DarkestDarkness

2022 May 8th

Fragment:

Something like NMS. Flying through space in a system of a few planets. There's a Dyson sphere surface (like in FL before entry) and there's a planet which just seems to be melding or embedded with the sphere surface (which in itself appears impossibly flat). Something feels slightly trippy as I start to warp towards this planet.

(recall gap)

Border control place, at an Arabic-looking kind of building. Some kind of ID is needed to enter this place, which is an unspecified foreign country.

(recall gap)

Then I'm in a drawing class. Feels like college but with a mix of university too. There are photocopies of classical Roman-themed drawings which are sitting upright on a conveyor system and going around the classroom. I'm late to the class and don't get a brief and such. I start trying to draw based on one drawing of a gladiator down on the floor, the composition is focused on his head, wearing one of those brass helms. (Like in Jean-Leon Gerome's "Pollice Verso")

I get about halfway through drawing this with a BIC pen and then somebody takes away the reference drawing I was using. I get annoyed by this and I try to simply wait to get it back and make attempts on my own to continue my drawing but it seems like it's not going to happen. I try to ask my tutor V for help but this doesn't go so well because he's trying to talk and me and others keep interrupting him and he forgets where he was with it, so he never really finishes circling around to any of us.

Then the class is ending and my drawing remains unfinished, even though I'd been trying to make do without the reference. As people are leaving, someone takes the drawing I was working on, though I don't realise at first. When I do realise, I get annoyed and a bit frustrated by how everything was going.

I just can't find the drawing anywhere and assume someone stole it. V and JC were waiting for me to finish looking because V was offering to give us a ride home and now they've been waiting a bit too long and just leave without me. It's now night time outside and there are other people around, so I am unable to distinguish who they are or where they went, in the dark.

At this point I try to reverse time, without much fine control over how much time to reverse. The dream ends after a failed attempt where I reverted time too much, I think.

Notes:

- The main "trippy" thing about what was going on in the first segment was more or less what I could only ever describe as a feeling of dread when I first played some games like FL and when I experimented with placing planets and objects in such ways that the effect was so unnatural and which meant that when physically navigating these instances in a ship created a feeling very much like a fear of unknown and a sensation like falling. I can't really describe the effect on me too well because it has always felt particularly unique and I've never heard any special term for it, so weak comparisons are the best I can do.

- I haven't thought much at all about something like the mentioned gladiator's painting for quite some time, though it is definitely amongst my favourites in paintings of such styles. The closest thing I can think of right now that has any associative resemblance would be thinking of a hairstyle for a character for H.
-- The other aspect of this in the segment, is that the drawn reference of the gladiator that I was looking at was exceptionally well drawn and originally in graphite. The dead gladiator's expression was that of shock, looking sideways to his right, which relative to the position of his head would be "up". The point of view was at eye level to the dead gladiator and there was a fracture or some other kind of damage to the helmet. I distinctly recall there being chainmail under his helm.

- The whole atmosphere to the drawing/college segment was one of a transitional phase, much like university actually had been. There was some dedication on my part but I was still not "in tune" with all of it. Although I do not recall exactly the quality of my own work too much in this segment, it wasn't too far off the original drawing I was looking at for reference. Symbolically, as this had the feel of a transitional phase and there are aspects of hindrances and frustrations, this is likely related to some of my current issues, which are not with some external factor this time but with an internal one, since it reflects the seriousness I want to put in while also reflecting something of myself to be lacking, with regards to having the required drive to push myself along where I want to go. (I am not feeling able to adequately express the sentiment of the relevance of this to myself right now)

- Again this dream shows a strong symbolic element relating to three principles; individuality, group and collective, which seem to be strongly recurring elements at present, or perhaps my mind is much more focused on noticing this type of recurring element lately.

11th May

Dream:Earliest dream. I was in some place in the countryside, the dream was very vivid. I had my boots on, some pants, some t-shirt and my leather jacket. H was walking with me, I remember feeling the gravel beneath my feet.

In the dream I was recognising the place. I'd been here before in some other dream. This prompted me to tell H about it and he sort of dismissed it and even though I tried doing some reality checks with my hands, I didn't become aware of the dream state.

In my dream mind, this place wasn't exactly like how I remembered it from the other dream anyway. There was a gravel road and some buildings and some gravel plots along it, but the original place I was remembering had a normal road and it carried on, it didn't end abruptly like this gravel road. It reminded me of the southern areas of my country. There were pine trees and short grass that looked a bit dry. The dirt was fine and dusty and caramel coloured. The sky was a little bit cloudy but mostly clear and it seemed like the sun was setting. I remember looking all around me to try and identify anything from the original dream, but I felt there was nothing. The surroundings looked vast and vague at the same time.

After walking along the road with H for a while, we eventually came to a very large gravel lot, like a parking lot, clearly meant for that use. I remember H telling me to wait here. He had to get some book, or something, from town? I said I'd wait. I didn't know what I'd do in the meantime and I had the feeling that it would be a long time. Then my awareness transitioned to some other place.

A dream city. H wasn't here and though I have forgotten the dream plot exactly, there was something about a family that had to get to where I just was (the gravel/pine tree area). I was here to speed things along somehow? Something about a gang going after this family.

Then details are missing; I remember getting into a car, a silver convertible and also trying to fix down a panel on the boot or something. Then the mom of this family, who was driving, started the car before I'd even sat down and put a seatbelt on. She raced through the streets and I had little balance, tipping backwards and holding the open and swaying door with my right hand. I was partially sat on her son's legs, eventually he managed to help me in, but it took a while.

Some other part of the same dream. The chronology of the sequences is muddled. I went into a tall building and I remember carrying my black backpack and climbing lots of stairs. I didn't feel tired at all and my legs didn't hurt. Along the way, some young adult (early 20s) tugged on my backpack to have an easier time climbing. I resent that he'd done that but I said nothing and only gave him a look that made it clear to him not to do it again.

The staircase was very much like the one from my university. Very narrow, but no lift at each landing. Eventually I got to a pretty high floor, and it looked like my virtual gallery in some sense. There was a high open space that my fear of heights creep in a little, because there were no railings at all. I remember wondering what H would think of that.

Just behind the stairwell I'd come from, was a platform/floor and I climbed over its ledge without too much effort. It led down a dark unlit and narrow corridor. At the end of it was another stairwell, to my left. It went both up and down. There was a door directly in front of me. A white service door to my right after a short and narrow yard-long hall. Light came through the edges of this white service door and the stairs going up also allowed some natural light in from above, but not much, as it was still very dark in here.

On the stairs, a bunch of young adults (early 20s again) were sat on the steps. They looked at me, but more like through me. I looked back for a moment, but then ignored them. I tried opening the door in front of me but it was well shut and locked. I went back through the narrow corridor I'd come from and then skipped over the gap with the stairs and took a left turn. My mind blocked out the open space with no railings.

There were corridors and rooms this way. Many contrasts of dark and narrow halls with natural light from some windows. The floor was carpeted, not sure what colour, but I remember a cleaning lady. It just looked like a hotel in many regards but the rooms belonged to specific people who worked here or something, like an office area in a university. I can't recall the rest of the dream.

---

Notes:
- In many ways, the last part of the dream was just some mish-mash of my first university's building and my general concepts of offices and temporary living spaces. The presence of the people in their early 20s ties in with the "university" feel.
- It can feel a bit annoying to ask H about the reality and have him only make me dismiss what I'm thinking about, though since then I have tried to imagine the situation occurring differently.
- My leather jacket seems to have been a recurring feature for some recent dreams but I haven't found any particular reason why just yet, since I have not worn it in a long time. The only thing that comes to mind is that feels like a bit of a shame that I just let it sit unused for quite a long time, but on the other hand it is usually too hot for me to wear it.
- Dreams where physical activity occurs are always refreshing for me in some mental sense. Being able to do intense physical activity such as climbing many flights of stairs can feel rewarding and the amount of inordinate pain I would get from doing it in real-life makes it feel like a waste of my energy and time. In dreams my low thresholds of pain don't really materialise and it is often the only time I get a break from feeling pain and discomfort throughout a day.

Non-dream stuff - Haven't been so well last couple of days and sleep has been irregular too. Been waking up at normal times but then falling back asleep for too long. Remember some fragments but nearly no detail. Some visual details I remember I just can't put into words very well either.

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Dream Fragment 1:
Something about some furries, in a town. One of them grew a bit bigger and because of that something happened (like some guy reacted and locked down an area or something?). I remember the group sitting together at a table somewhere, feeling sad.

Dream Fragment 2:
Was back at university. Rest of context has completely vanished as I tried to recall more...

Dream Fragment 3:
Me and my mom were listening to someone from the US speak on television or something. My mom asked what he was saying. I said "He's... Reading from the book of Apocalypse."

Dream Fragment 4:
Some long non-lucid that I don't remember much about anymore, but the dream plot was in some sort of old castle or something and I was going around it with other people. My now waking mind is coming up with Karazhan as a location associated to this dream.

---

No notes at the moment, I'm just too tired.

Non-dream stuff; woke up early not remembering any dreams in particular. Eventually fell asleep again and then woke up at around 10, then being woken up "more" by the door. Some non-lucid stuff:

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Dream fragment 1:
I remember seeing a big (to me) naval vessel from camera-like perspective, I think it would be a destroyer or frigate-class, which I think are the two smallest classes. I remember getting the "keys" for it, but don't remember actually driving it.

Dream fragment 2:
I remember being in a car like a modern Nissan and I think I was in one of the front seats, though initially my point of view was at a low height but the car was moving on its own, as there was nobody else in it, and then I was a little bit concerned about how fast it was going to go down a hill, because it was a T-intersection and I was trying to put a seatbelt on.

Dream sequence 3:
I remember a place like a campus or open gardens for some sort of educational complex. It was day, but probably cloudy as things looked a bit grey and I don't remember sharp shadows. Probably around mid-day.
Me and my partner were walking along some concrete slabs that were the paving in this trimmed grass garden area, he was ahead of me, and I was seemingly fixed on my phone and we walked through a building and I realised I was holding an apple pencil on my right hand, to which I thought "wait why did I bring this but forget the tablet?" so I put it in my right pocket. I seem to remember I was wearing my casual pants, as it were, which I likely wouldn't have been in the context of the dream if it were waking life.

We got to a T or corner with the paving and went up some long but not very high steps, only about 3 or 4 steps, into a building. As we walked in I remember metallic catwalks and fluorescent tubes on the ceiling. There was a reception with a lady, with glasses. She was focused on whatever she was doing and I was still fixated on my phone, noticing on some level that my posture was very bad.

We went up some metal stairs on to the catwalk tier and pushed a metal door and entered a room. It had dark wooden board flooring, the walls were a similar colour, and the end of the room had 3 or 4 massive old-style industrial windows. I made particular note as we walked into the room that there were some paintings; portraits of contemporary, people, oddly enough at least one of them was a teacher from the university I went to in waking life.

Then there was a man standing in the room, I realised, as I turned after reaching a point near the windows, and he had his arms crossed but not because of us or anything, was just his pose, and some big men started to come in carrying some stuff, which I didn't make note of. The man addressed me and said "do you have an order?", to which I said "do I have an order?", realising suddenly what he meant after I asked it, I said, "no, I don't have an order", to which he replied something about it being best we weren't in that room then. I did somehow feel that we had entered a room we weren't allowed to enter. Anyway, he walked out with us from the room, as we had nothing else to look at inside anyway and the men were busy bringing stuff in.

As we walked back out into the main lobby, it was transformed from before; now it matched the other room, dark warm, red-ish wooden colours. We went down the stairs, which now were wooden stairs with red carpet of some kind, and I said something and it sounded loud, to which the receptionist, still there and now seeing to some other people, asked me to be quiet or something to that effect.

The man replied something to me and we kept walking down until we reached a window with an alcove, and the three of us sat there, as there was a red pillow thing. For some reason now I remember being sat at a table, but in any case we were having a conversation about something and the man asked something like "were you looking for the old paintings?" (I think I mentioned something of it) and he said how that other room used to have very famous paintings and started recounting which ones.

Oddly enough, my partner who is not artist, understood perfectly what paintings they were and who the painters were. I was simply confused, as I never tend to remember most painters, even famous ones, despite being an artist myself.

I remember my partner and the man were on the other side of the table now, it was definitely a table now and made of the same dark red hued wood, looking glossy. My partner started saying something about "how ridiculous it is that my phone now has to level up to increase its battery life" and as I watched them talk about whatever I suddenly noticed I was getting a bit of a visual aura. I do remember something about my own phone having recently maxed some leveling up attribute and having taken many years to do so.

There was some kind of transition and I don't remember what the context was now but I saw things in a camera-like way and could highlight people and objects in an orange-tinted interface and examine what they had on them remotely.

---

Some notes:

• In fragment 2, the context within the car was a clear dream-sign, but unfortunately in that context I never seem to remember to RC because of how "important" it seems to do certain things in that moment.
• In the long dream sequence, it's odd that I was so fixated on my phone, only explained slightly by the dream with the leveling up thing.
• Normally it could be the other way around, like if we've gone shopping, my partner will be the one looking at the phone and I'll be the one leading our walking.
• The building we entered felt like a library, both before and after we went into that room with the paintings.
• The apple pencil is an item I've only recently come into contact with, so it's interesting that it has actually carried over to my dreams, but it did feel odd that its accompanying tablet wasn't present.
• I remember feeling like I could get embarrassed for carrying the apple pencil while looking at my phone which is an android phone. Somehow I felt there was some conflict.
• The fact that I explicitly made note of my posture but did not try to correct it could have been a cue to do a RC. Some physiotherapy I received recently was all about posture and it made me far more conscious of it than I have ever been before, so I will correct posture more often than not when I notice it's an issue.
• I felt like the man we spoke to was the curator of the art in that building.
• It was curious to see the receptionist, as she looked like the one from my other recent dream journal entry, and her reception desk was not too dissimilar despite the completely altered context.
• The visual aura in the dream was odd. I started to cover my eyes to check that it was one in the dream, as I would in waking life. It's the first time this has ever happened in a dream.
• Me and my dad get visual auras at complete random. There is no associated migraine or pain for them as there are for many people, and the cause of our visual auras seems to be unknown.
• The aura in the dream didn't look quite like what happens in waking life but it did bother me and obstruct my field of view.