DarkestDarkness

8th September 2021

Fragment:

(from an earlier awakening, most detail lost)

I'm with someone. It's a person of an alien species. He (?) is like a gel of energy that is contained within a humanoid shaped vessel. In the dream I eventually understand that this is purposefully metaphorical. He is very young and is more mature than most humans but has much to learn. His species gains the ability to take on other forms as they get older but for the most part for now he can only leave the humanoid shape and take an amorphous shape.

We are friends and do things together, but I forget what. I think he sets up a physical MMO server thing of some kind and other people start joining our realm (BL intrusion?). Eventually, he finds another person of his species and I'm happy for him since he can share his unique aspects with someone else.

I remember he actually also had the ability to exit his humanoid vessel and go into other objects. At one point he goes into one of two giant screens and his friend does the same with the free screen. This was relevant for the MMO thing but I don't remember how.

The setting seems to be mostly urban, semi-futuristic. At some point we're inside a great house or hall, it feels like an ancient library, with a techy feel.

Notes:

- The shapeshifting gel energy being is obviously an intrusion from ST: DS9, since I have been watching this recently. In the dream it felt novel, and at the time of first recall it still had some of that feel.

24th August 2021

Fragment:

At a place outside. It's sunny, looks a bit like my native country. Sort of dry grass and possibly some forest in the distance. I'm at or near some old concrete slabs, partially covered by dirt, sand and grass. There's a very tidy and organised minefield in a certain direction, that I'm aware of. It follows a square grid pattern. Other people are nearby but I forget who.

Fragment:

A bit like our home here. Some kind of mechanism and wooden surfaces that move on a single axis. They have metal sockets and plugs that allow them to interconnect vertically. Then outside, at the back. I hold a thin piece of 2x2 Lego plate towards H, who's in our yard just over the wall. There's some kind of visible electromagnetic flow between the Lego piece and something H is holding. Now the Lego displays an amperage reading on its top face, and I show H while also making some comment about it.

Then I remain on the bit outside of our back yard. This area is different from how it should be, it feels more open and more natural. I forget what I'm doing but I know that H is putting up an old silver-coloured plastic TV at the back, it has something to do with conclusions we drew on before because of the EM flow. Some neighbour from the house right next to ours (but not actually), the one on the left if I'm looking from the back, he talks to us and says something about a party game and wishing there were players, or something? We invite them to play, I think. Then I'm like in some kind of Sims game (the party game) but the scale of the property grid is reduced and simplified.

I wake up around this point, after I've built some simple house walls in the game.

---

25th August 2021

Initial recall was good but I didn't bother with making initial notes.

Scraps:

Something about a school or university, and learning.

27th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm climbing up some semi-ruined concrete structures. A kangaroo person of sorts is following after me.

Then, something about needing to go to a supermarket and something about school. I'm on a flat rooftop and I get a bag with stuff in it?

Fragment:

Something about playing a level 83 warlock. Unknown zone, hilly and deforested, partially ravine-like with cliffs on either side and there's a river running along the centre. I meet a bear form druid that tells me to look out for a tauren hunter in the area. The druid is level 110 or something. In the dream I know max level to actually be 80 but I understand that it can go up to 110 to gain some small extra bonuses or something.

At one point I see the tauren hunter in the distance. He's across a lake area where the river ends. On selecting the hunter, the profile status bar is green, not red, implying he's not hostile. I think his pet is finishing off a mob while he loots or skins something else.

Fragment:

Something about a flood of blood wine and a group of five or six klingons, we all need to drink so much of it in order to get away or be able to call a lift. There are disagreements on what to do and who should be doing what.

---

Notes:

- I used to be more into Star Wars than Star Trek but over the last few years I've spent some time re-watching Star Trek stuff that I had mostly forgotten about. In Star Trek, most races and characters fit certain symbolic archetypes and motifs very easily, so I think situations such as this with the klingons draw from that aspect, partly based on my conscious and non-conscious perceptions and thoughts about the lore.
-- Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've dreamt of klingons.
-- I'd like to write some thoughts on potential symbolic aspects but a bit too tired right now.

- Unfortunately I lost visual recall of the last fragment because I left writing these for a couple of days without thinking about them again in the meantime.

13th July 2021

Fragment:

In space, Freelancer setting. I'm in a beautiful looking system, but fairly simple and generic. One white star? An ice asteroid field in the distance which I think I'm approaching. I'm with someone else, who's in a different ship, maybe T? Or an NPC like Juni. We're sneaking or getting away from something and we're taking unmapped/unknown travel routes, the type pirates and bounty hunters and freelancers use. This dream might have been from when my alarm went off, I don't remember resetting it.

Fragment:

Some interactions with other people. There's a context of survival and maybe one of servitude too (slavery? maybe not though). Most of this dream takes place in an indoors setting and it's daytime outside. There's an overcast characteristic to lighting. I recall some bit where I'm helping someone, they pass me a long-ish cardboard box which doesn't look so strong. As I take hold of it, it's bottom half sort of drops off from the upper lid section. A glass or metal thing drops out, it sounds like glass smashing.

It's an electron valve or something? But I don't remember looking. The person that was passing me the box, a lady, gets upset with me, but we quickly get over it and we do something else.

(recall gap?)

Now I'm on Minecraft. I've just spawned in a new world. It's an unusual ravine locale. I am near and sort of under a 5x5 pillar and then I look around and up. The pillar goes up, a hundred or so blocks, as do other similar ones in the ravine area. Over this pillar is a railroad track laid on top of oak planks going from one side of the chasm to the other.

The natural stone pillar has decorative stone bricks at the corners in a semi-random fashion and the other pillars are similar. The chasm or ravine is longer than it is wide but seems to mostly be rectangular. I don't recall noticing any ore at all. For some reason, I just fly up and look around. On the rail track, minecarts are going around. They have loot chests on them and I quickly inspect contents as they go past. They seem reasonably OK.

I think there's another track that runs carts in the opposite direction, just nearby. To either end of the chasm, in terms of longitude, there are these sort of old West mineshaft entrances, which half look like a barn or house. They are built into the natural rock walls. My dream knowledge of the area makes it feel like a classic DOOM map, like actually behind the stone walls there's nothing, as if they are just set dressing.

I go into one of these mine entrances and it has more loot chests which I inspect. I hear zombies nearby, but ignore them. Then I feel like I hear our doorbell but I start going into a dark stairwell made with oak plank stair blocks. On some level I start to question the reality of this and wake up and ask H if the doorbell had really rang, but no.

---

Notes:

- The Freelancer dream was nice even if a lot of recall went. I always enjoy those dreams because of the way space always looks more realistic than the game did but it still looks more fantastic than space would actually look like anyway. The system was a bit like some Sigma or Tau systems but "felt" closer to core systems.
-- The dream plot was a generic story/campaign plot, as far as I can recall. I don't recall what my ship was like.

- I think I haven't had lucid thoughts very much until that dream where the doorbell noise manifested. Notably, the dream entry that follows for the 15th also had a lucidity cue.

- I would like to think about the symbolism of situation surrounding the smashing object in the second fragment but a bit too tired to think about it, hopefully come back to it at some point.

5th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm looking at my profile on one of the art sites? I notice I have an unread PM and click to check it. It's from a site moderator I think and I check to see if it really is one, by looking for a certain symbol or something? The message reads at first something like "Dear user, as it is so rare to come across individuals like yourself", going on for a short bit and then asking further down if I'd like to become a moderator, myself.

There's still some kind of special application process and scrolling through the, actually somewhat long, message, I see some red hyperlink buttons with white text. They have something to do with answering some questions for the application. At the start of these is also a green one and I perceive green as bad? The green one is for saying that you're not interested in this or something.

I think about this and consider the responsibilities, the kind of things I might have to deal with, potentially unpleasant. And also the fact that it's not a paid role or position, it's voluntary even with the application and so on. Despite all this I still consider applying. Rest of recall faded.

Fragment:

In a game world of some kind, with H. It feels like DOOM, Quake or UT. The zone feels a bit void of anything at all, very empty. There's an orange-purple atmospheric effect? The only things that seem to exist around here are some kind of simple and white geometric structures that we walk across. I do some jumping tricks and get up on top of what is supposed to be like a small building. There's a "BFG 9000" here on the flat rooftop, it's a secret pick-up. This BFG has a unique design and is really quite big, as I pick it up I visually note that H gets it too.

The weapon's design is chunky at the start, then it becomes tri-pronged kind of and extends almost two yards in front. These bits sticking out are like electro-magnetic rails and they are a silvery metal but with a light blue electric glow. The rest of the design is primarily green, the green tone I associate with DOOM.

Anyway, then a boss or elite enemy appears or something. I consider whether or not we should use our new BFGs on it and end up deciding not and that we should just use regular rocket launchers to fight it. I think about the fact that the BFG has very limited ammo and sooner or later we'll end up firing at the same time anyway in combat situations, effectively wasting shots.

---

Notes:
- On waking and trying to draw the weapon in its most basic form I realised I couldn't imagine what the grip for it could be like. I then realised I've never really paid attention to this detail on BFG designs.

- The first dream may relate to how I have sometimes done things freely for others because I felt that it was important enough to do as a voluntary thing. The issue has often been for me that I have not been either rewarded nor recognised for it and not even getting some recognition for helping makes it feel like I've been used for my eagerness, ultimately making me feel naive and cynical about such things.

3rd July 2021

Fragment:

(long dreams, recall was good at first, but didn't make enough of an effort to start noting them down)

Some kind of RPG shooter, maybe a mix of Borderlands and something else, in which I'm helping two other people with a boss. I change to the highest difficulty and also to my best character, on the fly. I become aware that the gear drops will now possibly come with requirements the other players I'm helping won't be able to meet, but I consider that it really shouldn't matter in the long run and should actually be beneficial. It's a small and kind of dark room, can't remember much else about the location.

(recall faded too much) I'm in a dropship of some kind and I'm next to a tank-like vehicle. We're dropping into a small combat zone, feels like some kind of last-effort push kind of thing? The tank feels like the DRG 'dozer in terms of shape, but bigger, wider. More like a SC Fatboy, but smaller in overall scale.

Some bit later in a sea rig, also with the dropship or the tank, some family there too?

---

4th July 2021

Fragment:

Some bit about WoW. At first I'm playing a warrior and I have a huge two-handed weapon, looks very much like Sul'Thraze, but although my character isn't one, the attack animations are that of a troll character.

It's an unfamiliar and novel area, completely original to the dream as far as I can recall. There's some bit later on, taking place on a small natural incline, grassy and a bit rocky. The colours are all very muted and towards purple hues all the way throughout, there are a few stone ruins. At this last point I'm playing an underleveled warlock and trying to help in a high level group fight.

---

Notes:
- Before bed on the first night, I read the Dreamgates parts in the centre of the book about creativity and read the exercise there again too also while in bed.
-- I have really enjoyed this part so far and it has been motivating to read and re-read it, especially since I feel I've been accomplishing so little lately.

- The WoW dream was mostly residue of actual feelings while playing the game, but the troll thing felt a bit different, perhaps because WoW trolls have this tribal aspect associated to them and because of Dreamgates making me think about Shaman-related things

- Not sure if I've ever had a dream take place in a sea rig before, but possibly.

2nd July 2021

Fragment:

In Outland. Some alternate version of Helfire I've dreamed of before, years ago I think. It's a mix of Netherstorm in terms of landscape features but looks like Helfire. Something about me trying to get to level seventy but I find out that eighty is actually the maximum level, through seeing other players I think.

There's a back-and-forth mix of D3 and WoW. I'm both trying to create a level twenty or so questline involving dragons, for the zone I'm in, I think; but also trying to work on an art project about an erotica comic in a M/M theme.

(recall started fading at this point) At one point, I'm working on this comic project and alt-tabbing between games and drawings for reference and then H comes in to this odd office room I'm in and starts talking to me. The room is very wooden? A dark-ish stain, probably? H is kind of having a go at me for "not doing much". I feel annoyed and partly insulted, since I try as much as I can. Constant interruptions occur (not just or only from H but something else) while I'm trying to work on this questline thing.

The dream eventually deviates into some other bit in a town.

(recall gap)

I'm in a subway starting at my home town and I'm sort of composing a train run schedule that will go from a yellow line to the blue line? Stations seem dark and unfamiliar, not to mention cramped, they seem more like my vague memory of the London underground and some other generic subways I've seen.

I'm alone in this train with the conductor, I'm just in the passenger area at first looking at the maps. Then I knock on the door to the cabin or something and I tell him about what I'll be doing. I can see through the front glass that we are arriving at a station full of people, mostly university students or something, people in school uniforms. I tell the conductor that we can't stop here for now because "that's too many gamers" and that I'll add this station later on into the schedule.

And I think about how they'd probably end up giving this new route I'm making a very bad reputation and causes issues later on. So I think to myself that they'll just have to catch a different train for now.

---

Notes:
- Feels like it's been a while since a proper subway dream, though I suppose I have had a few not that long ago, that come to mind.
-- As always this should be enough of a cue to question reality, but it never seems to be enough, nothing seems to be enough.

- Again, dragons. Dragons are rarely the central topic in my dreams. This time they weren't the focus of eroticism but seems there was still a loose link since I was working on both their questline and the erotic comic.
-- This thematic could relate both to my difficulty in sticking to a single project and to the fact that I always want to do really involved things. Doing either a comic or a full questline are projects that require a lot of time and attention. Relating to the difficulty in sticking to a project, I often lose track of myself and my attention to things when things start feeling long.

- Unusually, the train was symbolically under my control though indirect influence of its compliant conductor, maybe a metaphor about navigation, guidance or inability to lead action directly.
-- Relating to this, I have found that I am much calmer and more able to work effectively if I'm not directly in charge of something. If I am in advisory or assisting role, I tend to be able to remain emotionally detached for better results. Thinking further about this, ironically this is not the case when it comes to doing artwork for others, since that's still primarily based on my own ability to lead artistically (since I'm not being asked to emulate another artists' style).

- When in the dream H has a go at me, I think this is actually a metaphor for me having a go at myself. I do sometimes think I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I often think about how it feels like I'm not leading myself anywhere but also about how it feels so hard without anyone guiding me.
-- The irony to me feels like even under guidance I still feel like I'm not getting guidance, which makes me feel like it's a problem relating to myself only and not to others and their interactions with me.

2nd May 2021

Fragment:

Initially something about Terraria. I'm on some kind of mini MMO server. It's 2D at first as it should be, but then starts to become 2.5D and eventually blends into normal reality as I exit some caves I'd been mining in. There was a lot of ore in the caves, but mostly copper and iron.

I exit the cave to an exterior location. It's sunny but I'm under the shade of a metal canopy of some kind. I have guns like in UT or something. There are some flying enemies nearby, to my right, and I think about shooting them with a beam weapon but I don't for some reason. They have wings? Are they eyes, maybe? Some kind of stereotype fantasy creature, at any rate.

Then I climb or jump down further ahead, where there's a lower roof, using it as a midway point to the ground. There's a human but he's some kind of boss? I'm talking with H at the same time, discussing what's happening I think. Some recall is missing but I eventually change to a traditional sniper rifle and fire at point blank range against the man's neck. I can imagine the bullet and it goes through the front of the neck but leaves no visible wound or blood and it gets lodged under the cranium at the back, on the right side.

But then the person becomes H and I turn the head to inspect and there's the lump of the bullet about where I thought it would be. I tell H it's fine, we'll get someone to remove it.

---

4th May 2021

Fragment:

Something about schools part of a network/group called "plus (something)"? I'm in a town but unsure where. Reminds me of my native country and there's these small and perfectly laid out buildings, which are taking over everywhere as if they are invading and replacing other things. The buildings are alien in origin or something, the dream implies, but they look like regular buildings in a modern style, though having something to do with this group of schools or something.

There's some kind of instancing effect going on and things phase in and out of reality depending on where I stand exactly; in the phase space there are only two specific things to eat for some reason and this becomes a way for me to identify that I'm in this phased space. I think something about the colour of the atmosphere changes too but recall is somewhat muddled and partly gone and some bits of this feel as if they were from an earlier awakening.

Some recall is missing but later on, there's some bit in a kitchen underground in a bunker of some kind and this is like the headquarters of whatever is going on. In this kitchen, there are two women, they are busy cooking and concocting things? I think they have aprons on but I don't recall any other details other than that maybe one had her hair tied up. They are the masterminds, it's implied somehow. They don't seem to care about my presence. The door to the kitchen is locked with some type of electronically controlled lock and some people want to get in here because a meteor is crashing soon and this is the safest place, even within the entirety of this bunker. There's a large window into the next room and there are random groupings of people through there. I remember interacting and talking with the two women but I'm not sure what any of us said.

Then the meteor hits and some people outside the room get scared but nothing much happens other than some prolonged shaking.

(recall gap)

Outside with someone, implied to be after the meteor hit on the surface. I was here before at some point in the dream but it wasn't like this, everything looks kind of orange and wrecked now, debris and general mess everywhere. There are dead headcrabs? The person I'm with is cooking and eating them.

(gap)

Some other bit where I see a city like London (which layout I know vaguely) in some kind of overview and it's broken up by ravines and mountains. Someone wants a new map made to reflect all this or something and I or another dream character draw it on some kind of black sandy stuff with a stick or rod? The lines are a dark blood red.

22nd April 2021

There are quite a few personal thoughts and notes here but I guess when are dreams ever anything other than personal? But this took me quite a while to type up, which is frustrating on some level.

Fragment:

Playing DII, with the barbarian. I remember I look at the waypoints and see I'm in Act 3 but it's actually hell (Act 4). The colours all look weird, the character looks a fuzzy dark navy blue on some parts. It's generally dark and I am going to where Diablo "lives", I remember going past the hellforge or something.

Very little recall of this dream but it had a strange feel to it, a bit like some of the weirder pre-sleep dreams I used to get as a kid, where reality made no sense with waking physics and was all fuzzy like static noise.

(DFLN) Dream:

Spoiler for Lengthy dream:

I'm in BL, in a dream generated location. I'm feeling preoccupied about basic totems for some reason, something about acquiring more while AFK. I go around to where AH's base is, but it's not at all like her waking life base and is on a different world. I play or hear some voice recording of her, talking about AFK gains and stuff like that. Her voice is soft and quieter than I would expect. Her base is massively unfinished and her character is just sitting here in the middle of it all.

Occasionally I see the character turn or twitch randomly and on closer inspection an interface element reveals that it's possessed by a "PharmBot" user entity, briefly, which in the dream I have knowledge of being a bot that keeps track of peoples' farms and then reports their status on a Discord server. Walking around and seeing the unfinished base, I notice I still have permissions in some parts of it. I think to myself, maybe I can ask for a special permission to be able to finish up her base for her. I feel a sadness of sorts. I talk to H about all of this?

The world is a lush type and green-ish for the most part but there is a dominant pale yellow tint.

Then, I eventually wander off in a random direction and find some creatures over a lava pit place. The dream starts to feel more like DOOM now but visually remains mostly the same. I shoot some energy weapons at the creatures and kill a few of them quickly but I start to feel overwhelmed by their numbers. Some look a bit like cacodemons or something but not quite, and the rest are generic mish-mash. I think I fall in the lava and get annoyed or frustrated by how sticky it is and how I'm going to die and have to come back here.

(recall gap)

I'm in our office/computer room but it's mixed with the old home. I have knowledge of it being where L's room would have been. I'm sitting with someone at the desk, a guy, he's to my left. I'm teaching him something about drawing. He asks me about making a logo and I say that it depends, things can vary based on budget. If he wanted to just spend five on it, then this pen I have that he seems to be interested in, that would do. I forget the conversation details, but this person is a dream character who is a generic friend in the dream's context, though maybe closer than just an acquaintance.

The doorbell rings (I forget the sound it makes) and I go to answer the door. It was day in the office but now I'm in the corridor, it's dark. I make a mistake, instead of going to the hall on the right I go straight through mom and dad's bedroom where mom seems to be sleeping and I go into mom's study. There's a twilight or dawn ambience in here. I realise this isn't the right place to be at all and start to feel rushed to answer the door, turning around and walking quickly back through to the hall, then opening the front door cautiously, not remembering I could have looked through the seeing hole.

The person is a maid and she doesn't look like anyone I know. I wait or ask for an explanation. She's black, though a relatively light tone, not much darker than me in reality. Her hair is sort of curly, medium length and is tied up in a bunch at the top rear of her head. I hold onto the door as we talk, apprehensive for some reason.

She explains that mom's old maid (who I haven't seen in many years) won't be coming anymore because she's been ill and only been getting worse. I'm not told what with, exactly, but there's an implied sense of a condition much like mine.

Spoiler for slightly erotic:

I think because of waking reality, I have an erection in the dream, possibly since I got up and started walking from the office room, though I tried keeping it from seeming obvious. When she walks further into the hall, her right hand brushes past my legs and she doesn't say anything but immediately looks apprehensive and embarrassed.

She says something and feels she must excuse herself for today. I feel I leave an unwarranted poor impression on her.

(gap)

Still at the old home and in the same general dream context, in terms of ambience etc. There's something about dad, he's talking with me and someone else. He tells us about having found a cancer, a melanoma. He has no top on and feels around his right arm with his left hand and finds the point. It's inside, near the join to the forearm. I wonder about removal with chemotherapy and stuff. I have some kind of daydream thing where I see myself having that entire area surgically removed, being left with a hole there very near the inner elbow. It seems excessive and like it would leave me weak because of how much of that area is muscle but I also wonder if the doctors couldn't put in an artificial and flexible latticed matrix of some kind, for the body to use as framework for regeneration, like scaffolding or the beams in a building. But I feel they'd never bother with such a thing.

Spoiler for Notes, spoilered for length:

- AH passed away from cancer earlier this year and one thing I have felt sad about is that what little rights I had left around her base were taken away from me by people I don't even know, even if I understand that her legacy was willingly left to these people, who she did know. I suppose it's made me think about how in my perception, some people just have more "rights" on the memory of someone. It doesn't feel fair, but I guess very little feels fair to me these days.

-- On the topic of fairness, this morning after I got up from bed, I was feeling easily annoyed by some things, mostly environmental issues that I feel unable to help with as an individual, because of the way society is set up. This came about in part because it was a recycling day.

- Dad doesn't have any cancer that we know of and to be honest I think most of the cancer themes in the dream were really just a manifestation of somewhat irrational worries I get about having cancer myself. Especially with AH's passing, I have become somewhat more fearful of having something like that happen to me and the worst of it is that even through these reminders I find myself spending time doing lots of meaningless things. I end up feeling helpless in a sense, feeling like I won't accomplish anything meaningful in my lifetime and that I won't leave a legacy behind that is what I would like to leave behind.

-- This is especially true of my creative activities, where I fear that if I would simply pass away all of a sudden, the things that would be left behind wouldn't reflect enough about how I feel about life, emotions, pain and other certain topics. I feel like the very thing I want to make depictions about (my condition and its limitations) is exactly what stops me from doing something meaningful. I often feel too tired and unable to engage myself into a creative mode, especially lately. The latter half of last year felt decent in creative terms and I thought that because I am being more functional with my current medication that this trend would continue.

- Lately, oddly enough, I tend to recall fairly well what I am thinking of before bed, but I still do not notice any transition into sleep and my thoughts eventually become dispersed anyway. Last night in bed I was thinking about BL:TPS and how its story had been written and how it compared to BL2 and BL3 and how BL1 tied into all of it too. I remember I was also thinking about Freelancer and certain story moments, as well as the game world in general. I had a few thoughts about DV and the members I know a bit better but recall of this is more vague now. I do remember thinking about what OccipitalRed has said recently about consciousness and awareness whilst dreaming in general even in non-lucid contexts.

-- Notably, I don't ever seem to dream about the very last things I think of. Frequently, the subjects I end up dreaming about stem either from pertinent thoughts (conscious or just below the threshold) through a day or from a couple of hours before bed.

- Although I didn't realise it until writing out this DJ entry, I feel like the part of the dream about the maid was a spin on the lusty maid story cliche, something that consciously doesn't attract me very much. The irony here is that the maid that in the dream was ill, was someone who I did feel attracted to when I was a teenager and the maid in the dream had some resemblance to her.

- I did feel some sort of sadness when I learned that mom's former maid was unwell, especially because of the feeling of it being something similar to what I have.

8th April 2021

Scraps:

(chronology unknown)

I'm in a ship in space. There's a Freelancer feel to things but things look more realistic. I'm flying with two escorts through some kind of debris field and when we encounter some hostiles I shoot one of my wingmen by accident at one point. My ship has enough firepower that it's pretty much a one-shot kill and a message comes up and tells me I have failed the mission. I can't understand it because the wingmen were not marked as mission-critical.

I click retry or something but then I'm doing different things. Vague recall of a more normal Freelancer sequence where I'm in an Eagle and using Salamanca weapons. Intense manoeuvring.

Some other sequence. Also in a game of some kind? Doing some kind of time-trial thing and there's a score multiplier that goes up to x30. It works like the DOOM arcade trials in a sense but the game itself is a mix of RoR2 and something else, having a more crude feel to it. There's a swampy area I go through and maybe some kind of ancient temple. The ambience seems a bit grungy and not particularly bright.

Another thing, relating to the space bit. I am in some kind of station, it's advanced. There's a lot of green and black and I think there are many enemies. My relative power level to theirs is massively superior but it still takes a little bit of time to clear enemies. I'm trying to get to an access or lift perhaps. The area has a very open-design kind of look and is like some kind of massive sci-fi raid dungeon.

21st March 2021

Dream:

At a dining table? Not sure if it's even in a room exactly, but there's a feel of the dining room at my old home. Mom and T are playing some strange eastern game or something involving objects they throw over to each other. The table is long like a festive dining table? Something about decorating it.

The trim of the table has been painstakingly put together from dozens or hundreds of strips of decorative paper or something. Another bit uses some kind of holographic projection. I wonder or ask why it simply wasn't all done with the projection method.

(recall gap)

Some bit in a town. Looks like my native country, streets very similar to that of towns near where I used to live. I'm coming up a hilly bit on foot. There's someone I'm supposed to meet and pick up but I have to tell him I won't be able to. I see him by some kind of public transport stop.

He's a black teen, with short hair. I ask him if he's waiting for one of us, from my family. He confirms that he is. I then explain that I won't be able to take him because I don't have a car right now. Dad or L is using it?

He doesn't seem to be disappointed and explains that he got a vehicle of his own and will be able to use that; it's some kind of trike?

I ask him to be careful, I think I'll feel responsible if he has an accident.




22nd March 2021

Dream:

I'm in a tank, at first in some kind of RTS-like view mode, but soon after moving around this scenario for a bit it changes to a regular (closer) third-person view.

I find some targets along the way and destroy them, as I'm headed somewhere. An enemy base of some kind? The enemy units seem frightened and try to keep as much distance as possible and avoid me. I fire the main cannon but also use the secondary gun to destroy enemy targets.

I remember feeling myself use a keyboard and maybe seeing it too (old yellowed keyboard?) to control cannon pitch and yaw. I also have a secondary type of ammo for the cannon, some miniature warheads, which I use a few times?

Eventually, after all the ground targets are down, I head towards a square-ish hole in the ground. I switch to a first person view now, in which I can see the cannon sticking out. I "crawl" down into the hole slowly, not wanting to fall down as there is a drop and a boss down below. Some kind of giant, an avatar of some deity I think.

I try firing one of the warheads into the room below since I don't actually have direct line of sight to the boss but it doesn't seem to affect it, as a health bar for the boss an a UI remains unchanged.

Hesitant, I eventually go down. I engage this avatar in combat using my main cannon and trying to keep my distance from its swiping. The avatar has a muscled and male form, it's colouration is dark, maybe a black tone like basalt.

He talks to me as he fights, but I cannot recall what about. I don't do much damage and the boss kills me eventually. I respawn in a chamber adjacent to the boss room. The whole place has an ancient classical look to it. Although this passes me by in the dream, it actually reminds me of Act2 levels from Daikatana.

The boss room itself had a very similar look. It is octagonal and with a few (sort of) central pillars. There's a shallow level of water and it looks clear. This water is also present in the other large room I was respawned in.

After a tiny bit of exploring? I try to get the boss to come out of his room since there's actually more room to fight him in this one. It doesn't work though, he's apparently "leashed" and eventually I just go back in the main boss room again.

I can't recall the rest but the dream went on for quite a while.


Notes:
- I don't know why but I feel compelled to register a sudden observation. Lately in dreams I feel there has been some absence of emotion.

- The deity's avatar was probably based off some recent boss fights in some games.

- Although it's unusual that I had some awareness of the keyboard in a way that made me step out of "tunnel vision", for the most part in that dream I was just immersed into its reality in the same way that I am when playing a game in waking reality.

17th March 2021

(didn't capture recall before it faded)

Fragment:

I am driving; I'm in the middle of a fast changing situation?

I made a game of some kind and I'm playing through it. Maybe it's like Doom in gameplay but some part of it makes me think of AvP.



18th March 2021

Fragment:

Black cat, rubbing it under where the rib cage started as it seemed to be where it enjoyed it most. Unusually, this unnerved me a bit for some reason. H is sitting next to me and giving the cat attention too. The cat resembled Y. (in-lne note, it's possible it unnerved me because a dream character is effectively a part of me, and I don't particularly like being touched under or on the sternum but I wouldn't have much of a problem with doing this with a pet if it's what it wanted)

Fragment:

At my old home's town. Driving down through the avenue that is by the church. I'm a passenger. The driving and such are all on the correct side.

I see the cafe that's to my left, the one that has the office supplies shop. It's front end is being expanded, like they're adding on to the in-door esplanade space. In the dream I assume this has something to do with Covid and social distancing.

25th January 2021

Fragment:

Something Daikatana-like? I visit several dream locations but a few of those are marshes like in the first act of the game.

I remember going into a disused entrance. Dark, wet. Some blue light or reflection from the water. Vines and so on? I'm here to find a body and destroy it, a friend or ally's body. Someone else is either with me, or guided me here.

26th January 2021

Dream:

I'm browsing the usual art site. I'm looking at someone's profile and see that I'm on some list of skilled artists this person likes, I think I am surprised by this, but appreciative.

Later, I return to the same profile? I see I am no longer on that list and spot an entry talking about the reasoning behind including each artist under a specific category. I'm listed apparently because of some KH (from BL) piece I made. They also mention how and why they chose to exclude me from their favoured artists' list, but I forget the details.

There's an animation on this entry... It's their main character, a dark-blue, almost black furred wolf/canine. The animation loops and the character grins as he cuts off the ring finger from his right hand.

I feel disappointed, or hurt.

Dream:

I'm outside, a typical city of some kind. I'm not wearing a mask and feel that I should be. I'm at a sports area and there are dozens of people of all ages, including young kids, though I think mainly kids. I become concerned because none of these people doing sports or playing outdoor games are wearing any masks. It makes me apprehensive and I almost feel as though I can see the particulates of their normal breathing in the air.

I leave this area. I remember some roads. It's day time but I forget what the sky is like exactly. I'm walking through some street under an overpass. Someone is walking along with me but I forget who. We are having a conversation and we pass several people, some don't make any effort to move out of our way even though we are practically up against a wall on the side anyway. I feel apprehensive again about transmission.

I can't recall where we go or end up.

---

Notes:
- Maybe it's only natural that I've been getting these dreams about the art browsing again. Lately I have been a bit more active and have felt the same anxieties and maybe frustrations that I was feeling around the last times I was having this sort of dream.
-- I think I felt so hurt because I feel people are so changeable and I have been finding it very difficult to connect with anyone in that world. Too often I end up feeling just too different despite having virtually similar interests.

- The outdoor dream had a grey or desaturated feel to it.

15th January 2021

Dream:

I am delivering a Borderlands mission. The UI is like BL1 but I'm not actually in one of the games from the series. I can choose between two legendary rewards. One is a sniper and the other a grenade launcher. I check for some kind of extra stats which are supposed to appear in blue; the grenade launchers' tooltip is greatly expanded and there's something about it having a unique ability which allows summoning one of five vehicles of choice.

I'm what looks like either a warehouse district or an airbase/military base. Mom and dad are here and some other people I don't recall, too. H is nearby?

Anyway, I decide to summon one of the vehicles. It's a very Metal Slug-esque tank and it has a somewhat shiny panelling, either red or grey.

Skipping ahead a bit. In an abandoned, disused or ruined area. I go through some dark tunnel and fighting stuff happens. Then an interaction with some character makes me reveal that it had been some kind of theme park, long ago (I surprise myself?).

There is what looks like giant heads of an extremely realistic-looking horse and a canid of some sort. Their mouths or lips move about, but as if swaying with no control. I think about it a little bit and conclude it's the wind. We are near the coast. It's sunny but sunset-like and looks like a scene off DSII; the lips of the animal heads look ripped, like they're made of leather or some kind of heavy duty material chosen to be close enough to real textures.

I think some part of me thinks about drawing.

14th January 2021

Fragment:

Something about being at a family gathering of some sort. The house is a mix of my old home and my aunt B's house.

My siblings are here but I don't recall the room we're in. We play some kind of reality-blended game in which I am looking for gold to be found under floor tiles. I remember we discuss some game statistics. I cut up some tile and beneath I find copper pipe for water and am slightly disappointed and relieved I didn't cut through it.

In the kitchen, which looks like the oldest version of the one from the old home, I see some kind of little poster or card about mood and being sorry from my aunt.

Vague recall of using one of those rounded metal body box cutters.

The atmosphere was like the blinds were all rolled down but allowing light through. There was a warm look of light that I haven't seen for some time now.