and the real memory archetype.

      I got out of the water on the other bankside after collecting these items and I made the quest show me where to go. It started to display dashed paths on the parchment style user-interface map that the game has.

      The paths it displayed were leading me through another quest first; there was this big, half hewn tree stump, here on this side of the river and inside it there were three sections where I had to speak to some kind of spirits? Doing this would activate something, and then when I was on the way to speak to the third one, I passed by an open area with bright light on it, not inside the tree stump area, but I had to go this way to go around to the third spirit.

      In this brightly lit and grassy area, was a massive wooden frame, around a screen of sorts. An image appeared, symbols showing in sequence, once. First, a slightly rounded triangle, then a super simplified four-legged animal? And then, two other more complex symbols I can't describe or remember accurately.

      After the symbols, a blonde girl, aged no more than ten or so I'd say, appeared on the screen. She was smiling and spoke to me directly, thanking me for finding her. She asked me a question, about myself, but I don't remember what it was. I do remember an interface popped up with some choices, three primary choices and an extra choice;

      - "A sailorial heart."
      - (I can't remember the second option.)
      - "(Full control.)" :: This was the 'extra' option.
      - "Full naval!"

      For whatever reason, I felt that none were true to me at that time, except "full control", but I wasn't sure what it meant either.

      Then, I could see my character from the girl's perspective; the character was giving the answer, but wasn't a female gnome anymore, but some sort of mix between Wolverine and something more feral.

      I woke up soon after this.


      11th:


      Dream Fragment:

      Diablo II. Playing a sorceress, or druid? Playing with H? Remember using the glacial spike spell.

      Dream Fragment (part of a sequence continued in the next fragment):

      Someone being racist about some fictional game races. Me and some girl investigate rumours and who it could be. We were part of some class on a tour or whatever. Susie from Miss Maizel was our teacher apparently. The girl with me accused Susie of being the racist. I defended her, saying Susie just thinks everyone is equally an ass. In the dream, I remember a dream memory about her giving food and being charitable, and I retell this to the girl.

      Something happens, not sure what.

      Near the end of my dream, I am aware that I had been wearing shorts; now I was changing into my camo shorts but they have a rip or hole on the front of the right leg, which I didn't realise until putting them on. But I want to change back to the previous ones and then I can't or something.

      Dream Fragment (somehow related to previous):

      Getting on some kind of cruise boat with H. We were the last two to get on board, even though many more people were still waiting and queued.

      H carried on through some corridor. Everything was nicely carpeted and felt cozy I suppose. But then before I followed through, this girl appeared from the same corridor and she was saying she wanted to give up her place on the cruise to someone else, but a crew member (like a flight attendant but not?) stopped her. Apparently the girl was a windows svchost.exe process. I seemed to have some sort of meta-physical view of the dream reality but remember too little.

      Then I remember being in our private quarters with H, unpacking or settling in. In the quarters there was some weird dedicated 8 volt and 19 volt power supply, apparently meant for modern turntables and cassette decks. We thought it was odd, and wasteful.

      Dream:

      With H in a city of some sort. Underground? Looks dirty and rusty. Waiting for this team of people to fit some modular concrete block things, with huge power cables coming out the back. Really heavy-duty looking stuff.

      Someone shows up? Or there's a nun, but she's actually a shape-shifter. Turns into a black guy that looks like Zimos or Ruby Rod. He then pulls up two high calibre sawn-off shotguns. He shoots a bunch of people from this team and there's a small panic of sorts. Then more people come down from a ramp on the opposite side from where I was. The shape-shifter pretends to be one of them, but doesn't transform? And then he runs up the ramp to get away. Me and H follow.

      H's van is up here, outside. It's night time and fairly dark, but there are street lights. We want to help the shape-shifter escape and grab him, trying to get him in the van. He doesn't want to get in though, and transforms into a white tiger, running off. We follow him closely, to a cake shop. He goes in and morphs into a chef but the other woman following him with the intent of catching him doesn't notice.

      We then confront him, stopping him from getting away from us and ask him to come with us, reassuring him about safety.

      Then H is no longer H and is a mix of Gibbs, Auron and Riddick, and then I'm not there anymore. There's a cut and I see a scene of telepathic dialogue between the shape-shifter and the other character. The shape-shifter mentions his "fury" and the other character asks the shifter if they know anything about his "Furya".



      No notes, maybe some later.
    3. xcvi.

      by , 03-08-2020 at 11:41 AM
      Dreams taken from phone memos from today and yesterday. Will try to arrange chronologically and make notes for each day separately.


      7th:

      Dream Fragment:

      There's a high school context to the dream. Vi from my class back then, he was walking around with me, near my old home. We were headed towards the main square or the subway?

      In reality we'd never spoken a lot, but in the dream we were talking non-stop for some reason. I was telling him about a god of war? And about a dark goddess.

      Not sure where this fits into the dream but I remember some other part, relating to this goddess. There are strange cliffs, rock looks sedimentary; and there are scattered graves but I don't remember what they look like anymore. I spoke to the dark goddess I think.

      Other stuff happens in between and all I have left is a fragment from the end of the dream. I was gigantic and a ten story building was only about ankle height for me. I was running somewhere, taking long strides over cities and hills. I avoided excessively mountainous areas. It was quite sunny and clear.

      Some areas were under mass floods, because of the dark goddess? Something about her being angry. There were craters or abysses which the water spiralled into.

      Notes:

      - The irony of the last part of this dream is that this is one of my current lucid challenges.
      - I don't remember what I was wearing, or if I was wearing anything at all in the last part of the dream, but in the early parts of the dream I was wearing my old cream hoodie, except it had a front pocket thing, which it actually doesn't.
      - I don't remember actually seeing this goddess in the dream, but I have an archetype appearance in mind visually, where she appears sort of half-naked and has somewhat messy but long black hair. Has red iris eyes.


      8th:

      All sort of a continuous dream, but transitions and details are highly fragmented:

      Inside some structural complex. My family is here, primarily siblings and parents. I remember L talking and showing me a few things around the place. I think this place was like a house L and S were building?

      There's certainly lots of concrete to the structure, and some sort of carpeting thing going on. I remember a diffused sunlight from directly above. At this point I was in a concrete tunnel overhang with huge glass panes to the side. I could feel that the sunlight was coming from a diffusing rectangular skylight much higher up.

      Then after seeing into a few different rooms and going a bit dark, there was a transition of some kind.

      I was just outside the building I used to live in. It's daytime but not sure what the sky is like. Colours are semi-vivid. H is here in some form and I feel like I'm a small girl or something. I play around the cobbled area and then there's something about money. I was making 100 an hour by just moving some small 1kg bags of flour? But because there was limited demand, then I wasn't needed anymore, which made me disappointed.

      Transition or cut.

      Short sequence where me and H were about to play some board game. Not sure where we are, but indoors. Then all of a sudden, MB appears. I feel really apprehensive and tense, but oddly enough H is fine with his presence. I remember what I told mom some days ago in waking life, that we don't let MB hang out anymore, and yet here he is.

      We play a test round of the board game and then I start putting it all away, in the hope he'll get the hint and go away. I am confused as to why H hasn't told him to go either. I feel on edge and like I could become aggressive.

      Transition.

      Some weird sort of library. Reality physics mixed with game-type physics. There's a very short farclip plane. H is here and talks to me about something. I remember a purple and orange haze and some bookshelves. I walk around somewhat disorientated. I remember going into a room that I could see clearly and there were rolled up bits of paper, or scrolls?

      Transition again.

      I was on the computer, looking at a reddit link from some support group forum for people with my illness. The reddit link had an embedded youtube video that had some furry characters on the preview.

      The first line I remember either from reddit or the video description was "The inner drunkard voice of the characters we draw ghandara macrophylla". This doesn't fully make sense even in the dream and somehow I also feel the video will likely have someone with a really annoying voice, so I don't think I played it anyway. Passing thoughts about drawing.

      Notes:

      - I had to look up "ghandara", and the closest word I could find is "gandara", which means wetland(s) in Galician. Though it's a fairly familiar language, I didn't know this word specifically. "macrophylla" I know from plants, meaning large leaves or so. So that would make it "large leafed wetland" or something in a more literal sense, but it still doesn't link directly to the rest of the description text. I think in the dream the "macrophylla" was just a misspelling of "macrophilia" but it still doesn't explain the other random word.
      - Perhaps the oddest thing about the video link was that I have neither used reddit nor any online support group for my illness in a long time. The rest of the fragment's context seems to relate more to the fact that I haven't been drawing lately, mostly because of how I've been feeling, but also to the natural feelings of jealousy that seem to crop up in me sometimes when the art of others is on show.
      - In the weird haze library area, the purple and orange may have been a bit symbolic, as I associate purple to myself and orange to H, who was also there.
      - When MB was playing this board game with us, he was being as irritating as ever, all the more reason I wanted him gone.
      - Although I remember S was in the first part of the dream, I don't remember hearing her speak, which seems unlikely. That first part felt like the longest and the second part felt like the shortest.
    4. xlix.

      by , 10-11-2018 at 10:52 AM
      Non-dream stuff - Woke up at 6:30 with the first dream, then at unknown time had the second dream (fragment) and then woke at 9:20 with third dream. Made note of all on phone initially.



      Dream 1:
      Mixed location of my home town with where I live now. Recycling was being collected and it was morning. I remember coming to pick up our bags back but they were only "half-empty", as were everyone else's. Other people were there, also disgruntled for that same reason. I found some vintage gear in the midst of this, but for some reason I felt like it was stuff of ours to begin with, so I wasn't sure how they'd got there. It was morning and cloudy.

      Some sort of transition, then in the car with my partner driving away from town; I said I didn't like the route we were taking, as it was transitioning from town to massive red canyon-type cliffs and we were going at super high speed on a ring of red rock suspended in the air (like something you'd see in 90s sci-fi racing games). It was a clear and bright day at this point.

      After the canyon, we were arriving at a megapolis and the sun was setting. We parked up on a hill away from it all and started walking down to a large concrete pillar. It had what looked like cash machines embedded into it, but they weren't cash machines; they were some sort of tourist information points, and the machine would teach us some local lingo. I spent some time on it reading the words and trying to pronounce them correctly. It reminded me of Pidgin and Jamaican. When I was at the machine, I made particular note that the person on the other machine looked like one of my aunts (G) but thought no further about it and assumed it a coincidence.

      Then there's an implied transition that we went up somehow. We were now in the lobby of a grand place; it was a casino, carpeted, wood paneling, etc. Before I got to the reception I remember this black girl; somehow she looked like a younger and female version of Morpheus from the Matrix, and also without sunglasses. Her mouth was distinctly like his, she could have been his daughter. I don't remember what we talked about, but at one point I started to feel like she was pestering me/following me and I and my partner (H) just moved on to the reception desk. H was talking to the receptionist and there was an implied topic of H's mom having recently passed away. I questioned this a little bit but some sort of dream memory made me assume it was true.

      Whether it was a memory of the dream or a real memory, I was certain I'd been at this casino before. We were being given far more points than last time, and I could see there was a wooden framed number counter with 6 digits behind the reception desk, on the wall. It was the money I had available? 22000 it said; so I went down to 20000, and got in exchange some 50000 points or something, including to spend on some sort of "casino skills" like it was a game.

      Then all of a sudden we were teleported into another part of the casino. I could see myself in third person and I was some character wearing a light blue outfit. H wasn't with me anymore, I was confused and the dream ended; I woke up just as confused, sweating profusely, feeling like H was missing, when H was actually just next to me in bed.

      Dream Fragment 2:
      I was in some sort of large mansion or house. I don't remember much about it apart from zombie-like people, except they weren't rotten/rotting. They were alive and well, apart from being mostly mindless. I had some sort of special powers that I could use with my hands. I vaguely remember a selection interface.

      I tried the powers on the zombies, and they would mostly have the effect of making them behave differently or responding to commands from me and the like. The last ones I tried were on a woman, none of the powers worked on her. She had a white cardigan top and had short brunette hair and brown eyes. She became aggressive when the powers didn't work and started trying to gouge my eyes out with her thumbs; my eyes were closed and I could feel the pressure but I grabbed her arms with my hands but somehow she gained an extra arm; at this point I started to question what was happening, but the dream ended soon after.

      I don't recall when in the night this dream occurred.

      Dream 3:
      Me and H were in our kitchen. It was night but instead of the kitchen having a rolling blind at the window, it had 2 curtains. Couldn't see very well outside at first. I was naked and started to become concerned about people looking in and seeing me naked, as the kitchen light was on.

      When I looked outside again, the outside looked bigger and smaller in some aspects vs waking life. It was bright now too, I could see lots of traffic on the climb behind our house, which was odd for this time of night. But there was a full moon with a violet glow; the glow reflected on clouds too and it was quite beautiful and interesting.

      I could see the top of a street lamp post and I looked away at something and back at it and it started to fall, albeit slowly. H became very concerned it would hit the work shed, but I could see clearly that it wouldn't and would land on an upper tier instead. The traffic was still heavy and I found it odd that nobody had stopped, even lorries just going through the road. Did they phase through or just smash the pole into bits? There was no noise of vehicles hitting it. It felt like a "physics bug".

      The dream ended soon after.



      Will edit in some notes later. Feeling a bit too tired.



      Scoring thus far:
      + Previous score: 12.5

      + This DJ entry score (breakdown below): 19.5
      ++ Recall a non-lucid fragment: 0.5
      ++ Recall a non-lucid dream *2: 2.0
      ++ Buy/Purchase something: 1.0 (at the casino, buying points)
      ++
      Control another object or DC: 1.0 (in the dream fragment, controlling the "zombies")
      ++ How fast can you drive a car: 10.0 (in the first dream, when we went over the canyon, my partner's car simply shouldn't be able to go that fast and the suspended bit was curved, so if we weren't going that fast we would have fallen/steered off)
      ++ Recall any non-lucid dream over 5 consecutive nights: 5.0

      = Total score thus far: 32
    5. xlvii.

      by , 10-09-2018 at 06:48 PM
      Non-dream stuff - Woke up between 8 and 9, few details recalled of some non-lucid fragments, but some of those also lost due to writing this much later.



      Fragment 1
      Was in a spaceship of some kind, remembering traveling through a star system that had a gas giant planet that had a smaller planet lodged on its surface; I remember approaching the smaller planet and entering a blue sky atmosphere and I remember feeling both forces of ascent and descent, but always going very close to a horizontal parallel, so the forces weren't that strong.

      Fragment 2
      Some sort of transition with the first fragment where I was a giant and going through a city. Few details remembered now but I distinctly remember feeling like the perspective wasn't quite accurate (the field of view seemed too small).

      Fragment 3
      Doing something "naughty" with my partner, in a large concrete room; there was a bulb hanging from the ceiling, tungsten. There were a couple of computers that we weren't supposed to be using or something. The room had a door but it was more like a barred door, so it could be seen through. I remember feeling like somebody could intrude at any point.



      Some notes:
      • The first dream (fragment) has probably originated from recently playing Homeworld again a bit. Another game I used to play from the same era was Freelancer, which was another space game. Often, using a system editor in Freelancer meant you could do weird things like the two planets in this dream fragment.
      • Though normally I would consider the second fragment to be a possible dream goal (like for the October competition by KarlaB18), I do not consider it detailed enough to actually have achieved that goal. The fact that it occurred is a positive for me because I rarely dream of subjects I'm very interested in or want to have fun with.




      Scoring thus far:
      + Previous score: 3.5

      + This DJ entry score (breakdown below): 6.5
      ++ Recall any non-lucid dream over 3 consecutive nights: 3.0
      ++ Recall a non-lucid fragment: 0.5 * 3 = 1.5
      ++ Fly (1st fragment): 1.0
      ++ Transform/Shapeshift (2nd fragment): 1.0

      = Total score thus far: 10.0
    6. xl. The black lizard and the BFG

      by , 09-20-2018 at 02:10 PM
      Non-dream stuff - I wrote most of this non-lucid dream on a tablet while cooking lunch, as I didn't get a chance to do so before that. Managed to remember a lot of detail, but not some missing bits from transitions and the like, unfortunately.



      Dream:
      I remember being some place outside. I was getting a big weapon. The poor memory I have of the outline makes me think of a black bfg. I had a small van like the one my partner has. It was a cloudy and grey day. I put the weapon in the back of the van.

      I remember the presence of my middle sibling and I think we spoke at some point, about the weapon. It was very rare and valuable.

      Then there's a transition and it implied I took it some place else. I was now in my "lair" and I was a dinosaur/monster like something out of the game Monster Hunter. The weapon was on a rock, safely secured somehow and I remembering seing an orange glow on its outline, like an item pickup in a game.

      Then I looked at the top right corner of a visual interface and it said 33,000,000 or so, and it was money I had.

      Another big black monster that looked like a Komodo dragon or some sort of lizard appeared and he wanted the weapon. I remember he had a deep voice but I don't remember any words. He wanted to take it by force so we fought for a bit and he tried to attack the things making the weapon secure, without much success. I think he ended up scurrying away.

      I then was in a human form and in a black mustang-y type car, seeing it from third person like in many free roam games, and I drove at some speed toward a "waypoint" where I would find the black lizard. I was driving through a city and it was a bit dark at first. I got to a wide river, and I remember I could see an industrial estate type place across the way. I couldn't cross with the car and "remembered" I could summon a jet, so I summoned a bomber jet and got in and took off; the city was more like a complex megapolis now and it was a clear and sunny day.

      Somewhat unexpectedly I wasn't controlling the jet too well, and had a few near-hits with buildings; there were drag forces I don't remember noticing before when flying these in games and the tall and branched buildings made it difficult to navigate at high speed but after through the mega city jungle I was arriving over my waypoint so I jumped out of the jet, landing somewhere near my waypoint, which was a bunker entrance. It became night again and there were military personnel that didn't look like they were going to let me inside but they didn't threaten me with their weapons so I rushed through the entrance, into some dark and dimly lit concrete halls. The few lights that existed were weak fluorescent lights.

      There wasn't much staff inside this bunker and I seemed to have lost the guards. In this section of the dream I can't actually remember what form I took, possibly alternating between human and lizard form; but I found the black lizard in a small room behind a classroom place that had window panes to an "open" underground area. It was still very dark but there was bright blue light from the large underground area. I assumed some kind of high tech generator though I don't remember looking.

      The black lizard was smaller than before, but though he was the same one as before, it was like he was younger now, hence his reduced size. I remember confronting him with more aggression and likewise back at me. I also remember thinking "why couldn't he just pay me a few millions for the weapon", also making me wonder how much money he had, which I assumed to be a lot.

      Unfortunately I can't remember what happened next in any detail and the dream ended shortly after.



      Notes (going into a bit of dream interpretation more than usual because of the dream's plot/context):
      - To me, the jet, the military staff and bunker are clearly based off my recent experience of playing Just Cause 3. Other elements from games are obviously present, like the weapon.
      - In the dream I did expect the jet control to be a lot more intuitive than it ended up being, but the giant branched buildings were very unexpected, because when I was on the ground I never spotted any.

      - Black seems to have been a very prevalent colour in this dream.
      - Black BFG, black lizard, black car, grey rocks, lots of places of darkness... Of contrast was the white van, the blue or tan jet and the shiny city buildings and blue sky when flying the jet.
      - Of note to me is that I immediately referenced the black lizard as male, and the fact that I was a lizard too, of some other colour, probably yellow or orange, indicates to me that the black lizard was likely a part of my Shadow and that I was playing some sort of Hero role.

      - I find that the Hero as represented by my less conscious mind tends to be too antagonistic towards the Shadow. This may just be a reflection of Hero portrayals in many typical stories. I personally see the Shadow archetype in general as a poor repressed fellow who needs attention or affection, rather than violence.
      - In my childhood pre-sleep lucids, the form of choice was usually a giant black lizard/dinosaur.

      - The last part of the dream has the most significance to me and follows a general pattern that my dreams sometimes take;
      -- The underground bunker goes down and deeper and gets darker and darker, which is a common process in my dreams, but the presence of a bright blue light at the end when confronting the black lizard in the darkness was somewhat unusual. I do usually have meaningful interactions with dark characters in these dream stages however.
      -- The fact that the black lizard was smaller and/or younger at the end makes me think that it is a part of my childhood that I've lost that I haven't been able to regain yet. As a child I was easily angry and aggressive, which was more or less the behaviour of the black lizard.



      Edit from 2 years after having first made this entry (altered some spacings above and corrected typos too):

      - As I re-read my dream and the notes, I realised that not once did I actually mention the colour of the black lizard's eyes, but I think due to some "memory corruption" I have mistakenly defined them as being blue. I think my error came from the memory of the light in the final scenes of the dream, where there was that incredible bright blue light beyond the glass.

      - My only guess is that my brain linked the two things together to define that the lizard's eyes were blue of the same colour. I think I am fine with this association either way and perhaps while it wasn't the actual colour in the dream, it doesn't really matter seeing as it was my subconscious that made that association to begin with!

      - Although I didn't describe it as such in the entry, I do remember that it was a semi-spherical room that the blue energy was contained in. It was a room of very large proportion, definitely based on some sci-fi stuff I've seen.

      Updated 08-08-2020 at 09:04 PM by 95293

      Categories
      side notes , non-lucid , memorable
    7. xxxviii.

      by , 09-16-2018 at 12:08 PM
      Non-dream stuff - A couple of non-lucid dreams, one long one but mostly only remember fragments either way.



      Dream fragment:
      I remember being in my real bathroom, looking in the mirror; there was a crease in my nose, between where the nostrils are. I pressed one of my fingers and it spread apart like it was a nostril, but it didn't go anywhere, but there was a black dot there, like a seed. In waking life now I can still feel the slight impression of the nose being able to split there.

      Dream sequence:
      I was in a tower block with my partner. We were renting a room or something and we put quite a bit of hi-fi and computers in the room. I remember the lights were on, both in the room and in the common halls of the building.

      Another scene, implied to be later, I was standing by a window with my partner and a dream character, a woman about our age. The window was a large flat panel, or perhaps the glass was missing, but either way the hole in the wall was from foot level to ceiling level and rectangular. Outside I could see other apartment buildings, but smaller, between 3-6 stories. Given the height, we were probably on the 8th story of our building, and I had the feeling it was 20 or more in the dream.

      The sky was darkening outside, turning dark orange, and large clouds of orange dust appeared, going up to 6 stories high. The woman asked what the dust was. I said "it's a desert storm". The weather got progressively worse and hurricane-like and my partner mentioned something like "we must be getting the tail of that American tornado". The winds were so strong they blew some of the smaller apartment buildings roofs off and large pieces of concrete and stone were flying around, causing varying amounts of damage. I was not concerned about the building we were in, though it did take some hits from said large pieces of concrete.

      Later me and my partner went down, I think we took an elevator down, but it would only have been a couple of floors, as I remember "feeling" where the room was. I had the impression that there were lots of sandy mountains outside now and that some of it may have caved in to the several lower floors. I remember wondering if we should have paid for some sort of contents insurance, as I had concern for our stuff.

      Some detail is missing here.

      Then I remember another scene where I spoke to a receptionist or something. Then the dream's full context started changing and it started to become something about hunting some sort of unholy creature. I remember the mood colours of the dream went from oranges to cold light blues.



      Some notes:
      • The first dream fragment felt like an obvious "I should have done a RC" moment as soon as I realised I was remembering a dream, and not a vague memory.
      • In the tower block, when we were standing by the window, I only remember looking towards the outside, and I didn't look at either my partner or the DC woman at any point.
      • The "desert storm" was most likely based on the context of tails of desert winds I've seen in the past. If there's a lot of the dust, the sunlight becomes orange.
      • The context for why we were there was never revealed in the dream, but it looked a bit like my native country.
    8. xxxv.

      by , 09-09-2018 at 11:56 AM
      Non-dream stuff - I'm a bit too tired to write all the details on this entry. Had a long non-lucid that I'll summarise.



      The dream mostly consisted of me going around several towns around my home town, as I was trying to buy some beer either in a bottle or a can for a friend that was visiting. The context which was also part of the dream beforehand was that there were a few friends visiting at my childhood home but I only had one beer, which is what led me to go out to try and get more. At a few points I wondered if I was gone too long, considering they were only guests, I probably shouldn't have left them on their own.

      Even though I went to about 5 different shops over all the towns, nobody had any beer at all, unbelievably. I remember I did find a load of cans at a shop, and I bought them, only to realise later they were some sort of vanilla coke cans. I still had the impression they were beers, which made me wonder since when did coca-cola do beer... A bit later I met a dream character which in the dream context was my friend. He had an extremely overburdened backpack and he was a bit shorter than me and bald. We went separate ways but waved as we did. I continued searching for beer after that.

      I don't remember at what point the dream ended exactly.



      Notes:
      • The fact that beer was being that difficult to find should perhaps at least have made me wonder if such a situation could happen on a normal day, though for some reason the time of day in the dream felt like it was relevant.
      • The fact that I went over so many towns should have been more surprising, since I only walked from place to place, and in the dream I didn't have my typical fatigue in any normal sense.
      • Additionally, I typically don't drink alcohol at all (some drinks make me feel very ill within a few minutes) but some beers are alright to have and I did find myself with a craving for a beer during the dream, probably because it's been a few months since I last tasted any.

      Updated 09-09-2018 at 11:59 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
    9. xxx.

      by , 08-27-2018 at 10:35 AM
      Non-dream stuff - woke up earlier than 10 a couple of times but got up at about 10:10. Was having a non-lucid but some details are missing.



      Dream:
      I remember that this was the start of a transition between two dreams, and I was walking to a gravel car park. It was day, and I had a backpack, full of stuff, whatever it was. Then in the car park were two of my old school friends. At first they didn't notice me because of the distance, but I hoped they would because they were walking away from the car park in my general direction but I also wanted to leave my backpack in their car.

      As I approached, I remember I was struggling with walking; it felt like it took a long time to get to them and they had at least spotted me. They walked back a few paces with me to their car, which looked like the car my dad has in waking life. One of my friends opened the boot and I dumped my heavy black backpack in there, remembering I still had some lessons that day, so I took out a couple of my pencil cases, ones which in waking life I use to keep pens and pencils separately and that I've always used.

      Then there was either a transition or it was implied we walked somewhere else.
      We were in an old building, ruined. There were more people, and now this was some sort of game. Me and my two friends ran out of the building first and it looked like it was some sort of hunger games/battle royale thing, so the three of us had an advantage for getting out first and we went through areas of a ruined city. I remember seeing our health numbers, 64, 40 something and another. I spotted some monkeys or something and decided to make them friendly with us; my friend asked what the point was, and I explained that as the other people came by, the monkeys would attack them and weaken them, without putting us at risk.

      Then the rest of the groups started arriving in a scattered manner. I grabbed a stone and watched each person cautiously. Many of them went by ignoring me, running and looking for things to use. I went past a girl with a dog, that initially was on a lead, and then the lead vanished. The girl went one direction down some steps and the dog went another direction, where I came from.

      Then there was some sort of flat area lower from where I had been, and everyone was here now. In a way it was like people had a short field of vision, like they couldn't see how close I was, like how ridiculous stealth can be in some video games. I remember the stone I held was limestone square cobble; it had a very sharp edge. I slashed a girl on her naked back and prowled away; the girl became complaintative to the rest of the people something like "how am I going to win now?!" with some sort of moody attitude.

      The slash I'd inflicted on her was quite deep along the spine, but in retrospect she didn't seem to struggle or feel too much pain about it. I remember as I prowled around the area that these people all looked like former classmates or were simply random dream characters. My two old friends, I couldn't spot anywhere.

      Then I remember I cut two other people, on their shoulders and arms. Not as serious, more like scratches. I seem to remember either everyone was naked or something. I think this was inconsistent in the dream.

      Then there was a group of 5 or 6 older adults, in their 40s, 50s, 60s. They stood straight and graciously at one end of this area and one, a white, large lady, barked some complaints she had about something. Another, a black man, disagreed with her and said something about mental illness, and the reality of it. The comments were all related to the "game".



      Notes:
      • In this dream sequence, my old school friends would probably have been the best cue for RCing. I have not seen or spoken to them in several years now.
      • I think that to make the monkeys friendly with us I had given them something they could eat, though I can't remember what.
      • Through the whole second part of the dream I was mostly calm but in that mode where one observes everything very carefully as if anyone could be a threat. It's a basic instinct feeling, which is not surprising given the dream's context.
      • I'm not sure why I cut the others with less force than that first girl; I remember the cut on her spine looked a vivid red. I think I felt like perhaps I'd caused too much harm, even if I should be concerned about my own "survival". I could have just killed any of them, but I didn't, and I don't know why.
      • I think the man at the end was making a point that conflict could make us mentally ill. That's how I felt about it, somehow.

      Updated 08-29-2018 at 01:28 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    10. xvii.

      by , 08-05-2018 at 12:23 PM
      Non-dream stuff; Woke up early enough but slept again and then just stayed in bed far too long because I felt very poorly yesterday. Had a few long non-lucid dreams but let's see what I can remember...



      Sequence 1:

      I remember being at a street and walking down with my partner; it was day time and I think the sun was to the right, as we were walking in the shade of some terraced houses or the like. We were going to some rented cars we had at the moment, we had two rented cars and one was up the street and the other down the street. When we got to where the second one should have been, it was gone. We reacted a bit with "oh shit..." as some of the stuff we had was in the boot. I couldn't remember what exactly but I think my partner's laptop and some backpack of mine.

      I said we should call the police and I remember "seeing" an interface that showed they'd find it in under an hour. There was even a thing where I could pay the police some more money and they'd use a jet to find it very quickly. My partner said not to bother, because (for some reason) even though the car had been stolen we'd only have to pay the rental company 100 from the deposit, which I found to be odd. But I was still worried about our stuff at the very least.

      Can't remember how that sequence ended.

      Sequence 2:

      Still part of the same general dream somehow, I remember us arriving on foot at a house; it was night time. The place was more like a small castle or small mansion than a house, actually; a typical estate you'd find on large plot of land anyway, the building's stones were limestone, and it probably had some sort of gothic ornamentation. I remember we went in... There was a woman? Or maybe there wasn't anyone, but I seem to remember the presence of a woman.

      I seem to remember we went into some rooms and dropped off some stuff we had on us and maybe sat down. The memory here seems to blend with memories of the previous sequence, so I'm not sure what chronological order things took exactly, apart from considering time of day in the dream.

      Something about secret rooms... But then I remember that we somehow owned this place all of a sudden and that we were gonna change some things around.

      Fragment 3:

      I think this came before the first sequence, but some game where my partner was playing and he got a jet and I said "oh, I haven't seen that one before! let me try" and he wouldn't, saying "find your own" in a cheeky way even though he wasn't flying the jet too well, as I remember he clipped the nose of the plane on a skyscraper as he was doing a loop. I remember the jet had a nozzle-mounted machine gun and some rockets.



      Some notes:
      • These sequences were much longer, but only writing them down about 3 hours after I've woken up, I've forgotten most of the details...
      • I think in sequence 2, there was a fireplace that was lit when we first came in.
      • The fact we had 2 rented cars does not make any sense, as I cannot actually drive in waking life. And my partner couldn't be driving 2 cars at the same time, obviously. Just this in itself should have been a good cue for RC.
      • The fact my partner didn't care so much about our belongings in the stolen rental was odd too. Again another good cue for RC.
      • The police "interface" thing was reminiscent of something from a game, I'm not even sure "where" I saw the interface, I think just in my normal field of view.
    11. xv.

      by , 08-03-2018 at 08:42 AM
      Non-dream stuff; couldn't remember any dreams yesterday. Today I woke up at about 8 but forgot dreams so got up and did something before getting back in bed and then remembering the following non-lucid fragment.



      Fragment:

      I remember I had a camera-like perception and that I was seeing some recorded footage from a car in New York. People were talking about the footage, and it was like one of those CSI programmes. I don't remember the footage very well other than it was the car going on to a bridge, then making a U-turn and then starting to drive off. Then I was at the bridge place and there was a blonde woman in a red dress, whom was implied by the dream context to be a hooker, and she looked pretty clueless but was related to the car thing, especially given the fact she was in the middle of the initial stretch of the bridge road.

      Then I moved away from the bridge, to a T-intersection with it, or rather that its road made with another, and saw 2 blue camouflage soldiers diverting traffic and telling everyone to not come closer. They had an RPG-Launcher on their left hand and a typical American assault rifle on their right hand, which made me wonder how they would be able to appropriately fire the RPG at an incoming tank or something. They had blue helmets, too.

      In the distance, I saw some skyscrapers, and a certain one behind another had something funny about its logo that was related to whatever was going on at the bridge, but its like nobody else had made the connection, though I don't remember details.

      It was day for the entirety of the dream.



      Some notes:

      • I've never been to New York, and in fact have really only ever seen it in games and police tv dramas.
      • The blue camo soldiers were more than likely some sort of U.N. force.
      • I am not sure that I ever had a physical representation in this dream, so I'm not sure how a RC would have worked.
      • The soldiers looked a bit bored and somewhat agitated at the same time.
    12. iii.

      by , 07-19-2018 at 10:16 AM
      Just got up, went into our computer room, kept the curtains closed and started my computer and wrote this. Two non-lucid dream sequences, mostly fragmented:



      First sequence:

      In the first dream I was in a "room" that was like a garden, it was a room in the sense that it was some sort of partition; I remember something like greek pillars covered in vines and grassy ground. In this room, there was "me", my partner from waking life, a friend of ours and a slim man in a suit; the three of us approached the man, as he was here to show us something and as we did or perhaps he was already doing it, he was levitating this large latticed purple orb, made of stone or gemstone, between his two hands, one hand above, one hand below; the orb floated up and down gently.

      I can't tell if it was day or night but everything looked somewhat "dark".

      At first my partner (who isn't really into any stuff like this) put his hand out toward the orb and closed his eyes and was silent; then our friend did and then I did. I could sense no special energy from the orb or the man: the orb was ordinary, regardless of any surreal properties. I stopped and walked away toward a door under a lowered roof, then I think our friend did too and I opened the door and there were two more doors to either side of a tiny partition and I opened another and went into a large room, like a conference room; there were a dozen men and women at the conference table, and they were waiting for us. I remember one of them asking what were we waiting for, why hadn't we all come in? Or something to this effect. I explained we wouldn't be a minute and I peeked out to see my partner still holding his hand at the orb and called him and he opened his eyes and walked away from the mysterious man, and the conference members were not keen on letting this man in.

      I remember my partner said that the orb felt like it had the energy of the universe or some such; which I interpreted as: it feels the exact same as any ordinary object, because it did to me.

      As we were all in now, apart from the orb man, one of the older men said "close the doors, lift the barriers" and some fake wall barriers emerged from some slots on the floor next to the doors, sealing the room. I remember this conference room had some windows, and had too much room even for just this single conference table. This all had a very Illuminati type feeling to me, even in the dream.

      Second sequence:

      I'm not sure where this sequence starts or if it carried over from the last one, but this one is temporally fragmented. I remember the last part first: I was at a waterpark with my partner and I remember thinking when I was talking to someone, I think a woman, that I always wanted to go to one. We were sort of leaning back against a wall of this single-story building, a large square-ish building as far as my dream self knew, we were waiting for something, I think more members of our group, which I think included my family. I remember as I waited, I was messing around, like lifting myself up by putting my hands against two lower walls and pushing myself up and I was also looking around the waterpark and outside of it.

      I saw some skyscrapers in the city. One was probably 30 stories, and then another, fancier, office building behind it was something between 60 or 70, I guessed. I pondered as I thought it was so strange that such a small difference in stories could make up for so much more height. The sky was blue and clear and it was certainly daytime.

      I think our group arrived and we walked around the square building and we were looking for a restaurant or something. We all went into this small one and as everyone was going in I could see on a digital interface (inside my head) that another nearby restaurant that was related to this one was much busier at the moment, and I walked up to one of the staff members that was headed for the loo and said to him like "want me to get some more people over from [indecipherable] restaurant?"; he looked at me approvingly but didn't answer and went in the bathroom; I turned away and walked out and headed for the other restaurant. This fragment ends here.

      Another fragment, before this last one, in dream time:

      I was standing with my partner in a garden at this waterpark; there were white painted wooden fences and it was a clear blue sky day, as it would still be later. My dream self knew this garden was part of an accommodation we were staying in, part of the park's premises. I remember hearing a woman's voice, she was praying, loudly, and I commented to my partner "surely she can keep her voice down a little?"; he shrugged and looked in the distance, resting his arms on this wooden fence. Her praying went on for some time, and I thought about how I had never prayed loudly in my life except when asked to, and even then, barely so. And yet this woman was praying to be heard by all, without concern of being judged or criticised for doing so.

      I remember my dream self knew there sprinklers in the gardens but they had not yet been on, though the grass looked perfectly lush and perfectly trimmed.

      Can't recall more fragments.



      Notes:
      • I have had curiosity about going to waterparks, but I have certainly never had the open desire of "always wanting to go to one", so this could have been a thought I could have realised was odd.

      • Both dreams, the whole places were dream-generated, in their entirety. The only "exception" being that the accommodation and its garden in the last fragment very closely resembled the type of thing my family used to go to holiday for, when I was a kid.

      • In the dream I could clearly hear the woman's prayers but I had forgotten all of it by the time I woke up. It felt important to my dream self to remember what she was praying.

      • In the first dream, the "Illuminati" conference was probably partly based off the imagined world from the first Deus Ex Machina games, as that is one of the most prominent visual culture references I have for the subject. I do not know why my dream self, which was like "me", was part of it. And if there were a dozen people in the room, with the 3 of us walking into the room, that would make 15 - in the game's world it is implied there are 12 members only.

      • The floating purple orb really had no special feel to it; it felt more mechanical and part of nature than anything else, as I truly did not feel any special energy from it. The man was peculiar for mostly just standing there, firmly, in what looked like a tophat and an old style suit, simply "presenting" the orb. Perhaps he and the orb were merely part of the garden, in the same way as the grass and vines.

      • Tip/Memory Note: I remember much less on getting up than what I wrote now, but because of the way memory works it's easier to remember things like a dream in sequence, so as you start from the beginning or end it becomes easier to recall more of the memorable parts if you think it out and through. This is also true for your waking life memories: if you are in a room and don't remember the recent past, you go backwards in your memory of living the last moments. If you pay enough attention through most of the day, you can recall an entire day this way, sometimes more.
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