• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 10/02/2021

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ initially but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I still like the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar. Note, I don't update the dream signs section very much anymore. Over the last two or three years I've come to realise that some symbols are quite constant but many change too much or are just variations off a theme, so it has stopped making quite as much sense to keep a long-term list of what the signs are.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    Click to see all DJ entries that may involve dream-like experiences but are not technically dreams

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. ccclxxxi. A strange dream-life

      by , 05-07-2022 at 02:16 PM
      2022 May 2nd

      Note to self, at this point I started recording dreams with year first, month second and day third, because as I was archiving dream notes from my old phone, I realised just how much of a mess day first was causing me and it was something I had not given any thought when I first started recording them in that way. In the future, it will be easier to maintain an organised record by using year first, as I already do for some other things.

      Some in-line notes.


      Dream (Fragmented):

      I'm at my old bedroom. Dad is here visiting or something. For some reason, there are some sex toys out in my room and dad grabs them and piles them on top of an old computer desk I used to have in waking life. (The plastic "veneered" one)

      Dad doesn't comment much of anything about the sex toys, but I feel embarrassed. He talks to me about something completely unrelated.

      (recall gap)

      I'm swimming out of a body of water into a stairwell. I can't see the bottom of the water and as I climb out of the water, I'm soaked and dripping. I don't feel cold or hot. My hair is somewhat long and I see it in front of me and feel water dripping off it. The place looks like a school of some kind.

      I get up to the first mid-landing of these stairs and then climb some more steps up to a second landing. There are no more stairs after this point, as if they're missing, and so this landing just leads over back into the water again, from a higher point.

      (The preceding segment was recalled while dreaming the next segment)

      I'm in a field, walking along with two people. One of them is a local, the other someone I know (from the dream?). This field is strange, as it is made up of "strips" about one yard wide of specific plants, which all just seem rather wild and not at all cultivated, despite the organised strip logic going on.

      As a result, there's a varied array of colours, ranging from a nearly blue-green to a dry yellow-green or maybe brown. The local man is slim and on the older side. He tells me something about how they have no choice and how this is all they can afford to do. I understand "they" as their people, as if I'm visiting somewhere that I'm foreign to.

      Then, as we walk off the slightly sloped field area and starting down on a slightly steeper slope, I notice a small lizard, about a foot long counting the tail. Its on the side of a plant or a piece of dry/dead wood. It has a black scaled body interrupted by fluorescent yellow chevron stripes. The tail is flat and spiney, almost beaver-like.

      Then we're walking into a road and I worry about traffic but it doesn't look like there's any, it looks kind of desolate or calm. It's day time, the sun is low but it's not sunset yet and it's half cloudy but it appears bright. There's a road for each direction and they're about twenty to thirty feet away from the other, one of them being on a lower bit, as this whole area is a sort of downwards-sloping cliff seaside cliff area, to the end of which we're walking towards.

      As we get closer, even though the lowest point of the cliff is only about one yard up from sea level, I feel afraid I might drop or be pushed into the sea (on accident or otherwise). (It's at this point I recall the previous segment, I think the water must trigger the memory, though I don't think I "live" the memory in the dream at this point)

      Then, I'm at a house that looks like old home. Some part of recall is missing, weirdly I seem to have slept on the sofa and it's as if I was really asleep in the dream, for a time. I grab something I'd apparently left on the sofa. I see the old man from before and say "morning" to him. I feel a little disoriented and think to myself that I didn't mean to fall asleep and yet I did somehow.

      Then, I'm at an ALDI with H. We drove in in a sporty car. We pretend we're only friends and H says to a checkout person he has to get a massage coupon thing for his partner. The person at the checkout asks "what would she like?" and meanwhile I'm looking for three two-litre bottles of some soft drink, though I can only find one bottle. This ALDI feels more like a tiny service station shop and I think to myself we should have gone to our usual place. (This segment had something to do with the previous one, but I could not retain recall of what or how)

      (recall gap)

      Something about playing a game with a demon, and needing to do this to release an angel or something. The game doesn't make much sense at all and I can't think of how to describe it; in any case I struggle with this game in the dream. This takes place at some big/vast house, or some kind of palace.


      Notes:

      - Although I'd normally make this dream only visible to myself and DV contacts and so on, I feel that part of me has done that far too often of late, out of some sense of lack of confidence, an aspect I've been struggling with (again) in waking life.

      - This entire dream was very peculiar. I feel I could make this remark about so many dreams. In particular however, this dream felt especially switched on in terms of symbolic representation. When recalling the dream, it feels like some part of me was aware of this. Everything about it feels organised and metaphorical in a deeper way than usual, though I think some of it may be inexpressible through words. The dream itself in parts felt like one of those dreams that feels just like life in the sense of "this is how things are, this is my life". This dream would benefit greatly from a fuller exploration on paper that is not constrained to words alone and that can make directed (lines/arrows) associative links between elements.

      - I suspect that dad was representative of false expectations in some sense, because in the dream my embarrassment and the sex toy context were in fact irrelevant to our conversation about whatever else dad talked about. I am not certain what the significance of that desk specifically might be, but I must have been around 8 or 9 years of age when we had that desk, and the computer used communally with my siblings was on top of it, under one of the bunk beds.
      -- In a sense, the sex toys are also likely representative of the other side of false expectation; what my mind or feelings give importance to often has nothing to do with how others are perceiving me and if anything, I end up being bound or imprisoned by my own false notions of what others think.
      -- The other aspect to this is that family (represented by dad) are something that I keep entirely separate from sexual contexts as far as mental constructs go, I feel more so than most other people do, though that may be a result of upbringing; here, the two contexts meet but are essentially ignored by one another, as dad makes no remark and pays no mind, other than some sort of strange "tidying out of the way", and the toys themselves are inert objects that cannot on their own express anything except via context. This makes me think about how Jung defined libido as "psychic energy" as opposed to "sexual energy" as Freud probably did and it seems like the sex toys can also be representative of a transformation of my point of view on said energies. Again, I cannot fully form thoughts on this via text alone, this requires diagrammatic and drawn exploration that can show links and associations in a way that text can't.

      - The flooded school bit was odd because of how vivid it felt in terms of sensations, regarding swimming and water. I don't remember any specific emotions, but the school was an unknown place that I've never visited and which only vaguely conformed to some constructs of schools, none of which I've ever encountered myself.

      - I can't help but feel that I associate the encounters with water in this dream as being some kind of metaphor relating to collectives, more so than an unconsciousness. In a sense, the stairs were exactly about this; I can leave a collective but on the way up and out, there's actually no way out, and all I can see again is the collective, despite whatever other aspiration I might have had. There was a (somehow neutral) sense of hopelessness to this in the dream.

      - The strange field feels like it was about my whole Self. The locals, i.e. my non-conscious elements, do their best to cultivate other non-conscious elements and so on (the plants) but they are constrained by what they can afford to do. I am not sure what "afford to do" could mean in a sense of personality. The land felt inhospitable to cultivation and taming, and perhaps these non-conscious elements actively taking part in growing and tending to things, are actually unwelcome by the rest of the unconscious landscape. I am checking in on them, but I seem to be there in a capacity that cannot act or make changes to the situation at present, and that any changes would have to be future, such as based on a report or the like.
      -- In a sense, the plants felt very much foreign to the land as I did, even if the locals themselves just seemed... Well, local.

      - Despite the small size, the lizard felt instantly appealing to look at, to be interested in. The black scaled body felt immediately relatable to what I have wanted to portray in my alter-ego for some time. The chevron striped pattern seemed unique to me. And in some sense I always find myself relating to reptiles though I have seldom spent time near them, perhaps because they have a tendency to run away from humans and to be solitary, which may be part of the appeal in itself. The lizard's tail appeared dangerous but as the lizard was most likely not aggressive, it seemed like an aspect of self-defence only. Curiously, I am now recalling that the lizard seemed to be in shade rather than in sunlight, and it's the only wild animal I recall seeing in the dream.

      - The part with H at the service station ALDI definitely feels related to how perceptions are so based on physical appearances and how it's very difficult to move on from this, in cultural terms.

      - The game with the demon felt like some kind of mix between Tetris, cards and other games of chance. I really can't describe it, especially for how little visual recall I have left of it. I just remember a somewhat dark and red-hued room, and a cloth-draped table.
    2. ccclxvii. Scraps

      by , 02-28-2022 at 04:55 PM
      15th February 2022

      Fragment:

      A dark and steel-blue place. I interact with some people. A tunnel or hallway? (most detail faded too much, I left recall too long and radio didn't help)


      16th February 2022

      Fragment:

      Watching myself or a video of someone else from a first person perspective. On a bed. Four erections and right hand holding a phone/recording?


      17th February 2022

      Fragment:

      (recall very vague) Following and getting into formation with a Rheinland battleship. I'm flying a Banshee and there's something Bretonian nearby, maybe gunboats? I don't think there are any open hostilities.
    3. ccclxvi. Scraps, Store with strange cave and giant skull, More than meets the eye

      by , 02-28-2022 at 04:41 PM
      6th February 2022

      Different fragments:

      - In space, arriving in a ship near a nebula of some kind, with a planet inside and also another star nearby in a different nebula. I mistake the planet for the star a couple of times? I never see either of them up-close and the ship itself is never closer than a light-year in distance.

      - With H in some house. Daytime and light comes in from the windows, I don't recall seeing outside. Get the impression of a flat and that it belongs to someone else, a friend? There's a cupboard full of biscuits or something, including Belgian chocolate-covered wafers. I think I spot some dark chocolate ones, only to find out they're actually regular chocolate on a closer look, though I then do see some dark chocolate ones and take one.

      - I do something semi-sexual with H, approaching from behind.

      - An area with semi-detached houses. Can't remember who else is here but the queen of England is visiting the area. She's on her own with no entourage accompanying her. She's here to visit someone specifically and they don't seem to know each other very well. They have a short and amusing exchange and then start walking down the street together. There's a couple of other people relevant to what's going on and the sound then shifts focus to being on them.

      - Possibly linked directly with one of the other bits. In a large cave, like something out of Dark Souls. I fight a relatively small dragon and some humanoid as well as other enemies I can't recall. My weapons are frequently breaking but the enemies I kill also drop two-handed weapons fairly often.


      12th February 2022

      8:00
      Fragment:


      A store, under it there's some cave I've been to before in the dream. It has lost and ancient things. It's dark, though not very much. One of the things here is a giant anthro's skull. It's big enough that I would be able to fit inside its throat area and I remark on this to (I think) H. I try to take it back up to the store.

      I find a savage native on the way back and he gets spooked by the skull in some way. I try to do something silly or funny but he doesn't seem interested in that. Then, at the store, something about a magazine.

      (recall gap)

      In a version of our kitchen. It's tidy and also not in a different kind of way. H just took some poison he asked me to give him. This happened once before in the dream. He doesn't remember this happening before and is now asking me to give him the antidote. I think to myself that it should be in a drawer. I end up looking everywhere and being unable to find it, which makes me explore the kitchen around a bit.

      (details faded but it was a long dream, might have had micro-woken up a couple of times through it)

      9:30?
      Fragment:

      (last bit of a dream) Going down a stairwell in an apartment building like old home. Mom is with me and maybe someone else like T. The stairwell is square-ish with a hole/gap in the centre. As we get to the bottom level, a woman comes out of her apartment and starts talking to us. She's a little bit, not flustered, maybe excited and she touches up her breasts and says something about her clothes. Rather than just walk away, I give her some attention.

      Recall is fuzzy but I notice that she has a bulge around her crotch area and she reveals that she had been a man and kept these bits. But I find this odd, unusual and somewhat implausible, because on closer look her facial and bone structures seem more consistent with someone who's always been female. So I think to myself that actually she was just born with both sets of genitals and that this was a cover story that made it "easier" to explain.

      Mom is gone pretty early on before this happens and T becomes or is replaced by H. I think that H might be feeling jealous or something.
    4. ccclvii. Urges and an appointment, Kiting a bear through a forest/cave, Grandpa staying with us

      by , 02-02-2022 at 06:19 PM
      Some in-line notes.

      23rd December 2021


      Recall was left too long and could only retain vague fragments.

      Fragment:

      Something about being at old home, I'm in my room and it's sunny outside, though my curtains are drawn closed. They're the old white and yellow diamond curtains. I am moving towards my desk in the corner and feel the need to self-pleasure, but something makes it feel like I can't.

      Then, something about going for an appointment. I am briefly outside. The light in the dream seems off somehow, like there's too much shade despite being daytime and how sunny it is, but I don't realise any of this while dreaming. Something happens in regards to me going to the appointment or something, and then I'm home. (Did this scene happen first?)

      Fragment:

      I'm outdoors and I was in a car before. The place I'm in is a forest and I eventually go through a cave too. There's a relatively small female black bear character, which has something anthropomorphic about it. I want to kill it using a rifle, and kite the bear around all over the place, at one point the bear becomes enraged (like a game buff) and I have awareness that a single hit from the bear could kill me. (Similar feel to being the scout on DRG and kiting a dangerous enemy)

      Another half-anthro animal was involved in this at one point.


      24th December 2021

      Fragment:

      It's relatively bright but not exactly sunny. I'm in our bedroom with H, who's on the bed and then there's something that means I have to get up. At one point, we have an interaction with H's grandfather, who's apparently staying with us. (He passed away a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday) He knows about us sleeping in the same bed, and doesn't seem to mind.
    5. ccxcv. Creating a quest, working on a comic

      by , 07-04-2021 at 09:44 PM
      2nd July 2021

      Fragment:

      In Outland. Some alternate version of Helfire I've dreamed of before, years ago I think. It's a mix of Netherstorm in terms of landscape features but looks like Helfire. Something about me trying to get to level seventy but I find out that eighty is actually the maximum level, through seeing other players I think.

      There's a back-and-forth mix of D3 and WoW. I'm both trying to create a level twenty or so questline involving dragons, for the zone I'm in, I think; but also trying to work on an art project about an erotica comic in a M/M theme.

      (recall started fading at this point) At one point, I'm working on this comic project and alt-tabbing between games and drawings for reference and then H comes in to this odd office room I'm in and starts talking to me. The room is very wooden? A dark-ish stain, probably? H is kind of having a go at me for "not doing much". I feel annoyed and partly insulted, since I try as much as I can. Constant interruptions occur (not just or only from H but something else) while I'm trying to work on this questline thing.

      The dream eventually deviates into some other bit in a town.

      (recall gap)

      I'm in a subway starting at my home town and I'm sort of composing a train run schedule that will go from a yellow line to the blue line? Stations seem dark and unfamiliar, not to mention cramped, they seem more like my vague memory of the London underground and some other generic subways I've seen.

      I'm alone in this train with the conductor, I'm just in the passenger area at first looking at the maps. Then I knock on the door to the cabin or something and I tell him about what I'll be doing. I can see through the front glass that we are arriving at a station full of people, mostly university students or something, people in school uniforms. I tell the conductor that we can't stop here for now because "that's too many gamers" and that I'll add this station later on into the schedule.

      And I think about how they'd probably end up giving this new route I'm making a very bad reputation and causes issues later on. So I think to myself that they'll just have to catch a different train for now.



      Notes:
      - Feels like it's been a while since a proper subway dream, though I suppose I have had a few not that long ago, that come to mind.
      -- As always this should be enough of a cue to question reality, but it never seems to be enough, nothing seems to be enough.

      - Again, dragons. Dragons are rarely the central topic in my dreams. This time they weren't the focus of eroticism but seems there was still a loose link since I was working on both their questline and the erotic comic.
      -- This thematic could relate both to my difficulty in sticking to a single project and to the fact that I always want to do really involved things. Doing either a comic or a full questline are projects that require a lot of time and attention. Relating to the difficulty in sticking to a project, I often lose track of myself and my attention to things when things start feeling long.

      - Unusually, the train was symbolically under my control though indirect influence of its compliant conductor, maybe a metaphor about navigation, guidance or inability to lead action directly.
      -- Relating to this, I have found that I am much calmer and more able to work effectively if I'm not directly in charge of something. If I am in advisory or assisting role, I tend to be able to remain emotionally detached for better results. Thinking further about this, ironically this is not the case when it comes to doing artwork for others, since that's still primarily based on my own ability to lead artistically (since I'm not being asked to emulate another artists' style).

      - When in the dream H has a go at me, I think this is actually a metaphor for me having a go at myself. I do sometimes think I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I often think about how it feels like I'm not leading myself anywhere but also about how it feels so hard without anyone guiding me.
      -- The irony to me feels like even under guidance I still feel like I'm not getting guidance, which makes me feel like it's a problem relating to myself only and not to others and their interactions with me.
    6. cclvi. Fuzzy reality, Memories, teaching a friend and dad's cancer

      by , 04-22-2021 at 03:10 PM
      22nd April 2021

      There are quite a few personal thoughts and notes here but I guess when are dreams ever anything other than personal? But this took me quite a while to type up, which is frustrating on some level.

      Fragment:


      Playing DII, with the barbarian. I remember I look at the waypoints and see I'm in Act 3 but it's actually hell (Act 4). The colours all look weird, the character looks a fuzzy dark navy blue on some parts. It's generally dark and I am going to where Diablo "lives", I remember going past the hellforge or something.

      Very little recall of this dream but it had a strange feel to it, a bit like some of the weirder pre-sleep dreams I used to get as a kid, where reality made no sense with waking physics and was all fuzzy like static noise.

      (DFLN) Dream:

      Spoiler for Lengthy dream:


      Spoiler for Notes, spoilered for length:

      Updated 04-22-2021 at 03:13 PM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    7. clxxxiv. Supplements, Playing catch

      by , 11-01-2020 at 06:10 PM
      21st October 2020

      There was a big dream from my first awakening but I couldn't retain recall.

      Fragment:

      In a shop with H. There are big standing fridges, the type with glass doors. We are looking at some supplements or something and H points at a few different ones. I want to pick something not too expensive. I think some of these are vitamin B supplements.

      Fragment:

      In an old warehouse building? Dark and dingy. But I'm here with a girl, she's white, about my height and age, maybe older, she has loose hair, fake blonde or blonde. Reminds me of Ellie from NCIS and other characters of similar archetypes. We're both naked and aroused as we're playing some kind of sexy game of catch. At one point she's taunting me playfully and because she sticks out her arm towards me I grab her by the arm and pull her toward me. She laughs in her defeat and we get more intimate.

      (Recall gap.)

      Then I'm on my own and I wander toward a dirtier area. The dream starts to mix with BL and there's some area I can't get through because it's claimed and has locked doors. I hear people talking beyond the doors, making plans. I decide to try and dig my way around into their town.

      Fragment:

      Walking up a place like the nearby bridge over the station. Rest of recall gone.



      Notes:

      - Although most of my recall of these fragments is very limited now, I still have a bit of the visual recall of the dream in the warehouse. Despite it being a dark and somewhat empty place, there was light coming in through some windows near the top of one of the walls. In a way, this warehouse has some resemblance to the gym space where I had a lot of PE lessons.

      - The warehouse area seems like an odd place to me for something erotic to happen, as I tend to be somewhat averse to dirt, but in the last year I have had to get into dirty areas more often because of helping H with work. The girl's presence and our interactions may have been some metaphor of our relationship manifesting itself in the dream. I often wish I could be more romantic as in that dream, but I am often too tired and too preoccupied with my internal worries to feel like I can initiate something like that properly.
    8. clxiii. Dream marriage, erotic art, medieval/fantasy combat

      by , 09-12-2020 at 04:47 PM
      Finally done with catch-up now.




      8th September 2020


      Fragment:

      Very long dream, poor recall because I had no chance to write about it until the evening.

      A small housing area. Modern-style appearance, cubical lots of white and concrete and glass, but low flats? Two, three story at most. Vague details of it, but the plot revolved around marriage and the dream characters were all fictitious. I was myself, but mostly only in a physical sense, my life here was its own life, created by the dream.

      The dream character I was supposed to marry was some girl, with odd hair or something? There was a Middle Eastern or Italian feel to her family. Maybe just Mediterranean in general.

      Her father was famous/infamous. I think he was especially notorious for what he would do when he disapproved of a groom. I remember at first I did meet with his approval but at some point I realised this wasn't due to last, for some reason. Then, when he did become disapproving, he did not treat me as cruelly as he had treated others in the past, but warned me that something bad was to happen?

      The girl became distant. Most of the dream's plot took place at their family flat.

      11th September 2020


      Fragment:


      Again long dream but recall faded, left it too long.

      I'm in some kind of fantasy action RPG. By the end, I entered some special hell area (very orangey) through a portal. The portal was framed by some sharp obsidian fang shapes?

      I remember dying in that area, a stupid and avoidable death I think. That made me lose a lot of progress, at least of everything I'd done in there, which I now couldn't recover for some reason. Interactions with some narrating npc?

      Fragment:


      Micro dream where I'm looking at erotic art on my PC. The explorer layout is not my usual one but in the dream I don't make special note of this. A lot of the art is greyscale or line art only. I think about tracing some of it for practice but I end up feeling aroused as I'm looking through the pieces. Some of them were real ones I know from waking life but I think many were simply dream-generated.

      Fragment:


      Another dream in which I returned to the context of the first one. I was some warrior class character and fighting waves of humans and dwarves equipped with dark-ish metal armours. Every so often when I killed enemies, red banners would prop up on a black pole, with semi-random frequency. I remember looting some items.

      Was too tired to make note of more and recall faded too much.