DarkestDarkness

21st March 2021

Dream:

At a dining table? Not sure if it's even in a room exactly, but there's a feel of the dining room at my old home. Mom and T are playing some strange eastern game or something involving objects they throw over to each other. The table is long like a festive dining table? Something about decorating it.

The trim of the table has been painstakingly put together from dozens or hundreds of strips of decorative paper or something. Another bit uses some kind of holographic projection. I wonder or ask why it simply wasn't all done with the projection method.

(recall gap)

Some bit in a town. Looks like my native country, streets very similar to that of towns near where I used to live. I'm coming up a hilly bit on foot. There's someone I'm supposed to meet and pick up but I have to tell him I won't be able to. I see him by some kind of public transport stop.

He's a black teen, with short hair. I ask him if he's waiting for one of us, from my family. He confirms that he is. I then explain that I won't be able to take him because I don't have a car right now. Dad or L is using it?

He doesn't seem to be disappointed and explains that he got a vehicle of his own and will be able to use that; it's some kind of trike?

I ask him to be careful, I think I'll feel responsible if he has an accident.




22nd March 2021

Dream:

I'm in a tank, at first in some kind of RTS-like view mode, but soon after moving around this scenario for a bit it changes to a regular (closer) third-person view.

I find some targets along the way and destroy them, as I'm headed somewhere. An enemy base of some kind? The enemy units seem frightened and try to keep as much distance as possible and avoid me. I fire the main cannon but also use the secondary gun to destroy enemy targets.

I remember feeling myself use a keyboard and maybe seeing it too (old yellowed keyboard?) to control cannon pitch and yaw. I also have a secondary type of ammo for the cannon, some miniature warheads, which I use a few times?

Eventually, after all the ground targets are down, I head towards a square-ish hole in the ground. I switch to a first person view now, in which I can see the cannon sticking out. I "crawl" down into the hole slowly, not wanting to fall down as there is a drop and a boss down below. Some kind of giant, an avatar of some deity I think.

I try firing one of the warheads into the room below since I don't actually have direct line of sight to the boss but it doesn't seem to affect it, as a health bar for the boss an a UI remains unchanged.

Hesitant, I eventually go down. I engage this avatar in combat using my main cannon and trying to keep my distance from its swiping. The avatar has a muscled and male form, it's colouration is dark, maybe a black tone like basalt.

He talks to me as he fights, but I cannot recall what about. I don't do much damage and the boss kills me eventually. I respawn in a chamber adjacent to the boss room. The whole place has an ancient classical look to it. Although this passes me by in the dream, it actually reminds me of Act2 levels from Daikatana.

The boss room itself had a very similar look. It is octagonal and with a few (sort of) central pillars. There's a shallow level of water and it looks clear. This water is also present in the other large room I was respawned in.

After a tiny bit of exploring? I try to get the boss to come out of his room since there's actually more room to fight him in this one. It doesn't work though, he's apparently "leashed" and eventually I just go back in the main boss room again.

I can't recall the rest but the dream went on for quite a while.


Notes:
- I don't know why but I feel compelled to register a sudden observation. Lately in dreams I feel there has been some absence of emotion.

- The deity's avatar was probably based off some recent boss fights in some games.

- Although it's unusual that I had some awareness of the keyboard in a way that made me step out of "tunnel vision", for the most part in that dream I was just immersed into its reality in the same way that I am when playing a game in waking reality.

Non-dream stuff - I wrote most of this non-lucid dream on a tablet while cooking lunch, as I didn't get a chance to do so before that. Managed to remember a lot of detail, but not some missing bits from transitions and the like, unfortunately.

---

Dream:
I remember being some place outside. I was getting a big weapon. The poor memory I have of the outline makes me think of a black bfg. I had a small van like the one my partner has. It was a cloudy and grey day. I put the weapon in the back of the van.

I remember the presence of my middle sibling and I think we spoke at some point, about the weapon. It was very rare and valuable.

Then there's a transition and it implied I took it some place else. I was now in my "lair" and I was a dinosaur/monster like something out of the game Monster Hunter. The weapon was on a rock, safely secured somehow and I remembering seing an orange glow on its outline, like an item pickup in a game.

Then I looked at the top right corner of a visual interface and it said 33,000,000 or so, and it was money I had.

Another big black monster that looked like a Komodo dragon or some sort of lizard appeared and he wanted the weapon. I remember he had a deep voice but I don't remember any words. He wanted to take it by force so we fought for a bit and he tried to attack the things making the weapon secure, without much success. I think he ended up scurrying away.

I then was in a human form and in a black mustang-y type car, seeing it from third person like in many free roam games, and I drove at some speed toward a "waypoint" where I would find the black lizard. I was driving through a city and it was a bit dark at first. I got to a wide river, and I remember I could see an industrial estate type place across the way. I couldn't cross with the car and "remembered" I could summon a jet, so I summoned a bomber jet and got in and took off; the city was more like a complex megapolis now and it was a clear and sunny day.

Somewhat unexpectedly I wasn't controlling the jet too well, and had a few near-hits with buildings; there were drag forces I don't remember noticing before when flying these in games and the tall and branched buildings made it difficult to navigate at high speed but after through the mega city jungle I was arriving over my waypoint so I jumped out of the jet, landing somewhere near my waypoint, which was a bunker entrance. It became night again and there were military personnel that didn't look like they were going to let me inside but they didn't threaten me with their weapons so I rushed through the entrance, into some dark and dimly lit concrete halls. The few lights that existed were weak fluorescent lights.

There wasn't much staff inside this bunker and I seemed to have lost the guards. In this section of the dream I can't actually remember what form I took, possibly alternating between human and lizard form; but I found the black lizard in a small room behind a classroom place that had window panes to an "open" underground area. It was still very dark but there was bright blue light from the large underground area. I assumed some kind of high tech generator though I don't remember looking.

The black lizard was smaller than before, but though he was the same one as before, it was like he was younger now, hence his reduced size. I remember confronting him with more aggression and likewise back at me. I also remember thinking "why couldn't he just pay me a few millions for the weapon", also making me wonder how much money he had, which I assumed to be a lot.

Unfortunately I can't remember what happened next in any detail and the dream ended shortly after.

---

Notes (going into a bit of dream interpretation more than usual because of the dream's plot/context):
- To me, the jet, the military staff and bunker are clearly based off my recent experience of playing Just Cause 3. Other elements from games are obviously present, like the weapon.
- In the dream I did expect the jet control to be a lot more intuitive than it ended up being, but the giant branched buildings were very unexpected, because when I was on the ground I never spotted any.

- Black seems to have been a very prevalent colour in this dream.
- Black BFG, black lizard, black car, grey rocks, lots of places of darkness... Of contrast was the white van, the blue or tan jet and the shiny city buildings and blue sky when flying the jet.
- Of note to me is that I immediately referenced the black lizard as male, and the fact that I was a lizard too, of some other colour, probably yellow or orange, indicates to me that the black lizard was likely a part of my Shadow and that I was playing some sort of Hero role.

- I find that the Hero as represented by my less conscious mind tends to be too antagonistic towards the Shadow. This may just be a reflection of Hero portrayals in many typical stories. I personally see the Shadow archetype in general as a poor repressed fellow who needs attention or affection, rather than violence.
- In my childhood pre-sleep lucids, the form of choice was usually a giant black lizard/dinosaur.

- The last part of the dream has the most significance to me and follows a general pattern that my dreams sometimes take;
-- The underground bunker goes down and deeper and gets darker and darker, which is a common process in my dreams, but the presence of a bright blue light at the end when confronting the black lizard in the darkness was somewhat unusual. I do usually have meaningful interactions with dark characters in these dream stages however.
-- The fact that the black lizard was smaller and/or younger at the end makes me think that it is a part of my childhood that I've lost that I haven't been able to regain yet. As a child I was easily angry and aggressive, which was more or less the behaviour of the black lizard.

---

Edit from 2 years after having first made this entry (altered some spacings above and corrected typos too):

- As I re-read my dream and the notes, I realised that not once did I actually mention the colour of the black lizard's eyes, but I think due to some "memory corruption" I have mistakenly defined them as being blue. I think my error came from the memory of the light in the final scenes of the dream, where there was that incredible bright blue light beyond the glass.

- My only guess is that my brain linked the two things together to define that the lizard's eyes were blue of the same colour. I think I am fine with this association either way and perhaps while it wasn't the actual colour in the dream, it doesn't really matter seeing as it was my subconscious that made that association to begin with!

- Although I didn't describe it as such in the entry, I do remember that it was a semi-spherical room that the blue energy was contained in. It was a room of very large proportion, definitely based on some sci-fi stuff I've seen.

Non-dream stuff - woke up at about 10:45, remembering mainly one non-lucid dream.

---

Dream sequence:
The first part I can remember is in an underground tunnel, with a road. It was dark and there were old sodium-type lights, the orange streetlight kind of lamps. There was also this area that joined with the tunnel.

There were no cars and I went through the joined area and there was a man; I stabbed him in the back and continued on forward, running I think.

Then my "view" changed, from the same height as him, I could see the man lying face down on the ground, with a lot of blood under him, and with his face in a state of surprise and shock, eyes opened. But then he got up. Now he was naked, and he had tattoos, he also had a 9mm type pistol and he was scared and paced backwards toward an elevator. My view followed in front of him as he got into the elevator.

Inside it was mostly chrome/steel, maybe with one mirror. It was very bright inside the elevator and the man was still shaking; he made it go up, I think. My point of view changed to be behind him, as the lift arrived.

There were some bodyguard types in a dark room and he asked them for help, they were like his henchmen; I can't remember what happened here exactly but then he walked into that room and then another, and the other guys were gone again. And in the other room was me, and the man was surprised to see me. He got a katana from somewhere and tried to cut my head off, and succeeded, but only for my dream self to disappear and another to reappear in the same place, taunting him. I explained to him, this was his dream, and he could not get rid of me (which doesn't make sense 100% and also I failed to realise it was a dream... )

He kept trying to cut my head off, the same thing happening repeatedly, and he was obviously getting frustrated.

Then the dark room was not a room at all anymore; we were outdoors in a japanese-style house garden and it was day, with a few clouds. He still had his katana but I was at a distance now, and I had a weapon now too, either a katana or a naginata. I rushed to attack him with confidence and he struggled to predict my moves.

I can't really seem to remember the ending.

---

Notes:

• I don't really know who the man was, but I remember his role was that of a criminal leader or something. He had long black hair, but I do not remember his clothes, when he had them.
• The elevator is a common recurring dream-sign, though it usually involves me rather than someone else.
• As far as I can remember, most of the setting was dream-generated.
• I spoke to the man about the nature of the dream, his dream, even. But then I didn't realise the nature of my own dream; it is as though I was a dream character to this dream character man of mine.
• I did not feel pain from the beheading but perhaps remember feeling a slight pressure from the blade initially.