DarkestDarkness

28th April 2021

Fragment:

Spoiler for short explicit fragment:

Something about my genitals? I try to clean up but fluids (semen, blood, urine) are leaking.

Fragment:

Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

Fragment:

AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

Fragment:

Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?

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Notes:

- I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

- In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
-- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

- Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.

Non-dream stuff; woke up early not remembering any dreams in particular. Eventually fell asleep again and then woke up at around 10, then being woken up "more" by the door. Some non-lucid stuff:

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Dream fragment 1:
I remember seeing a big (to me) naval vessel from camera-like perspective, I think it would be a destroyer or frigate-class, which I think are the two smallest classes. I remember getting the "keys" for it, but don't remember actually driving it.

Dream fragment 2:
I remember being in a car like a modern Nissan and I think I was in one of the front seats, though initially my point of view was at a low height but the car was moving on its own, as there was nobody else in it, and then I was a little bit concerned about how fast it was going to go down a hill, because it was a T-intersection and I was trying to put a seatbelt on.

Dream sequence 3:
I remember a place like a campus or open gardens for some sort of educational complex. It was day, but probably cloudy as things looked a bit grey and I don't remember sharp shadows. Probably around mid-day.
Me and my partner were walking along some concrete slabs that were the paving in this trimmed grass garden area, he was ahead of me, and I was seemingly fixed on my phone and we walked through a building and I realised I was holding an apple pencil on my right hand, to which I thought "wait why did I bring this but forget the tablet?" so I put it in my right pocket. I seem to remember I was wearing my casual pants, as it were, which I likely wouldn't have been in the context of the dream if it were waking life.

We got to a T or corner with the paving and went up some long but not very high steps, only about 3 or 4 steps, into a building. As we walked in I remember metallic catwalks and fluorescent tubes on the ceiling. There was a reception with a lady, with glasses. She was focused on whatever she was doing and I was still fixated on my phone, noticing on some level that my posture was very bad.

We went up some metal stairs on to the catwalk tier and pushed a metal door and entered a room. It had dark wooden board flooring, the walls were a similar colour, and the end of the room had 3 or 4 massive old-style industrial windows. I made particular note as we walked into the room that there were some paintings; portraits of contemporary, people, oddly enough at least one of them was a teacher from the university I went to in waking life.

Then there was a man standing in the room, I realised, as I turned after reaching a point near the windows, and he had his arms crossed but not because of us or anything, was just his pose, and some big men started to come in carrying some stuff, which I didn't make note of. The man addressed me and said "do you have an order?", to which I said "do I have an order?", realising suddenly what he meant after I asked it, I said, "no, I don't have an order", to which he replied something about it being best we weren't in that room then. I did somehow feel that we had entered a room we weren't allowed to enter. Anyway, he walked out with us from the room, as we had nothing else to look at inside anyway and the men were busy bringing stuff in.

As we walked back out into the main lobby, it was transformed from before; now it matched the other room, dark warm, red-ish wooden colours. We went down the stairs, which now were wooden stairs with red carpet of some kind, and I said something and it sounded loud, to which the receptionist, still there and now seeing to some other people, asked me to be quiet or something to that effect.

The man replied something to me and we kept walking down until we reached a window with an alcove, and the three of us sat there, as there was a red pillow thing. For some reason now I remember being sat at a table, but in any case we were having a conversation about something and the man asked something like "were you looking for the old paintings?" (I think I mentioned something of it) and he said how that other room used to have very famous paintings and started recounting which ones.

Oddly enough, my partner who is not artist, understood perfectly what paintings they were and who the painters were. I was simply confused, as I never tend to remember most painters, even famous ones, despite being an artist myself.

I remember my partner and the man were on the other side of the table now, it was definitely a table now and made of the same dark red hued wood, looking glossy. My partner started saying something about "how ridiculous it is that my phone now has to level up to increase its battery life" and as I watched them talk about whatever I suddenly noticed I was getting a bit of a visual aura. I do remember something about my own phone having recently maxed some leveling up attribute and having taken many years to do so.

There was some kind of transition and I don't remember what the context was now but I saw things in a camera-like way and could highlight people and objects in an orange-tinted interface and examine what they had on them remotely.

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Some notes:

• In fragment 2, the context within the car was a clear dream-sign, but unfortunately in that context I never seem to remember to RC because of how "important" it seems to do certain things in that moment.
• In the long dream sequence, it's odd that I was so fixated on my phone, only explained slightly by the dream with the leveling up thing.
• Normally it could be the other way around, like if we've gone shopping, my partner will be the one looking at the phone and I'll be the one leading our walking.
• The building we entered felt like a library, both before and after we went into that room with the paintings.
• The apple pencil is an item I've only recently come into contact with, so it's interesting that it has actually carried over to my dreams, but it did feel odd that its accompanying tablet wasn't present.
• I remember feeling like I could get embarrassed for carrying the apple pencil while looking at my phone which is an android phone. Somehow I felt there was some conflict.
• The fact that I explicitly made note of my posture but did not try to correct it could have been a cue to do a RC. Some physiotherapy I received recently was all about posture and it made me far more conscious of it than I have ever been before, so I will correct posture more often than not when I notice it's an issue.
• I felt like the man we spoke to was the curator of the art in that building.
• It was curious to see the receptionist, as she looked like the one from my other recent dream journal entry, and her reception desk was not too dissimilar despite the completely altered context.
• The visual aura in the dream was odd. I started to cover my eyes to check that it was one in the dream, as I would in waking life. It's the first time this has ever happened in a dream.
• Me and my dad get visual auras at complete random. There is no associated migraine or pain for them as there are for many people, and the cause of our visual auras seems to be unknown.
• The aura in the dream didn't look quite like what happens in waking life but it did bother me and obstruct my field of view.