DarkestDarkness

7th June 2021

Fragment:

At some version of my current home. Through the office window, I see a flatbed trailer with organ and piano consoles on it. It implies the room is actually at ground floor. I am excited when I see a lady playing on the consoles as I approach the window. I go out of the room and call H to come and see; he comes with me to the room to look but now she's actually in the room, which seems to have expanded in width. I try to get her attention but she's focused on her playing and she's wearing headphones but eventually realises and we say hello to each other and so on. She then talks to H about something, she seems happy or content, smiling at us a lot. There was more to this dream but I cannot recall it now.


Dream:

In a city, I'm by a body of water. I enter a skyscraper building located here. It's empty of people but has automated systems in place and is not abandoned. Sliding doors open automatically and I enter a huge ground floor lobby. The building heavily features tinted glass and there's a blood red colour scheme which on some level I really enjoy. There's a sunset, but I don't see it directly, just its effect of light and shadow length. In the lobby, I nervously but excitedly approach a lift entrance, the doors slide open immediately as I get close.

There's a console in this bit which isn't the actual elevator yet, I use a password "number3" and I'm relieved when it works. Another set of doors, like mall lift doors but sort of like blast doors, slide open and I enter the lift proper now. It quickly takes me up to the top of the building or something, an off-limits area. I exit the lift and enter a sealed room with no windows, some glass sliding doors opening as I walk in, into a second room that really didn't require that separation by the glass doors. The colour scheme remains the same. I know I'm trespassing and fear being caught, but I revel in the fact there's nobody around.

I use the same password as before at a computer terminal at the end of the room, it's in a sort of alcove and it's a touch-screen which had sort of flipped itself around towards me. The terminal grants me access to lots of things, but I'm not sure what. I return to this dream location through the exact same process later on in the dream, but when I do, I arrive at the building in H's van and am talking to him over the phone.

I remember another part in-between the two times at the building, in the middle of the city instead. I hear a group of guys talking trash. One guy says he listens to people's life stories of things gone horribly wrong or traumatic events and then he himself manipulates people by copying these stories and pretending they actually happened to him even though they didn't. Eventually, feeling I heard enough, I feel angry and come out around the corner I was listening from. I walk towards where his voice was, but now there's nobody there, even though I remember seeing them just before. I'm still charged with the emotion and don't stop myself from having a go at him verbally, even if he's not there anymore.

Suddenly I take notice of and become distracted by some buildings that are here in front of me. They're very concrete-like, bare, no windows, like they're half-finished but in the dream I feel they are more half-abandoned. I enter one to my right, it goes further than it looked like it would and feels like I'm sort of walking into an industrial area. I go up a low incline concrete ramp. Here, I see an alien egg and shoot at it with something which makes it burst and then something scurries out but I somehow capture it at a distance using something else. Ahead, there are more eggs and I have a proximity scanner (not unlike in Alien). I shoot these eggs and they all burst in a sequence, again crawling facehugger things come out and I try to capture them all, only just managing to do so. I was concerned that if they got away there would be too many drones (I remember imagining this).


Scraps:

Mom, dad and T. I'm getting a drink and talking to dad, in a kitchen that looked like it was part of some hotel rooms I remember us staying in when I was a kid.

Some other dream involving M/M themes or something.

A different dream where someone was commenting that my junk was too visible through my clothes, I felt resentment at the comment as I felt it was not in my control.

---

^{Quick Edited} Notes:

- Re-reading the main dream I realised that it's somewhat unlike most of my more recent dreams, which to my memory seem much more emotionally neutral.

- Alien related theme probably came from recently watching some of that stuff again. The link with concrete doesn't seem clear but the concrete in itself may relate to both emotional states (or lack of) and my own view of my own art at times (unable to depict emotion); Alien has a direct link to Giger for me and therefore to a specific style of surrealist art, too.

18th April 2021

Fragment:

I'm in a place that in some ways resembles my old home, but it's a dream generated location. Reminds me of the newer part of the city (L) by the river. At some point I'm with my old school friend Da? I'm not sure if we're actually doing something together or not. There seems to be some kind of animosity between us.

Then I remember an open arena or amphitheatre place. There's lot's of people here, mostly people I knew as a teenager besides a dream crowd. Something about football? JC has the ball and he runs away with it at his feet. Two other guys, one of them Mi from earlier years of school, they're chasing after us. I seem to be able to run faster than everyone else in the dream but I feel slow myself. I suggest that I take the ball or something but I remember at that point noticing I have my boots on and remembering that it never worked too well with boots on.

(I wake up at some point for my alarm)

Fragment:

I'm with mom, we're on a street somewhere. It's day time but not quite? We're waiting to cross a road and this double-width lorry/bus thing appears and stops at a junction, blocking us from crossing. It has lights inside and is full of musical instruments or something, seemingly just thrown in as junk, essentially. I tell mom we should put in some of the stuff we have, but she's not feeling so sure about it.

Out of her handbag, I take out full-sized electric guitars I think, at least four of them, one was red. One by one, I shove them into an open window at the top, that I can somehow reach. It feels a bit like a recycling drop off place. Mom's bag is now much lighter and I hope that this will be helpful for her.

There was something about dad and L boarding this vehicle before. But anyway, soon it starts moving and goes away. The dream scene changes and we are now in a shop like a supermarket. We're in or nearby a fridge aisle. Mom goes off to find something? I forget what I do, but I don't go the same way as her.

---

Notes:

- I have been trying to set intentions around the lucid dreaming party before bed but sometimes I get distracted or end up losing my train of thought/the focus on it.

- I haven't spoken to Da in a long time. Sometimes I see him online but neither of us have started conversation. Recently conversations have started with old friends but they end up not leading into much. It has left me feeling a bit disappointed on some level.

- Recently had some discussions about music with someone I know.

- Both dreams were much longer but these were the bits of recall that came easily.

Dreams that I made note of early today but that I'm only writing on the DJ here at night.

---

Dream Fragment:

Much longer than just this bit and a lot of detail is missing. Was with my family at some building, more specifically, with my parents and maybe siblings. We were there because of me, I was waiting to be given permission to use this facility's reactor-powered super-computer.

One of mom's sisters (M) was there . H was there but was a blend between himself and my oldest sibling. I remember we were waiting in some sort of lobby. It was sunny, there was a lot of glass. It was a fairly modern-style building from what I can remember. Eventually, a woman came through into the room and requested my presence. I followed her and walked through some halls and then through a large indoors space, like an aircraft hangar or an industrial warehouse. When we were in one of these larger spaces, the woman, who I remember was formally dressed (i.e. had some sort of secretarial position), said that they were going to give me the OK to use their computer.

Apparently I wanted to use this computer to "hack" some other reactor-powered super-computer of the same sort. In the dream I already knew I had permission from the owners of that second computer to do this. My reaction to when she gave me the OK was something of surprise and I felt happy. I told her I'd be right back and jogged back to the lobby quickly to grab a few things. Mostly some papers, A4 prints of the schematics for the other reactor? Looked like amplifier schematics like the ones I often see H use.

In the dream I knew that some favour I pulled was responsible for the people who owned this place to allow me to do this, though there seemed to be no animosity with anyone and there was a calm and polite atmosphere.

I remember there was a lot of dialogue in this dream but I remember very little of it in detail, usually one of the first things to get forgotten. I went back to the woman after grabbing the papers. I remember being shown into a room where I then used some sort of computer terminal and then gained physical access to the other computer's library. But it was literally and physically manifested in front of me, above the terminal.

I looked through the books. I remember chatting to this lady since she was there to supervise me, mostly small talk. I couldn't remember which of these files (the books) that H was interested in, so for whatever reason I asked for someone to go and fetch my oldest sibling (L). L arrived and immediately recognised the book. L took it and I wondered how we'd return it, since I realised in that moment this was a one-time thing but we were still obliged to return the file.

Then I said to L: "make sure you get everything you want, because we will never have access to this again." I remember thinking or feeling that the other books on that shelf were filled with irreplaceable knowledge.

The dream went on for a bit but I don't remember much. Some visions of the reactors? I told the lady about how I got permission to do all of this.

Dream Fragment:

A different dream. In space, much shorter dream. Strategy game like Homeworld but could manage planets and space stations too. Mix of Freelancer too? Don't remember the visuals anymore. Woke up after this dream.

Dream Fragment:

Fell back asleep and recalled this single fragment. Was helping T build some sort of organ console. The console didn't look right. It was askew? But it was on purpose apparently. The manuals were angled at 90 degrees and sloped on a 30 degree arc. I remember this took place in T's room. There was a light on and the room was dark otherwise, somewhat as expected really.

Mom was there, talking to T I think.

---

Some notes:
- I did remember more conversational detail when I woke up and wrote down the first dream on my phone but the memory has since long left as I finish writing this DJ entry.
- The thing with the shelf and the books being the other computer's file system was very unusual. It was like an allegory, but somewhat unnecessary.
- For whatever reason, these few dreams I had all had H, T and L mixed in some sense as if they were all the same character. Although I can draw some similarities between them, like the bookshelf thing, I'm not sure why it was almost made obvious in the dream. Normally my less conscious thoughts don't manifest themselves in dreams in such an obvious way, probably since I already recognise all these elements consciously anyway.
- The secretary figure is starting to become a recurring dream character in a sense. Feels like a sort of formal projection, as a character, of what I would consider my anima to be. Last year there were some similar appearances. Usually black hair, tidy, possibly glasses and a smooth but not perfect face. A slight bit of attitude or something in body posture, but in a relaxed way. Takes herself seriously.

- A note on the above; I have taken the Jungian archetypes into a sort of personally meaningful way as I do with symbols in general, so that they have specific meanings to myself, which are often a bit more distant from their original meanings. This accounts for why the appearance of these archetypes varies, sometimes dramatically. But the key identifier for them is usually that they are key characters in the dream and that they are not related to people I know, and seem to be more disjointed from the other characters in a dream, usually.

- T's room was more or less as I remember last seeing it. The sense of any unpleasant smell didn't seem to be there, but I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the room.