DarkestDarkness

28th August 2020 DFLN

Fragment 8:30

Woke up unusually early (not needing to, at least) and from some kind of FA. I was in bed with H and I turned and there was a mantis/grasshopper thing on his pillow. I woke him up and alerted him to it.

Then I got up from bed as H was asking me to find his cheapo soldering iron to kill the bug with. It was skittering about and seemed smarter than an average bug. It was about the size of a ping-pong ball.

The bug then eventually appeared on top of the bed again and H tried to make it go away (by blowing at it?) and when he did, the soldering iron then just appeared (the red and white one) and he grabbed it and started whacking at the bug with it like a weird whip.

Semi-Lucid Fragment 9:30

In a strange (and even more) cluttered version of our home. I went downstairs to the kitchen, the tap was dripping (as it had been for a while) and I knocked my fist against it and a bunch of water splurted out.

I was then doing something but H was here and had to go, his dad was here to pick him up. I walk with them down some blue carpeted stairs? Awful railing/banister, far too high. There's some sunlight at some point, that I appreciate.

They leave and I come further down to close the front door, which is off its hinges. It's a big thick blue painted door made of actual wood, not exactly like our door actually is. Outside the doorway was a busy city street, like the capital of my native home.

Then as I'm faffing around with door, trying to get it back on its hinges, M (from MB) shows up. She's on a bike and so is her new boyfriend, which looks to be a bit of a nasty one, superficially.

She asks me how I'm doing and remarks I'm not looking so good. I notice that she's much thinner and she even mentions it herself. I congratulate her on her weight loss and give her a thumbs up as she cycles away, I think with a smile. Her mouth had been slavering like hell the whole time and her nose looked icky inside.

Then I'm slightly outside, still struggling with the door. But I realise I'm naked and think of going back in so the people in the street don't start staring at me. But then I say to myself "Hang on a minute, I'm naked, in a public street, with loads of people... But I'm dreaming." I become semi-lucid at this point and became increasingly aware of my real body, not managing to stay in the dream properly, especially as I started to become aroused for no reason, my real body just became too evident and so I just woke up

---

Notes:
- In the second dream, M's better outer appearance felt like a genuine message of self-improvement on her part, but now that I'm thinking about it, her icky nose/mouth context sort of suggests a rotten inside in some sense. In addition to that, she was together with a (seemingly) bad person, again.
- Oddly enough, I didn't remember the bit where she'd mentioned I wasn't looking so good but I don't remember feeling unwell in the dream.
- In the first fragment, I think I was naked, but there was nothing unusual about it since I'd just gotten out of bed in the FA; the bug would have been a good cue for a RC in that fragment.

5th July 2020

Dream:

I remember being at home with H. We were trying to sleep but couldn't manage for some reason; I remember having slept for an unusually low amount of time in the dream, one or two hours only. On re-writing this entry here, I have a vague memory of seeing the red clock display something very early, maybe around 6AM or so.

We got up and put some shoes on, etc. We went outside, it looked early but not dark, though it wasn't bright either. We had been invited to go to some neighbour's house for a dinner time meal or something. The area outside looks different from how it should. A mix of my home town and the place where me and H live now. There are some leftover and unfinished construction works.

We went down the road and around the corner over on the left side of the street. There was an open bit, like a plaza/square and it had some small concrete storage units of some kind. They had metal doors and H used a key to open one and he put in a gem, looked like a Tiger's Eye.

But the top of the unit was smashed and rubble was visible inside from the top. This apparently didn't bother H at all but I asked him about it. I think H wasn't understanding my point and I eventually dropped the subject as we walked away. Before we went to the next place(?), H needed to have a wee or something; so he was going to walk over to the commercial estate across the way from our street/home, but it looked like a different commercial estate that I know of in the area. ^{(Note to self, refer to original entry)}

I think I wondered why not just go home since it was closer anyway. But I think H was going to do something else while there. So then I decided to wait outside this neighbour's house that I thought we were going to. I thought of knocking, but felt afraid of getting it wrong, so I didn't. I remember having passing thoughts about my boots, about how I should probably take them off as soon as we got in, so I wouldn't catch any of their stuff or furniture with my feet.

I walked back to the end of our street. For some reason at that point, I took codeine. I don't remember where I got it from, my pockets? I remember then looking towards the shops area. There were people about but not many. I didn't want to stare at them for some reason so instead I just looked up at the sky just above. Cloudy, excessively blue-ish, dim. But all of a sudden I could see clouds moving very fast in our general direction. I thought this to be strange and looked away for a while and then when I looked back it had stopped.

In the dream I attributed that as some hallucinatory effect of the dream-codeine I took. Eventually I could see H in the distance, coming back. H now had a short and bright red impermeable coat with a hood. Not unlike red riding hood but more modern, and less feminine/more unisex in appearance.

---

Notes:
- Like in another dream I recently caught up on, again, if I had this dream now and had taken codeine in a dream, this could now be a big alert that something was off, since at the moment I know that I must absolutely not take any codeine since it could be dangerous for me to do at present.
- Re-writing this dream entry here only a bit over a month since the dream, I still have quite decent memory of the visuals.
- In the dream, it was foolish of me to simply disregard the odd sky/cloud events as being a hallucination; that in itself should have been enough of cue for a RC.
-- Likewise, looking away and back and having seen such a massive change should have been a good cue ordinarily.

22nd June 2020

Dream:

Me and H were walking along a narrow countryside road, surrounded by hedges. At one point, instead of hedges there's a house. It looks moderate in size. The dream immediately establishes somehow that it was the house of our waking life neighbours, the old couple.

I just want to go past the house though, and continue on our journey. It's a humid but fresh morning and the light looks beautiful, I have a vague memory of the sun still being fairly low but high enough that it's quite bright.

H becomes distracted by the house, at first staring at some of the sandstone that makes up the house walls. Then looking in through the windows. This makes me feel uneasy. Through the first window, which looks to be tinted in some way, I see a Pioneer turntable, a silver one. We walk a few paces forward at last, but then H stops again. I turn around and I see a big cabinet style turntable station. It's sitting outside the house, directly against the wall but in the dream it still seems like it's inside the house too somehow.

It's mostly a silver Pioneer unit again. I manage to read a model number. LP-PL13. I point it out to H and he seems uninterested. We keep walking? But then we get inside the house somehow and it looks like a mix of what I know our neighbour's house to actually be like inside plus our own current home and my old home. I soon begin to wonder how their house could look so much bigger on the inside, seeing as they should be terraced houses, not realising the terrible irony that the house had initially presented itself as a detached home in the countryside.

We go through a few rooms, both wondering if the old couple is home. Their home is beautifully organised and in this version presents itself with a lot of Hi-Fi equipment. At one point I remark they seem to like Pioneer's stuff as much as H. There was mostly silver "era" stuff.

Eventually we end up in what I can only call a storage corridor. It would be dark if it weren't for two cold but bright fluorescent tubes. The corridor feels narrow only because there are metal storage shelving units to either side and they're full of stuff, mostly electronics.

I make note of a few older CRT television sets. One is a Mitsubishi and it's medium in size. Then as we continue along I remark on some of the stuff but I can't remember what I said or what H replied.

At the end of the corridor it forks, on the left is the master room for the old couple. I didn't look to see what was to the right.

At some point before this, I remember the neighbour sees us from a room? And tentatively says hello and we reply with a short hi ourselves. Now, his wife is laying in bed but looks at us too. Her husband appears I think and they ask something of us? They want us to read over some document they've written.

We are now in a living room like the one at my old home but with different decor. We sit at the dining table which has the document on it. It's only some three pages long but double sided. There's only one copy. H reads a bit of it first, then I read some of it. It's some kind of invitation for something, an event? for a club. It starts out with a page-long poem or some such. Something about Napoleon and war comes up. The text seemed consistent in the dream but I can't help but wonder if turning over the pages was making it change.

I wake up shortly after this.

---

Notes:
- The house felt immense inside, although the ceiling height was probably much lower than it actually would have been if it was actually ours or our neighbours' home.
- The house felt like a well imagined mix of our home and theirs, as ours is quite disorganised but does have a lot of electronics about, and theirs is very well organised and also uncluttered, really.
- It's interesting that I make note of the makes of things a lot more often now, even in dreams. I don't seem to recall doing that so much even just a few years ago and I'd say that living with H has been a good part of this change.
- I remember the natural light inside the house was more like my old home. Lots of dark/bright contrasts.

14th June 2020

Dream Fragment:

In some altered version of our house, with H. I remember a greenhouse of sorts around back, it was dark.

Transition? Another scene, still same area. Me and H walking around and there's this Polish lady and in the dream she is a neighbour of ours. She has a kid or two, and a husband who is away at the moment.

We hear her talk in her native language to her child, who is indoors. She's sitting on a dark grey fibreglass chair outside, our garden areas are apparently joined together. Her house isn't lined up straight with ours though, it's set further back, so the door leading inside her house from the "back" is technically on the side of her house, not the front or back.

I remember we spoke to her, she wanted something, like something done for her or fixed for her perhaps.

---

Notes:
- In the dream I remember that my knowledge about her family was simply intuitive, as if we'd known the family casually for years.
- While I don't really remember the lady's appearance or her children's appearance, I have the feeling she had black, tied-back hair. This fits some character archetype my dream mind keeps constructing from time to time.

- I am recalling, having written the above note, that I had a short-term friend (Ca) when I was a kid, who sort of matched this description; she was particularly tall despite being about the same age but she did get some abuse from other kids for that, since kids always find ways of being mean. I remember for a few years I'd always been a bit sad we didn't stay in touch or remain friends since we didn't stay in touch, but to be honest at some point I just don't even remember seeing her anymore, despite the fact that my home town was fairly condensed and most people knew each other in some vague way at the very least. During my childhood she was one of few girls with whom I got along with quite well.

- I think my dream mind likes to feature different families with children of their own as a window into what that life might be like.
- The backyard, oddly enough, was actually grassy, unlike the concrete backyard we do have at our current home.

None of these dreams are complete in detail. Transitions are missing and a lot of them had beginnings that I simply can't recall now. It took me over 15 minutes from getting up from bed to write any of these down here because of difficulty getting up and slightly different morning routine.

---

Dream Fragment:

Very short fragment. There's a brand new office building of some kind. It has an odd shape, has a very 80s,90s feel to it for me. Then someone has apparently ordered some sort of bespoke building plating. A woman, I think, she's very happy about it and goes "yeah, instant bunker baby!" or something like that. The somewhat thin metal plating is plaited and somehow unfolds itself around the building and fits perfectly over every single side. I remember walking around it to see or something.

The woman then throws a bomb right at the brand new plating. It makes a small explosion, no more than a few yards in radius and doesn't break anything off, but some cracks appear on the plating and underneath it. Despite the fact that the plating is metal, it looks translucent and is a dark tan. I find it curious but don't spend too much time thinking about it. (Years ago I had some translucent plastic spoons that had an electro-plated metal finish of some sort, which gave them a translucent metallic look. The dark tan is familiar from a number of tinted glasses I remember seeing in buildings I visited in the 90s.)

Anyway, she's really disappointed now, asking how could the small blast get through like that. She insisted it was supposed to be virtually indestructible but then some sort of interface overlay appeared in my vision as if in a game and I inspected the plating and it had a little icon that when inspected stated "Highly Resistant Material". I felt she had hyped herself into believing this plating was more durable than it actually was. I remember passing thoughts of how nothing is indestructible.

Dream Fragment:

In some sort of classroom. Me and someone else, maybe H, are there first with the teacher. The teacher doesn't look much older than us and she seems familiar somehow now, but is purely a dream character. Possibly an anima-type construct. There's a chalkboard. There are small metal-legged, chipboard tables, covered with plastic veneer. The setting is very familiar from my childhood. Somehow I don't remember the chairs exactly, but they were probably fibreglass ones.

The room feels dark, but it seems to be day outside. Only a small amount of light gets in from some windows. We are at some table over by the far right end corner of the room.

Then some students arrive. I don't have any thoughts about it in the dream, but realise now that they were former classmates from when I was around 12-15. The lights are on now, I think. I remember turning back to my left and looking at someone else and then approaching for some reason. To get something of mine that was borrowed? Not sure. But then I go over to another table, more crowded, surrounded by a group, and there I grab something, but somehow my way is now blocked and instead of asking for room to get past, I crawl under the table. At this point I notice somewhat clearly that I'm wearing a hoody, a cream coloured one, that I probably would have worn back then but still have now; but I felt the age I am now.

I crawled out from under the side of this group table, somehow not getting kicked at all even by accident.

The rest of the dream's detail is missing.

Dream Fragment:

Me and H were at home, in the kitchen. The room seemed bigger than it actually is, including the ceiling height, which in reality is already over two people's height combined. The lights were on and the curtain roll was down on the window.

I don't remember what we were doing when suddenly we were stepping into the hallway for a bit and lights started flickering, out of sync with each other. They'd go really dim or completely out. H was really confused by this and I was finding it odd. We didn't have any high-power things on. One of the lights started making a loud repeating clicking noise, I think the fluorescent light in the kitchen or some other fluorescent light that doesn't actually exist. But in my mind at that point I thought it was a relay for whatever reason.

I told H to try and find out what was going on, as I was getting worried the clicking noise was actually something shorting out and sparking. He told me to turn everything off, so I went to the electric trips board and (impossibly) moved it into the middle of the kitchen, where I had a look at it with some light. I forced the RCD to trip and that turned mostly everything off except one light somewhere and H was disappointed but came over and I told H to see for himself what he wanted to do. He flicked some other trips and then everything was completely off.

Then there was some knocking at the door. We were finding this all very odd and I couldn't imagine who it was. I was about to answer the door but tentatively waited. I saw through the front room window ( in the dream more like a mini conservatory thing than the flat windowed wall of reality) a man going to next door's and knocking there. The neighbours answered and had a little chat with him, and he was saying how he was sick of all these electrical noises he kept hearing on and on for days coming from someone else's house. I thought to myself "I couldn't agree more" or something to that effect.

The man looked like Haymitch from the Hunger Games, but fatter and somewhat older. In the dream I realised he was one of the neighbours further to the left, past our direct neighbour on the left. It seemed to be daytime but rather desaturated and gloomy outside.

I think I told H about what I saw and then wondered who the hell was causing all this. I forget the rest of the dream.

Dream Fragment:

At a church, not sure who else is there exactly but Fry from Futurama was there. He was saying random things and somehow the congregation was loving him and he was getting ordained. I remember him saying "W-what? I'm not even trying to be nice at this point!", clearly upset that despite some purposefully obnoxious actions he was still being praised, when it wasn't at all what he wanted.

Remember little from this dream except that the visuals were all a bit odd, like my head was hanging low. I remember there was a pipe organ in this church.

---

No side notes, but made some notes in-line with the dream content.

Dream Fragment:

I was at my old home or some version of it. I was at the entrance hall and it was a bit dark but still daytime, suggesting it was the time just before sunset. H was there, but H looked like this actress from a TV show instead. She was crouched up in the middle of the room, in front of the dark stained wardrobe and I crouched next to H and started to cuddle, giving her a kiss and feeling how different her body was compared to what I should remember.

There is a transition and I'm outside, it's daytime but probably more around noon now. I remember walking by a few places that were altered from how they should be, namely D's building and its entrance. There were quite a few people there and I remember making small talk for some reason, but no idea what about.

I kept wandering the streets of my home town and eventually after going through a few streets that don't exist and a wall turning into an open street, I started to become sort of pre-lucid and gained some dream-control, not consciously thinking about it. There was a square or plaza of some kind, surrounded by short two or three story buildings, as expected, and people were just going about their business. But I wanted to feel alone and solemn in this place for some reason, so I snapped my fingers and most of them disappeared. A woman and her young boy didn't.

I snapped again, wanting rid of her from the scene. She wouldn't go. She walked up to me and started becoming antagonistic and asking why I wanted her to go. I didn't explain myself (perhaps I didn't know why either) and I eventually conceded and said "fine, if you won't leave, then I will", so I walked away across the plaza and into a small tunnel lit with fluorescent lights and as I did, she paced up quickly behind me, pushing me against a corner, hurting me, and twisting my right arm and gripping my bottom.

She said something that I can't remember word for word, which basically summed up to be about how I often am careless with caressing and cuddling H (making me cause pain by complete accident), and despite the pain she was inflicting on purpose, I laughed at its irony. In that moment, I felt a dire need to go to the bathroom, and I falsely woke up, then getting up from bed and going to the bathroom, and just as I sat on the toilet, I was in bed again, as if that was only imagined, but the urge to use the bathroom was suddenly gone.

Then I woke up truly and double checked how I felt, realising it was all just very realistic dream sensation.

---

Some notes:

• This dream wasn't particularly vivid in terms of visual clarity but the physical sensations were quite strong overall.
• The woman who wouldn't go was some sort of anima manifestation. Often it isn't so antagonistic but her look was distinct from previous appearances, mostly marked by her shoulder-long hair being black this time. Her face was more chiselled, too. It was simply a more raw and aggressive look in general; ironically enough, what I would expect from my home region.
• Though I had some dream control, it was completely non-lucid. I could feel myself having some sort of pre-lucid thoughts but they didn't rise up enough for me to start gaining lucidity.
• The woman's young boy reminded me of myself when I was younger, but his role in the dream seemed to be minimal. He seemed to be there pretty much just to characterise the woman as a mother, as he pretty much just went off playing in the street without a care for what was happening.

Non-dream stuff - woke up at about 8:30 again, so I know that my alarm is being able to wake me up again. Still didn't have enough willpower to not stay in bed and slept another 2 hours again. Remember one of the non-lucids.

---

Dream sequence:
I remember being in this office/computer room as I am in now to write this DJ, or perhaps a similar room. I remember then being in the kitchen and I was talking to my partner about an appointment I (actually) have next week. In the dream the appointment's location was somewhere in Illinois.

My partner was somewhat upset because we hadn't made any preparations at all and it was actually impossible for us to drive there. We would need to go an a 6-hour flight (which is inconsistent with the real distance, which would take longer) and then there was some kind of transition.

I was now in a plane, which actually looked like it had a fair bit of room, but the plane wasn't on an airport. It looked more like it was in the middle of a town and people were all waiting for take-off. The plane had a layout I can't really explain or detail, but it was not at all like it should have been. Some people were complaining that things were falling apart, and I think my dad was there commenting that it was fine and that actually those parts were not crucial.

A man next to me spoke in my native language and voiced his own concerns, and I tried to tell him that it probably really was nothing to worry about. I remember he had a drink in a plastic cup and then behind me there was some sort of drink dispenser like a water cooler, with more of said plastic cups in a slot. The cups were a blue-hued non-transparent grey. The light coming in through the windows was orange-ish, in a way that implied it was early morning, likely at sunrise.

Then I remember being outside, either walking around or being driven somewhere when I pass the plane, which is sitting on a street, wingless I think, next to some terraced houses. The plane didn't look like it crashed or anything; it was just sitting there.

I know I interacted with someone else after that but I can't remember any more details specifically now.

---

Notes:

• I can't remember having many (if any) dreams with planes.
• The dream context of "travel" is a consistent theme across some of my most common dreamsigns however.
• It's likely that I had this dream because last night my parents wanted to speak to me and I was feeling too tired so I didn't speak to them; and they presumably wanted to talk about a trip to where they live, which I really didn't feel like thinking about.
• In dreams I don't particularly feel stressed with travel, but in the waking world, traveling can feel stressful for me if it involves large gathering hubs or if it's highly disruptive to day-to-day life (i.e. if it's a trip away for a considerable amount of time).
• The way my partner was upset at me about the trip was a bit different to how the reaction would have been in the waking world, which might still have been slightly cross but more forgiving.
• I still find it odd that even though in the dream I was at locations in the house, I never did a reality check in the dream. Lately I do RCs quite often, even when in the house, so it seems odd that the "habit" of simply checking reality anyway doesn't even occur.